Men who grew up privileged vs. those who had to work for everything

[SincerelyJane]

Do you have a preference for the way a man acquires his wealth? Do you perceive a difference in the way he treats you? How about the way he handles his money?

What are your experiences?

Who would you prefer to attach yourself to?

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

I've had both. But I'm also no help. My experiences were with 2 men which, can't be the sample set but - Both men were brought up well so it was almost seamless, to me. But this is in terms of a bf/potential life partner.

The one from money wasn't less ambitious than my other bf who was. Ambition is ambition, I guess and that's what attracted me to them. As far as how they handle money, they were both very generous. However, the biggest difference was that one (wealthy) took on wayyyy more risks than the other.

I would prefer to attach myself to an ambitious, generous man. However he got his money, if he act right, is of no importance to me

 

[Crackers Phinn]

There is a confidence about men who grew up a few generations down the money line that is rarely duplicated. That confidence can border on or pass over into arrogance depending on personality. But in the right one, the overwhelming sense of a man who just knows everything is going to work out effortlessly is intoxicating.

There's nothing wrong with a man who has to work for everything. But, given a choice, I'll take a dude with a trust fund every single time.

 

[SincerelyJane]

There is a confidence about men who grew up a few generations down the money line that is rarely duplicated. That confidence can border on or pass over into arrogance depending on personality. But in the right one, the overwhelming sense of a man who just knows everything is going to work out effortlessly is intoxicating.

There's nothing wrong with a man who has to work for everything. But, given a choice, I'll take a dude with a trust fund every single time.

I don't know if intoxicating is the word I would use, but I do know what you're talking about and I do like that trait. It was something I was really attracted to for awhile, actually. Its not something I identify with personally, but I like to go along with it, if it makes any sense.

I feel like the other type of guy brings me down to earth. But I'm more confident in his ability to actually handle **** if stuff were to go down.

But then with the dudes who grew up privileged, their cushion might be big enough to where they wouldn't even feel the bumps in the road if we did encounter them. Their reality and worldview is pretty different.

But I also feel like I have more respect for guys who worked for it. I don't know, I go back and forth lol.

But I wanted to hear other people's opinions on this too! Thanks so much for your response.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that it should be aligned with how you were raised because feelings about money and acquiring wealth may differ.

My friend's father told us once, never to be with a man who grew up having it hard, because no matter how much he acquires, in his mind, he's having it hard.

 

[carcajada]

I prefer the guys who worked for it. From my experience, they were more grounded and relatable.

 

[CaraWalker]

i do not have a preference. same baggage, different manifestations.

 

[ScorpioLove]

My friend's father told us once, never to be with a man who grew up having it hard, because no matter how much he acquires, in his mind, he's having it hard.

My mom told me this. I didn't grow up poor and struggling but not rich either. I would choose someone who had it like me(middle class) or better (rich).

 

[awhyley]

My friend's father told us once, never to be with a man who grew up having it hard, because no matter how much he acquires, in his mind, he's having it hard.

Agreed. This is my father all the way. Never enjoys life, because he would have to spend money, and he wants to keep all the earnings he's got - just in case. I've never seen sillier foolishness. I'm not saying to be a spendthrift, but he's just ridiculous with it. I don't need a 'trust fund' man, but I can never see myself with "struggling" guy.

My mom told me this. I didn't grow up poor and struggling but not rich either. I would choose someone who had it like me(middle class) or better (rich).

Ditto.

 

[Simply_elle]

My mom told me this. I didn't grow up poor and struggling but not rich either. I would choose someone who had it like me(middle class) or better (rich).

This!

I never understood the old folks obsession with "His coming from a good family"... Now I do

 

[Layluh]

I prefer to combine the two.

Privileged people who had to work for everything are awesome IMO. I may be biased cause that's how I grew up though.

I know many well off people like this and I get along with them the best.

 

[LoveisYou]

Don't care as long we're compatible.

 

[Godyssey]

I dated one privileged guy in school (twice, we never worked out for long ). I hated that he was a jerk to his parents who bent over backwards and gave him the world. I worked hard for what I had, and thought that he should have been more respectful of his parents & the situation. When we finished school & I was finished with him as my arm candy, I let him go. I don't like spoiled ingrates.

My subsequent boyfriends & husband were hard workers, made their own way (like me) and I have so much respect for that. I don't care for people who feel entitled.

In a nutshell, I like men who fight to make it on their own. I find it virtuous & also proves that they are independent, & capable no matter what. I feel safe with them.

This reminds me of a card that my husband received just today from his father:

Son, when others step back, you step up and do whatever needs to get done - the loving, the assuring, the providing and protecting. You're a son to be be proud of fine example of a good man and father.

I love the card because it acknowledges how awesome my husband is. He is a man who doesn't require a crutch, and succeeds anyway. Also he is not some entitled person. He goes after what he wants & doesn't expect anyone to give him anything. I respect that more than anything.

 

[ladysaraii]

I think that it should be aligned with how you were raised because feelings about money and acquiring wealth may differ.

My friend's father told us once, never to be with a man who grew up having it hard, because no matter how much he acquires, in his mind, he's having it hard.

I agree with the second paragraph completely. It makes a huge difference in mindset, even simple things.

 

[KimPossibli]

I would prefer some one who has some privilege but it is also conscious of how privilege works.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

I think it depends. I grew up privileged (Third World Elite, not Bill Gates type-of-money) and no way in the world would I date a guy like my brothers. No m'am. They are great guys and I love them, but they're not husband material. And our upbringing definitely contributed to that.

I've learned some unpleasant lessons these past couple of years, but am happy that I did. It all led me to realize that only a man who is highly accomplished at something would work for me. (In addition to being kind, open-minded, etc).

 

[SincerelyJane]

I think it depends. I grew up privileged (Third World Elite, not Bill Gates type-of-money) and no way in the world would I date a guy like my brothers. No m'am. They are great guys and I love them, but they're not husband material. And our upbringing definitely contributed to that.

I've learned some unpleasant lessons these past couple of years, but am happy that I did. It all led me to realize that only a man who is highly accomplished at something would work for me. (In addition to being kind, open-minded, etc).

LaBelle Africaine29 Could you share more please? What about your upbringing contributed to this? I had no brothers growing up. I think my parents did a great job with us girls but I've always wondered how my parents would have done with raising boys.

I also am always looking for insight on raising boys, in case I have some in the future. I have like nothing to go on lol.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

LaBelle Africaine29 Could you share more please? What about your upbringing contributed to this? I had no brothers growing up. I think my parents did a great job with us girls but I've always wondered how my parents would have done with raising boys.

I also am always looking for insight on raising boys, in case I have some in the future. I have like nothing to go on lol.

SincerelyJane

Well, am no expert and we don't have that much money anyway.

I'll say this:

All of us have this attitude that we don't have to please anyone to get what we want or need in life. Maybe it's arrogance or a sense of entitlement.

We all have great manners and treat people with respect. But, we don't "have" to please anyone to get what we want or need. Things happen. If they don't, then they will.

As a woman I would need my husband not to have this air about him. Most of my brothers are married, and their wives are on a leash, metaphorically speaking.

I'm not sure how one would engineer this need to please in a man that was brought up in a privileged environment.

Also, I think the girls in our family were "saved" by patriarchy, as their were social limits to our behaviour. But that's a different conversation...

 

[CarLiTa]

See I was looking forward to the above response because my boyfriend had the Third World elite lifestyle for a few years when growing up... but I don't think I fully understood the post

Seems to veer a little off topic in the way I read it, but I could be wrong. Care to give examples?

---

On another note, someone mentioned their father who grew up poor. That was the same with mine, and he really doesn't enjoy life like he could. Frankly that makes me really sad. So I know I wouldn't want someone who's as cautious about money as my father is.

I did date someone who was very picky about spending money on himself. It didn't bother me very much, to be honest, except in 1 area. I thought he was very good about money management though. I'd say in his case that his behavior was learned from parents.

I've also dated guys, including current boyfriend, who are much more free with money and who have a lot of confidence that they will make a lot of it someday (or feel that they already have a lot of it). Those people were not rich at all, but they had a certain confidence about money (in part because their families have generational wealth) that was impressive.

Alternatively, I've also dated guys who also have or are on their way to having quite a bit of money, and they did not inspire the same kind of impressiveness in me. Those guys are nouveau-riche types who seem to enjoy showing off. I don't like that quality.

Basically, I like men who have the potential to be high-earners who are also humble.

 

[SincerelyJane]

@SincerelyJane

Well, am no expert and we don't have that much money anyway.

I'll say this:

All of us have this attitude that we don't have to please anyone to get what we want or need in life. Maybe it's arrogance or a sense of entitlement.

We all have great manners and treat people with respect. But, we don't "have" to please anyone to get what we want or need. Things happen. If they don't, then they will.

As a woman I would need my husband not to have this air about him. Most of my brothers are married, and their wives are on a leash, metaphorically speaking.

I'm not sure how one would engineer this need to please in a man that was brought up in a privileged environment.

Also, I think the girls in our family were "saved" by patriarchy, as their were social limits to our behaviour. But that's a different conversation...

Interesting. Your post reminded me of this guy who I recently decided to drop who grew up Third World elite. He said some things that just made me realize he is not husband material. For me its not so much of having a need to please me, but more of a sincere desire to see me happy. I need more than just your presence in my life. You sir, are not that awesome lol.

Its not even the fact that he's mean, I just also get the sense that the kindness and generosity he's shown me isn't coming from the most sincere place. Its hard to explain, but I feel like its an ego thing for him.

 

[hothair]

No difference. It's more about the character of the person how they will keep/multiply inherited money and for new money guy how to sustain and understand he needs to build a legacy. Basically they both need to understand no amount of money lasts forever so there must always be a plan.

Generally, old money has a ridiculous amount of contacts, new money sees the opportunity and tends to exploit those contacts better.

Yup. Character in terms of general character yes I would rather socialise with someone of privilege (charming and courteous generally). But these are things easily learnt by a real go-getter.

 

[MsSanz92]

Most of the men I've dated who grew up more privileged than myself I was not as compatible with them compared to the men I dated who did not grow up privileged. The main issue I saw was a lack of ambition to establish their own success because they had the luxury to fall back on what their families gave them. While that's not the case for everyone who grows up privileged, I've noticed that sometimes parents fail to make it clear to their children that they are privileged and as a a result, their children grow up without the drive or personal will to establish their own name because try have no real inclination to do so (like being/remaining poor.) With that being said, I prefer to date men with a similar background as myself, someone from humble roots who has worked hard to establish their own success and stability.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Hmmmm.

I prefer men from the middle.

Either way, I prefer a man that was raised with a spoiled mother.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Hmmmm.

I prefer men from the middle.

Either way, I prefer a man that was raised with a spoiled mother.

That only works if she's already dead.

 

[awhyley]

^^^ Agreed. The worse thing in that equation is a spoiled monster-in-law.

 

[barbiesocialite]

That only works if she's already dead.

good point.

but seriously, I guess this is where my confrontational nature comes out.

I will fight a chick to death to win. Mama, grandma, great grandma, or twin sister...we are going to go at it, I fight dirty and hit below the belt. I'm going to win.

damn, I am insufferable.