Men who give too much too soon.

[CarLiTa]

Have you ever dated a guy who was intense very quickly? He was a no-games type, integrated you in his life and treated you as his girlfriend as soon as you began dating?

A friend is recovering from a similar scenario, and it got me thinking. She met a guy who had the above characteristics, and he was very heavy early on, and seemed genuinely genuine about it. Now a few months into it, he's told her he met another girl, took her out on a date, and he wants to take a break from her I don't know if to explore things with the other girl.

It occurred to me that this guy might be one who gives too much too soon, falls too quickly, whatever. He was so heavy with her early on, and now he's suddenly contemplating something with someone else?

Have you ever dealt with a guy like that? I feel like no one talks about that type much. The kind who's sweet, engaged, maybe even boyfriend-like, and then a few months into it the intensity dies out.

People tend to call them a-holes or opportunists... but are they all? Or are some just naturally that way-- and how can women be on guard about those types.

 

[janiebaby]

I run into this type more often than not. From my experience, they already have an image of what they want in a girlfriend early on and want you to fit the mold. My guess is that she probably didn't give him what he felt he needed or maybe he did get bored. I'm usually good with inspiring hate among these types as things end they feel taken advantage of or made a fool of in someway. I would also like to say these types scare me.

 

[melisandre]

I'm too suspicious of people to date that type of guy. I would question whether his intentions were genuine or not. Then, I'd probably freak out and cut him lose. Those instant and intense relationships (friendships or romantic) don't seem to last long or end well.

 

[tinkat]

Serial monogamist.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours.Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Bublin]

Now this has been my problem.
I seem to attract these type of men. At first I am suspicious of it then just roll with it, instead of fighting it. Luckily I'm the one that breaks it off because I eventually see they are full of hot air.
I have recently learnt to avoid those kind of men. This kind of relationship creates an intense lust that you can mistake for love, before you know it you're knee deep in something you don't want to be in.

 

[CarLiTa]

I think the usual message about these guys is that it's the women's fault for not being able to keep them. That the women they get with weren't "that interesting," so after a while these guys get bored.

Not to pick on you, janiebaby I think that's what a lot of people would guess about these scenarios. As a womanist, I have to ask: is it really always the woman? Or is that just this guy's predicament: to fall fast and, eventually, leave fast?

Some days, I suspect that my ex is/was one of those types. And I wonder if I'd gone along with it and believed everything he told me early, that he might have left me fast too. But I was generally like: what are you saying this for?
Down the line, he told me he actually felt those ways, but my predicament is that you cannot possibly feel this deeply. I know I haven't opened up that much for you to have seen so much to fall in love with.

Ah, tinkat, serial monogamists. I forgot about that term. Guess they'd fit the bill.

 

[rafikichick92]

I know a guy sort of like this. He believed the girl was the one from the first time he met her--quickly introduced her to his friends, family, etc. They ended up breaking up for about a year during which time he dated another girl and quickly introduced her into his family (they were already in the same friend circle) also. They broke up after a couple of months. He and the first girl reconciled their differences and are now married.

 

[janiebaby]

I wasn't trying to say it was the woman's fault at all. I was trying to figure out the guy's feelings. I haven't experienced a guy like this leaving on his own accord so it was just a guess. They want you to be what they want you to be and may not be aware of themselves and their shortcomings or they just might not care to be confronted with them. No woman in her right mind would be able to meet all of this type's needs or want to for that matter they're a ball and chain. These guys are not a prize by any stretch of the imagination CarLiTa your friend should be :reddancer:

 

[faithVA]

He did her a favor. He's a bouncer. He's real excitable because the relationship and person he's dating is all in his head. He doesn't even see her, the real person at the beginning. So after he finishes fantasizing and actually looks at her, he then bounces to the next. He can't continue to generate the excitement so its on to the next. There was nothing there in the beginning.

When I was dating, if I met one I would just start the countdown if I entertained them at all. They remind me of kids with toys.

 

[MizAvalon]

I dated a guy like that years ago. He wanted to go full steam ahead from the day he met me but after the newness wore off he wasn't interested anymore. I later found out that he was like that with everyone he dated. A few years later I found out from a mutual friend that he went on vacation and actually married a girl he only knew for 2 or 3 days! I don't know whatever became of him after that but I highly doubt that he and that lady are still together.

Men like that only like the chase.

 

[MsSanz92]

I've experienced this and it did NOT end well. I am cautious of people like that mostly because they are probably like this with every girl they encounter. Serial monogamists are a major red flag to me. Don't walk, RUN!!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Well I'm an intense person but I don't immediately come off that way. It takes time for me to warm up to someone to show that side of myself. To date only one guy I've been involved with has ever gotten close to see it. Anyway I have no problems with intense relationships except the immediacy mentioned in the OP.

I've dated men like that and no-go. Their interest is only physical most of the time, and relationships are better when I develop a physical attraction AFTER an emotional/intellectual one. Which is not going to happen after 2-3 dates. This is actually one of my major gripes with dating in American culture. It's a big reason I'm not dating right now. One guy said he wanted to meet my parents before our second date. He was serious too.erplexed I was like "I'm not even sure we're going to have a second date!"

 

[jhcprincess]

I suspect my ex was a serial monogamist; this thread really got me thinking now...

 

[OceanEyes]

Easy come, easy go.

I believe building trust and genuine love for another person takes time, much more time than "falling in love" w/someone does. I also think it's easier for someone to leave the relationship as those things have not been developed [properly], as there is no foundation - so why stay?

I think if someone "no longer loves their partner" if they have the foundation of trust and love, they can still enjoy companionship, even if that's just friendship.

 

[kblc06]

Yep . Them n****s was scary

 

[StarScream35]

I think @tinkat summed it up right. I've met guys like this before and was in a relationship before with one. They are really intense with their emotions, into treating you right, usually beta males and really want monogamy but somewhere the flame dies and they get bored and want to move on to the next relationship. I've come to conclude men like this have some serious emotional and psychological problems, usually stemming from childhood. Strangely enough, they are usually commitment phobic even though they WILL commit for a short period of time. These types are looking to fill a void that no woman or relationship can filll. They don't need girlfriends, they need a psychologist to get to the bottom of their problem!

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

What do you all consider falling too quickly or getting too close too soon to be?

 

[StarScream35]

What do you all consider falling too quickly or getting too close too soon to be?

I can't speak for the other ladies but my guys were intense with their emotions. Wanted to see me everyday, told me how beautiful I was a lil too often and wanted an exclusive relationship right off the bat. I was like whoa whoa slow down some! A few months later, things changed.

I try to avoid these types as much as possible. They are just as worse as players.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

What do you all consider falling too quickly or getting too close too soon to be?

In my post above I discussed a guy who wanted to meet my family on our second date. Other guys who've moved too fast have texted me non stop saying things like "I can't stop thinking about you" "You're so beautiful", too much and too soon. They were also too quick to integrate themselves into my friends' and family and wanted to see me every day, after 1-2 dates. The overall problem is they're moving so fast I'm not getting to know them enough to decide if I even like him or not.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Yes!!!!! I had a guy give me 300 bucks the first week he met me. He was like have you paid your rent? Random right. I said no and we went to the ATM his silly self didn't even know where I loved. And never did, for about 3 more weeks he'd randomly pop up at my job (I worked in food service) then his baby mama snooped through his phone and had some other chick he was paying bills calling me. Just a HAM. but I enjoyed the cash.
I guess he thought if he paid rent he'd be able to visit. No no no
Aside from the cash he tried to take me to his home church. Nope

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[CurlyMoo]

I'm sorry but these guys are screw balls. Yet women get labeled as needy, manipulative or slutty for going as fast as some of these men do. Grown a$$ single men are some of the most co-dependent, lazy, spoiled, insecure and wishy washy numbnuts out there.

I don't trust guys who go too fast right away and have the nerve to demand affection on the first date. Without fail these are the guys that go MIA when things get too deep. These are NOT the men who will come and get you at 1am to come help you if you get a flat while driving the highway.

 

[anon123]

I dated a guy like this. It creeped me out and I pushed him away. He was a weirdo overall, and that was just one aspect of it. I had to cut it off.

 

[StarScream35]

I dated a guy like this. It creeped me out and I pushed him away. He was a weirdo overall, and that was just one aspect of it. I had to cut it off.

It really does have a creep element to it. We all love men who have no problem with commitment, just don't want a man who wants one the next day!

 

[PeaceFlow]

Never met anyone like this erplexed I must not attract it.

 

[CarLiTa]

I think sometimes, just like women, they are so ready and eager for a relationship that they want things to move very, very fast... and are willing to give and give. So it might not be in-genuine, but it's still dangerous. Just as it would be for women. I know I've definitely been on the other end too.

 

[Evolving78]

if you ever meet someone like that, run! it's a control thing! it's a setup! a big ole trap!

 

[1QTPie]

I've had this happen to me twice. One worked out well (we dated for years and distance broke us up) and the other was clearly a serial monogamist. I think it depends on the individual. Some people just know what they want and waiting isn't in their plans.

 

[LoveisYou]

I'm always weary of those types, they are more in love with the idea of love than with you most times.

 

[Avyn]

Yes to everything^^^. It is very creepy. I once tried to give it time and I was just further creeped out. I still watch my back bc I think that guy moved to my area. He lived on the other side of town and I saw him shopping in my area. Freaked me out. I ducked and got out of there so fast. I kept looking out to make sure that I wasn't being followed. I happened to be wearing a wig that day and hoped he hadn't seen me. He was in love in his mind on the first date. This actually wasn't the first time this has happened but this was the first time I went out on more than 1 date with the guy. He wasn't in love with me because he really didn't know me. He loved the idea of love.

 

[Ash25]

Yea, Ive dealt with a guy like that. He was reading me poetry, talking about feelings, saying my interests were his interests, taking my trash out, buying me little things, always complementing me, telling me im perfect and blah blah blah.

Im always skeptical of guys like that....so I played it cool the first few weeks. Then he told me he loved me, mind you we hadn't even kissed.

After about 4 wks of that, he started bugging me about if he was a special person to me, if I liked him, how I felt about him ugh. I told him I cared about him but was still getting to know him. In his frustration of not getting what he wanted (validation), he started calling me mean and saying other passive aggressive ish.

After he determined he wasnt going to get what he wanted (needed: validation), he confessed that I was the 4th person he "loved" that yr lol

He was a nice guy with terribly low self esteem...if he was more confident and emotionally stable, Id still be talking to him. Broken men are hard to fix.