Men who don't like to talk, text, or email . . .

[Glib Gurl]

For those of you who don't live with your SO, how do you deal with a man who doesn't like to talk on the phone, email, etc.? Now I know some will say, "Oh well if he isn't always trying to hit you up on the phone/email/text, then he isn't really into you." But I was talking with some male colleagues about this and they were like, "Maaaan, why do women always want to TALK?" and felt that it was too much to be following up all the time in between calls.

Dutch Chocolate is one of these, it seems. I get anxious waiting to hear from him, but in the interest of not trying to be clingy or seem desperate, I am NOT trying to be all calling and emailing him in between our dates (which is usually once a week or once every other week). He's not officially my boyfriend (yet ) so in truth he doesn't "owe" me any additional communication . . . and I don't want to have to tell him to do these things . . . or maybe I should? After all, the closed mouth doesn't get fed.

This is all so amusing. I am usually a tough-as-nails, I-don't-need-a-man persona . . . this dude has me walking around all giggly, with a smile on my face and always checking my voicemail

*sigh*

 

[JustKiya]

Increase the frequency of face to face interaction. Tis about all you can do.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Guys in general don't seem to desire as much communication as women do, for whatever reason. I agree with JustKiya, try to hang out with him in person more. At least then he is taking you out, not just

 

[hopeful]

Glib Gurl, in the end it's what you can tolerate. My husband works long hours and travels for work as well. We have spoken at least once a day every day for the past 26 years. Seriously, we may have missed a day talking like once or twice when he travelled to Asia and Greece because of the travel time and crazy time difference. But that's it. I personally could not deal without having daily contact. For me, this would be a dealbreaker. Maybe he will pick up the communication if you two do become bf and gf? I hope so. When dh and I were dating there were no cellphones or e-mails but we spoke often and sent cards and letters. We were long distance for 4 years before we married. If we hadn't stayed in steady contact I don't think we would have made it. You don't have to have two hour conversations, sometimes just 5 minutes is enough. It's especially nice to get a call at night before your head hits the pillow.

 

[Ediese]

Although some guys don't like to talk like most women, I don't think I've ever been in a relationship/dating when we didn't talk daily.
When I first started dating my ex/current SO, I made it a point to tell him that whenever I call/text, I expected a response the same day. lol The only reason I brought it up is because I figured he'd think it was ok with me, and would probably continue doing so..I no longer have that issue.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Although some guys don't like to talk like most women, I don't think I've ever been in a relationship/dating when we didn't talk daily.
When I first started dating my ex/current SO, I made it a point to tell him that whenever I call/text, I expected a response the same day. lol The only reason I brought it up is because I figured he'd think it was ok with me, and would probably continue doing so..I no longer have that issue.

So you think I should just be like, "Yo, you can call me in between our dates . . . ." I suspect that he might have had issues with women thinking HE was too clingy . . . don't ask me why, just an impression I have . . . .

 

[gabulldawg]

You should definitely speak up if you have a concern. Any guy that really likes you will do his best to accomodate what you ask for. Unfortunately a lot of women don't seem to understand that. There's nothing wrong with setting some "rules." If he can't follow him then it's safe to assume that he doesn't want to be with you.

Of course you guys may have to compromise. If he doesn't like to talk on the phone maybe settle for a daily text or email convo. It's all about what you will put up with.

 

[wofford16]

See, I am just the opposite. I don't like to do all of that texting, e-mail stuff either but my DH does and he calls or texts me at least 3 times a day and I have to admit when I see his number it instantly puts a smile on my face so maybe you could just give him a "just thinking about you" call, text, or e-mail and see if he responds to that.

Good Luck and get yo man girl!!!!

 

[Spiffy]

While I understand guys do not like talking on the phone, if this is something his woman desires in the relationship he should at least make the effort to appease her on this. Give and take and compromise is the name of the game.

 

[dlewis]

I'm not a talker, never have been. Dh is a big talker. Really, he talks to damm much. When we were dating I was fine with not talking to him daily, he was not. He called himself trying to make me call him once, trying to hold out until I called him. And that's the only time in our dating/marry life we didn't talk and he's still to this day, pissed about it. Since that time his thing has been to see me everyday. We are married now so it's not a problem but it was when we were dating.

I don't know what you should do. These ladies have some good pointers. Just showing you the other side. And you seem like you could talk GG, don't talk the man to death.

Eta: :hug:

 

[Glib Gurl]

And you seem like you could talk GG, don't talk the man to death.

LOL - thank you dlewis!

 

[dlewis]

I had to add the hug because I don't want you to be e-upset with me.

 

[deltagyrl]

I am gonna have to say that if he is not texting, calling or emailing it's because he doesn't want to. Now, ime, every man that wanted a relationship with me left no room for me to wonder what their intentions were. We talked re-gu-lar-ly.

GG, I e-like you. Don't sweat this guy, continue to do you and when he wants to talk, he'll let you know. Until you guys are a couple keep seeing other people.

 

[Ms Red]

Men only seem to understand action. So when my boyfriend and I first started dating, if I didn't like the frequency, the next time I'd talk to him I'd be like 'hey stranger.' It picked up a lot more immediately...

If it ever slacked off a little (and people do need some healthy space, I think), I just gave him a dose of his own medicine He just wouldn't hear from me. Then he missed me lol

I always let him do like 70%+ of the initial contact. That's just me. *shrug* I really want it to work for you guys!! I think you're just in the middle of getting to know one another and laying the ground rules.

 

[sidney]

A relationship implies that some regular communication must be going on. How else can you get to know the person? Especially in the initial phase of the relationship. Your guy knows that we women expect a call...they know.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

OT: Glib why do you call him Dutch Chocolate?

 

[Glib Gurl]

OT: Glib why do you call him Dutch Chocolate?

Because that is the first gift he gave me before we even went out (actually it was Danish chocolate, but I initially thought it was Dutch . . . and it sounds better, so it just stuck).

 

[-PYT]

I am gonna have to say that if he is not texting, calling or emailing it's because he doesn't want to. Now, ime, every man that wanted a relationship with me left no room for me to wonder what their intentions were. We talked re-gu-lar-ly.

GG, I e-like you. Don't sweat this guy, continue to do you and when he wants to talk, he'll let you know. Until you guys are a couple keep seeing other people.

This thread is right on time! I'm the type who needs at least once-a-day interaction and it irks me if I don't get it. Last guy I was talking to didn't seem to need to. When I came back down to school it got worse and I notice that if I BBM'd him/called he wouldn't even call back! I get the hint so when he called today I and ignored it.

Delta is right, if a guy wants to talk, he will come wit it!

 

[ashessehsa]

I was talking to this guy who said, "If you have a problem with not talking to me for three days, then it's not going to work." It didn't work. If you're trying to pursue me, you're going to have to call/text me or SOMETHING.

It's not like he had a job, and school doesn't last all day..he had no excuse.

 

[Aveena]

face time - face time - face time

If he doesnt want to talk text or SEE you then there is a problem.


I would accidentially on purpose be where I know he would be and bump into him looking AMAZING!!! and totally KIM like I was in a rush and had somethng 'important' to do! lol

If you happened to bump into him you should get a call shortly there after ;-)

 

[Allandra]

For those of you who don't live with your SO, how do you deal with a man who doesn't like to talk on the phone, email, etc.? Now I know some will say, "Oh well if he isn't always trying to hit you up on the phone/email/text, then he isn't really into you." But I was talking with some male colleagues about this and they were like, "Maaaan, why do women always want to TALK?" and felt that it was too much to be following up all the time in between calls.

Dutch Chocolate is one of these, it seems. I get anxious waiting to hear from him, but in the interest of not trying to be clingy or seem desperate, I am NOT trying to be all calling and emailing him in between our dates (which is usually once a week or once every other week). He's not officially my boyfriend (yet ) so in truth he doesn't "owe" me any additional communication . . . and I don't want to have to tell him to do these things . . . or maybe I should? After all, the closed mouth doesn't get fed.

This is all so amusing. I am usually a tough-as-nails, I-don't-need-a-man persona . . . this dude has me walking around all giggly, with a smile on my face and always checking my voicemail

*sigh*

You typed 'it seems' he's one of these men that don't like to talk, text or email. Well, you can't assume this if he hasn't told you this himself. Girl, you two are adults. COMMUNICATE. How are you going to ever find out what he likes, and how is he ever going to find out what you like? Come on girl. COMMUNICATION is important.

 

[Glib Gurl]

You typed 'it seems' he's one of these men that don't like to talk, text or email. Well, you can't assume this if he hasn't told you this himself. Girl, you two are adults. COMMUNICATE. How are you going to ever find out what he likes, and how is he ever going to find out what you like? Come on girl. COMMUNICATION is important.

Well, okay, he did tell me that he "likes to get to know a woman a bit at a time." But you are right that communication is key . . . and waiting to hear from him is not a good look

 

[candiel]

You should definitely speak up if you have a concern. Any guy that really likes you will do his best to accomodate what you ask for. Unfortunately a lot of women don't seem to understand that. There's nothing wrong with setting some "rules." If he can't follow him then it's safe to assume that he doesn't want to be with you.

Of course you guys may have to compromise. If he doesn't like to talk on the phone maybe settle for a daily text or email convo. It's all about what you will put up with.

I totally agree with this!! I don't think it's clingy to want him to call or txt at least once a day. I still wouldn't call or txt him if it seemed like he wasn't calling or txting me. I would take it that he is not into me like that or he is calling or txting some other chick.

But, in the end it's all about what you are comfortable with.

 

[LivingDol1]

unfortunately with the time changing and technology growing, lots of people don't talk on the phone. i know i sure don't. i talk to close friends and my family on the phone. i text lots of people. but i also make plans with people via text... so i make it work for me.

as for guys though... i am "old fashioned" and prefer that a guy talk to me on the phone. texting is OK but only for making plans or texting to say he had fun on a date or something. not for full on conversations.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Well, considering that you two are still in the dating phase and not officially a couple yet I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to call me or feel bad for not doing so. I think that perhaps he "may" be dating other women, and that you should open your options up as well so that you won't be so antsy waiting around for him to call. It sucks, but that's just how it goes.