men say the darndest things

[chebaby]

but this may be true.
it might be a spinoff not sure any way
this guy i used to date and i are still good friends and he told me that women who are obsessed with hair and the latest fashion and purses and whatever have low self esteem.
he said we spend so much time on our hair so that people wont really look at us but our hair.
we buy the latest fashion so that pple will look at how nice we are dressed but not REALLY SEE us.

do you understand what i'm saying? not sure if im saying it right
anyway do you agree?

i kinda agree because at one point i was depressed and shopping made me feel much better and doing my hair made me feel beautiful.

 

[Extremus]

Sort of. I think some just want to stay looking nice, while others are really trying to impress people.

 

[Dayjoy]

Could be true, but I find it interesting that these are the very things that men are attracted to and fall out over.

 

[Traycee]

I think it could be true for some women...I personally am just a real girlie girl...I love purses, make-up , I only wear heels unless I'm working out, I love doing my hair, I love girlie colors like pink and purple.....I don't do it for other people I do it myself...My mother has pictures of me playing dress up and I was 3 year old in her make-up and heels...Besides I know men ....that are in to shoes , clothes, and accessories just like us (my DH) ....People always can't wait to see what my husband and I are wearing....and our children are already out of control !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Cleve_gryl]

Could be true, but I find it interesting that these are the very things that men are attracted to and fall out over.

 

[JustKiya]

No, I don't think so at all. If I didn't have a high amount of self-esteem (love, and respect for myself), I for SURE wouldn't spend this much time, money, or effort on my hair. I'd be one of those women with *snaps fingers* that much, platinum blond, dyed, fried, and laid to side hair hanging onto the scalp for dear life.
As much as I want red hair? Shoooootttttt.

 

[chebaby]

ita with all of you.
tracee i'm a girly girl too. i get my hair done every week.
i want really long hair. i am obsessed with shoes and clothes and purses and just getting into make up and mind you im 21 so fashion is always on my mind.
my favorite shows even deal with hair and make overs and stuff.
i can see where he's coming from but like one of you mentioned, he falls out over long hair and cute outfits and everything.
i think men just dont want to know what we do to look cute cause it spoils the fun or sexiness. but once they know everything we go through they think we are nut jobs

 

[pazyamor]

I agree and disagree and here's why:

In some Western African Tribes (I'm in anthropology this semester...I think I know something now), women paint themselves and tatoo their faces to show off their beauty, if a woman is not seen in these fineries, she is thought to have "bad spirits" or "low self-esteem" as we see it. Conversely, in some asian cultures (which we actually relate to more closely than African cultures...even African-Americans) when a woman is seen in plenty of make-up and spends more time on her makeup than her duties, is seen to be "fleeting of the mind" and lacking actual social skills.

I know that I personally, used to deal with self-esteem issues and that's when I looked my worst, but after coming to college and beginning to really love myself, I dress better, actually care about my hair, and generally love myself beter. So, that's my two bits...

 

[cmesweet]

I think he is being judgemental. First, I need to see what type of women he fall for?

I spend alot of time on my hair, because I love hair and it is relaxing to me. Makeup is very rare for me, that does not mean I have any less or more self-esteem than another.

I will say, that if you are a person who feels that you are horrible without make up and lock yourself in the house until your makeup shipment arrives, then yes, you might have self-esteem issues.

Your friend's findings need to be backed up. Therefore, I do not agree.

 

[dinaaike]

but this may be true.
it might be a spinoff not sure any way
this guy i used to date and i are still good friends and he told me that women who are obsessed with hair and the latest fashion and purses and whatever have low self esteem.

anyway do you agree?

Yes, I agree. Also, no, I do not agree. Here's why:

While some women do things for the sole purpose of the audience who will witness and adore them, EVERYONE who feels good about themselves takes care of themself in a way that makes them feel good.

Thus, those who are "obsessed" by such issues may have a problem, or they may have a personal goal to fulfill that requires attention to such details. Those who are "not concerned" at all may suffer low self-esteem, or they may have other --more pressing-- matters to address.

Ultimately, I am of the mind that men are pretty narcissistic (as are most humans), and think that anything women do must in some way be directed at them or to them.

 

[Extremus]

I will say, that if you are a person who feels that you are horrible without make up and lock yourself in the house until your makeup shipment arrives, then yes, you might have self-esteem issues.

ITA!!!

 

[Dayjoy]

One can't make generalizations like this. While it may be true that some with esteem issues may rely on these things and outside approval to feel better, it is also true that some of the very women that do all these things for themselves do it because they have self appreciation and feel they deserve it.

 

[hothair]

I don't know about anyone else but I'm very confident - if I were a guy I would be arrogant, and its nothing to do with my hair, as far as I'm concerned I'd look good bald in a sack cloth with flip flops yes, I'm that fly.

Ofcourse I get a rush out of nice clothes AND bagging a difficult client but I think that's pretty normal...

 

[Tootuff]

I think it could be true for some women...I personally am just a real girlie girl...I love purses, make-up , I only wear heels unless I'm working out, I love doing my hair, I love girlie colors like pink and purple.....I don't do it for other people I do it myself...My mother has pictures of me playing dress up and I was 3 year old in her make-up and heels...Besides I know men ....that are in to shoes , clothes, and accessories just like us (my DH) ....People always can't wait to see what my husband and I are wearing....and our children are already out of control !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ditto. I am the same way. But I do sometimes go in Walmart looking to' up.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Could be true, but I find it interesting that these are the very things that men are attracted to and fall out over.

Exactly!!

There are women who need the perfect hair/clothes/accessories because they seek constant approval and praise from those around them. They may feel they don't have anything to offer except for their looks.

However, some of us like beautiful clothes and like to feel pretty/put together and this is a reflection of confidence. Nothing is wrong with that. I like a person who takes pride in his/her appearance.

On the flip side, most people would look at a plain jane who wears average/sloppy clothes and never gets her hair done and think she had low self esteem. Women just can't win, whether we look gorgeous or frumpy, people love to judge us based on our looks.

 

[LivingDoll]

Sounds like your friend had a bad experience...

 

[chebaby]

I can't speak on women who are obsessed with the above mentioned (specifically the material stuff) BUT as a lady who takes pride in herself (physical attributes). I refuse to stop investing in myself. It's not so much as using physical attributes or materials as a mask to hide my flaws. It's about upholding the standard I have set for myself: to be able to take care of myself well. At the end of the day I enjoy impressing me more than the passerby.

well said. i think many of us feel this way

 

[All_Me]

Sometimes I think the opposite is true. That a woman with low self esteem will do whatever it takes not to be seen. Meaning... dressing down- hiding behind their clothes, doing nothing with their hair, definately no make up...