Maybe That's Why I Like The Twilight Saga So Much...

[Peace in Prose]

I never realized how much it parallels my life right now.

I am married, and I ADORE my husband, but things are getting slick. In fact I was so ready to put him out before Thanksgiving. I drawed up an agreement and everything, because i have to be heard, something has to change in this ongoing cycle we have.

He found, I don't know how, a series of emails I had with an old MALE friend... Now I am not good in making friends, and I tend to cling to the trusted and true. But we did have a relationship, a strong one. But the thing is his mother refused to let him date outside his race, get serious. That really cut me, not being too good for someone because and only because the color of my skin. I vowed not to accept less than my worth.

Well ol boy gets back in touch with me and says the unit is going to Iraq, our old unit and they are in my town and maybe I could come by and see them. Went out of his way to find me on a networking site. I was apprehensive, because now I am conditioned to think everyone has a ulterior motive.

So I initially met up, he was my friend first right?! He peppered me with compliments, and before we went any further in the conversation, I discussed with him the feelings I had in the past concerning his mother and how it affected me and how I used that to change my life and i refuse to let someone take what i worked so hard for. He said i made him feel bad and He was not coming at me like that. Friends... I was embarassed yet proud I got that off my chest

Le sigh, the emails, months later I sent him an email apologizing for the "conforntation" and could we be friends again. He was happy to talk to me, from Iraq... then his emails started becoming regretful and progressed to I want to met your son. I get to come home briefly in February. Then the request for pictures... I told him no... think about what you are doing, you are ruining our friendship... Then one day he called me drunk from Qitar, confessing his love for me and I cussed him out and told him not to contact me anymore. It seemed he was more enticed by the danger of the situation than my feels to hold on to him as a friend. Or was I being selfish to think I could have both live harmoniously in my life.

Well, that is not what my husband read from the situation. I even showed him accounts where I went to our counselor and said I felt betrayed from the whole situation and disgusted. So I figure since he cannot trust me to do the right thing, let's separate and reevaluate.

We were coming back home from Thanksgiving break and a horse tractor ran into us. I was trapped in the car dazed. All I coud say is get my son out. Then this eighteen wheeler comes barreling towards the car. it's night and my husband jumps in front of the car with me trapped inside to wave the truck down.

Of course I could not go through with the separation. But after the novelty of the situation wears off, where do I go from here. There are still things that need to change. Advice is welcome, otherwise thanks for reading...

 

[Amcd]

I don't mean to be harsh, but you were wrong to be in contact with this guy. It sounds like that you did not tell your husband about the communication from the start. Did he know about the meeting at all? If you felt the need to hide it from him then you know you were not right.

How would you feel if your husband contacted an old girlfriend, met up with her without you knowing, talked about how hurt he was because of the reason they could never be together, and then kept in contact with her to be friends? This would be a big no no for me and my husband and he has every right to be mad at you.

You need to ask him for forgiveness because right now he does have a reason to not trust you.

 

[Peace in Prose]

I don't mean to be harsh, but you were wrong to be in contact with this guy. It sounds like that you did not tell your husband about the communication from the start. Did he know about the meeting at all? If you felt the need to hide it from him then you know you were not right.

How would you feel if your husband contacted an old girlfriend, met up with her without you knowing, talked about how hurt he was because of the reason they could never be together, and then kept in contact with her to be friends? This would be a big no no for me and my husband and he has every right to be mad at you.

You need to ask him for forgiveness because right now he does have a reason to not trust you.

You are right, and I did apologize, more than you know. I told him about the initial meeting before it happened. He was aware of our history. I have even discuss the guy in past conversations as a passing precautionary tale, an example that his community is not as accepting as he says, because he felt the black community looked down more on unions of our kind. That is another thing. I am like an open book to my husband, but
he is so guarded with his. He has a friend that he does contact. The friend has confessed to something more, in the past. I questioned my husband and I trust what he said. They talked once in a blue moon but I am SECURE within our union. I feel like I should be trusted to do the right thing.

It's the emails I did not disclose and I was under the advisement from my couselor to not mention them, it was something I had to sort out, because this has happen before. I had a male friend in the area, that up and confessed he had feelings for me, despite him being 34 and married. I told my husband and he simply told me to "handle it." Which I did but I expected a more passionate response. Threathen to kick ol boy butt or something. I felt I handle it apporpriately and could not understand that he was afforded all the trust in the world but I had to constantly prove myself. I was tired of proving myself... That is one of the changes I wanted to see. We have faced the same situations, but with different expectations for each other...

But again thank you... I know how it could feel to the other. I sympathize and do not absolve myself from that. But If we are to go there, he cannot absolve himself because of his intentions. My intentions were the same and I think I deserve a little more credit than what was given...

ETA: i have an anxiety disorder so it is hard for me to make friends... I hold on hard to the bonds I already made, so when these individuals betrayed my trust, it kind of validated my affliction in a way... I try so hard to see everything at face value, but it certifies every thought I produced from my anxiety... so all the people are thinking all the stuff I thought they were...

 

[Peace in Prose]

Sorry, and when we were together, I felt he ( the friend) did not think of me as anything more than casual. It seems he made it perfectly clear what it was and was not. So I settled, I accepted it for what it was... and now to come back in my life after 5 years with such, IDK, but there is a reason we are not together and I happy thru the ups and downs, and I cannot help that honest. But i will not lie like it's perfect...

I was not about to ruin the life I built for uncertainty, not if it was even an option. It just brought up old emotions, not the good ones and made me face them. So it was bittersweet. I faced them and overcame, but it was like my friend died...

 

[caltron]

I don't mean to be harsh, but you were wrong to be in contact with this guy. It sounds like that you did not tell your husband about the communication from the start. Did he know about the meeting at all? If you felt the need to hide it from him then you know you were not right.

How would you feel if your husband contacted an old girlfriend, met up with her without you knowing, talked about how hurt he was because of the reason they could never be together, and then kept in contact with her to be friends? This would be a big no no for me and my husband and he has every right to be mad at you.

You need to ask him for forgiveness because right now he does have a reason to not trust you.

ITA. I think both you and your husband need to cut off the outside friends for a while. It's causing a lot of drama in your marriage. No friendship should be more important than your marriage.