Married/Partnered people's crushes

[DarkVictory]

Recently had a conversation about married people's crushes and started wondering what ladies here thought about them.

Are crushes harmless as long as you don't act on them? Are men more likely to act on them than women?

Are some people more prone to crushes than others? Some guys in our circle seem really suscepible. How would you react if/when a friend's spouse had a crush on you?

One wife said, "If he's got a crush on someone and is flirting with her, it's her problem to deal with, not mine." If your DH/SO has a crush, do you ignore it? Deal with it? Have an open and honest discussion? Go upside his head?

 

[LoveLiLi]

Hmmm, those are a-lot of questions - and I won't even pretend to have the answers to all of them, lol. I can only speak on my experiences. I think a crush is a problem if your spouse has a history of cheating. Also, if your spouse is disrespectful in other ways, I would suspect that he'd be more likely to act on his crush.

I had one ex who if he saw someone he liked, that meant he was trying to have sex with them . He only cared about himself and he was going to go after what he wanted relationship or no relationship. Note: all his crushes were unbeknownst to me until it was too late .

I had another ex and we were very close. We had a very strong bond and he would mention if someone was pretty and it wasn't really a big deal. He was so honest I actually found myself wishing he would keep some thoughts to himself.

There came a time when he had a crush on an associate. He was very talkative whenever she was around and he always felt the need to tell me what she said or she's so smart... so on and so on. I was aware that he was attracted to her, but I knew he wouldn't act on it. Mind you, he never said he had a crush on her, but I could tell.

Eventually, he forgot about her and things were back to normal. They were still cool, but I could tell he wasn't infatuated with her anymore. To be honest with you, my feelings were hurt knowing that he was attracted to this girl. We all know our SO's may be attracted to someone else, but we rarely have to witness it and it wasn't fun to acknowledge.

I knew that if we weren't in a relationship he would have wanted to be with her. He was a good person and I knew he wasn't the type to pursue her while he was with me, but just knowing that he liked her was unsettling and somewhat of a blow to my ego.

I don't have a juicy story to tell. The crush came and went and I was glad to be with someone who wouldn't jeopordize our relationship over a fleeting attraction. It was awkward, but I knew he had integrity and he treated me like a queen. I guess I could have blown up and cried and carried on, but there are countless pretty women in the world...our SO's will notice them from time to time...hopefully we choose men that value us and the relationships enough not to chase after every (or any) pretty woman that comes along.

 

[Blossssom]

 

[DarlingNikki]

Anyone has the potential to cheat: man or woman....it just depends on the person.
IMO crushes are harmless unless acted on. Being in a relationship/married doesn't stop you from thinking others are attractive. I would hope my SO would exercise some couth and not approach the person he is crushing on....that's when a problem would arise. Until then, there is really nothing to deal with. Can't really "go upside his head" for something he hasn't done.

 

[DarkVictory]

Naw, it's not even like that!

I admit this came up because of some things going on in our particular circle - not going to say more than that! We had all different reactions, from "he's her problem" to "I smack DH every time I catch him eyeballing Angela's D cups," which got a big laugh from Angela.

Thanks for your opinions, ladies!

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

DH said that a crush means you think a lot about the other person... therefore it's implications are inappropriate. Finding someone attractive is one thing; harping/dwelling on it is another in his mind.


-thinks to self- uh oh....

 

[doll-baby]

If you are in a long term committed relationship or married having a crush seems like a warm up for flirting and ultimately cheating. To have a crush on someone is to desire them , to fantasize about them and if all that is going on about someone who you aren't dating that spells trouble up ahead.

 

[LoveLiLi]

If you are in a long term committed relationship or married having a crush seems like a warm up for flirting and ultimately cheating. To have a crush on someone is to desire them , to fantasize about them and if all that is going on about someone who you aren't dating that spells trouble up ahead.

I think this is true for people who are prone to cheating anyway. I have to admit, I had a crush on a co-worker while I was in a relationship. I was attracted to him and, funny enough, it came out that he was attracted to me as well .

I never pursued him and he never pursued me. We were both attached at the time and I'm not the cheating type at all. Yes, he was cute and we loved to converse, but we never talked on the phone, sent lusty emails etc. We knew the boundaries and never spoke about our attraction to each other even though it was pretty obvious.

There is a fine line when you're attracted to someone and you have to see them on a daily basis. But, I think that the type of person who would act on that attraction is the same person who will try to holla at the cute girl at the mall or a girl he met at a party. Some people are the type who will find an excuse to cheat no matter what.

 

[MissYocairis]

Recently had a conversation about married people's crushes and started wondering what ladies here thought about them.

Are crushes harmless as long as you don't act on them? Are men more likely to act on them than women?

Are some people more prone to crushes than others? Some guys in our circle seem really suscepible. How would you react if/when a friend's spouse had a crush on you?

One wife said, "If he's got a crush on someone and is flirting with her, it's her problem to deal with, not mine." If your DH/SO has a crush, do you ignore it? Deal with it? Have an open and honest discussion? Go upside his head?

I'm not sure about "crushing" on someone as opposed to just "really finding them attractive". Does "crushing" on someone mean that you are fantasizing about them? To the point where you start LIKING them romantically? Versus just really finding someone attractive but never considering them as a romantic interest.

If my SO had a crush on someone and I knew about it....because I highly doubt any man would admit this.....but if I sensed it, we'd have to have a serious talk about it. And, if he was crushing AND flirting, that's a problem and I wouldn't want no parts of that.

Now...with that said....finding a woman attractive? FINE. But fantasizing about her and then flirting directly with her is problematic. I wouldn't do it and I don't see why he would need to carry things that far either.

BUT...you cannot control how someone thinks and you may never, ever know...for instance, if you think a man you see everyday on the way to work is really fine....are you gonna tell your spouse? Hayle nawl. So, who is to say he's not experiencing that too and just not mentioning it?

Now....celebrity crushes, my SO and I have been honest about those with each other. But, it would be problematic for us both if he told he who he has a crush on that is a real life person and/or if I told him who I have a crush on that is a real life person.

 

[spinspinshuga]

I'd say crushes are not okay.
I had a crush recently (despite almost four years of a happy, healthy relationship) that came out of the blue, and I honestly almost acted on it. I told my SO about it--and it really hurt him--and the crush eventually dissipated on its own, but if it hadn't, I might have ended the best relationship of my life over a stupid fling that wouldn't have been worth it. Not a good idea.
If one party does have a crush, I think it should be discussed.