Married Ladies: What should every couple do/know in the first year of marriage?

[Miss617]

Hi ladies.

I was thinking about the "what issues did you have in the early years of your marriage" thread, and I had a few questions of my own. The biggest was the title of this thread (I searched and didn't find anything, forgive me if this has been asked before). I'm getting married in two months, and I was talking to FH about stuff we should do, like make an itemized budget, get joint accounts, whatever.

What are some of the basics, in your experiences or opinions, that every couple should know for the first year(s) of marriage? Did you know or do these things before getting married, or did you figure them out as they arose?

 

[awhyley]

If I'm not mistaken, there's a sticky in this forum on this very same topic. I'm not sure whether you wanted specific information pertaining to married life, but since I'm not married, ladies fire away!

 

[MrsMe]

Any of the married ladies on this forum will tell you the same thing: your first year of marriage will be difficult. You might doubt your choice at times and will think of divorce. Don't give up. Don't let anybody get in your business. Don't forget your vows and put God first.
You will need to set some ground rules with your FH, like "even if we are mad, we will not run to Mama".
Don't give him bad habits and turn yourself into the superwoman who works and does it all at home. I can't stress that enough. You don't want to burn out only to watch him relax on the couch while your chores have just started.
There's more but I can't think of them all right now.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using LHCF

 

[Miss617]

If I'm not mistaken, there's a sticky in this forum on this very same topic. I'm not sure whether you wanted specific information pertaining to married life, but since I'm not married, ladies fire away!

I think you're thinking of the one I mentioned in my OP about the issues encountered in the first year. I'm asking more about preparation. So setting the foundation, any boundaries, financial discussions, that kind of thing. They sound different in my head, but they could very well be the same thing. It was late when I started the thread lol.

 

[Miss617]

Any of the married ladies on this forum will tell you the same thing: your first year of marriage will be difficult. You might doubt your choice at times and will think of divorce. Don't give up. Don't let anybody get in your business. Don't forget your vows and put God first.
You will need to set some ground rules with your FH, like "even if we are mad, we will not run to Mama".
Don't give him bad habits and turn yourself into the superwoman who works and does it all at home. I can't stress that enough. You don't want to burn out only to watch him relax on the couch while your chores have just started.
There's more but I can't think of them all right now.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using LHCF

These are great tips, thank you. I think the one about vows is very important, because it seems like some couples think it's just something you say at the wedding and not an actual commitment.

The one about being Superwoman, I was actually just talking about that in a different thread. I've gotten better about putting my foot down and asking for help when I need it, but I can tell that will be a huge one to keep in mind. I work from home, and I've told FH that that doesn't mean I'm a maid (not in those words, but letting him know that I have to do my job first.)

I don't think either of us would be running back to our mothers at this point

 

[biznesswmn]

DH and I lived togethr first so i knew what issues would need to be dealt with. The first 18 months livg togethr, i did not like him but i learned how to deal w him well enuf to be comf going fwd w marriage. Oh the thgs u will learn abt him, and yourself ....

some if these items might come up in your counseling sessions -
- Do u want kids, how many, when to start
- How will u divvy up financial obligations - all money in one pot, u pay yours i pay mine...
- Boundaries w inlaws and close friends
- Household responsibilities, who cooks and cleans and shops etc

Have a general discussion abt what your expectations are for your lives ovr the first year, 5 yr and 10 yr marks and that will expose areas that will require more balancg out. Nothg set in stone of course but just to know what pages you both r on

Theres a recent thread calld 'dont get married if...' that u can search for. It has some good pointers as well.

Good luck and congrats.

 

[Miss617]

DH and I lived togethr first so i knew what issues would need to be dealt with. The first 18 months livg togethr, i did not like him but i learned how to deal w him well enuf to be comf going fwd w marriage. Oh the thgs u will learn abt him, and yourself ....

some if these items might come up in your counseling sessions -
- Do u want kids, how many, when to start
- How will u divvy up financial obligations - all money in one pot, u pay yours i pay mine...
- Boundaries w inlaws and close friends
- Household responsibilities, who cooks and cleans and shops etc

Have a general discussion abt what your expectations are for your lives ovr the first year, 5 yr and 10 yr marks and that will expose areas that will require more balancg out. Nothg set in stone of course but just to know what pages you both r on

Theres a recent thread calld 'dont get married if...' that u can search for. It has some good pointers as well.

Good luck and congrats.

We've actually covered a lot of these already! We've been together for seven years, so we've had several of these conversations at least once (especially the one about kids). I think the in-law thing is going to be a little more difficult. Even though I like his family, they are very dependent on him... We had a bit of a financial talk last night (I suggested a joint checking account for household expenses and he agreed) and we're both going to split responsibilities. I like the suggestion about discussing our expectations at different points, we'll have to talk about that! Thank you!