Married, but I need some time alone….am I wrong?

[taj]

No, you are not wrong! I understand that once 2 people unite in marriage they become 1. However, I don't interpret this concept as losing your Individuality as a person. You are still 2 separate individuals mentally and physically, but joined together spiritually in marriage and it's important Not to lose thyself.

 

[darlingdiva]

I didn't get to see the OP's post but from the title you are not wrong. I've always been a loner so time by myself is important to me. Sometimes I'll go to the movies or out to dinner by myself. I love it when DH works the night shift because that means I'll be alone from the time I get home from work until I go to bed. Connecting with yourself is necessary, healthy and not selfish at all.

I did this yesterday. It was great!

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

.....................................

 

[paradise1975]

yep. For years, I felt unsure early in my marriage (not really lost but not like myself). I wasn't comfortable enough to be what I wanted to be. I had this image of what I felt a mother and wife should be and that didn't work out so well.

You ladies are telling the truth here. My friend and I have recently been talking about how we feel like we have lost ourselves in our marriages. We are both newly married (under 5 years) and are trying to reclaim what we enjoy. Sorry to get off of topic but I feel like I have put everyone else above myself and its showing. How do you submit but not to the point where you're no longer a priority if that makes sense? How do you keep you going?

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Hmmmmm, that bridge is too short

 

[mrselle]

You don't have to explain.

I remember when Dh and I were first marriage, we use to spend all this time together because that's what I thought marriage should be. I've since learned a good marriage is what works for the two of you. If you're happy sleeping in different beds, I see nothing wrong with that.

All that togetherness is sooooo overrated. If you're together and happy, fine. If you're together and irritated, not so good.

I wonder who set all these rules for how marriage should be anyway?

Growing up my parents were ALWAYS together. My mom never went out with the girls and my dad never went out with the guys. My mom rarely had any time to herself and the same for my dad. So, when I got married I thought that is the way its supposed to be. I quickly realized that you don't have to be joined at the hip to have a happy marriage and just because my husband wants to watch the game with the guys doesn't mean he is out cheating on me. I need my "me time". I don't do anything special...just watch what I want to watch or just sit and surf the internet in peace. He unwinds by going to the football game. We adore each other and are very much in love, but after working long hours, taking care of three kids and dealing with our crazy family we need just a minute to ourselves every now and then.

 

[Bmack]

This is how I felt in the very beginning too. Whewlawwd...

These last weeks with him being out of town have been the best in our relationship. We seem to communicate and love each other better and there's more of strength to it. I used to cry when I had to send him off to the airport. The last few times he had to leave I was like..."so when you leavin"

This made me laugh so hard. I feel u!!!!

 

[Bmack]

You ladies are telling the truth here. My friend and I have recently been talking about how we feel like we have lost ourselves in our marriages. We are both newly married (under 5 years) and are trying to reclaim what we enjoy. Sorry to get off of topic but I feel like I have put everyone else above myself and its showing. How do you submit but not to the point where you're no longer a priority if that makes sense? How do you keep you going?

What I do is say that we are partners and we have to do things for each other. However, my DH does not like doing everything I want to/like to do...thats okay for me because now, I am going to use "me time" to do them.

I also make it a priority to some time outside the house to me too. I noticed I was feeling smothered and upset because I wanted to do things and he was like Now, I feel like we can both step away and then come back and connect. Like some ladies have said- u don't have to be joined at the hip.

 

[septemberbaby]

I missed OP's post but based on the thread title question, nope you are not wrong. It's completely normal to want/need/have alone time.

I am an only child. Growing up it was just me and my Mom and she worked A LOT so I was often home alone. It was like having my own apartment most times. Then ds came along. Still it was just me and him.
When I got married, my dh could not understand that I liked being alone sometimes. I was used to it. He grew up in a house full of people, someone was always home. So if I ventured off into a room alone, it would only be a few minutes before he would be looking for me or come in the room to see what I was doing. He still does it, not as often, but he still does it.

I love my alone time.

 

[Fab_Nikki]

I was an only child for 11 years (had step siblings but they didn't live with us until later). My mom said I've always been very independent and didn't need alot of people constantly around me. I am still this way to this day. I love my DH but I enjoy ME time.

Hubby takes a class every Wednesday this semester for 3.5 hours. Like Drake says "I hate to see him go, but I love to watch him leave" lol

 

[alundra]

There is nothing wrong with this. You need to keep your individuality as a person.

My husband and I will have our own rooms when we move into a house (of course sharing a common room!) and our own bathrooms too. We will respect each other's space, but always take time to talk to each other over dinner and before sleeping.

 

[Bmack]

Sorry, I should not have deleted it. I thought I was going to get back-lash because I was not interested in or never have been a consummate Suzy homemaker lol- you know the little woman type that stays at home under her husbands heel lol.

My DH is good with me doing my own thing, but I think that I really feel like not being bothered at times lol. I like having my own life outside of being a wife and was getting annoyed with comments about me not having kids yet, desiring a life and wanting to maintain my own identity.

I missed OP's post but based on the thread title question, nope you are not wrong. It's completely normal to want/need/have alone time.

I am an only child. Growing up it was just me and my Mom and she worked A LOT so I was often home alone. It was like having my own apartment most times. Then ds came along. Still it was just me and him.
When I got married, my dh could not understand that I liked being alone sometimes. I was used to it. He grew up in a house full of people, someone was always home. So if I ventured off into a room alone, it would only be a few minutes before he would be looking for me or come in the room to see what I was doing. He still does it, not as often, but he still does it.

I love my alone time.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Girl, I have been married for 10 years and I LOVE to be alone. Hell, I NEED to be alone sometimes.

 

[ladylibra_30]

I guess I'm wrong-headed

I want solitude and inseperable to mix...

 

[NAPPYCHICK86]

You're definately NOT wrong. I've been with DH for 9 years and married for 2 months and I crave alone time away from him and the kids. Its called sanity and if i had to be stuck up in his face for a whole week id check myself into an asylum!!!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'm not married or in a relationship but when I am I know I'll need alone time! As much as I want to be close to my boyfriend/husband, I still need space to be my own person and do my own thing. I still live at home with my parents and sisters although I'm in grad school and when I come home from class all I want is to be ALONE for a while. It used to cause fights between me and one of my sisters when we were kids but she gets it now. IMO you're not wrong at all.

 

[sunnieb]

Girl, you are just fine. This is totally normal. DH and I have been together 21 years and married almost 17 years! Whew! If we were together all the time, we would've divorced years ago!

A few years ago his job offered him a temp position in another city. He would have to fly out on Mondays and come back every Friday. The first night was hard for me. I wasn't used to it. The second night, I was A-OK! I came home from work, cooked for the kiddos, and walked into our bedroom and there was complete silence. I had control of the remote, didn't have to talk, and could U-N-W-I-N-D.

It was HEAVEN!!!! Also, I was thrilled to see him every Friday, but looked forward to getting him on that plane every Monday. It was like we needed that time apart and it made our marriage stronger.

This blissful arrangement lasted 2 wonderful years! He's back home full time now, and I'm hoping he gets another temp assignment in the future! LOL!

 

[Bmack]

This is why it is good to get things off your chest. You never know how many people feel the same way...and that there is nothing wrong with being an individual even when married!