Marriage minded men: So much pressure!

[sunnydaze]

Everyone isn't interested in getting married. I've already been married and have no desire to do so again. It seems like when I meet new people things are swell then they inevitably bring up that marriage mess and spoil it. It is a HUGE turn off for me - as in you need to go home RIGHT NOW and NEVER COME BACK. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a committed relationship though. I just want him to live in his own house. Forever.

Girl you are my new best friend.

 

[sweetvi]

There's a difference between being a marriage minded man and being a sadly desperate man.

In my mind, a truly marriage minded man (one who's a great catch, anyway) isn't discussing marriage on the first date nor displaying desperate behavior by giving ultimatums.

A good marriage minded man is selective. He's looking for a life partner and wants to get to know you first before letting his intentions be known.

When I was single, any guy talking about marriage and babies (or asking too many questions on the subject) on the first date (or too early in dating), earned a shiny new "RED FLAG!" from me. Smiley doesn't do desperate. I'm not trying to be someone's "anybody". No ma'am.

IMO, a good marriage minded man is one who makes it clear that he's not playing games right before he commits to you. He's complete without you, but has decided that he wants to spend his life with YOU... the woman he has grown to LOVE.

A desperate man is trying to find somebody, anybody, to marry and start a family with ASAP! Every other first date is "the one". These men are trying to fill a void. That can be dangerous.

SmileyNY

Thank you for this. I just stopped dating this guy who was talking about marriage by date 2. He was very handsome, well educated and successful. So I was wondering why he was single until he started talking about marriage. He also calculated where and when we will be married. He wanted a family so bad that it seems like whoever was in his life at the moment , he tried to make her fit. Thus scaring her off.

He even tried to intimidate me as far as my age and that I need to hurry and start having children. Gave me a time frame for that as well lol

 

[CarLiTa]

FemmeFatale, what do you tell them when the conversation goes like this on date 1? What triggers those conversations? Any way to avoid those triggers -- politely but firmly?

Like... I'm glad to hear you value marriage, though I think this isn't a conversation really fitting to the first date...?
Or: I'm a more cautious person... I like to observe for a while before making a decision about someone...
Or: That's nice... Maybe we can talk about this later, when appropriate. Wanna go dancing?

I think some men are obsessed and don't realize how scary it comes across.

 

[MizAvalon]

Just cause they talk about it quickly doesn't mean they are quick to pop the question...maybe they want to see where your mind is at OP? I've met marriage-minded men but we didn't jump into anything...time will reveal if your paths are aligned or just crossing

Agreed. FH was talking about marriage on literally our first and second dates and we were looking at engagement rings after TWO WEEKS.

He didn't intend on proposing anytime soon but he just wanted to see where my head he was at. He wasn't about to invest a bunch of time in someone that didn't want the same things he did. I have to admit that it was a little off putting at first because I didn't even know him but once he realized that we were both seeking the same thing he fell back from all of that and the relationship progressed organically.

He didn't actually propose until a year and a half later.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think I understand how you feel. I want to be with someone and I want us to court but most of all I want someone to do fun stuff with now with marriage in mind. I get a little nervous when I think of marriage and babies. Not that I don't want marriage and babies but I want the process to happen naturally.

If it's the same type of man I'm thinking about, they're like a woman who wants to get married and you feel like you can't breathe.

I'm talking to this guy and within the first conversation he speaks about how expensive weddings are but he'll pay it. The only consolation was that his budget was higher than mine . But yes, I feel awkward and yes he's a unicorn black man lol.