Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage anymore

[ArrrBeee]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

IMO, "Happily Married" is an oxymoron. After 10 years of marriage, I know that there are some things that you should deal with and that people are flawed-myself included.

What is a genuine marriage? I am thinking of two couples who have stayed married for decades but there is history of infidelity and lies.

I used to put my stock in people who had been married 20, 30 years but now after new revelations not anymore.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

I used to be discouraged when i was single too. but then i made the decision to not let anyone else's marital troubles dictate how i feel about marriage. their problems are THEIRS. there is alot of infidelity going on but i dont let it get me down...i just made the decision that in spite of all of the infidelity, that i am too good for it and i will not settle for it. so it's important to use these bad examples and decide what you will and will not stand for BEFORE you fall in love. The most important thing to know that will make you ladies feel better is to be 100% discerning when dating. You are fully capable of falling in love and marrying a cheatin, lying looser. It is up to you to say NO to the fine loser and go for a good guy. Sometimes i dont even feel sympathetic for these women because they knew what their man was about even before they got married. Date and dont be afraid to ask a million questions and a million scenarios and get to know him and DUMP him if he would not make a good husband. Nevermind trying to work on his flaws and forgiving this or that. I honestly do not believe that there are women who have sorry *** husbands, that were good boyfriends. So lead with your heads and not your hearts!!!!

 

[Sky]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

Yes! A happy marriage is possible. I am not posting to brag but posting to let others know there is hope and it is possible to be in a fulfilling relationship but its takes alllllllllllllllooooooooooooottttttttttt of work!

My husband and I have very open lines of communication, constantly check in with other about how we are feeling, share the same values and spiritual focus and genuinely enjoy each others company. I have many single girl friends and know people who are married and miserable. I think the key is ( and while you will never be "perfect") Get yourself together first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many people enter relationships so damaged emotionally so *angry* so resentful that they sabotage the relationship and dont feel as if they deserve a good man- they dont believe it exist and they are not honest with themselves.

I think you have to start with your own issues so you can recognize the right man for you (once you define who the "you" is) when he comes along and you are not caught up in how much money he makes, what car he drives and what school he graduated from. Most people dont know what to look for - they are looking to society to tell them who to marry and who to date. My strong belief is that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships...this is why I work so hard to cultivate good relationships and I am constantly working on improving my relationships with my female friends.

 

[Impresaria]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

Thanks for responding SpicedTee, I am sorry to hear of your divorce
I like your positive attitude, maybe the key is to not give up

Are you and DH still friends? How is he taking the divorce?

Well, Jewelle, I'm trying to be his friend, but that's a slippery slope. When I try to just shoot the breeze with him, he believes that he has weakened my resolve and they he has a chance, and he really has no chance. So far, we manage to have terse conversations that simmer on the edge of danger. In that regard, I try to keep communications regulated to our children and their needs, nothing else. I am really not mad at him, but he's mad at me. I put my foot down, and said "no more" and I think that it's killing him that I mean it. So since he can't sweet-talk me, he's decided to be nasty instead. It bothers him more that I do not act in turn. I just let it ride. So to answer your questions, we are not friends (yet), and he is not taking the divorce well.

 

[DSP]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

This topic has really stayed on my mind today. When DH and I were engaged, some people expressed doubts that our marriage would last. Meanwhile my cousin and her husband were the golden couple. They divorced after 5 years and we're still together 18 years later.

We can speculate, but who really knows why one marriage works and another ends? I do believe some marriages fulfill their purpose and reach an expiration date. So far DH and I still share goals and still turn each other on, but it wasn't always like this. Years 2 & 13 were tough.

No amount of preparation or "doing the right things" will ensure that a marriage will last. You do certain things to improve the odds, but at some point you have to have faith that this person is your family -- even when you're bored with each other, or have to compromise, or want to scream bloody murder.

 

[SugarBaby]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

Well, Jewelle, I'm trying to be his friend, but that's a slippery slope. When I try to just shoot the breeze with him, he believes that he has weakened my resolve and they he has a chance, and he really has no chance. So far, we manage to have terse conversations that simmer on the edge of danger. In that regard, I try to keep communications regulated to our children and their needs, nothing else. I am really not mad at him, but he's mad at me. I put my foot down, and said "no more" and I think that it's killing him that I mean it. So since he can't sweet-talk me, he's decided to be nasty instead. It bothers him more that I do not act in turn. I just let it ride. So to answer your questions, we are not friends (yet), and he is not taking the divorce well.

I understand this so well, Hope communication can become easier at some point

 

[SugarBaby]

Re: Marriage, Divorce, Cheaters, Spousal Abuse! Does anyone have a happy marriage any

This topic has really stayed on my mind today. When DH and I were engaged, some people expressed doubts that our marriage would last. Meanwhile my cousin and her husband were the golden couple. They divorced after 5 years and we're still together 18 years later.

We can speculate, but who really knows why one marriage works and another ends? I do believe some marriages fulfill their purpose and reach an expiration date. So far DH and I still share goals and still turn each other on, but it wasn't always like this. Years 2 & 13 were tough.

No amount of preparation or "doing the right things" will ensure that a marriage will last. You do certain things to improve the odds, but at some point you have to have faith that this person is your family -- even when you're bored with each other, or have to compromise, or want to scream bloody murder.

I love the bolded.

Sometimes people don't like to admit that a relationship can run its course.

So true about " trying to do the right things"...We have to accept people's right to choose their behavior and stop justifying it.