Male best friend

[phynestone]

My best friend is a male and we get along great. We were talking last night and he began acting weird. He wouldn't share with me the details...until later that night, in an email. He started to tell me how much he cared about me and how sometimes best friends make the best marriages (someone close to him told him that) and I was really caught off guard. I'm not trying to be in another relationship. He is a nice guy, but just because someone is nice doesn't mean I need to be with him. I don't know....I am so confused. Has anyone ever been in this position before?

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Exhibit A!!!!
Men and women CANNOT just be platonic friends.
It comes to a certain point when one of the parties wants more.
That is the biological make-up of male and female, they are meant to make babies together..

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Double post..

 

[Browndilocks]

Just dont be surprized when he gets a girlfriend/fiancee and she does not like you or want you anywhere near him.

 

[tiara76]

i have a best male friend......we have such a unique higher level relationship that isn't based on n e thing goin on in this physical realm that its hard for people to understand...we have been lovers and everything in between and I truly believe he travels with me thru lifetimes.....we just call our union a soulship

I have other male friends who I am very close too who would like more so I do know that situation where they would love to be with you and not just close to you

 

[DarlingNikki]

YES, YES, YES...I sure have! Me and my male best friend have been friends for 9 years. Well, a couple of years ago he decided one night to tell me that he had feelings for me. Needless to say, the whole thing was akward because I do not look at him like that....and so, after his revelation I did not call him for a week. We are still pretty close after that. But, I have to say that my current boyfriend does not like him although he has yet to even meet him. He claims that my best friend is waiting it out and still wants to be with me and that men will do whatever they think is necessary to get what they want....including a 9 year "friendship". I hate to admit it, but he may be right.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Exhibit A!!!!
Men and women CANNOT just be platonic friends.
It comes to a certain point when one of the parties wants more.
That is the biological make-up of male and female, they are meant to make babies together..

I have a gay guy friend who I go shopping with. I don't think babies with a female are in his future...LMAO

But, I know exactly what you mean and I do agree with you.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Male/Female friendships I don't care how long you've known each other will at some point eventually come to this. And existing male/female friendships more than likely have been there, so neva will I eva deal with a man with a super close female friend. I don't believe in it, this is why I don't have super close male friend, I have male acquaintenances that I literally talk to maybe 3 times a year, more if it's on business terms but other than that..

He IS right though, friendships that turn into relationships usually do make the best marriages. Sounds like he is at a stage where he is thinking about marriage for himself and the only woman he can envision himself actually living with and spending all his time with is you...his best friend. But you can't make yourself look at him in that way if you don't. So this maybe something he has to get over...hopefully you won't change your tune when he finds a woman that he plans to marry because your friendship will change, that woman will then become his best friend, as it should be.

This subject was recently touched on by Fly Guy (Flyguychronicles.com)

Here is his take on it...

So here’s the scenario: You meet a woman, think she’s wonderful, and subsequently work to pursue something meaningful with her. And by all accounts, things are going really well between the two of you. She’s smart, funny, goal-oriented, grounded … basically any and everything that you could possibly hope for in a mate. There’s just one small detail that you can’t seem to get beyond…
Her best friend is a guy.
I know what you’re probably thinking … “Well, what’s wrong with that?”
To be quite frank, a lot. You see, it’s rare to find a man that’s actively looking for female best friends. (Find me one, and I’ll find you a liar.) More often than not, those types of relationships develop as a result of some failed romantic pursuit. Either he wanted her; she wanted him; or it fell in line with the latest trend which has couples breaking up, and trading in their “His and Her t-shirts” for BFF bracelets.
With all of that unspoken gray in the equation, a man is faced with two distinct choices. He can either (a) walk away and let them continue to be best friends. Or he can (b) fight for his place as the number one man in her life.
I’d like to discuss the latter with my 5 Dating Tips For When Her Best Friend Is A Guy.

Step 1: Show No Signs Of Jealousy
So her best friend is a guy … a guy that actually likes women. So what’s your first move?
Absolutely nothing.
When she initially reveals that her best friend’s name is Tony and not Tonya, expect her to search for any signs of displeasure in your demeanor. Why? Well, the last four men that she dated didn’t take it too well, so she’s expecting you to react just like them.
But you know better. So stay cool, and even acknowledge how glad you are that she has good people in her life. Now is not the time nor place to fight this type of battle. The journey is just beginning grasshopper.
Step 2: Uncover Their History
Now that you have pushed your way through the initial shock, it’s time to get to the bottom of things. Casually ask her questions about the origins of their friendship. Did they used to date? Did he make a move only to get placed in the friend zone? And have they ever made any occasional drunken mistakes? (Don’t make me spell out what I mean by that … my grandmother just found out about the internet and may be reading this.)
Once you gather the proper background information, you can then begin to assess his mindset. After all, your main concern is his intentions … not hers.
Step 3: Be Nice
There’s no sense in being rude, or acting like you disapprove of his presence in her life. Those types of objections immediately place your significant other on the defensive, ultimately bringing the pair closer as she feels compelled to defend his honor. Trust me: going down the angry road and sleeping with Paris Hilton have more in common than you may initially think. (Both are wrong; but when you end up doing it anyway, you pay the price down the road.)
Instead, take the road less traveled by getting to know him. This approach provides you with a clearer sense of why she values his friendship.
Step 4: Find Him A Girlfriend
Is it just me, or are 95% of all male best friends single? (The other 5% are in rocky relationships that could end at any moment.) That’s a problem in itself. You don’t need him laying around waiting for her to cry on his shoulder when you upset her. No, he needs a woman of his own. So try to hook him up with an acquaintance or two. You can even suggest that the four of you go on a double date. (That way you can monitor the situation firsthand.)

**Step 4 only becomes a viable option when you’ve followed step 3, and have developed a nice rapport with him. (See, there is a method to my madness.)

Step 5: Take His Place

The final step often proves to be the toughest part for some men. You see, some men expect their woman to scale back the “best friend” relationship without first being offered a better alternative. That never happens. If you aren’t comfortable with him being such an important part of her life, then you need to pick up his slack. If she expects him to listen to her problems, then you need to open your own ears up. If she enjoys his company while grocery shopping, then it’s time for you to get behind that cart and start pushing.
By giving her everything that she needs in a male companion, the nature of their relationship will naturally begin to change. Friends of the opposite sex often serve to fill voids in the lives of single people. But she’s no longer single … so the only person that should be “filling voids” around these parts is you. (I still can’t go there with you guys … my grandmother is still reading.) But you get what I’m saying, right?
The Fly Guy Moral: This article shouldn’t be interpreted as a sign of male insecurity. Instead, it should be viewed as one man’s willingness to step up to the plate to become all that his woman needs and desires in a man.

To the men: If you aren’t willing to follow through on the final step, then you have no right to be upset about the nature of her friendship. A complaint without counteraction eventually leads to you being single again. So if you want to be the one and only man in her life, then act accordingly.

To the women: I wasn’t trying to leave you out. I know you don’t like it when his best friend is a woman either. The same principles that I’ve outlined can be applied to your situation as well.
So does everyone understand what I’m saying? And are all hearts and minds clear? Then the doors of the church are now open. Amen.

 

[frizzy]

 

[Tybi]

I am so confused. Has anyone ever been in this position before?

Yes Ma'am. I have an acquaintance that I have known for over a year now through an internship, during which he expressed his feelings for me. I told him straight up no. He is not physically attractive to me and most importantly his personality an interests don't align with mine.
Anyway, this fool moved to the town that I live in when the internship was over. Idiot me actually went out and had a beer with him a time or two, and now he wont stop bothering me. Even invited me to a Wu Tang concert this weekend, bless his heart I don't think he even knows who Wu Tang is .

My New Years resolution is to stay far far away. He has invited me to about 4 different functions already this year and I have turned him down. No sweat off my back, but I know that continuing to be around him might send mixed messages. I am praying that he meets a nice girl. I need to meet a nice boy myself, but if every time I leave the house I have him breathing down my neck, it will never happen.

I don't really think boys and girls can be friends either, unless one is gay maybe....

 

[cmperez]

My male best friend is now my SO and my best friend. We were best friends for about 4 years.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Yes Ma'am. I have an acquaintance that I have known for over a year now through an internship, during which he expressed his feelings for me. I told him straight up no. He is not physically attractive to me and most importantly his personality an interests don't align with mine.
Anyway, this fool moved to the town that I live in when the internship was over. Idiot me actually went out and had a beer with him a time or two, and now he wont stop bothering me. Even invited me to a Wu Tang concert this weekend, bless his heart I don't think he even knows who Wu Tang is .

My New Years resolution is to stay far far away. He has invited me to about 4 different functions already this year and I have turned him down. No sweat off my back, but I know that continuing to be around him might send mixed messages. I am praying that he meets a nice girl. I need to meet a nice boy myself, but if every time I leave the house I have him breathing down my neck, it will never happen.

I don't really think boys and girls can be friends either, unless one is gay maybe....

Your situation sounds completely different than the OP's, as you've described him as an acquaintence that you've only known for a year. We've probably all had those experiences at one time or another. She referring to someone she considers her BEST friend, they're friendship isn't one-sided, that makes it something else IMO.

 

[MD_Lady]

My best friend is a male and we get along great. We were talking last night and he began acting weird. He wouldn't share with me the details...until later that night, in an email. He started to tell me how much he cared about me and how sometimes best friends make the best marriages (someone close to him told him that) and I was really caught off guard. I'm not trying to be in another relationship. He is a nice guy, but just because someone is nice doesn't mean I need to be with him. I don't know....I am so confused. Has anyone ever been in this position before?

For real... I've been down that road before and I would NEVER walk that way again. You can be friends OR lovers, but NOT BOTH. Being friendly before you date someone is good, but IME/O being best friends beforehand is a no go. Speaking from experience, your friendship will never go back to the way it was before he put his feelings out there. I'm not trying to hit you with the doom and gloom, but it's practically impossible to go back to being platonic after someone has told you that they are interested in you for more than friendship. I have to give you a because I do sympathize and I know it's not an easy position to be in!!!

 

[imani97]

My SO and I were friends before we started dating. I was in a relationship and he was dating around. It really was platonic and neither of us were looking at each other in a romantic way.... at first I guess. It's really nice because we were able to get to know the true other person. I think that it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex, it's difficult, but it does happen.

 

[Tybi]

Your situation sounds completely different than the OP's, as you've described him as an acquaintence that you've only known for a year. We've probably all had those experiences at one time or another. She referring to someone she considers her BEST friend, they're friendship isn't one-sided, that makes it something else IMO.

I meant to mention that, he is not my "best friend", but at the same time he and I are really the only people each other has here. He has no other friends and neither do I. So we ARE practically each others best friends, I am the only one he ever has to call or hang out with. Trust me, it is the same. I just try to distance myself to acquaintance status cause if we keep up at this rate we may as well be in a relationship.

In high school, all and I mean all of my friends were men except one. When we got to college, we drifted apart, due to girlfriends/boyfriends and sexual tension. One party having feelings toward the other that was not reciprocated. I have dealt with this forever and I am sick of it. One thing that I have prayed for was to make new friends, and let them be female. At this time in my life, I need female friends who understand where I am coming from, and not another guy "friend" who is trying to use that badge to get closer.

 

[Tybi]

Your situation sounds completely different than the OP's, as you've described him as an acquaintence that you've only known for a year. We've probably all had those experiences at one time or another. She referring to someone she considers her BEST friend, they're friendship isn't one-sided, that makes it something else IMO.

Over a year, 2 now and it feels like forever. Like I said we are together a lot. During the internship, we spent every weekend together. I have been distancing myself since then when I realized what was happening.
Sorry I am getting upset, but trust me it is the same. This has been bothering me for the past few months, because I don't want to be rude and just drop him, but its time to move on with my life, and he needs to go on with his.

I can empathize with OP, I know exactly where she is coming from

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i have and it is awkward. my make BF and i have known eachother for 20 years and maybe 10 years ago we mutually somehow decided we would go there and it was sooooooooooo bad for me..it was the worst experience. we did some how recover from that although we took a BIG break from eachother (maybe 2 years) and met up & was bf's again.

it's always been weird with us when ever we are dating other people. recently i felt like perhaps we should be 2gether since we get along so well and know eachother inside and out & i WAS going to say something to him but i've decided against it.

i don't want to ruin the friendship that means more to me and the last time it took us 2 years to repair. i don't want to take the chance.

Good luck to ya sistah! it ain't a good place to be.

 

[Vinyl]

I've been in this situation twice. I told the person I wasn't interested, but he kept at it and it lowered the value of the friendship. He was taking a great risk in telling you, because if you don't reciprocate it could change the dynamics of the friendship. However, I think that if he doesn't persist things may be able to go back to normal.

My ex and I started off as best friends, but I think that was more of a hindrance than a help to the relationship. As time went on we kind of lost the "friendship" aspect of the relationship and became like bickering lovers. It really would've been a great friendship if we'd remained friends, but once we crossed the romantic line there was no going back.

I guess it could go either way.

 

[SouthernStunner]

My DH and I started off as friends. He would give me advice on the guys I was dating and then I would see all the girls he was with and call him a dog! Anyway that lasted pretty much through high school and finally the summer before he left for college he dropped the bomb on me and said he wanted more but with him going away I knew it would be hard so I said we shall see and left it at that.

Homey was serious. He came home every weekend (3 hour drive) and when he didnt come home he asked me to come down there. Within that year we got engaged. He joined the military and we were married 6 months later.

We just celebrated 13 years of marriage and have twin 5 year old boys. He is still my best friend and there is always someone laughing in my house. We jokingly say we will never get divorced cause we would fight over the boys........ you take em, no you take em.

 

[Theo]

I was friends with all my SOs before actually dating them. That's how they sneak their way into your life.

Don't know what to tell you OP. Sounds like you're in for some awkwardness, but hopefully that stage will pass and your friendship will remain intact.

 

[FluffyRed]

I was friends with all my SOs before actually dating them. That's how they sneak their way into your life.

Don't know what to tell you OP. Sounds like you're in for some awkwardness, but hopefully that stage will pass and your friendship will remain intact.

Yeah, I don't know, and have never heard of, of any straight man who just "loves the company of women" so much that he will take the time befriend someone he does not also want to nail.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

My SO and i were very close but yeah almost a year down the line he told me he had been in love with me since the first time he noticed me. He told me that he didnt become my friend coz he was hoping for something but that any kind of relationship with me would make him happy. It took me a while to realise it but i actually had very deep feelings for him for a long time. We didnt decide to get together, things just happened, we accidentally kissed one day and that was that. I dont know if it makes a difference that i was 15 but hes still my best friend and we are engaged.
I say, dont decide on anything just go with the flow, whatever happens will happen but i agree with your friend, best friends make the best marriages

 

[phynestone]

I finally emailed him back and told him that I prefer to be friends. Not friends with benefits or anything like that. I really don't want a boyfriend right now and I really just want to be with God. He's my man now....This isn't the first time. In high school, we tried to date, but that didn't work. I don't care for him in that way anymore. I feel bad for hurting his feelings, but I refuse to go out with someone that I am not feeling in that way. It's not right to lead someone on.

Those of you that have let the other person down, how did it affect your friendships?

 

[Loves Harmony]

I believe man and woman can be the best of friends. To this day me and so so are the best of friends. We know each other for about 14 years. I say that i never thought about hooking up and i cant say on his behalf. Its been time were me and his (ex)wife got into about us talking to each other everyday but he is like a brother. In its not like we live in the same state. Plus im happliy married myself.My dh undestand that we are friends in nothing more. Shoot he just came back in town a few days ago in we had a blast catching up.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~