Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
by Harriet Hairston
When I was in college, I changed my major FIVE TIMES (but I still graduated on time, thankyouverymuch). I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Thank God I wasn’t footing the bill with scholarships and the Bank of Moms and Pops, but that lack of focus could have really been detrimental to my future!
Fast forward 10 years, two careers a husband and a baby later, and I’ve got my FOCUS, man! At five years in this marriage thing, I still feel like a freshman, but more like one in their second semester. I’ve made some mistakes that I learned from, I’ve grown up and matured a little bit, and I feel like I’m learning how to go with the flow of this kind of school.
Don’t get me wrong…you never truly “ARRIVE” in marriage. There’s no pomp and circumstance, no caps and gowns. The only true gauge is when the caskets drop, and you’re still together up until that point. Nevertheless, there are areas I can grade my marriage on from 2004 to present and stick my chest out about the progress my husband and I have made:
A+ in PERSEVERANCE: Thankfully, we’ve come through some daunting challenges with both our relationships and sanity entact. That’s no small feat, considering we’ve dealt with drama from financial instability to family problems.
A+ in LOYALTY: One thing I fall in love with my husband about over and over again is his unconditional and unwavering loyalty to me! Don’t get me wrong…he’s no lap dog by any stretch of the imagination. But that man is loyal to his wife in a FIERCE way, and I’m so appreciative of him for that!
A+ in UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: My husband and I, like I said, have gone through hell and back together. But guess what? We did it TOGETHER, and our relationship is stronger for it. I believe that has a great deal to do with our faith in God and our love for one another. Both are the glue that have bound us together and made us inseparable.
Now there are some areas where we could definitely use some work, but we’re above average in them:
B+ in PARENTING: This is more on my end than my husband’s, but I have the tendency to treat my son the age he LOOKS as opposed to the age he actually is. At times I try to make him grow up too quickly because I know there’s a cruel, hard world out there. But my husband balances that in me by continuously explaining to me that “He’s just FOUR, baby! Let him be a child!” Our older son is going through transition right now as a middle school student, and exercising patience and understanding is tough for my husband, but I balance him out on that end. So we’re a really good tag team.
B- in COMMUNICATION: Try as we might, we can’t get beyond the B- because there are times when we regress back to the first 18 months of our marriage and hit below the belt. We feel terribly afterward, and although it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to, we can’t get any further until we put at least 24 months between each outburst. Right now, we only have about 12.
Nevertheless, we’re not perfect. There’s a lot we still need to learn in some crucial areas of our marriage, and we’re working with tutors and mentors to help us study a little harder and push a little more past our comfort zones to create a better relationship:
C+ in STYLE: my husband, believe it or not, is the fashionista. I am very picky about the clothing I wear, but once I find something tried and true, I wear it out until it’s no longer presentable. Plus I hate getting manicures and pedicures, and sometimes, when I do my own eyebrows, disaster ensues. It just is what it is. Until I get it right, it’ll be closed toed shoes for the summer, and wearing clothes that are timeless, but kinda blah (Sharee, girl, I’ll be calling you REAL soon!).
C- in PLANNING: We’re a “go with the flow” type of couple, but that doesn’t always bode well when it comes to taking care of business and ensuring schedules are deconflicted. We definitely need better time management and coordination skills.
And I must be honest. Our credit scores give us a D- in the FINANCES area of our marriage. We’ve been all out lazy and neglectful of this crucial area, and we’re coming around, but not fast enough. Things have been rough for us, and in many respects, they have been of our own making.
There you have it, BMWK. If we were to weigh all these grades on a regular scale, my husband and I would have a 2.875 GPA at this point in our marriage. We could use some improvement, but we’re slightly above the 2.5 average of the typical college freshman.
If you were majoring on your marriage, what would be your grade?
Source: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/04/27/major-on-your-marriage/
When I was in college, I changed my major FIVE TIMES (but I still graduated on time, thankyouverymuch). I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Thank God I wasn’t footing the bill with scholarships and the Bank of Moms and Pops, but that lack of focus could have really been detrimental to my future!
Fast forward 10 years, two careers a husband and a baby later, and I’ve got my FOCUS, man! At five years in this marriage thing, I still feel like a freshman, but more like one in their second semester. I’ve made some mistakes that I learned from, I’ve grown up and matured a little bit, and I feel like I’m learning how to go with the flow of this kind of school.
Don’t get me wrong…you never truly “ARRIVE” in marriage. There’s no pomp and circumstance, no caps and gowns. The only true gauge is when the caskets drop, and you’re still together up until that point. Nevertheless, there are areas I can grade my marriage on from 2004 to present and stick my chest out about the progress my husband and I have made:
A+ in PERSEVERANCE: Thankfully, we’ve come through some daunting challenges with both our relationships and sanity entact. That’s no small feat, considering we’ve dealt with drama from financial instability to family problems.
A+ in LOYALTY: One thing I fall in love with my husband about over and over again is his unconditional and unwavering loyalty to me! Don’t get me wrong…he’s no lap dog by any stretch of the imagination. But that man is loyal to his wife in a FIERCE way, and I’m so appreciative of him for that!
A+ in UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: My husband and I, like I said, have gone through hell and back together. But guess what? We did it TOGETHER, and our relationship is stronger for it. I believe that has a great deal to do with our faith in God and our love for one another. Both are the glue that have bound us together and made us inseparable.
Now there are some areas where we could definitely use some work, but we’re above average in them:
B+ in PARENTING: This is more on my end than my husband’s, but I have the tendency to treat my son the age he LOOKS as opposed to the age he actually is. At times I try to make him grow up too quickly because I know there’s a cruel, hard world out there. But my husband balances that in me by continuously explaining to me that “He’s just FOUR, baby! Let him be a child!” Our older son is going through transition right now as a middle school student, and exercising patience and understanding is tough for my husband, but I balance him out on that end. So we’re a really good tag team.
B- in COMMUNICATION: Try as we might, we can’t get beyond the B- because there are times when we regress back to the first 18 months of our marriage and hit below the belt. We feel terribly afterward, and although it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to, we can’t get any further until we put at least 24 months between each outburst. Right now, we only have about 12.
Nevertheless, we’re not perfect. There’s a lot we still need to learn in some crucial areas of our marriage, and we’re working with tutors and mentors to help us study a little harder and push a little more past our comfort zones to create a better relationship:
C+ in STYLE: my husband, believe it or not, is the fashionista. I am very picky about the clothing I wear, but once I find something tried and true, I wear it out until it’s no longer presentable. Plus I hate getting manicures and pedicures, and sometimes, when I do my own eyebrows, disaster ensues. It just is what it is. Until I get it right, it’ll be closed toed shoes for the summer, and wearing clothes that are timeless, but kinda blah (Sharee, girl, I’ll be calling you REAL soon!).
C- in PLANNING: We’re a “go with the flow” type of couple, but that doesn’t always bode well when it comes to taking care of business and ensuring schedules are deconflicted. We definitely need better time management and coordination skills.
And I must be honest. Our credit scores give us a D- in the FINANCES area of our marriage. We’ve been all out lazy and neglectful of this crucial area, and we’re coming around, but not fast enough. Things have been rough for us, and in many respects, they have been of our own making.
There you have it, BMWK. If we were to weigh all these grades on a regular scale, my husband and I would have a 2.875 GPA at this point in our marriage. We could use some improvement, but we’re slightly above the 2.5 average of the typical college freshman.
If you were majoring on your marriage, what would be your grade?
Source: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/04/27/major-on-your-marriage/
