Love or in love with SO/Spouse/Side Schlong

[CurlyMoo]

Just curious as to this dynamic.
Are you ladies in love with the guy you are with now, or is it just love?

I find many couples are not in love but do care deeply for one another.
And oftentimes women have other guys they are sexing and will develop intense feelings for these guys that they want a deeper commitment from.

Who has the advantage, male/female?
Why not wait for deeper love?
Is just loving someone actually better than the head in the clouds feeling?

 

[CaraWalker]

my last bf i loved him but i was not IN love with him. i think ive been so called "in love" twice and about 89% of it was based on the sexual connection and made me willing to tolerate their indifference toward me. and i am making a distinction here from sexual lust. so being "IN" love with a guy is not necessarily something i champion nor particularly see as good and necessary.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

For marriage, being in love is over rated.

Friendship, a genuine like for each other, and a caring/deep love are the mainstays of a good marriage. Being head over heels is nice but with all the ups and downs life throws at you, head over heels will not sustain a couple through pregnancies, deaths, illness, financial issues, new jobs, layoffs, relocations, child rearing, mundane daily life etc but solid love, caring and true friendship will. I would add sexual compatibility to that list for myself but I dont think its necessary for every couple like the other things I listed..Sex is not as important to others as it is to me

If I were to marry again, the last thing I would be thinking about is being "in love"

 

[hothair]

Hm. Only been in love with DH, it swings from just loving him to feelings of being in love. I think that giddy "in love" feeling can have a lot to do with new lust and excitement which doesn't stay on the same level through a real relationship.

It's like have you ever met a platonic friend you just clicked with? You spend all your time chatting and hanging out? After you've been friends a while or go through life it becomes more a steady friendship where you both get on with your lives, when you reconnect initially it's that giddy feeling but things settle back down.

Hope that made sense anyway I don't really see the advantage of one over the other I believe you need both for lasting relationships especially with a spouse.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I think you should expect to be "in love" with your husband. It's unlikely that you will feel it all the time, but it shouldn't be completely absent either.

 

[alexstin]

We are both in love. He says he loves me more than I love him. Okay, if you say so. We are coming up on 20 years of marriage.

 

[Britt]

For marriage, being in love is over rated.

Friendship, a genuine like for each other, and a caring/deep love are the mainstays of a good marriage. Being head over heels is nice but with all the ups and downs life throws at you, head over heels will not sustain a couple through pregnancies, deaths, illness, financial issues, new jobs, layoffs, relocations, child rearing, mundane daily life etc but solid love, caring and true friendship will. I would add sexual compatibility to that list for myself but I dont think its necessary for every couple like the other things I listed..Sex is not as important to others as it is to me

If I were to marry again, the last thing I would be thinking about is being "in love"

We are both in love. He says he loves me more than I love him. Okay, if you say so. We are coming up on 20 years of marriage.

I agree with both of these. For me, I would def need to be in love with my spouse as well. Otherwise, it would just be a really close friendship that doesn't translate into my romantic/sexual desire for him. My hope is that my spouse will be a good friend/companion as well as my lover. And I don't just mean sex and lust, it could be the feeling you get from embracing your partner, touching them, looking at them, etc.

 

[CaliiSwagg]

"Being" in love doesn't hold the same meaning for everybody.

I think one can be in love without being infatuated with their partner.

 

[Britt]

"Being" in love doesn't hold the same meaning for everybody.

I think one can be in love without being infatuated with their partner.

Yes, this is what I'm talking about.

 

[hopeful]

I love my dh and I'm in love with him. Now there have been times that I was not in love but I have never stopped loving him. He has my heart. Right now and most of the time I feel both thank goodness.

 

[Mai Tai]

Hm. Only been in love with DH, it swings from just loving him to feelings of being in love. I think that giddy "in love" feeling can have a lot to do with new lust and excitement which doesn't stay on the same level through a real relationship.

It's like have you ever met a platonic friend you just clicked with? You spend all your time chatting and hanging out? After you've been friends a while or go through life it becomes more a steady friendship where you both get on with your lives, when you reconnect initially it's that giddy feeling but things settle back down.

Hope that made sense anyway I don't really see the advantage of one over the other I believe you need both for lasting relationships especially with a spouse.

This is exactly what happend when my husband and I first met only we never moved on from each other. It's like once we clicked, we became inseperable, developed a very deep love for each other and never parted ways.

I love and am in love with my husband and I absolutely adore that man and him me. Even when I'm so angry that I'm seeing double, there is still an underlying love and friendship that brings us back together to work through any problems we have.

 

[Britt]

This is exactly what happend when my husband and I first met only we never moved on from each other. It's like once we clicked, we became inseperable, developed a very deep love for each other and never parted ways.

I love and am in love with my husband and I absolutely adore that man and him me. Even when I'm so angry that I'm seeing double, there is still an underlying love and friendship that brings us back together to work through any problems we have.

This is beautiful

 

[ElizaBlue]

I loved my husband and thought in time I would fall in love. It never happened. I would never ever again marry someone I wasn't in love with, because being in love involves the chemistry.

You could love someone without being attracted to them and thus no chemistry. In my opinion that is a death blow to any relationship, especially if the other person is in love and has those feelings for you. It breeds resentment in both parties.

The person I'm with now...I'm in lust with and in love with. The latter is known to me because of the amount of mileage he has with me. The former because the chemistry is definitely there. So it only follows that of course I love him too.

But BUT I know that I will never marry him, or at least I'm pretty sure of it. We've tried to part but no matter what we find ourselves texting stupid ish or emails or running into each other in work events...and then the staring starts and before long we're wrapped in sheets again.

One would think if it's like that we should be able to overcome any differences. But I don't want to raise young kids ever again...tis all.

 

[CurlyMoo]

More stories please.