Look what she did to my baby's hair.....cry, mad, angry!! I NEED HELP!!!

[Impresaria]

As some of you ladies know, I work in Iraq. I left last October and I am home for vacation. When I walked in my door, and my eight year old daughter jumped in my arms, my heart damn near stopped. My baby's hair was stick straight, standing on her head like a "I-don't-have-the-WORDS-to-say-what-it-looked-like". The pictures below explain it ALL.

This is what my daughter's hair looked like when I left. I had blown it out and slightly bumped it for her school pictures:

This is what it looked like when I came home! My cousin PERMED IT!!! BONE STRAIGHT!!! OH MY GOD!!!

It has taken me DAYS to get over the shock of this. I am so beyond angry and so disappointed. I asked her to PLEASE, just wash it once a week, deep condition it, and I left her DETAILED instructions on how to care for Naiomi's (that's my daughter's name) hair. All of the moisturizing shampoo, conditioners, hair accessories, etc, that I told her to use are sitting up in the bathroom UNUSED. She has been putting RUBBER BANDS and those ponytail holders with the METAL on them, in her hair. It was greasy and dirty, and jelled up like she's some type of damn orphan, with no body who gives a care for her appearance. I CRIED my butt off, and it told my cousin OFF. How dare she do this!!??? I EXPLICITLY told her to not ever put a perm in my daughter's hair. What REALLY takes the cake, is that her own daughter, who is bi-racial with a totally different type of hair than my daughter, was sitting up their perfectly coiffed. I was like WTF is this.

I don't know what to do. I leave in one week, and I have NEVER dealt with hair this damaged before. Please help, 'cause I don't even know where to start. I am so afraid that when I come home in November that my daughter will be completely BALD.

HELP!!!!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

OMG honey, I saw the after pics, and my heart just STOPPED.

Is there anyone else that would commit to taking care of your little girl's hair while you're away? Because obviously your cousin can't.

SpicedTee, wow. I know as a mom this breaks your heart.

 

[growwithme]

Sorry that that happened. Have you thought of having her hair braided? Maybe you can find someone to make sure she keeps it in braids while you're gone. Was your cousin apologetic at all?

 

[Angelicus]

I am angry about this!

 

[Bigghair]

Oh nooooooooooooooo! OmGosh!!!!!! I am so sorry about that!! Are you going to start transitioning her out of the relaxer? Maybe you could get it braided to allow it to grow out. God bless you and good luck with her hair. She is a really cutie pie!

 

[chellero]

You need to find someone else who will follow your instructions to care for her hair. Obviously your cousin doesn't know what she's doing and doesn't care enough about following your instructions. I'd also wonder what else she was doing to my child while I was away.

 

[MoMo]

OMG! First off, your daughter is absolutely beautiful.

Back to the subject at hand, I really don't know what I would do. Maybe cut as much of the damaged hair as possible and co-wash everyday for the next week until you leave. Then find someone that can cornrow her hair (not too tight) every two - three weeks throughout the rest of Spring and through the Summer. I believe that it will recover...just needs some tlc.

(((Hugs))) to you and your daughter. It will get better.

 

[BrownSkin2]

Wow, sorry this happened to you. Keep it in braids is a good idea til you get back.

 

[♦K.O♦]

OMG!

Your cousin is wrong.

I am normally not a proponent of extensions in little girls, but I think your little girls needs braids.

 

[Nubian.Queen]

I am so sorry...I agree with the other ladies, maybe you could get her hair braided and delegate someone to take care of your daughters hair when you are away.

 

[Cleve_gryl]

OMG!!!! Your poor baby!! I wanted to cry when I saw the afer pics. Her hair was so nice and well cared for in the first pic, why did she do that?!

I agree, maybe baby girl needs braids and some deep conditioning treatments for a while. I'm so sorry this happened to her. She's really cute

 

[God_Favor]

How about I mad as H###!!!! I can't believe this, her hair was soooo thick and beautiful b4 you left. This crazy!!!! Does Naiomi realize what has been done to her hair??? how did she react???? is she okay??????

OT: You daughter i a doll!!!

Maybe you should search remedies for damage hair and some hardcore treatment and get her hair braided b4 you leave.............

 

[Sly]

oh my!!! maybe braids??? hope your daughter is okay

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I'm sure the ladies with far more hair care experience will chime in with how to handle the damaged hair.

The only thing that I can recommend it showing your daughter in the next week how to take care of her own hair and also making sure that she is comfortable telling the adults around her what to do for her hair. She is only 8 years old and probably reluctant to say no to an adult, but in this instance you can give her permission to tell adults no when it comes to messing up her hair. And also show her what products you want used (or have them delivered to the house).

I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter My friend had this happen to her too - and she is a stylist. Her mother-in-law permed her daughter's hair one weekend without permission. Her baby will be 8 years old in June.

 

[Dayjoy]

I gasped so hard when I saw the after photo that my children thought I was physically hurt. I want to say I'm sorry this happened, but that cannot express my feelings enough and I feel that it can't really comfort you( I have a dd and I take her haircare seriously too). Have you thought about braids that she can wear for an extended time? I'm assuming that there is no one else to care for her hair so you need a long term hairstyle. Definitely give her some deep treatments while you are home and even though it is WAY early, maybe you can give your daughter some haircare lessons too. I wish you could send her to me!!!

ETA: Are you in the Chicago area? If you are I could help. She looks like a real sweetie!

 

[shocol]

My goodness, that is just awful! I am so sorry that you and you daughter have to go through this. Is your daughter staying with your cousin or did you just ask her to be responsible for your daughter's hair? Do what you can for your daughter's hair. I would seriously spend this week looking for someone responsible and competent enough to do your daughter's hair.

ETA...

Not sure where your daughter is located but maybe there will be some board recommended stylists in your area.

 

[MrsWatson]

my heart goes out to you and your daughter. When i was in 6th grade, and my mom started letting me comb my own hair it ended up in the same shape as your daughter. My mom finally couldn't take my hair being in such bad shape anymore and i got box plaits and kept them in for about a year (getting them re-done every 1.5 to 2 months) my hair did a total turn around...Thats the only suggestion i can come up with. I don't know if your cousin would be able or willing to deep condition the braids and wash them while they're in, but if so, i think that would be the best bet. Good luck in whatever you decide and remain optimistic, this can be turned around!

 

[Highly Favored8]

I am so sorry that has happened.

 

[PrincessScorpion]

First of all my heart goes out to you and I can only imagine what that feels like as a mother, but I know what it does feel like to have it happen to my own hair. I had over 3/4 of my hair in the back come out because of a stylist. I cried for 2 weeks!

With her being so young I do not know if it will be safe to use what helped me in the being which is Nixion. You may want to try go get it alittle even up so she can have a cute little style, try to keep the chemicals out of it, and keep it moisturized.


Sorry I did not have more. Maybe the other ladies can help that have been thourght this with their daughter's.

Your daughter is a cutie

 

[mnemosyne]

Oh no.... I'd find someone else to take care of my daughter's hair if I were you. Like someone else suggested maybe cornrows would be great and then teach your daughter how to moisturize her hair.. maybe put different things in little pots and tell her what each of them are for so she can put stuff on her scalp.

Have the cornrows redone by someone who can care for hair.

I can't believe she put rubber bands and stuff... I'd still be telling her off now if I were you and she has no excuses. If she can take care of her daughter's hair she could have done what you asked for your own.

 

[Carolina18]

I agree with Reg's wife. Perhaps the best thing would be to try and teach her to say no when her carers mistreat her hair (i.e. when they do things to it you never did.) That should be her guide.

I'm not sure about the braid suggestion. If your cousin couldn't follow the directions you left last time, whose to say she'll ensure your daughter's hair is not braided too tightly, gradually damaging her edges? That's not good either. You have to tell her to speak up when perhaps someone braids too tightly and it hurts, or someone relaxes her hair without asking you.

 

[healthynhappy]

Your daughter is so pretty!

I feel for you. That was so disrespectful of your cousin. Like everyone else, I suggest braids until you come home.

Your cousin should be ashamed of herself!

 

[sharentu]

i will be praying. your cousin deserved a beat down for doing that to your daughter's hair. i am pissed with you. i dont know about you but she couldnt take care of my kids anymore. she cant be trusted. but you just wait payback is a mother and she will get this back. she will get it back because karma is a trip.

eta: i agree with the others that say to do braids. the braids will definitely help get your daughter's hair back on track.

 

[Jessica Rabbit]

What was her excuse and reasoning? this is easier said than done and some may think I am going off the deep end, but I'd (if possible) look for somebody else to watch my daughter. She clearly did not respect your request and you had given her everything that she would need. What other lapses in judgment might she have? She didn't even allude to it while you were gone?

Her hair needs some tlc. I would dc and condition and begin protective styling. Find somebody that is competent to maybe cornrow her hair every week or two and get her a scarf to put on her hair at night. Where does baby girl live? Maybe some people from here can recommend a quality braider or may even be able to do it. I know I would. This makes no good sense.

Poor angel and she still looks happy in spite of the abuse (yes I call it like I see it) that was done to her head.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Honey, if I lived there I would have taken care of your baby's hair for free. and kept it natural as well. bonjour.

 

[HoneyDew]

I am so mad about this!!

I cannot believe she would relax your daughters hair and THEN not even take care of it!

I agree with someone else, can you get her some braids while you are away? I woul dbe afraid to put braids in there now, but that would keep people out of her hair while you are away.

What did you cousin have to say about this?!

 

[Jessica Rabbit]

I'm sure the ladies with far more hair care experience will chime in with how to handle the damaged hair.

The only thing that I can recommend it showing your daughter in the next week how to take care of her own hair and also making sure that she is comfortable telling the adults around her what to do for her hair. She is only 8 years old and probably reluctant to say no to an adult, but in this instance you can give her permission to tell adults no when it comes to messing up her hair. And also show her what products you want used (or have them delivered to the house).

I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter My friend had this happen to her too - and she is a stylist. Her mother-in-law permed her daughter's hair one weekend without permission. Her baby will be 8 years old in June.

I am so scared of this happening with my so's family, not his mom as much as his sister and others. He knows how strongly I feel about it. So much so that he already has come up with instructions on what to say if we have a little girl who goes to visit.

 

[babyblue]

This is horrible. I was extremely hurt and upset for you when I saw those pics. I suggest that you take her to have the damage trimmed off and cut even.

Most importantly take the few days that you have left visiting the U.S. to give your daughter an intensive crash course in how to care for her own hair. Buy her enough supplies to last her until you will be back in the U.S. permanently and teach her how to wash, condition and detangle her own hair and do easy protective styles simple and proper enough for an 8 year old to do.

I fear if you do extensions for her they will sit for months and months on her head without the proper care and her hair will be much worse off. I don't trust your cousin enough to take the proper steps to maintain them.

 

[Caramela]

Oh my... word

 

[mnemosyne]

What did your cousin even have to say about it all? I don't understand how someone could just do that and think it was right.