Long Distance Relationships : How do you maintain

[SweetNic_JA]

Just doing a quick pulse survey to see how anyone in (or previously in) a LDR made it through.

1. How often did you two talk?


2. How did you maintain trust?


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

 

[MissBrandi]

i've been in my LDR for almost 3 years.

1. How often did you two talk? we talk everyday. mon - friday: we send texts during the day because we both work, instant messages/e-mails after work, and talk on the phone every night. saturday & sunday we talk on the phone all day because that's when our cell phone minutes our free (he has sprint & i have t-mobile so we can't do mobile-to-mobile)


2. How did you maintain trust? i've trusted him since the day we met. and i know he trusts me. it's hard sometimes because he goes out with his brothers and his friends often and once in a while i'll start thinking "what if.." but when that happens, i tell him how i'm feeling. i'd rather talk it out then let worry myself to death over nothing.


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person? i haven't seen him since 2 years ago but i'm going to visit and meet his parents in november.


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup? we've talked about marriage, but we're taking it one day at a time right now.


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

- don't listen to people who say long distance relationships don't work! if you listen to it, you start to believe it and that's when you start having problems/doubts.
- if you want the relationship to work, YOU have to work.
- communicate! communicate! communicate!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

1. How often did you two talk?
Every day, at least 3 times a day...we'd also text and send e-mails.

2. How did you maintain trust?
I just had to have faith in him. Boy, was that hard, because he works with quite a few beautiful single women, and I can be jealous...but I held it together.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?
When he lived halfway across the country, we'd fly to each other's city for a long weekend once a month. When he lived 4 hours away, every 2 weeks.
We'd also go on a week's vacation together 2x a year.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
Breakup. I just couldn't deal with it anymore, and he wasn't willing to change the situation.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
Always keep the lines of communication open.
And for gosh sakes, don't give up your life and move somewhere to be with a man unless you are engaged/married to him!

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Just doing a quick pulse survey to see how anyone in (or previously in) a LDR made it through.

1. How often did you two talk?
Everyday

2. How did you maintain trust?
Honestly, I didn't trust him. So, I'd worry myself to death.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?
Once every six months (he was in the airforce)

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
Breakup. So glad thats over with!

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

I believe there has to me mutual committment and effort in the relationship. If one person wants it more than the other, that person carries the relationship alone and therefore it becomes too much. Some people are just not made for long distant relationships. It just wasn't for me. I believe you should support them in their endeavors, but I also think they should make every effort to compensate for things that lack in the relationship because of distance. Pray about it.

 

[calliope]

1. How often did you two talk?

Every day for at least 15 min, sometimes up to an hour if lucky. Now, when we were in undergrad, during the summers we'd talk for hours and hours every single night- that doesn't last forever, though.

2. How did you maintain trust?

We'd never given each other a reason to doubt each other. Just had to have faith.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?

1-2x per year. The year we were engaged we only saw each other once before the wedding.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?

Marriage. We dated for 3 years in college (LD during the summers) and two years while he was away at med school (straight up LDR). We got married during his 3rd year and have now been married for 4 years, together a total of 9 years.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

You have to be the type of person who can amuse themselves ex: not a good relationship for clingy, needy people. You have to trust that person fully and want to make it work- it's not easy, but it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with each other down the road.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

i've been in my LDR for almost 3 years.

1. How often did you two talk? we talk everyday. mon - friday: we send texts during the day because we both work, instant messages/e-mails after work, and talk on the phone every night. saturday & sunday we talk on the phone all day because that's when our cell phone minutes our free (he has sprint & i have t-mobile so we can't do mobile-to-mobile)


2. How did you maintain trust? i've trusted him since the day we met. and i know he trusts me. it's hard sometimes because he goes out with his brothers and his friends often and once in a while i'll start thinking "what if.." but when that happens, i tell him how i'm feeling. i'd rather talk it out then let worry myself to death over nothing.


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person? i haven't seen him since 2 years ago but i'm going to visit and meet his parents in november.


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup? we've talked about marriage, but we're taking it one day at a time right now.


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

- don't listen to people who say long distance relationships don't work! if you listen to it, you start to believe it and that's when you start having problems/doubts.
- if you want the relationship to work, YOU have to work.
- communicate! communicate! communicate!

Your LDR sounds idea. Mine was ideal until things started to change. He's a business owner and always working, but things have caught up, but sometimes I'm not sure if this is the true cause. I didn't think it would be so easy for me to doubt him after 10 years of friendship and complete trust ...I'm just trying to find out what others are doing to sustain. We've been "together" for 8 months with no prospects of seeing one another in sight.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

1. How often did you two talk?
Every day, at least 3 times a day...we'd also text and send e-mails.

2. How did you maintain trust?
I just had to have faith in him. Boy, was that hard, because he works with quite a few beautiful single women, and I can be jealous...but I held it together.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?
When he lived halfway across the country, we'd fly to each other's city for a long weekend once a month. When he lived 4 hours away, every 2 weeks.
We'd also go on a week's vacation together 2x a year.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
Breakup. I just couldn't deal with it anymore, and he wasn't willing to change the situation.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
Always keep the lines of communication open.
And for gosh sakes, don't give up your life and move somewhere to be with a man unless you are engaged/married to him!

Same situation with mine. Not willing to change. I have compromised so much and my final compromise (or act of desperation) was shot down. He couldn't even meet me 1/2 way...literally.

J...if you're reading, yeah I know you told me so : p

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I believe there has to me mutual committment and effort in the relationship. If one person wants it more than the other, that person carries the relationship alone and therefore it becomes too much. Some people are just not made for long distant relationships. It just wasn't for me. I believe you should support them in their endeavors, but I also think they should make every effort to compensate for things that lack in the relationship because of distance. Pray about it.

I think I am going through something very similar to you, and I so badly want to make it work that perhaps I am not realizing that it cant?

Here's what our recent discussions/arguments have been like. Note: I am a bit hesitant about posting details of a very personal relationship to someone I am very loyal to, but I could really use some advice from people who have gone through this.

I had an LDR for 2 years when I was a teen, but it wasn't this hard. At the time I wasn't ready for marriage and children. Perhaps this is why this relationship is weighing on me so heavily.

mySO: and now
you must understand
things have caught up
when i didnt shopw up fo months
at the office
when i would talk to you
trying to get you to know me better
things
had to have their limits
my business suffered
my trips
delayed
and
now I have to pay the price of my deeds
no sleep
no food
just work
me: Boyfriend
I am not griping
about your work schedule
mySO: i dont even want to talk about it right now.. i am very offended that you would judge the level of my commitiment
me: this is something completely diferent
see...this is what I am talkin aboutt
mySO: there is soimething completely different
me: we cannot have a serious conversation without you getting upset
mySO: ok lets start with my dad
me: and ignoring me for DAYS
mySO: for DAYS
woman my dad cant talk
yet
do u know what i am going through
couldnt youi just be patitent
I kept sayin it
please be patient
i have soo much stress right now
things in my life has changed
my Dad was unwell
he is still recovering
at work people want to screw me over
i have a huge backlog
if a basic neccesity like food is an option
then you should at least understand that the level of my commitment to us
is on par
if not "greater"
cause right now
I have lost my appetitie
and i droped my food
just to come and talk to you
i wwent to visit my dad
and what did i do
I logged on to chat to u
whilst on that visit
I am really offended
me: you act like I am the only one you were chatting with while you were there
you act as if I have not been patient
I do not ask you for much
and I am mindful of your committments
mySO: how do u know
?
me: don't worry about it
I just know
6:27 PM I am not stupid
mySO: you can not be mindful of my commitments then
say you dont ask much of my time
?
no one said you were stupid

So then, when i was on the verge of pulling out of the relationship all together, I get this.

mySO: I can give you what you want
but not just now
not just today
like i said earlier
i am at a very crucial point in my life
if you panic now
we shall lose
everything which has built up to this
if u let ideas
get in your head
and you dont trust your own inner judgement
whats the whole point

Advice?

 

[adf23]

I was in a long distance relationship with now DH for about a yr.


1. How often did you two talk? Everyday- averaging between 1-3x

2. How did you maintain trust? Was never an issue since we were in constant communication. I think i would have started to question things if he went ghost, etc. but this never happened. Also we talked about everything- all we had was the phone, so we made sure to discuss our feelings at all times.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person? We saw each other one long weekend (Thurs-Mon) per every 6 weeks or so. At the time I lived in TX, he was in CA.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup? We have been married since last Aug.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup? LDRs are HARD. We both really made the effort to make it work. Before we went LD we had dated about a year. The (now) DH proposed before he went to CA. To be honest I don't know if I could have done it without the promise of a future. I had times even then of wondering if I was doing the right thing, etc. It all worked out in the end, and we both now live in TX. My advice would be to just really be open and communicate about EVERYTHING. There is no room for playing games or holding stuff in, when you can't look each other in the face every week. One silly argument could lead to a breakup if there are misunderstandings.__________________

 

[Shimmie]

I think I am going through something very similar to you, and I so badly want to make it work that perhaps I am not realizing that it cant?

Here's what our recent discussions/arguments have been like. Note: I am a bit hesitant about posting details of a very personal relationship to someone I am very loyal to, but I could really use some advice from people who have gone through this.

I had an LDR for 2 years when I was a teen, but it wasn't this hard. At the time I wasn't ready for marriage and children. Perhaps this is why this relationship is weighing on me so heavily.


So then, when i was on the verge of pulling out of the relationship all together, I get this.


Advice?

Pray Angel. Just Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you BOTH and to have His way. At least you will know that you've made the right decision and not be haunted by it ever in life. No regrets.

Can I tell you something? These issues aren't applied nor do they occur in Long Distance Relationships exclusively. I went through this 'Drama' with my ex-husband who lived with me in the same house and slept with me i nthe same bed. Am I making sense?

While geographically LDR's do have challenges and much to be desired, there are still YET non-LDR's that have even more 'Distance' and issues with the couple involved. Distance 'here or there', doesn't stop a man from cheating, if he's a cheater.

Hold on to this...If God be for you, then who dare be against you? Nothing and no one. Angel let go of the LDR being an issue. The real issues will alway lie within the hearts of the man and woman involved.

Here.... a big sister hug As I said above, I can 'feel' you on this and what you are going through matters.

I wish you the very best; most of all Peace and the Joy of the Lord planted into your hearts. Take care, precious one. I can 'feel' you on this one. It's going ot be okay either way.

 

[Arcadian]

1. How often did you two talk?
Daily, sometimes several times a day. We talked through email, through yahoo messenger, on the phone. We still use at least 2 of those methods


2. How did you maintain trust?
We just trusted each other instinctively. I've never been big on trust with anyone I dated before him. He is the same with me.


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?
When we lived apart (approximately 1,415 miles) it was every 3 months. When I first moved to Massachusetts and had my own apartment for a while (we were 10 miles apart) it was every day.


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
We're not married (my call on that) but are in a very committed relationship.


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
It takes a lot of hard work. LDR's are really hard to keep up, and lots of effort was made on both of our parts. You and your partner have to be 100% committed to making it work. That meant talking and keeping a very open dialogue. You also have to make your mate feel appeciated. Thats not one-sided, as he has to do the same for you. At least once a month he would get a little "gift" from me...which served as a reminder of things we've had conversations about. he's so sappy cause he kept a lot of that stuff (ok so did I!!!)

You have to compromise sometimes on who visits who and what you do with the time you're physically together. We didn't waste our time together arguing about anything. We still don't (life is just too short)

It wasn't all wine and roses though. (and still isn't) but because we're both very realistic about what we both want and what it takes to keep our relationship healthy, we keep it together pretty well.


-A

 

[SweetNic_JA]

We both really made the effort to make it work. Before we went LD we had dated about a year. The (now) DH proposed before he went to CA. To be honest I don't know if I could have done it without the promise of a future. I had times even then of wondering if I was doing the right thing, etc. It all worked out in the end, and we both now live in TX. My advice would be to just really be open and communicate about EVERYTHING. There is no room for playing games or holding stuff in, when you can't look each other in the face every week. One silly argument could lead to a breakup if there are misunderstandings.[/B]__________________

At this point, I'm the only one doing the work. If he were someone else - anyone else - he would be sooo gone right now. I keep thinking that because we have known eachother so long and invested so much that I should keep trying, but communication has been lacking for the last few months and I'm at my wits end. It shouldn't have to be that hard. My relationship with my last ex taught me exactly how a man should treat a woman, and this current one is not delivering.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Pray Angel. Just Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you BOTH and to have His way. At least you will know that you've made the right decision and not be haunted by it ever in life. No regrets.

Can I tell you something? These issues aren't applied nor do they occur in Long Distance Relationships exclusively. I went through this 'Drama' with my ex-husband who lived with me in the same house and slept with me i nthe same bed. Am I making sense?

While geographically LDR's do have challenges and much to be desired, there are still YET non-LDR's that have even more 'Distance' and issues with the couple involved. Distance 'here or there', doesn't stop a man from cheating, if he's a cheater.

Hold on to this...If God be for you, then who dare be against you? Nothing and no one. Angel let go of the LDR being an issue. The real issues will alway lie within the hearts of the man and woman involved.

Here.... a big sister hug As I said above, I can 'feel' you on this and what you are going through matters.

I wish you the very best; most of all Peace and the Joy of the Lord planted into your hearts. Take care, precious one. I can 'feel' you on this one. It's going ot be okay either way.

Shimmie thank you for your soothing words

I have prayed to God about this relationship. I have prayed when things were excellent, good, and I've prayed when the relationship started to decline...but right now my heart literally feels tired...and I'll leave the outcome to this in God's hand. He sees and knows all that is happening and I trust that whatever happens in the end will be the best thing for both me and my SO.

 

[foxxymami]

*****Nic, I'm sorry if I overlooked it, but did you say how long you've been together?


1. How often do you two talk?
We talk everyday, 3-4 times a day. It may seem excessive but for us it's a necessity since we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. We have a morning call to see how the other one is doing, we have a bedtime call because we like to tell each other good night, and then we have calls throughout the day scattered in between.

2. How do you maintain trust?
If we have issues brewing between us, we talk about it. We talk about everything. If something is still not right, we talk some more. We pray for each other and pray for God to order the direction of our relationship.

3. How often (if ever) do you see one another in person?
Well we have been together for 2 years now, but have been LD for 1 year and 4 months. In the 1 yr & 4 months, we've seen each other 8 times. To me that's not a lot, considering that in previous relationships I was used to seeing my SOs several times a month.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
We are still happy and in love. He plans to move here in December and we're talking about different things in preparation for wedding plans. He wants to get established career-wise and financially before we start officially (telling family and friends the good news, etc) planning.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
Communicate, pray, have a plan......after all a LDR won't stay that way forever. It's either going to end in marriage (or even just a same-city, closer commute) or end in a break-up. Nic, I would say give yourself some light at the end of your tunnel....make some plans about who will move where and in how long. Because, speaking from experience I was always snappy, and we argued a LOT in the early stages of the LD because I was so sad that we were long distance. It's better now. I HTH girlie

 

[Zahrah]

Just doing a quick pulse survey to see how anyone in (or previously in) a LDR made it through.

1. How often did you two talk?

Daily a few times a day


2. How did you maintain trust?

I figured some people cant trust a mate when they live in the same house.


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?

Every weekend and in the beginning sometimes a day during the week.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?

Breakup

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

Use your intuition. It's there. I ignored mine and all the signs at first, but there were other factors too. I prayed about it and am fortunatel not to still be holding onto a dream with someone who didnot want the same things I wanted, but chose to pretend and lie and say he did. I removed him from my life.

 

[MissJ]

I don't know if my answers will help since both my relationships failed.

1. How often did you two talk?
Obi: Not often at all. At first he lived with his father's brother's family, and every time I called after my classes his aunt was on the phone. I certainly did not want to push her off her own phone just to talk to him. Then when he got more privileges at work he would call me at like 6 a.m. from work. I'd be like, "Can you please call me later. I'm still sleeping." He'd probably call back in 30 minutes, with me still not lucid. It was more like a wake-up call than anything. Then I'd go to class. Basically, the time difference made it really hard to communicate with one another.

WCG: He called all the time, all times a day, no matter where he or I was.

2. How did you maintain trust?
Obi: He had always been really faithful, really into me, and never as much as looked at another girl while he was with me. It was actually both our decision that he move to London for a while. I didn't think I had anything to worry about.

WCG: I learned from my past mistakes and set some rules for him. Plus, he talks so much that he'll tell on himself. No worries there.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?
Obi: Whenever he could get away from work or scrape up the money for a transcontinental flight when he was just an intern.

WCG: Again after learning from past mistakes, I made an effort to see him. He came to see me as well. We saw each other about every week when we were 2 hours away from each other, but when he moved to another state, we saw each other I'd say every 2 to 3 months. It worked well.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
Well, after being apart for several months and being around all kinds of debauchery in London, Obi ended up cheating, then breaking up with me, then regretting it a couple months later, and trying to get back. I couldn't forgive him.

With WCG, it could have worked. I learned from the prior experience. Unfortunately, he just doesn't have good sense. I really wanted it to work, but I had to end it after his numerous temper tantrums.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
I would say communicate, communicate, communicate, and always try to see each other. I once read this article, where a lady giving relationship advice said, "Absense doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Absence makes you forget!" I think that is so true. Talk and see each other as much as possible.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Foxi, we've been friends for 10 years, in a LD for 8 months, 5 of those months were truly happy months.

I am a planner like you, but with him ...nothing is planned and I hate it.
I like setting dates, reservations, forecasting etc and he...well he waits to see how business is before he's makes a move. He has NOT made a move yet.

Over the past 8 months he's made promises and plans to come here. He never showed up. Something always came up with his business and recently something happened with his father and he cancelled.

I don't mean to sound short but I'm still at work and if I type too much I'll get really depressed. I wish I could stand outside this relationship and see things from a different perspective. Maybe then it would be easier for me to make a decision.

*****Nic, I'm sorry if I overlooked it, but did you say how long you've been together?


1. How often do you two talk?
We talk everyday, 3-4 times a day. It may seem excessive but for us it's a necessity since we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. We have a morning call to see how the other one is doing, we have a bedtime call because we like to tell each other good night, and then we have calls throughout the day scattered in between.

2. How do you maintain trust?
If we have issues brewing between us, we talk about it. We talk about everything. If something is still not right, we talk some more. We pray for each other and pray for God to order the direction of our relationship.

3. How often (if ever) do you see one another in person?
Well we have been together for 2 years now, but have been LD for 1 year and 4 months. In the 1 yr & 4 months, we've seen each other 8 times. To me that's not a lot, considering that in previous relationships I was used to seeing my SOs several times a month.

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
We are still happy and in love. He plans to move here in December and we're talking about different things in preparation for wedding plans. He wants to get established career-wise and financially before we start officially (telling family and friends the good news, etc) planning.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
Communicate, pray, have a plan......after all a LDR won't stay that way forever. It's either going to end in marriage (or even just a same-city, closer commute) or end in a break-up. Nic, I would say give yourself some light at the end of your tunnel....make some plans about who will move where and in how long. Because, speaking from experience I was always snappy, and we argued a LOT in the early stages of the LD because I was so sad that we were long distance. It's better now. I HTH girlie

 

[MissJ]

I think I am going through something very similar to you, and I so badly want to make it work that perhaps I am not realizing that it cant?

Here's what our recent discussions/arguments have been like. Note: I am a bit hesitant about posting details of a very personal relationship to someone I am very loyal to, but I could really use some advice from people who have gone through this.

I had an LDR for 2 years when I was a teen, but it wasn't this hard. At the time I wasn't ready for marriage and children. Perhaps this is why this relationship is weighing on me so heavily.




So then, when i was on the verge of pulling out of the relationship all together, I get this.





Advice?

Umm... does he live in another country or something? If not, I don't know why he can't call you more than he's been doing. There are cell phones now. If he can't leave his dad's side, work or whatever, can't he pay for you to come see him?

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Umm... does he live in another country or something? If not, I don't know why he can't call you more than he's been doing. There are cell phones now. If he can't leave his dad's side, work or whatever, can't he pay for you to come see him?

MissJ I'm just now seeing your post. He lives in another country ...even farther away than Obi lived. We knew this relationship would be hard, and he warned me that his business would be extremely demanding and asked if I could handle it. I can handle it, but I cannot handle you not doing your part!! (sorry, just venting over here) .

Whenever I ask questions or express sadness over our situation, he always seems to remind me that he warned me that it would be difficult.

One quote that he always says ALWAYAS rubs me the wrong way. It's as if it's a warning that I should RUN NOW

and that u will suffer more than i do in the end

He says this whenever we talk about his obligations to his business.

 

[curlie rae]

My SO and I have been together for 4 years and he just recently moved to the same city.
1. How often did you two talk?
We talked every night and often short talks during the day.

2. How did you maintain trust?
When we first met, he said he would break up with me before he cheated – I believe him. Plus he has never done anything to make me think otherwise. I can’t keep a secret from him so if something went down on my end, I would probably rat myself out.

3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person?
When we lived 3hrs apart, every other weekend. When we were 8hrs apart, he flew down every month for a week. (He can work remotely).

4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup?
We are still going strong.

5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?
TRUST & COMMUNICATION is the key – without it no relationship will work

 

[foxxymami]

What upsets you the most.....the amount of contact (or no contact) you to have each day? Or, is it the fact that you don't know when you'll be together again (whether permanently or just to visit)?


ETA: If you still feel uncomfortable posting here, you can PM

 

[Danene5]

Just doing a quick pulse survey to see how anyone in (or previously in) a LDR made it through.

1. How often did you two talk? Everyday on average 3 times a day


2. How did you maintain trust? I believe trust is from within, my man is a model so I have learned greatly how to deal with other women hanging on his shoulder. But he will say "let's get OUR money" or "this a job". He makes it known that we are together and he doesn't want anyone but me.


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person? We see each other at lest 2 weekends a month


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup? Engaged


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup?

Belive in your relationship, if God willing everything will be ok. Just keep faith and trust in yourself and the other person to make educated decisions about your relationship

 

[MissJ]

MissJ I'm just now seeing your post. He lives in another country ...even farther away than Obi lived. We knew this relationship would be hard, and he warned me that his business would be extremely demanding and asked if I could handle it. I can handle it, but I cannot handle you not doing your part!! (sorry, just venting over here) .

Whenever I ask questions or express sadness over our situation, he always seems to remind me that he warned me that it would be difficult.

One quote that he always says ALWAYAS rubs me the wrong way. It's as if it's a warning that I should RUN NOW

He says this whenever we talk about his obligations to his business.

Wow, I don't know. Why would your boyfriend be warning you about himself? That doesn't sound right. He should try to be more understanding. Now, that you tell me he's in another country, I understand a bit more. Still, he can always find time to call if only just to say "hi" if he wants to or if it's not a financial burden. I understand that with the different time zones it may not be that easy. How about him calling and leaving a long heart-felt message once in a while or sending regular e-mails (unless he's in a country where this is too expensive)?

I don't know if he's as busy as he says he is. You said that things have calmed down with work. Maybe he's just taking you for granted, either way, thinking that you'll always be there. It's obvious that you love him and are expecting a lot from the relationship. Maybe he thinks that he doesn't have to put forth much effort to keep you. I would suggest that you pull back and see how he reacts. If he doesn't care, then you're better off without him. If he does, I'm sure he'll start to show it in a better way than he's doing now.

From my experience when Obi said he was working so much, and his communication got less frequent, he was spending his time calling and e-mailing someone else in the states and probably out looking in London, too.

 

[Naturallong81]

I shocked so many people have been in LDR's
Gurl i hope you find the answers your looking for.

 

[tinkat]

1. How often did you two talk? We try to talk everyday, but that always does not happen b/c he is currently @ AIT in tx and you know in the military their time is very tight...right now we send emails everyday and talk on the phone alot during the weekend...or he may call and tell me good night or whatever


2. How did you maintain trust? All I can really do is go by how he is acting...and he appears as if he has nothing to hide..the truth will come to light...to me we have already been through our rollercoaster with trust before he join the military, so i am kind of glad that we are stronger in that dept.


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person? We see eachother once a month which is difficult but you have to make it work!


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup? Well we are currently doing the long distance thing, but i am seeing our relationship is becoming even stronger and I think that something very serious is going to come out of us staying strong during our time apart.


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup? I say to still stay passionate towards eachother while you all are apart. It takes two people to make it work...I feel like a strong relationship is one that can withstand distance...If you think that your relationship can't handle distance, then you should reevaluate your relationship as a whole. You have to be creative in a long distance relationship to keep it strong so that you will not lose that spark. Express how you feel at all times and let that person know that you love them. What keeps me going is the sweet emails that I get, a few sentences a day in a email would brighten up a day.

 

[Mamita]

Wow it's amazing to see how many people ARE or have been in that situation

1. How often did you two talk? EVERYDAY several hours a day. EIther on phone (last month 70 something hours lol it's unlimitted for me!) or yahoo messenger, some cam sometimes, but not really anymore for "purity issues" lol


2. How did you maintain trust? well i'm in France so there's a 6 hour difference, so i talk to him when he wakes up when i'm at work, and we stop when i go to bed around midnight and it's 6pm for him, so that helps, and even without all that i just do, with my life, and i'm not used to trusting someone, he just never lied to me and i know he won't, same for me, if u're upfront, he can only trust u. same for him even if he's very very much in demand, i'm jaleous annoyed, but i trust him...


3. How often (if ever) did you see one another in person? it's been 2 years now, i've seen him once in january, when we met for the first time, and i'm going again in November around Thanksgiving to meet his parents. so it's really not much


4. What was the outcome of the LDR? Marriage? Breakup? we are engaged, and want to get married next year, and he's the only one for me. Amazingly enough, i know were meant to be, and unless we got all the signs wrong u won't hear me tell u we borke up since thanks to him we'll get married and both live for Lord Jesus


5. What advice would you give others who are in this setup? i would say if u think it's worth it, HANG IN THERE, only if it is. BE forgiving and patient but never be afraid to say what bothers u, i had a hard time with that one but he taught me that. And yes, it has to be 50 50, meet halfway, no one can do more than the other, maybe at first, but if it doesn't change let it go. ... but yeah LD is not for everyone, it's hard, i've cried all alone several times, we've argued thousand times but always make up, never go to bed angry, call do what u have to do and keep the faith. If u feel like ending things, think of why u loved him first and if there's nothing left of it, GO!

 

[MissJ]

Is there any way you can visit him in the near future? That may clear some things up or refresh the relationship.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Is there any way you can visit him in the near future? That may clear some things up or refresh the relationship.

Wow I can't believe this was 7 months ago. I posted to give you ladies an update. Things have gotten progressively better and my SO is scheduled to arrive in town this March. We'll see how things go :-D

I hope thing are going well for all the other LDR's on the board.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Wow I can't believe this was 7 months ago. I posted to give you ladies an update. Things have gotten progressively better and my SO is scheduled to arrive in town this March. We'll see how things go :-D

I hope thing are going well for all the other LDR's on the board.

Yea, glad to hear the good news!!!

I can't believe this was 7 months ago either...I hope you two enjoy each other during his visit. You deserve so much happiness.

 

[foxxymami]

Yea, glad to hear the good news!!!

I can't believe this was 7 months ago either...I hope you two enjoy each other during his visit. You deserve so much happiness.

Shoot, yall?

I can't believe this was 7 months ago. Boy it seems like the older I become, quicker times passes on. Well we're no longer LDR, we're living in the same city and doing A, OK? (sp? )