Long Distance Relationship dilemma!!

[vsschick]

Hi guys, I really have been extremely confused about a long distance relationship that I've been in. First off, I'm 21 and about to finish an Engineering degree next April. I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy I love very much for the past 5 years. (I'm in GTA Canada and he's in New York). Since I was a student and he was doing min. wage jobs we weren't able to see each other often and that sometimes put a strain on our relationship. The main dilemma now is that I am considering taking a job with a company called Schlumberger as a Field Engineer, however after much research I noticed that it is a company where you have little or no time for family friends or boyfriends since most of your time is spent at work. My first thought was to try getting relocated somewhere in the US and maybe he can come there and we can live together but with the nature of the job we still won't have much time together. The relationship has been long distance for so long and I was hoping that when I graduated it would be possible for us to finally start living together. Personally I don't know what to do and I'm really stressed out about this. I want a well-paying job but I also want my man..how do I have both under the circumstances? Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Gosh, this is a really tough position to be in.

I would say that since you are so young you may want to focus on your career first. Are you able to relocate to a position in the same state he is in?

 

[vsschick]

Well yea I am young I suppose and I don't necessarily need to relocate in the same state that he is in..he's not too picky as long as we can be together. It's just the nature of the job I'm worried about and this is really the only offer I have before I graduate so far

 

[BrooklynSouth]

You have a great future ahead in engineering..definitely little time for a love life unless you make the time for it. I may be a prude but...PLEASE DO NOT SHACK UP WITH THIS MAN!!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Well yea I am young I suppose and I don't necessarily need to relocate in the same state that he is in..he's not too picky as long as we can be together. It's just the nature of the job I'm worried about and this is really the only offer I have before I graduate so far

Really I can't give you advice on if you should stay or go. You may already know the answer and it may not be want you want it to be. If I was your mom I would likely tell you to focus on the job and let the bf go if you aren't able to handle both comfortably. This really really is tough though but just my thoughts. Good luck to you and I'm hoping you are able to find a happy medium.

 

[vsschick]

Well thanks for the responses guys. I have always been taught and knew in my heart that for now my career comes first. I was just really worried abut losing him over the constant long distance but now I feel alot better from those responses. I also have one more question for u guys..I had read a thread made by Juices N Berries previously n these were her job location options:

Alabama (Cottondale)
Mississippi (Laurel)
West Virginia (Charleston)
Louisiana (Lafayette, Houma, Larose, Bella Chasse, Lafayette, Larose, Maurice, New Orleans Youngsville)
Oklahoma
New Mexico
Wyoming
Kentucky
Texas (Houston, Midland)
Alaska (Anchorage)
Colorado (Denver)
California (Bakersfield)
Canada (Alberta, Newfoundland)

I'm assuming that I'll get the same options as well so I would really like to know which would be the best pick. I'm looking for an area with diversity not too much of one race or the other. Im also lookin for warm weather as well..So based on those options would any of u have suggestions as to which I should choose? Btw..I'm going for US locations only cuz I really like it there

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Seems like you are the ambitious one in the relationship, since you mentioned he has been working min. wage jobs, it do not seem like it would be detrimental to his career to relocate. Congratulations on your job and much success in the future. I think you should pursue this job. If you can pick and choose where you want to work, you two should compromise on where you two want to live, and he should move to where you will be working.
Since you have been together for five years I assume that you guys know each other pretty well, so I say go for it and move in with him.
Remember; If a man really wants to be with you, he will make the sacrifices necessary for you to blossom and excel in your career.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Seems like you are the ambitious one in the relationship, since you mentioned he has been working min. wage jobs, it do not seem like it would be detrimental to his career to relocate. Congratulations on your job and much success in the future. I think you should pursue this job. If you can pick and choose where you want to work, you two should compromise on where you two want to live, and he should move to where you will be working.
Since you have been together for five years I assume that you guys know each other pretty well, so I say go for it and move in with him.
Remember; If a man really wants to be with you, he will make the sacrifices necessary for you to blossom and excel in your career.

Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth!!!!!!!! My SO is in Texas while I'm in Massachusetts. While I was still interested in going to law school, he told me, and I quote, "Anywhere you go to school, I'll go." Now that law school is on the back burner for now, he is planning on moving to Mass. after he finishes up his last class in June 2009.

What efforts has he put in to make sure that you guys can be in the same place? From your post it doesn't sound like much. You shouldn't sacrifice a great job offer, not in this economy!

 

[KiSseS03]

Seems like you are the ambitious one in the relationship, since you mentioned he has been working min. wage jobs, it do not seem like it would be detrimental to his career to relocate. Congratulations on your job and much success in the future. I think you should pursue this job. If you can pick and choose where you want to work, you two should compromise on where you two want to live, and he should move to where you will be working.
Since you have been together for five years I assume that you guys know each other pretty well, so I say go for it and move in with him.
Remember; If a man really wants to be with you, he will make the sacrifices necessary for you to blossom and excel in your career.

ITA especially with the bolded!

Congratulations on graduating lady, all the best!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You have a great future ahead in engineering..definitely little time for a love life unless you make the time for it. I may be a prude but...PLEASE DO NOT SHACK UP WITH THIS MAN!!

If he is working min. wage jobs and you are about to be touching much more than min. wage, why are YOU moving to be with him? In general, I'm not a fan of women packing up to follow men who are not their husbands but ESPECIALLY when he does not have a significant reason for being unable to relocate to where you are.

Are the 2 of you discussing marriage? I agree with BS. I think moving in with him (or heck any man) at your age and with your career ahead of you is a bad idea. I think women need time as an adult (out of school, entirely on their own) to grow and develop themselves. It's difficult at best to do that living with a boyfriend who's known you since you were 16. That's not to say the 2 of you should break up...just that you should be cautious about moving to where he is and living with him while your career takes a backseat at such a young age.

Re: locations, I'd say Houston, Bakersfield, and maybe Denver. I don't have an opinion about the others, but I wouldn't recommend AL or MS at your age.

 

[vsschick]

Hey thanx so much guys for all your responses. Was all messed up inside about the situation and it helps to get advice from ppl who have an objective view of the situation. I was thinkin Houston and Bakersfield too but I donno the third option. I heard Colorado gets really cold in winter