Letting my emotions flow....

[snugglez41685]

OK this is something I need to let out so here it goes. I've been "talking" to this guy since April/May of last year which is about 9/10 months. Well I really care about him a lot. For the first six months we spent most of our time together. I would really like it to develop into a relationship, but as of recently I gave up on that idea. It's almost like we are together but are not. We do things as a couple but we are not one. He says he not ready for a relationship. The problems is I love him but he doesn't love me. It hurt at first but I realized if you really love someone you have to let them go and if you really love them you would rather see them happy than anything else. He says he values our friendship more than anything. But we still talk to each other and have "relations" as if we never mentioned the relationship subject. I've had three relationships in my life and all three ended badly.This makes me feel like relationships are not meant for me right now if ever. Most people say to me well your still young and this is true I am only 23. But I feel like every time I fall in love or love a guy I get hurt or it just doesn't work out. I spent about 10/11 months before talking to this guy with no one, abstinent and by myself. I think maybe that is what I need to do again. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.

 

[Bunny77]

Sorry you're hurting.

Did you just want to vent, or are you open to some tips as well?

 

[snugglez41685]

I'm always open to tips Bunny77. Thank you!

 

[NeeSee]

I am so sorry your are sweetheart but one thing you need to do is cute out the "relations".
Let him go somewhere else for that. You are more valuable and deserving than that.

 

[Bunny77]

My thoughts...

I've been "talking" to this guy since April/May of last year which is about 9/10 months. Well I really care about him a lot. For the first six months we spent most of our time together. I would really like it to develop into a relationship, but as of recently I gave up on that idea. It's almost like we are together but are not. We do things as a couple but we are not one.

Okay, first, I think you need to see if this is a similar pattern with the men that you've been involved with. "Talking" should not go on for almost a year (if you want a relationship). Shoot, after about three months, HE should be asking you for a relationship or you need to move on. Plus, you are acting as if you are a girlfriend with all of the time you spend together, etc., which is too much to be doing when you are just "talking." The next time you meet a guy that you really like, don't spend so much time with him and don't fall into a psuedo-relationship... like you said, it's like you are together, but you're not, so don't "act" like a girlfriend.

He says he not ready for a relationship. The problems is I love him but he doesn't love me. It hurt at first but I realized if you really love someone you have to let them go and if you really love them you would rather see them happy than anything else. He says he values our friendship more than anything. But we still talk to each other and have "relations" as if we never mentioned the relationship subject.

Definitely stop the "relations." Also, while I don't know his side of things, did he tell you all along that he didn't want a relationship, but then you stuck around anyway? Men will tell you all day long that they don't want the relationship, but they will remain around as long as possible if they are getting the benefits of a relationship (not just sex, but company, etc.). So of course he's going to say that he values the friendship... I mean, this is a great deal for him. He gets company, relations, attention, all the other nice things that you do for him... AND he doesn't have to commit to you! What a great deal for him! These are also the types of men who will be quick to commit to someone else and the first girl will wonder how it happened when he didn't want a relationship with her.

This is why when a woman finally does bring up the 'relationship' talk, these guys going to say no. You can't do all of this relationship-like stuff before you're in a relationship.

Love is a tricky thing... I'm sure you care for him very much, but love should be a mutual feeling. Or are what you experiencing more a case of infatuation on a really high level? Or maybe you have a strong attachment to him because of all the time you spent together, but are you confusing that for love?

I've had three relationships in my life and all three ended badly.This makes me feel like relationships are not meant for me right now if ever. Most people say to me well your still young and this is true I am only 23. But I feel like every time I fall in love or love a guy I get hurt or it just doesn't work out. I spent about 10/11 months before talking to this guy with no one, abstinent and by myself. I think maybe that is what I need to do again. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.

Relationships are meant for everyone who wants them. All of us who want a loving relationship should be able to have them in our lifetimes. But we need to learn how to handle them or they will all turn out badly. If your past three relationships ended badly, you might need to look back and see if this same pattern came up... did you give too much of yourself to a man who gave little in return? Are you so into "love" and being "loved" that you become attached to men who aren't making the same level of commitment to you? Are you playing girlfriend/wifey to a man who is only "talking" to you?

Being single is not the worst thing in the world. I'd say to get out of this situation, take a break for now and work on whatever might be leading you to bad relationship choices so that the next time this situation comes up, you won't make the same mistake.

hope that helps!

 

[hopeful]

Snugglez you can do better. Please stop having relations with someone who does not love you. I know some people can with no prob. But lots of women can't because it gets you too tied up and emotional and for him it is just fun and satisying and he can go on his merry way. Really get to know yourself better so that you can stop the "bad break-up" cycle. Your post made me really sad.

 

[snugglez41685]

Bunny77 thank you for the advice. And to answer some things you stated When him and I started talking we would hang out an what not seeing where it would go. Everything was okay I guess until he started treating me like a girlfriend. Not only would we go out and things he would show me public displays of affection which was okay, I didn't think too much into it. But one day he had spent the night. I was asleep and he kissed me before he left. he would always do this. Then one day I left him in the house cause I had to be to work at 5am. When I came back around 11am or so. He said he was upset that I didn't kiss him before I left for work. I said to him I didn't want to wake him. Then he explained that anything could of happened and we might have not ever seen each other again. I was like "okay". So from then on I reciprocated. And when I told him I loved him I let him know I wasn't expecting him to say it back but soon after he said it to me too.I was like don't just say it cause I said it and he was like no i mean it. So then a month or so later he recanted what he said. I was like WTF! I think it all started with this which confused the hell out of me. So I started thinking that maybe this could turn into a relationship. So instead of just assuming I asked and he said he wasn't ready yet to open himself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

 

[snugglez41685]

Snugglez you can do better. Please stop having relations with someone who does not love you. I know some people can with no prob. But lots of women can't because it gets you too tied up and emotional and for him it is just fun and satisying and he can go on his merry way. Really get to know yourself better so that you can stop the "bad break-up" cycle. Your post made me really sad.

Thank you hopeful! I appreciate your advice. This is exactly how I'm feeling now. That the emotions are getting too tied up in it because of the relations.

 

[Bunny77]

Bunny77 thank you for the advice. And to answer some things you stated When him and I started talking we would hang out an what not seeing where it would go. Everything was okay I guess until he started treating me like a girlfriend. Not only would we go out and things he would show me public displays of affection which was okay, I didn't think too much into it. But one day he had spent the night. I was asleep and he kissed me before he left. he would always do this. Then one day I left him in the house cause I had to be to work at 5am. When I came back around 11am or so. He said he was upset that I didn't kiss him before I left for work. I said to him I didn't want to wake him. Then he explained that anything could of happened and we might have not ever seen each other again. I was like "okay". So from then on I reciprocated. And when I told him I loved him I let him know I wasn't expecting him to say it back but soon after he said it to me too.I was like don't just say it cause I said it and he was like no i mean it. So then a month or so later he recanted what he said. I was like WTF! I think it all started with this which confused the hell out of me. So I started thinking that maybe this could turn into a relationship. So instead of just assuming I asked and he said he wasn't ready yet to open himself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Thanks for the explanation. And believe me, I understand how these types of things happen, especially if you're in a college setting or right out of one... you might just be hanging and one day dude gets affectionate and BAM! Everything is totally different!

Okay, now that you know the deal, you just will have to be extra careful in the future to not be in positions where this can happen. If you just hang out to be hanging out, that's cool, but the minute things start crossing the friendship line, that's when you need to get some clarification as to what his intentions are (again, that's if you think you might want a relationship).

Cause when you start getting to the point of sleeping over houses and then him kissing you before bedtime and then expecting kisses, etc., etc., and you don't know where you stand... well, that could be a recipe for disaster.

I know many people will say to just go with the flow and see what happens. I just happen to be more traditional -- plus I think these non-relationship "relationships" just end up hurting us in the end.

Oh, and I know there's a difference of opinion here... but I don't believe in saying "I love you," to a man unless he's said it first.

I hope things work out for you. I'm really sorry you're going through this!

 

[hopeful]

Well you know what? He tricked you. So he realized he wasn't going to get what he wanted without being sweet and kissy kissy. So this tells me that he knew you had standards and needed certain things (so good for you, feel good about that) but once he got you, he flipped the script. He thinks he has you hooked now. This is why women who want to be in serious relationships have to wait a minute before having sex with a guy. Often if you wait awhile, he will step and get sick of you if he only wants sex. Also, (warning this may sound old-fashioned) I would not be playing house with anyone I do not think I will be marrying one day. For instance I would not be staying overnight at his house or allow him to stay over at my house very often at all if we weren't talking marriage. Kissing you good bye in the morning imo is what happens in a serious relationship. Just be more careful next time and move more slowly. Someone else will love you how you deserve to be loved. Shoot it might even be him when he realizes you are about to dump his behind.

 

[hopeful]

Oh, and I know there's a difference of opinion here... but I don't believe in saying "I love you," to a man unless he's said it first.

I hope things work out for you. I'm really sorry you're going through this!

Well I said it first . And I later regretted saying it first. It all worked out but still...So, ITA with Bunny.

 

[snugglez41685]

Thank you Bunny77 and hopeful for your advice and thank you for taking out the time to read my story. I will definitely be taking your advice!

 

[tiara76]

Bunny77 thank you for the advice. And to answer some things you stated When him and I started talking we would hang out an what not seeing where it would go. Everything was okay I guess until he started treating me like a girlfriend. Not only would we go out and things he would show me public displays of affection which was okay, I didn't think too much into it. But one day he had spent the night. I was asleep and he kissed me before he left. he would always do this. Then one day I left him in the house cause I had to be to work at 5am. When I came back around 11am or so. He said he was upset that I didn't kiss him before I left for work. I said to him I didn't want to wake him. Then he explained that anything could of happened and we might have not ever seen each other again. I was like "okay". So from then on I reciprocated. And when I told him I loved him I let him know I wasn't expecting him to say it back but soon after he said it to me too.I was like don't just say it cause I said it and he was like no i mean it. So then a month or so later he recanted what he said. I was like WTF! I think it all started with this which confused the hell out of me. So I started thinking that maybe this could turn into a relationship. So instead of just assuming I asked and he said he wasn't ready yet to open himself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

alot of women disregard this coming from a man as an excuse or a cop out....please believe many men have a very very hard time with this, some may use it as a cop out but as much time and energy as he has put into you doesn't make me believe he is just saying that, now if you said every blue moon he calls u up, or at the last minute he sees if you are free, or is always busy and tries to 'fit" you in....and says he's not ready to be open...hes bs'n you...he's not that into you....and when they get "scared" and start to fight themselves, they will start to fight you..and you will take it personal and get real hurt if you don't understand its a very personal problem with him and not you even when its projected onto you

there is nothing wrong going with the flow it just means you are open to life and love and wherever it takes you, emotionally sound so that you won't be a shipwreck if you had an "expected" flow that didn't go your way...if you have a specific outcome or desire and you want to construct that then going with the flow won't work that well so you just have to decide where you are for yourself with that....you can't meet somebody hoping he will be your future husband and say you want to go with the flow it wont work that way.....

and when deciding to go with the flow....both people have to always be flowing and flowing in the same direction.....when one or both people aren't riding the same wave then there is a problem...he has now stopped the flow because he is not ready to go any further into "dangerous" territory and will be quite content and "happy" going in circles rather than moving forward and quite content and "happy" if you choose to circle with him...its okay for him to be scared all day long, and its okay for him to stay where he is however if thats not where you want to be then you are going to have to accept thats where he is choosing to be and leave him behind or either "settle" for what he is putting forth...basically hes saying that im staying in my comfort zone...you never know he may follow you or he may not...but if you appease him you do both of you no good.....moving forward shows strength and will and alot of men respect that in a woman, when he knows she will fall weak even at a subconscious level he will make note of that....the ego driven male is in a very weak state..the strong women will be the ones he follows if and when he gets a little courage to make moves on a deeper level.....

I broke up with my ex who said the same thing and I understood where he was at and his fears but I was movin on....he has slowly been following....whether he will ever catch up or not is another story...but he's definitely moved.....however if you fall weak, you could easily be one of those women who sticks around and then when he's ready to finally take the leap he will choose somebody else because he will go for the strong female if he's ready for something real and finds the courage to move forward...he will choose the weak one as long as he chooses to stay weak

and as far as being lonely..there is a difference between being alone and lonely...lonely means you dont like your own company and being in it too much makes you sad...being alone with yourself and loving yourself is a whole different story...and loving yourself you will never be lonely and you will be surprised to also find out that men flock to that energy like bees to honey

 

[snugglez41685]

Wow tiara76! Thank you for that advice. What you said makes sense. I think you broke it down for me.

OT: And something I forgot to mention is that he's been giving money to help me with my bills since I had lost my full time job (since October). I find this to be very generous as well as weird for me because I'm not use to this. I am ever so grateful but with all that I mentioned here already I am at a loss of words why he does this for me at all.

 

[hopeful]

Wow tiara76! Thank you for that advice. What you said makes sense. I think you broke it down for me.

OT: And something I forgot to mention is that he's been giving money to help me with my bills since I had lost my full time job (since October). I find this to be very generous as well as weird for me because I'm not use to this. I am ever so grateful but with all that I mentioned here already I am at a loss of words why he does this for me at all.

He does those things for you because he does care about you and because you are a sweetheart. He also does them because it keeps you wondering and makes you question yourself. Maybe he really isn't ready. IDK. But you have to decide what you want and what is important to you. Tiara's thoughts imo take the sting out of the whole situation. You don't have to be so hurt or so angry. It is unfortunate but the two of you are going in different directions. And I agree with Tiara also that a strong woman can make all the diff when a man is ready but if he is too weak then eh you just have to see. Bottomline you gotta work on being strong, the stronger you are the happier you will be, with or without him.

 

[tiara76]

He does those things for you because he does care about you and because you are a sweetheart. He also does them because it keeps you wondering and makes you question yourself. Maybe he really isn't ready. IDK. But you have to decide what you want and what is important to you. Tiara's thoughts imo take the sting out of the whole situation. You don't have to be so hurt or so angry. It is unfortunate but the two of you are going in different directions. And I agree with Tiara also that a strong woman can make all the diff when a man is ready but if he is too weak then eh you just have to see. Bottomline you gotta work on being strong, the stronger you are the happier you will be, with or without him.

I hate to beat dead horses but I do anyways......that self work will make all the difference..these circumstances and situations are tests.....and each time you "fail"...you will go thru it again.....this stuff is happening because when you are strong enough to move forward you will have new and different experiences....each time you "fall" in one...one tends to fall more into self pity than to rise...this is not about him, its all about you and what you choose to do that will make all the difference

 

[Le Papillon]

OK this is something I need to let out so here it goes. I've been "talking" to this guy since April/May of last year which is about 9/10 months. Well I really care about him a lot. For the first six months we spent most of our time together. I would really like it to develop into a relationship, but as of recently I gave up on that idea. It's almost like we are together but are not. We do things as a couple but we are not one. He says he not ready for a relationship. The problems is I love him but he doesn't love me. It hurt at first but I realized if you really love someone you have to let them go and if you really love them you would rather see them happy than anything else. He says he values our friendship more than anything. But we still talk to each other and have "relations" as if we never mentioned the relationship subject. I've had three relationships in my life and all three ended badly.This makes me feel like relationships are not meant for me right now if ever. Most people say to me well your still young and this is true I am only 23. But I feel like every time I fall in love or love a guy I get hurt or it just doesn't work out. I spent about 10/11 months before talking to this guy with no one, abstinent and by myself. I think maybe that is what I need to do again. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.

I was in a similar situation. I dated this guy for 6 months and developed feelings for him. When I had "the talk" with him about where things was going, he stated he is not ready for a relationship. I was devastated! He wanted to continue seeing me, But I knew that I couldn't continue being with a guy who doesn't think that I'm girlfriend material. Although it hurted like hell trying to get over him, i'm glad I made that decision.

 

[cicilypayne]

Snugglez you can do better. Please stop having relations with someone who does not love you. I know some people can with no prob. But lots of women can't because it gets you too tied up and emotional and for him it is just fun and satisying and he can go on his merry way. Really get to know yourself better so that you can stop the "bad break-up" cycle. Your post made me really sad.

Everytime you need some support please come back and read the posters suggestions. I am older and wiser so please please stop seeing this guy Love does not hurt..and you got to love your self to not settle for less. I bet if you did'nt have this guy in your life you would be more available for dating and meeting some one new. Spend your time and energy getting to know your self go to the movies with your self, go to bookstores, cultural events, college campuses and sporting events..keep your self busy and interesting and you will meet someone new..feel free to date and not jumping into a relationship until you both agree..You are too young to waist valuable dating years on this guy who is obviously NOT THat INto You..he's looking around for someone and has you to keep him company until that person comes along. He will not change his mind, and he won't even feel guilty about it because 'I told her the truth'. Trust us..walk away, don't be sad..love,relationships, and dating is 90% fun or at least it should be

 

[Ms Red]

Snugglez you have received some great advice in the thread (I'm taking notes too ) I just wanted to come in and give you a hug

 

[FluffyRed]

Snugglez you have received some great advice in the thread (I'm taking notes too ) I just wanted to come in and give you a hug

Many of us have been there.

I'm taking notes, too.

I let mine go a week ago Sunday - very difficult.

 

[sky_blu]

Been here, done that, got way deeper than I thought I would get. Still love him and Im sorry your going through this. But I feel your pain. 2 years later Im trying to get rid of him.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

He says he values our friendship more than anything. But we still talk to each other and have "relations" as if we never mentioned the relationship subject. I've had three relationships in my life and all three ended badly.This makes me feel like relationships are not meant for me right now if ever. Most people say to me well your still young and this is true I am only 23. But I feel like every time I fall in love or love a guy I get hurt or it just doesn't work out. I spent about 10/11 months before talking to this guy with no one, abstinent and by myself. I think maybe that is what I need to do again. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.

I'll try to just bold the important stuff lmao

He values your relationship without a title and the "free" sex. You want more, he knows you're waiting in hopes of more, but he won't give it to you. At this point, you're probably aware that you've "used" all your cards: emotional investment, time investment, mental investment and sexual investment. If this isn't enough to make him "commit" verbally as well as in action, then he's taking what he can while the getting's good.

A good male friend- and a professional athlete at that- told me "As a woman, never EVER give a man your all until he's married you. EVER. Make him work for it, and solidfy a commitment from him before you even consider putting everything out there." Basically men want and need to work for something they really want that is a challenge. Most women are nurturing enough where they say, "If I show him 100% of myself and what I'm about, he will trust me and we can have something." Men only show whatever they want to 98% of the time and say, "If I show her what I want, and get her emotions involved, I can get her to trust me and I can do what I feel while her nose is wide open."

I've spent plenty of alone time without a date in sight for months and even years on end. I just turned 24, so I'm not that much older than you, but I know how you feel. Don't dwell on being alone and abstinent, because more than likely, there is a good reason for it. It doesn't mean that the problem is you (most women think it's them); it could just mean that you're focused. Learn to "show respect" for yourself when approaching a relationship by not playing all your cards (this is coming from experience and the advice of men).

If you know you want a relationship, then discount the possibility of having sex until a man has proven his commitment to you and you are more than "almost in a relationship." Technically, you can tell him you want to wait until marriage if you wanted to. You have that right. Sex is a fulfilling part of relationships, but how you treat it (on your part) is influential in terms of how things play out. If you are sincere about your sexuality, why/when you are willing to do it, and stick to it, then you will get rid of the losers quickly. The phrase "I'm not ready for a relationship" is BS, especially if "you're ready to have sex." If you're not ready, the last thing you need to do is have sex with someone, because one person almost always gets caught up if it becomes a reoccurring thing.

 

[MissJ]

The problems is I love him but he doesn't love me. It hurt at first but I realized if you really love someone you have to let them go and if you really love them you would rather see them happy than anything else. He says he values our friendship more than anything. But we still talk to each other and have "relations" as if we never mentioned the relationship subject.

Bullcrap! I'd rather see him miserable with somebody else.

He values the friends with benefits relations more than anything.

That's as good as he wants!

 

[Country gal]

I was in a similar situation. I dated this guy for 6 months and developed feelings for him. When I had "the talk" with him about where things was going, he stated he is not ready for a relationship. I was devastated! He wanted to continue seeing me, But I knew that I couldn't continue being with a guy who doesn't think that I'm girlfriend material. Although it hurted like hell trying to get over him, i'm glad I made that decision.

How did you get past the pain???

 

[MissJ]

Bunny77 thank you for the advice. And to answer some things you stated When him and I started talking we would hang out an what not seeing where it would go. Everything was okay I guess until he started treating me like a girlfriend. Not only would we go out and things he would show me public displays of affection which was okay, I didn't think too much into it. But one day he had spent the night. I was asleep and he kissed me before he left. he would always do this. Then one day I left him in the house cause I had to be to work at 5am. When I came back around 11am or so. He said he was upset that I didn't kiss him before I left for work. I said to him I didn't want to wake him. Then he explained that anything could of happened and we might have not ever seen each other again. I was like "okay". So from then on I reciprocated. And when I told him I loved him I let him know I wasn't expecting him to say it back but soon after he said it to me too.I was like don't just say it cause I said it and he was like no i mean it. So then a month or so later he recanted what he said. I was like WTF! I think it all started with this which confused the hell out of me. So I started thinking that maybe this could turn into a relationship. So instead of just assuming I asked and he said he wasn't ready yet to open himself up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Men lie... ALL THE TIME! He just likes all the attention and benefits he's getting from you while he puts forth little effort and no commitment. If he loved you, he would want to sweep you up so that no one else could have you by committing.

 

[Country gal]

Great suggestions ladies. Keep them coming. I had to walk away from a situation becuase I realized I love me and I deserved the best a man could give me. It was hard and challenging but I hope it was worth it in the end.

 

[Crystal]

I'm always open to tips Bunny77. Thank you!

I had a friend that always told me, she said "Crystal never fall for the wrong one"

I said, "How do I know if they're the wrong one"

She said, "They're ALL the wrong one"

I said, "What sense does that make?"

She said, "Always love yourself more than you love any man and you'll be okay,"

It took me a while before I really understood what she meant but fall in love with yourself first and foremost and any man you meet will just be gravy on top of that! Good luck to you.

 

[MissJ]

Wow tiara76! Thank you for that advice. What you said makes sense. I think you broke it down for me.

OT: And something I forgot to mention is that he's been giving money to help me with my bills since I had lost my full time job (since October). I find this to be very generous as well as weird for me because I'm not use to this. I am ever so grateful but with all that I mentioned here already I am at a loss of words why he does this for me at all.

If you weren't sleeping with him, do you think he'd still be giving you money?

 

[MissJ]

This happened to me recently, and I wasn't even feeling the guy like that. I had some time on my hands. This guy liked me, and we were friends. He made a move one day. Of course, I defelected it. But then the relationship changed somewhat. He'd tell me how beautiful he thought I was, how smart I was, etc. He complained about not being able to see me outside of school. To me, school comes first, and I didn't even like the guy like that. He started talking about how he could marry me, etc. I started to believe he was sincere. The first week I gave him a chance, he came out and told me that he's an a$$hole. He's been talking to a lot of other girls. He said that he's not ready for a relationship (I already knew that meant he didn't want a relationship with ME. It was personal). He said he'd been hurt before, etc. (My BS meter was going off the scale.) Then less than two weeks later, BAM he was in a relationship with someone else. LIAR.

He wasn't worth the time, anyway, but that's the way men are. This is the first time I've ever experienced that, though. Usually, the guys drop other girls for me. This guy is not hitting on 2 cents, though. I think he had a problem with my celibate-til-marriage thing.

 

[tiara76]

Most women are nurturing enough where they say, "If I show him 100% of myself and what I'm about, he will trust me and we can have something." Men only show whatever they want to 98% of the time and say, "If I show her what I want, and get her emotions involved, I can get her to trust me and I can do what I feel while her nose is wide open."

its what you are showing that determines what that man will think...you can show 100% of yourself but when you look at yourself are you mesmerized and in love with yourself.....if you aren't ...you will run across folks who aren't either..

I would say its rare to run across women in the highest levels of self love, but they are out there and men fall over these women like no ends...and they fall for them being themselves.....

pro athletes are ruled by their egos....if you know how to play and target their ego you will have them wrapped around your finger...however if you want to target the heart of man, going thru and appeasing the ego is the long way and sometimes you get lost trying to get to it and never see it....lots of women are satisfied having the ego of a man...if a woman comes along and captures his heart he's outta there or a woman who can play the "ego" game better,..when his heart takes over the reigns you are dealing with a whole new man

I wish my ex had been tellin me he wanted to explore my soul through my beautiful eyes 2 years ago rather than two weeks ago....I already have left and know Im way past him and still love him to itty bitty sub atomic pieces.....but his heart is coming out slowly and taking over and whoever he ends up with will be getting somebody special because he is in the process of overcoming his ego and releasing what he feels in his heart