Let's Just Get Married!

[SouthernJewel]

Hi Ladies!

Any of you been married at the courthouse then had the "real" wedding a year or so later ? I'm asking because this is what I want to do but my FI is SO not feeling that. He thinks getting married at the courthouse then having the "dream" wedding later will take away from the wedding or something. I want to do this because honestly, we have been engaged since May and have looked at so many wedding halls and still don't have one booked (for various reasons). We were originally looking to get married July 08' but we have NOTHING accomplished. Can any of you ladies chime in with some pros/cons to getting married now and having a big wedding later?


Thanks

 

[cocoaluv]

The second my boyfriend proposes I'm gonna suggest the court house. He is still in school and even though I'm done and working full time I DON'T have money like that for a big wedding. Hell the only people I would be doing it for is my parents so if they want me to have a wedding they can pay for it. I am not going into debt for one day. My mom already promised me she will give me the choice her mom gave her, either give me 20k for either a wedding or the downpayment of a home.....I will pick a house in a heartbeat.

I really just wanna have the big party afterwards. People can get dressed up and eat tons of food and all that but other than that I'm good.

I say do what you feel is right cuz its your day!

 

[SouthernJewel]

The second my boyfriend proposes I'm gonna suggest the court house. He is still in school and even though I'm done and working full time I DON'T have money like that for a big wedding. Hell the only people I would be doing it for is my parents so if they want me to have a wedding they can pay for it. I am not going into debt for one day. My mom already promised me she will give me the choice her mom gave her, either give me 20k for either a wedding or the downpayment of a home.....I will pick a house in a heartbeat.

I really just wanna have the big party afterwards. People can get dressed up and eat tons of food and all that but other than that I'm good.

I say do what you feel is right cuz its your day!

The thing is, I have never wanted a big fancy wedding, but he does! It's like the roles are reversed. Normally the woman has the big wedding dreams and the man is like "whatever". He tells me that he doesn't want to do the courthouse because he knows i'm not going to want to have the wedding later on.

 

[treybaby2005]

I want to do it this way and have a wedding in like maybe five yrs.

 

[TCatt86]

Ok I don't feel so bad. There are women in this world other than myself that don't desire a big wedding. When/If I ever get married I want it to be extra small. And I'm cool with the justice of the peace as long as their is a party after. It's like I don't want to wait 2 yrs to get married and spend 30K on a wedding. The most important thing is the marriage anyway, not the wedding. I know people that spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding and get divorce before they even make it to five years.

 

[deltagyrl]

Has he said why he wants the dream wedding? Did he specifically say that he wanted to have a large wedding or is he just concerned that you won't have a wedding at all if you do the JOP?

 

[spelmanlocks]

I wanted the courthouse and my fiance wanted a large wedding, so we're having a medium sized wedding that will be moderately priced but still beautiful. You are going to have to come to some type of middle ground because its his marriage too. Maybe he wants his family there to share in the joy of the moment. If you do the courthouse now, have you considered that he might be less motivated to plan a big wedding later?

 

[SouthernJewel]

Has he said why he wants the dream wedding? Did he specifically say that he wanted to have a large wedding or is he just concerned that you won't have a wedding at all if you do the JOP?

No, he says he has always wanted a big dream wedding. He doesn't know why,he just imagined a beautiful bride in a beautiful gown! Maybe he needs to watch 'Bridezilla'...

 

[deltagyrl]

No, he says he has always wanted a big dream wedding. He doesn't know why,he just imagined a beautiful bride in a beautiful gown! Maybe he needs to watch 'Bridezilla'...

Welp. If that's his dream and it's really important to him I say let him have his day. Just don't go broke trying to do it.

 

[chiprecious]

The thing is, I have never wanted a big fancy wedding, but he does! It's like the roles are reversed. Normally the woman has the big wedding dreams and the man is like "whatever". He tells me that he doesn't want to do the courthouse because he knows i'm not going to want to have the wedding later on.

Girl I'm with you. I sometimes feel like saying "Be a man already." But then I sit back and chill and realize how special it is to have a man that wants to openly celebrate our upcoming union, have a day to remember forever, and be involved in OUR process.

 

[GodsPromises]

I got married at the courthouse with the though of having a "real" wedding for our first anniveristy. It didn't happen but I am seriously thinking about having something big for our 5th anniversity because it will be something to celbrate. Lord knows we have been though some things. That will be Feb 2009

 

[poetist]

I got married at the courthouse with the though of having a "real" wedding for our first anniveristy. It didn't happen but I am seriously thinking about having something big for our 5th anniversity because it will be something to celbrate. Lord knows we have been though some things. That will be Feb 2009

I think this is the norm. Its easy to say that you'll plan for a "real" wedding in a year or so, but I think that once you're married it becomes less urgent. I just got married in July and Lord knows it took ALOT of work. Maybe you and your guy can compromise. I think its really sweet that he even cares about how the wedding day will pan out. How about having a small wedding at someones house or backyard? You can decorate it really nicely, no need to worry about reserving dates, you can do it quickly and inexpensively, yet still make it very personal and meaningful. Something about the courthouse just seems so sterile.


Another thing: if you plan to get married at the courthouse 1st, then have a large wedding, I dont think that you'll have the large turn out that your soon to be DH is hoping for. Maybe I'm wrong, but if you are inviting family and friends from out of town, they may not make the great effort to take time off of work, get plane tickets, hotel reservations, rental cars, babysitter, etc if you guys are already married. Theres something really special about attending a wedding of 2 people who are being joined in holy matrimony for the first time. My DH wanted to elope, then have the wedding, so I too had to think all of this through

 

[Cichelle]

I did.

We got married at the courthouse and then had a religious ceremony later. We had two honeymoons, too

 

[Farida]

My worry with that arrangement, and believe me I've considered it - is that many of the people who I know who did that ended up not having the big wedding later. So make sure you'd be ok with just the JOP.

Why? Something always comes up and the wedding seems like a luxury - unforseen expenses, buying a house etc. So as I said before, plan to do both but make sure you are ok with having just one.

 

[Evolving78]

I got married at the courthouse and we plan on having something for our 5th anniversary. That day will be special and worth the time and money because we will already have things established and we have established to each other that we are going to make it no matter what. we did however took pictures, got dressed up, I had flowers, had a lunch with family and friends there, and we did have a wedding night. I wouldn't trade that day for nothing.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I agree with what poetist said.

 

[loved]

I had friends who got married on an island - she became preggers after the proposal- and had a beautiful ceremony 1 year later. It was beautiful.

 

[lonei]

Hey, I just got married in September and even though it was very small, I really would'nt want to have done it twice! I often have bad dreams about a 2nd wedding day! Dont get me wrong, it was truely the best day ever but with everything that surrounds it, once is enough for me! Maybe you can meet in the middle and have something small in July 08, like most couples who say they will do the big day afterwards, it generally doesnt happen as 'life' takes over, I just wouldn't want you to experience that type of disappointment. God bless whatever you decide.....