Let's just be FRIENDS...

[LivingDoll]

Have you ever decided to put someone that you really liked (and who really liked you) but was never a SO or DH into a "just friends" box? A person that is essentially a friend already. You just decided that you didn't want to pursue being more than friends although you were really feeling each other and you want a relationship with the person...


Why?
What was the outcome?
Are you still friends?

I'm wondering because I'm going through this now. I would just like to hear other's experiences.

Thanks!

 

[skatergurljubulee]

I've put all my exes in this category. And I'm still really good friends with all of them.
It's hard to do, but it can be done. What I usually do is be supportive of them when they're interested in someone else. And if they aren't searching for someone new, I'd support them in there work related endeavors (root for them when they get that promotion or a pay raise).That puts us back into the friends area pretty fast after that. lol

But before I could do that I'd spend about a month avoiding them or being polite but distant if avoiding them was not an issue. I had to make sure there wasn't any feelings of love or extreme like hanging around because then I'd get into that on-again-off-again thing that I've done once and will never do again!

I hope this helps!

 

[LivingDoll]

I've put all my exes in this category. And I'm still really good friends with all of them.
It's hard to do, but it can be done. What I usually do is be supportive of them when they're interested in someone else. And if they aren't searching for someone new, I'd support them in there work related endeavors (root for them when they get that promotion or a pay raise).That puts us back into the friends area pretty fast after that. lol

But before I could do that I'd spend about a month avoiding them or being polite but distant if avoiding them was not an issue. I had to make sure there wasn't any feelings of love or extreme like hanging around because then I'd get into that on-again-off-again thing that I've done once and will never do again!

I hope this helps!

Thanks for sharing!

I don't mean like an ex, I mean more someone in the beginning stages...before a relationship develops. Someone that you really, really like but for whatever reason know that you are best being just friends with.

 

[kandake]

Hmmmm,

I've never made a conscious decision to do this. That is, with someone I really, really liked. It was just the natural progression of things.

It usually happened because the timing was off and neither one of us were ready to pursue anything beyond the "friendship".

I'm still friendly with some of them. Not truly friends. One of the guys calls me every month to check up on me. We usually schedule a lunch or dinner date but thats about it.

 

[LivingDoll]

Hmmmm,

I've never made a conscious decision to do this. That is, with someone I really, really liked. It was just the natural progression of things.

It usually happened because the timing was off and neither one of us were ready to pursue anything beyond the "friendship".

I'm still friendly with some of them. Not truly friends. One of the guys calls me every month to check up on me. We usually schedule a lunch or dinner date but thats about it.

Thanks...I was beginning to think that I didn't articulate it right. I'm glad someone understands what I was asking.

Yeah, ours is a timing issue.

I was hoping to hear some happy stories. I'm a hopeless romantic...

 

[aribell]

Yes, also for timing reasons.

 

[LivingDoll]

Yes, also for timing reasons.

Are you still friends with the person?

 

[kandake]

Thanks...I was beginning to think that I didn't articulate it right. I'm glad someone understands what I was asking.

Yeah, ours is a timing issue.

I was hoping to hear some happy stories. I'm a hopeless romantic...

I'm a hopeless romantic too. And I really wanted to be with one guy. I had hopes of someday picking up where we left off but it hasn't happened. At least not yet.

But, no matter what happens in your situation it'll be for the best. I think everything happens for a reason.

 

[LivingDoll]

I'm a hopeless romantic too. And I really wanted to be with one guy. I had hopes of someday picking up where we left off but it hasn't happened. At least not yet.

But, no matter what happens in your situation it'll be for the best. I think everything happens for a reason.

That's true. I try to keep in mind that what God has for me, is for me.

 

[dlewis]

Why? I knew it would never work
What was the outcome? we never dated, have always been great friends
Are you still friends? yes we are. me, him and Dh are good friends

_________________________________________

Why? Because I didn't think it would work out
What was the outcome? We remained friends for 10+ years
Are you still friends? Yes he's my best friend. We have been married for 10 years come this July.

 

[intellect_sensual]

Yes I have, its been 2 months or so since I made the decision.

It was bad timing. We would still text, but once I started to push the just friends angle, he started to ignore my texts and phone calls, and avoid me. He would avoid places where he knew he would run into me, even if it was his normal routine. Then a month ago, he came by my job with his family (I manage a restaurant). He blatantly ignored me, only his sister spoke to me. But the past 2 weeks he started coming in to eat on his regular schedule. Last week I asked him why he was ignoring me, and he just said it was not what I thought, and would not go into detail. I saw him yesterday, and we joked and laughed a little before he left. I hope things are heading in the right direction, and that we can some how become friends. But only time will tell

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[tinkat]

I feel like it is going to end up like that. Really haven't discussed it. Timing is really really bad. Plus there are some traits that I do not think I can deal with. But I really am feeling this guy. Plus I am just getting out of a relationship so that wouldn't be smart.

 

[LivingDoll]

Why? Because I didn't think it would work out
What was the outcome? We remained friends for 10+ years
Are you still friends? Yes he's my best friend. We have been married for 10 years come this July.

That's the kind of happy ending I was hoping to hear! Thanks dlewis! So were you friends for 10 years before you got married or are you counting the 10 years of marriage as the friendship (which it is)...That's so sweet that you didn't think it would work out but it did...

How did he feel about your initial decision? Was it mutual? Did it hurt him?

Yes I have, its been 2 months or so since I made the decision.

It was bad timing. We would still text, but once I started to push the just friends angle, he started to ignore my texts and phone calls, and avoid me. He would avoid places where he knew he would run into me, even if it was his normal routine. Then a month ago, he came by my job with his family (I manage a restaurant). He blatantly ignored me, only his sister spoke to me. But the past 2 weeks he started coming in to eat on his regular schedule. Last week I asked him why he was ignoring me, and he just said it was not what I thought, and would not go into detail. I saw him yesterday, and we joked and laughed a little before he left. I hope things are heading in the right direction, and that we can some how become friends. But only time will tell

What do you think his behavior is about? Sounds like he's in love.... I hope things work out for you both.

I feel like it is going to end up like that. Really haven't discussed it. Timing is really really bad. Plus there are some traits that I do not think I can deal with. But I really am feeling this guy. Plus I am just getting out of a relationship so that wouldn't be smart.

So you don't want to make him a rebound...that's understandable. How are you feeling about it?

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Yes, one I communicate with often; he called me yesterday to decide on a new washing machine purchase. I call him my Wandering Knight but he is a confirmed bachelor who has done nearly every thing, been almost every corner of the earth with a brain made for 'using' and nothing will ever change that although I love him a lot..he is my friend and confidante forever.

 

[LivingDoll]

Yes, one I communicate with often; he called me yesterday to decide on a new washing machine purchase. I call him my Wandering Knight but he is a conformed bachelor and nothing will ever change that although I love him a lot..he is my friend and confidante forever.

Thanks...so you don't think it will ever work out with him in the future?

 

[tinkat]

That's the kind of happy ending I was hoping to hear! Thanks dlewis! So were you friends for 10 years before you got married or are you counting the 10 years of marriage as the friendship (which it is)...That's so sweet that you didn't think it would work out but it did...

How did he feel about your initial decision? Was it mutual? Did it hurt him?



What do you think his behavior is about? Sounds like he's in love.... I hope things work out for you both.



So you don't want to make him a rebound...that's understandable. How are you feeling about it?

Very confused. I met him here where I just started grad school and he is about to graduate anyway. We have gotten kind of close. School is almost over and I would be lying if I said that I am not going to miss him. I have learned alot about him (the good and bad things), more than I would have if I rushed things and shown how vulnerable I was (being that my break up is fresh). I have met a lot of his fam too believe it or not. He is definitely going to be at least a good friend to have.

 

[LivingDoll]

Very confused. I met him here where I just started grad school and he is about to graduate anyway. We have gotten kind of close. School is almost over and I would be lying if I said that I am not going to miss him. I have learned alot about him (the good and bad things), more than I would have if I rushed things and shown how vulnerable I was (being that my break up is fresh). I have met a lot of his fam too believe it or not. He is definitely going to be at least a good friend to have.

I know what you mean about being confused. I feel the same way. I want to be with him but I know that I need to give him his space to get his stuff together.

 

[intellect_sensual]

That's the kind of happy ending I was hoping to hear! Thanks dlewis! So were you friends for 10 years before you got married or are you counting the 10 years of marriage as the friendship (which it is)...That's so sweet that you didn't think it would work out but it did...

How did he feel about your initial decision? Was it mutual? Did it hurt him?



What do you think his behavior is about? Sounds like he's in love.... I hope things work out for you both.



So you don't want to make him a rebound...that's understandable. How are you feeling about it?

To be honest I thought he hated me or something lol. It really had me confused. I mean our connection was really strong, and I knew he was feeling the same thing I was, so when he started to ignore me I didn't know what to think. My best friend (male), told me that men react differently than women, and his ignoring me could mean the opposite of what I was thinking. I didn't want to believe what he was saying, so I just rolled with my "he hates me thinking". It wasn't until this past Sunday, and our interaction, and the way he looked at me, that I realized that I was wrong about that. He stared at me the whole time he was there, and I hope that eventually he will talk to me about what is going on in his head. Right now I am just going to continue giving him the space he needs.

Actually, it wasn't until I saw this thread yesterday, that I realized that he didn't start pulling away until I started pushing the just friends angle, and the light bulb went off.

 

[LivingDoll]

To be honest I thought he hated me or something lol. It really had me confused. I mean our connection was really strong, and I knew he was feeling the same thing I was, so when he started to ignore me I didn't know what to think. My best friend (male), told me that men react differently than women, and his ignoring me could mean the opposite of what I was thinking. I didn't want to believe what he was saying, so I just rolled with my "he hates me thinking". It wasn't until this past Sunday, and our interaction, and the way he looked at me, that I realized that I was wrong about that. He stared at me the whole time he was there, and I hope that eventually he will talk to me about what is going on in his head. Right now I am just going to continue giving him the space he needs.

Actually, it wasn't until I saw this thread yesterday, that I realized that he didn't start pulling away until I started pushing the just friends angle, and the light bulb went off.

Yeah, I think that when a man is in love with you and you push the "just friends" angle, they retreat...back away from you. They hate rejection and for their feelings not to be reciprocated.

 

[dlewis]

That's the kind of happy ending I was hoping to hear! Thanks dlewis! So were you friends for 10 years before you got married or are you counting the 10 years of marriage as the friendship (which it is)...That's so sweet that you didn't think it would work out but it did...

How did he feel about your initial decision? Was it mutual? Did it hurt him?

We were friends for 10 years before we started dating. He always said if we gave it a chance it would work but i just wasn't into him like that. I believe he was disapointed, not hurt. I has worked out so far.

 

[aribell]

Are you still friends with the person?

Yes, more than friends actually (but not "with benefits")...being "just friends" doesn't seem to work too well for us and we're trying to figure out if maybe we can make it work. The timing is the worst possible, but idk, I think you can probably make most things work if both of you really want to.

Whether it's possible to just stay friends probably depends on the dynamic between the two people involved.

 

[LivingDoll]

Yes, more than friends actually (but not "with benefits")...being "just friends" doesn't seem to work too well for us and we're trying to figure out if maybe we can make it work. The timing is the worst possible, but idk, I think you can probably make most things work if both of you really want to.

Whether it's possible to just stay friends probably depends on the dynamic between the two people involved.

I wish you many blessings in your friendship. I hope you both can work things out.

 

[tinkat]

I know what you mean about being confused. I feel the same way. I want to be with him but I know that I need to give him his space to get his stuff together.

Yea. I am not even going to have the conversation, its really nothing to talk about. At the end of the semester we will just part ways like good friends, although there is something more.

 

[natural in ATL]

I am going through this right now. He and I both exited long-term relationships recently (within the past few months) and neither of us are ready to jump back into one. But he is a great guy and I'd love to date him one day. For now, we are friends and the attraction is very strong...I have to actively work at downplaying that when we're together...

One thing I have learned in the past...never get into a relationship with someone who still has a significant amount of healing/growing up/etc. to do. Someone usually ends up hurt...so OP, when you mentioned that your friend has some things to work on, I think it's best to let him do that and then once he's achieved his goals you all can see what's up. Just my .02!

 

[LivingDoll]

I am going through this right now. He and I both exited long-term relationships recently (within the past few months) and neither of us are ready to jump back into one. But he is a great guy and I'd love to date him one day. For now, we are friends and the attraction is very strong...I have to actively work at downplaying that when we're together...

One thing I have learned in the past...never get into a relationship with someone who still has a significant amount of healing/growing up/etc. to do. Someone usually ends up hurt...so OP, when you mentioned that your friend has some things to work on, I think it's best to let him do that and then once he's achieved his goals you all can see what's up. Just my .02!

I definitely agree with this. He just wrote me a long email professing his feelings...I'm still going to give him time and just work on being his friend (without benefits )...

 

[Highly Favored8]

IMHO when a person puts another person in a "friends" box then no matter what you/they, do or say IMHO nothing more will come out of that relationship than just being friends.

 

[weaveologist]

I have done this because though we liked each other, there was something about this person that made me not want to pursue a relationship with them despite there many attributes that made me like them. (If that makes sense)

Basically this person was everything I would want. I knew would make a great DH, but because of x, y, or z it just wasn't there for me.

 

[LivingDoll]

IMHO when a person puts another person in a "friends" box then no matter what you/they, do or say IMHO nothing more will come out of that relationship than just being friends.

Really? Why do you think that?

 

[prospurr4]

Yes, I had a relationship with a friend just like you described.

Why? We did not pursue being more than friends because, although we loved spending time together, we both knew that God had someone else in mind for both of us.

What was the outcome? I have already found my wonderful DH, and "friend" is preparing himself for the woman of his dreams.

Are you still friends? Yes...in fact, he was friends with my DH before DH even met me...small world, huh?

Trust your heart/intuition and give it some time. If he is the man for you, time and space will not change that. I just knew that "friend" was not supposed to be my DH, regardless of how well we got along/loved each other. Interestingly, when I first met DH, I didn't even like him, but he gave me some time, and I fell totally in love with him. I wish you success with your situation.