Let's deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

[diva4life]

Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I have a few sisters and I have always been the one with the thickest, longest hair. I am the youngest. A couple of years ago,in 2000, it thinned out a whole lot due to lots of stress on the job and had been bra strap length and is now just past my shoulders and thinner, a lot thinner. My next oldest sister's hair is not as long but this past holiday weekend, it was really thick and bouncy and, um, I'm not hatin' or anything, it looked really dry as it usually does, but still thick and bouncy from blow drying and flat ironing. Well, she seems to be relishing in the fact that my hair is much thinner now, and repeatedly reminded everyone that it's not as long as it "used" to be. I didn't say anything, but I sat there thinking how gracious and thankful to God I will be when my hair thickens back up and is at brastrap length again, because I believe that can happen. She has, sad to say, always been the envious one, especially where I a m concerned. But I, like I said, am just going to keep pampering my hair, thanking God for what I have left to work with and in a few months of taking my hair vitamins, I believe it will once again be thicker and longer than ever. Sometimes, you gotta just encourage yourself! It's bad enough when you have to deal with jealous women on a day to day basis on the job and so forth, but it hurts me to know that my sister seem to be really happy that I had that hair disaster I am still reeling from. Have any of you had an experience like this with a biological sister or even a close relative?

 

[miss_brown]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I haven't had this experience with anyone close to me before, but I can imagine how hurtful and annoying that would be. Girl, be encouraged, and do come back and tell us how envious your sister is when your long, thick, lustrous hair is swinging past your bra strap

 

[kisz4tj]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I'm afraid my girls are going to go through this when they get older. My oldester daughter has very oily soft wavy hair and when she was a baby random strangers would ask me if her father was american or say stuff like "where did she get her hair from", now my youngest girl has combination hair part of it is like her sisters but the majority is dry but soft (not snap crackle pop). What kills me is our family comments all the time like oh she doesn't have hair like her sister. Honestly I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me, however it would help if family/people would just stop commenting. I really hope they don't have issues as they get older.

 

[EgyptianSand16]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

yes i can RELATE ALOT TO THIS. My older sister (4yrs older) also has to compete at something with me(mostly EVERYTHING) her hair is relaxed and broken off. For a year now i've been transitioning, and she has nothing nice to say unless "you need a perm, your hair is not gonna look as it was like when you were little (i had big thick curly hair), that style dosen't suit you(my curly puff), you don't have "good hair" you know, so why i you going natural" or she'll take a look at my hair and laugh (thinking it would hurt my feelings). I have been telling her for some time now what she needs to do to "restore" her hairline (she has none)and make her hair healthy. She just tells me to mind my own business. When she found out that i have been on LHCF, she went on too. She read up on some of you ladies wonderful hair care tips. She then proceeds to saying "i have a job, so i can afford to buy all the products they recommend, you don't have a job or some money right now, so you can't. My hair will grow longer past yours, because i have the money to spend on it" then she will laugh that annoying laugh in order to hurt my feelings (yeah right) Despite her now being "hair savvy" i still find her yanking a small tooth comb through her dry hair, slapping on globs of olive oil hoping her hair "will grow from all natural stuff" shampooing often with a harsh shampoo because she read on LHCF that "daily washings makes your hair grow

". I have more, but i would have to type like 4 pages long.

 

[diva4life]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I have that same issue with my kids, thnkfully though, they are both boys, and while my older boy(age 9) does get annoyed sometimes when everyone talks about the baby's(he's 5)hair, he always acts a little envious. But you're right, it doesn't help when family members do it, for instance, my one stupid aunt, who loves nothing more than creating tension and dis-harmony, if there is such a word, always asks, 'where did he get that hair from?' My response was "from his mom and dad I guess" she said, 'your hair ain't that good" I said well draw your conclusions then....needless to say she can't stand me now....

 

[kandyland]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

That is sad to hear......your sister if not anybody else should be one encouraging you not bringing you down.
I guess I have to be thankful to God that I have a sister who's not jealous of me and I'm not jealous of her....we work together and that's the way it should be. We've been trying to regain the length and thickness of our hair for over a year. Multi-vits, hair formula 37, hot oil, you name it we've tried it. The one day I found this board. I quicly referred her to it and now she's on the wagon

Like you said all you can do is continue what you're doing and make her eat her words in the long run.

 

[diva4life]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Egyptiansand, I can't believe your sister makes such blatantly malicious comments. At least my sister, who, by the way, has ALWAYS tortured me about something from childhood through highschool, does her mean stuff on the dl, because she would never want it to be said that she was jealous of me and always has been, it's so sad. Whever I feel the slightest twinge of jealousy or envy, I say a quick prayer and thank God for what he has blessed ME with, because I am unique within myself, and unlike any other. I want to applaud you for sticking to your goal despite the ignorant comments your sister makes, and then sometimes we can't share everything with people, even out of our desire to help. We have learned and are learning so much with our sisters here on the board, why should we cast these pearls before swine. Some people will have no appreciation for what we do here or for what our goals are with regard to our hair. Others may have an appreciation, but are lacking in the committment that it takes to grow longer healthier hair. That was just a nice way of saying some don't care, and some are too lazy......

 

[kedala]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

diva4life I just want to say that I admire your faith and graciousness in God, it's just so pleasing to read.

Therefore, I know that you will also continue to pray for your sister that not only will she be genuinely happy for you and your accomplishments but also happy with herself.

Keep growing sistas! In spite of obstacles.

 

[EgyptianSand16]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

i really don't let it bother me anymore. I see her sometimes out the corner of my eye starring at my hair

I try my best not to envy ANYBODY, because i know everyone is unique in THEIR own way

 

[Tracy]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Being an only child is quite lonely...but when I read stories like this I feel blessed with my solitude...


It really hurts me to read these things and my heart goes out to anyone who suffers this kind of flippant backhanded abuse by their own siblings....

I get lonely and all, but with family like that....

I'd rather live on my own, with no family, for a million years than have family that treats me this way.

 

[henrilou]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Get this. The envy comes from my MOTHER. As a child I had thick (though dry)LONG hair. My mom had (and I remember AND have pictures)short, broken chewed hair. When I was 8 she Cut my hair down to 2 inches. My grandma cried(she wore a wig and adored my hair). Then when the relaxer thing hit: she would go to the salon and I did my OWN (in the 7th and through high school). It was never anything she said but just the feeling and tension. I have always envied those little girls with the 6 big braids all over their head and that well greased look. Even back then it seemed like they looked loved and fussed over. My mom would give me ONE ponytail/puff and NO GREASE. that's it. My hair never looked combed/smooth. And nothings changed. She still has her same hair. She offered to 'trim' mine for me and I declined. I have done pretty well for myself in other areas and it's like my mom is NOT happy for her daughter.She compares alot. I feel sad about that.

 

[Xtal]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

After reading this, I also feel grateful that my sisters and I have all been blessed with
less-than-admirable hair (in most people's opinion, not mine though). No one can pit us against each other with all of that
"good hair/bad hair" nonsense because we all are so far gone in the "bad hair" arena it's
not even worth discussion

Now I have cousins where it's a different story. I think my aunt permed and damaged my cousins 2a hair
because she doesn't want anyone to know she has "good" hair.

I'm sorry so many have experienced such bad treatment by family when it comes to something
as superficial as hair!

Every one who I encounter must value me for who I am, not for the shape of the dead protein that sprouts from my follicles.


Happy to be Nappy

X

 

[Crysdon]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I have always longed for a sister and reading this makes me feel a little comforted that I don't.

 

[melodee]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Sometimes, it's the insecurities of others (even within the family) that makes for such heated competition. It wouldn't matter if you and your sis were both bald, she'd find something else to compete with.

It's hard for me, cause my sister and I have the same stylist. The stylist raves about her and her hair, but does nothing but cut mine off all the time. Anyway, I've learned that this is a small problem and that I can handle it by taking the best possible care of my hair and the results will speak for themselves. Hopefully, your sister will realize that life is not a contest,and that you all should be encouragers of each other. Since I've been taking care of my own hair, my sis comes to me for hair tips.

 

[Devonte's mommy]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I don't have any relatives that put down my hair thank goodness. they compliment me, but don't the tips i have learned will work for them. on the other hand my old best friends loves to say my hair is getting short and breaking off even though it isn't. then she goes on to say look at mine it is getting so long. Even though her hair has been the same length since i met her 4 years ago

. i cut my hair into a just below the ear style 2 years ago and it has grown back plus some more. she attempts to school me on proper hair tips like spacing out relaxers even though i told her first. I told her that is ok to wash her hair more often and she thinks i am nuts. it just amazes me how some people can be so negative. my mil to be has told me my hair was too thick before. she also told me i should relax it more often to get it thinner,like i really want thin see through hair i don't listen to either because some things people say are just nonsense. i really do think my mil was just trying to be helpful, but my old friend was notorious for saying things to bring me down. i know my hair isn't breaking off and my fiance who laughs about all my hair club things has said my hair is getting longer.

Don't let no one still your sunshine in anything you do. whether it be your hair or anything else. they will be all eating their words when your results pay off

 

[KinksnCurlz]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

It's sad to say but my older sister is like that. My younger sister has the longest hair out of all of us and I'm all for that. Heck, I even give her AND my big sis hair tips from this board. BUT my older sis is always saying her hair is the longest esp. when she gets it blown out (it's not). When my younger sis cut her hair she was quick to point out that her hair was longer... now babysis is sporting some longggg locks and big sis is quiet all of a sudden (and that's a first). When I was younger, i had natural hair and big sis always use to tell me that her hair was longer than mine. i got my first relaxer (actually my 2nd) at age 15 and when i took those pins out (doobie of course

) i had to point out... MY HAIR WAS LONGER... big sis was quiet than too.

 

[Gldspoon]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

you know.....I am sitting here reading these things and I am STILL at a loss for why someone having a softer or straighter hair texture feels like they have more going for them than someone who's hair is the coarsest you could find out there. Also...I know most of the ladies at this board are fond of long hair (including myself) but why is it that so many people also feel that they have something over others if thier hair is longer? I mean I have been growing my hair out for over 2 years and it has gotten really long but my sister has bever said anything negative about it...we NEVER have issues regarding hair and I do hers on occasion and she does mine also. The other big thing is that I choose to relax my hair while she is natural (dreds). She says she likes the relaxed hair on me and I like the natural look for her also. I don't see what the big deal is...

hair is hair...as long as it's healthy it's all good to me.

ALSO...supposed your sister had mid-back length dried out ratty looking hair and you had a beautiful healthy shiney halle berry type hair cut...WHO would be considered having "better" hair?

Better yet....suppose she had healthy mid-back hair and you had healthy short hair...it could just be preference why you cut your hair..so I don't see the reason for it to be used like it's a bad thing.

Healthy hair is beautiful reagrdless of texture or length...to me anyway.

Gldspoon

 

[Cami]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I can definitely relate to the sibling rivalry situations. I'm the yougest of 6, and I have 3 older sisters. I'm 23, my oldest sister is 35, next is 33 and the other is 32. I will identify each one with the age so you'll know who I'm talking about. Just to give a lil background, we are all bi-racial Korean/AA and we all have our own look/hair type.

35 yr old sis always hated when people said we looked alike growing up. If we went to the grocery store, mall, etc. and people say "Aw, you two look just alike", she would say "No we don't, we don't look alike". Mind you, this stuff started when I was around 12 and she was in her twenties at the time. Sis 35 has beautiful hair! She has 1a type hair that's down to her butt. I have 4a type hair and she used to always say "I got the best hair, it seems like the rest of you just got dad's leftovers". Yep, she always used to make comments like that. Whenever people would ask me what was I mixed with, she would say "Yeah, people always think I'm Hispanic, so forth and so on." I think that maybe she felt like it was pressure on her that people would say we looked alike and she wanted to be the only "cute" one. Just the other day she looked at old pics of herself and said "You know what, on some pics I didn't look good, but the older I get, the better I look". I believe that it's just a lot of insecurities with herself because 1) she still lives at home with mom intentionally, she could move out on her own but she's only worried about goin shoppin on the weekends to look good 2) she always boasts about attn she gets when she goes out and everyone and her friend is jealous of her. Also, she gets happy when my other sisters are havin man problems, she loves to gossip when something bad happens. I can go on, but this is just a few things.

NEXT-33 yr old sis was doin a lil hatin when my hubby and I just tied the knot last month. She would say stuff like "You're just a baby, you two are sooo young....". When I went home last weekend, we all went to the mall and she kept asking "How can you wear those high heel shoes all the time". I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but when she wanted me to help pick out shoes for her, I told her "Those look really nice for you", she then said "Oh, what do you mean by that, they look nice for me and not for you"? I said "No, I didn't mean anything like that, I just know that's you're style, not mine and they look nice". Well, like a day later, she confessed and told me that she wished she could dress cute for her husband and that she purposely kept callin me a baby because I'm young, and she would treat me like a grown woman from now.

FINALLY-Sis 32 made a sly comment. I told her that I showed pics of us at work (with my mom on it). I told her that everyone kept saying that my mother and I look just alike, then she said "Well, that wasn't a good picture of mom". I said, "What do you mean by that?" She then said "Well, she had a double chin". I was like ummm, okay. But I knew what she was trying to do.

Okay, whew! Overall, I think that all of this hatin is just that I'm young and livin a good life. Mysery loves company, I just find that whenever there's a compliment or a threat, something is always said.

 

[Champagne_Wishes]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Well I hope you don't mind me jumping in since I'm a new member but what you are describing is nothing new that I've heard. I have friends that have sisters (I'm the only girl in my fam) and they would compete over anything under the sun. And it's not necessarily about hair. Personally I think it's heartbreaking that some of your sister still act like that. And also I don't think 23 is too young to get married. As long as you and your hubby are in good financial standing and you love each other, then you guys should be happy.

 

[Adrian3bc]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Oh my God EgyptianSand are we sisters. Ive always recieved compliments on my hair and so has my sister. We both have extremly thick fast growing hair. My sister is a 3c/4a and there isnt much difference in our hair except my strands are softer and hers are more coarse. When I made the decison to go natural she said the EXACT same things to me and now calls me "Mother Africa". Also, since i Cut my hair in march hers is longer for the first time ever and she loves to rub it in my face. But is so damaged and dry it doesnt shine or have sheen. She needs to cut it off and start over. I Thought I was the only one with an evil big sister.

 

[Xcellence2]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

I have 2 sisters both younger and it has never been a competition b/n the 3 of us about hair. My youngest sister's hair is longer than mine now but it does not upset me or make me jealous. I am happy b/c she is happy with it. However, it does motivate me to get my hair back to that length. My middle sister has always had the shortest hair of the 3 of us and even still she is cool with it. It has never ever been a competition thing with my sisters. We are 25, 21, and 13.

 

[Cami]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

[ QUOTE ]
I have 2 sisters both younger and it has never been a competition b/n the 3 of us about hair. My youngest sister's hair is longer than mine now but it does not upset me or make me jealous. I am happy b/c she is happy with it. However, it does motivate me to get my hair back to that length. My middle sister has always had the shortest hair of the 3 of us and even still she is cool with it. It has never ever been a competition thing with my sisters. We are 25, 21, and 13.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm glad to hear that you and your sisters get along. I always wished for a decent relationship with my sisters, but it always seemed like a competition.

 

[diva4life]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

TGBTG(to God be the Glory!) I have just resolved to be as positive about the hair thing as I can. Not tryiong to be self righteous or anything, but on the real, if someone else has longer hair, sister or not, that still does not change the fact that the hairs on my head are numbered and that I can be thankful that I have hair and that I am so blessed in many ways. My other sis and I share hair advice and she is very encouraging. My mom wants the best for all of us, but with everyone at ome this past holiday, she noticed how my 2 older sisters were very chummy and how older sis was going on talking about mom's home, where she was raised, incidentally, and how this was not good enough, and how that wasn't as nice as hers at home, and just acting like she forgot where she came from. Whew! I was glad no one came to stay at my house! I think sibling rivalry will alwys BE, but how we respond to it is up to us.

 

[diva4life]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

TGBTG(to God be the Glory!) I have just resolved to be as positive about the hair thing as I can. Not trying to be self righteous or anything, but on the real, if someone else has longer hair, sister or not, that still does not change the fact that the hairs on my head are numbered and that I can be thankful that I have hair and that I am so blessed in many ways. My other sis and I share hair advice and she is very encouraging. My mom wants the best for all of us, but with everyone at ome this past holiday, she noticed how my 2 older sisters were very chummy and how older sis was going on talking about mom's home, where she was raised, incidentally, and how this was not good enough, and how that wasn't as nice as hers at home, and just acting like she forgot where she came from. Whew! I was glad no one came to stay at my house! I think sibling rivalry will alwys BE, but how we respond to it is up to us.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Um...she sounds evil. Don't co-sign to her BS. My sister is the same way although not as obvious. I know everything about me is all she ever wanted, so I just kill her with my most grateful smile. Then I relish the moment as her smirk just fades away. Because nothing she says or does to me will take my smile away.

 

[brandy]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

About six years ago when I had bra strap relaxed hair, my cousin whom started growing her hair(shoulder length hair) before me got really jealous and conived with her hairdresser friend and cut about 2 inches of my hair when I let them plait my hair.
Recently my younger sister and mum really did hurt my feelings, they brought tears to my eyes! I've always had thick healthy hair but without shine out of the 3.My hair grows pretty fast when compared to my sister's and mum's and I am the one that gets all the hair complements out of the 3. After giving birth to my daughter last year, I decided to cut my hair. When they saw me with my crop they began to laugh and say horrible things. I tried to ignore them but they really got at me when I tried to pick up my crying baby nephew and my younger sister said " stop! don't touch him you're frightening him with your hair cut that short, you look awful!". But I look better than her whether my hair is long or short and she knows it.

This year in April when I decided to stop texturising and grow my hair back, my sister again began to laugh at me asking me why. She also reminded me that her hair is longer than mine!
Before I had my baby last year,I used to have a very wicked figure(not boasting), but I did have a great figure. But since last year due to the stress of studying at degree level, a baby to look after, a husband that needs a lot of attention, and housework , I haven't been able to get my figure back. Guess what, my sister again saw me one day and was quick to remind me of how good looking I was, and how awful, fat and ugly looking I am now! Well good luck to her and I believe soon I will SHUT the

up!

 

[nekee]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

My sister and i work together with our hair. I dont envy her, even though i tell her "I hate you, you have such sweet hair and u do nothing with it" She has like 2/c,3A type hair and she just wears it back in one and i think it is like 4 inches past her shoulders. She doesnt hate on my hair , i dont think she would since it is so short , but even when it was past shoulderlenght she was still there for me.
My "acquaintance" on the other hand, when someone says something about my hair, she would go "Can't you seee that ___ has picky hair ?. Mind you she has like 2 inches more hair than i do, and it is straggly and thin and she has a bald patch at the front of her hair. Then she comments and asks me which salon i go to . I also had to remind her that the only reason my hair is short is because i had it cut in a style.
haters bleh

 

[Norma15]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

oh my god i have the same promblem i love my cousin but since her hair is like 4b anmd mines is like 3b or 3c. alright ever since i been on the board my hair has been improving alot and hears is not so the other day i say ur hair looks nice down cause its on the bottom of her neck only the back part and the rest is in her check llevel. so she goes yea but my hair always been longer which is a lie is jusyt that mom alwyas did my hair in bows and braids protective styles and she permed her hair from an early age. the other she goes wow you realy have white ppl hair cause my hair is soft she needs help its like one min she likes my hair and the next min she like mines is beter but i ahave no fear cause my hair witll get past heres cause i want bra strap hair length but first i have to get it to shoulder length need 2 or more inches

 

[Crysdon]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Hi Norma,

Not trying to be funny or anything, but could you please add punctuation marks in the above post? I tried reading it and I'm stuck on what you're trying to say.

TIA

 

[Victorian]

Re: Let\'s deal with sibling hair rivalry.........

Well I'm blessed with a sister with whom I have never had any rivalries. We never fight about anything and I'm thankful all the time cuz I know how siblings can be sometimes. And as far as hair goes, our hair has always been pretty close in length because my mom took care of both our hair until we got older. Nowadays hers is usually a couple inches longer than mine, but I've never been jealous or anything. I always liked to take note of the things she did to her hair and she was the first person to teach me, by example, that less is more. The truth is that I'm more interested in stuff like hair and clothes than she ever is. She has a really laid back "I don't care" attitude about that sort of stuff, which I really admire. Her hair always grows long because she doesn't mess with it. I try to adopt that approach but I can't seem to stay away from the hair care aisle

Speaking of which, I need to go wash my hair so I can try out that conditioner sample I got from Sally's the other day....