Left in the lurch again. Heartbroken and deflated. I cant cope.

[Stephanay]

My ex and I have been off and on for the past few months. A few weeks ago however we started talking again and said we'd try and make things work between us.we have been regularly texting and I've seen him within that time. We were meant to meet today and spend the rest of the week together.

I have travelled from Leicester to Luton by coach only for him to send me a text the morning I was on a coach station chatting crap about how he find out I lied about something and that there's no longer a chance for us to get back together. It's complete *******s and an excuse.

I told him I had an issue with some girl at my uni and that she was getting at me for no good reason, which is true and apparently I'm lying about that cos his source says otherwise.

Bearing in mind that I never told him the girls name or description nor do we have mutual friends so it's impossible to come up with that conclusion. He didn't even know the girl I had an issue with so how could I have possibly been lying? This isn't the first time this is happening, the day before we were meant to see eachother before he broke up with me too. This time it's all the more painful because I haven't done anything. He says he doesn't trust me because my actions don't go with my words but he's just nitpicking and blowing things out of proportion

I'm currently in London staying at a friends house. I'm miserable and hurt. In a fit of rage I told him about himself but he doesn't seem to care or understand the gravity of what he's done to me. I'm broken and I can't function.


I feel so stupid. I feel led on and I feel played. He has basically strung me along and given me hope only to cut me off the day before. I placed him on a pedestal, constantly begged to get him back and this is what I'm left with.
Constantly having to prove my salt and worth and having to explain issues that need not to have arisen. It's clear he has attachment and commitment issues.

I should have known that from the start. When a man is 26 (I'm 18) and not settled down and doesn't want but chooses to run each time it's obvious he's riddled with issues. In a way I'm glad this is over. I would have probably outgrown him anyway.

At his age he spends most of his hard earned money on drugs, partying and alcohol and I was growing sick of hearing how off his nut he was all the time. At his age he should and could have invested in his own property and had an substantial savings but whenever I approach him with this he says he wouldn't trade his party/experiences for the world.

I've been miserable for a long time now, I've been stressed and for a girl of my age this isn't healthy. I thought I would never meet someone like him that's why I held on so much but to be honest this is why I need to let go.

He always said he wasn't good enough for me and I think he's right. He showed and gave me new experiences and it was fun and exciting and it made me feel loved. I didn't think I had anything else going on for me and that's why I clung on.

 

[hopeful]

"I placed him on a pedestal, constantly begged to get him back and this is what I'm left with."

No man should be put on a pedestal .

Especially one like this:

"At his age he spends most of his hard earned money on drugs, partying and alcohol and I was growing sick of hearing how off his nut he was all the time."

You are way too young for all of this mess. Focus on your education and building up your self-esteem. You can do wayyy better than this jerk.

 

[nelcoy]

You can do so much better. I know it hurts now, but trust me when you get my age (30 something) you probably won't even remember much about this relationship. Focus on your education, don't give your power to any man, and if you going to play the on & off game please please use protection. He is playing games with you.

I went through something similar when I was in college and I got over him by keeping myself busy so I didn't have time for him and his bs. Eventually he didn't have the hold on me that he once had. He went crazy trying to prove he changed, but it didn't matter because I moved on to someone that treated me like a queen.

 

[deltadreamland]

I placed him on a pedestal, constantly begged to get him back and this is what I'm left with.

Herein, lies the problem.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Haven't you posted about this guy before?

 

[Stephanay]

Haven't you posted about this guy before?

Yes. I stated we had gotten back with eachother in my post

 

[Foxglove]

He's mad because he thinks you're having an issue with another girl who is a stranger to him that has nothing to do with him? Why would you want to be with somebody like this?

 

[Rastafarai]

Stephanay, cut all communication with this dude ASAP. He is poison for you and I assume you already knew this. DRUGS? Girl, please drop him before you ruin your life for good.

You are too young for this nonsense. Focus your energy and efforts on school, volunteering, join a church if you have to, just get out there and associate your time and energy on people who actually want the best for you.

You should NEVER EVER EVER have to BEG a man to have you in his life. In fact, I advise you NEVER do that again. Do you hear me?

Focus on YOU. Right now, right here...vow to yourself and your future that it will be all about you and only you.

Just promise me you will get rid of this man once and for all. You deserve so much better and your Prince is out there. Don't lose sleep or tears over this piece of sh*t!

Are you by chance currently in school? What are your pending goals? Keep us posted.

 

[Stephanay]

Stephanay, cut all communication with this dude ASAP. He is poison for you and I assume you already knew this. DRUGS? Girl, please drop him before you ruin your life for good.

You are too young for this nonsense. Focus your energy and efforts on school, volunteering, join a church if you have to, just get out there and associate your time and energy on people who actually want the best for you.

You should NEVER EVER EVER have to BEG a man to have you in his life. In fact, I advise you NEVER do that again. Do you hear me?

Focus on YOU. Right now, right here...vow to yourself and your future that it will be all about you and only you.

Just promise me you will get rid of this man once and for all. You deserve so much better and your Prince is out there. Don't lose sleep or tears over this piece of sh*t!

Are you by chance currently in school? What are your pending goals? Keep us posted.

Thank you.
I've just finished my first year of university. I have a scholarship to study politics and IR
Everything you're saying is true and to be honest I knew this all along. I allowed him to build me up and this is what I got. I felt like I couldn't do better

I've since texted him saying I'm done and he didn't even bother to reply. It's like the last few weeks never happened

 

[Stephanay]

I feel humiliated and strung along.my self esteem is shattered. I'm no longer the person I was and I don't know how I will move on from this.
He doesn't even care or consider what he's just done to me

 

[PatTodd]

Count. Yourself. Lucky!

 

[MzLady78]

I feel humiliated and strung along.my self esteem is shattered. I'm no longer the person I was and I don't know how I will move on from this.
He doesn't even care or consider what he's just done to me

First things first, do not concern yourself with the bolded. It's not going to help matters at all. YOU have to look out for YOU now, *** him.

You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You made a mistake, as we all do. And at 18, let's be honest, it won't be the last. The only thing you can do is learn from it and try as hard as you can to not make this same mistake again.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

He said he wasn't good enough.

Why didn't you believe him?

 

[ultrasuede]

He seems to be an emotional abuser and a toxic person. You really don't need a person like him in your life. Consider yourself lucky that he is choosing to remove himself.

 

[tinyhips]

I've been in a similar situation OP and I really hope you know that you are a wonderful, whole, amazing person without a relationship. I used to hold on to broken relationships and broken men for far too long. I used to believe that I could be the perfect gf and make a relationship work despite the odds. Overtime I have learned that no relationship rests on one persons shoulders and that a healthy relationship requires equal and honest effort from both people. Sounds like you were doing most if not all of the relationship "work".

I had to stop and truly decide what I wanted from a relationship and a partner. I wrote down a list of my core values and another list of traits I required from a partner. When I was all the way honest with myself I realized I had ignored my own values and allowed men into my life that were not worthy of my time, energy, and love.

 

[Evolving78]

i'm sorry you are going through this. have your friend to get some good junk food, some funny/thriller/mystery movies and just be bums for the day. i know this is going to be so hard, but stop all communication with him for a least a day. if you can make it a day, it will get better. you gotta really think about what just happened. you were on your way to see him and he broke up with you....something in the water isn't clean. don't even bother trying to figure out why he did it. some people are just straight up demons put on this earth to destroy spirits.

 

[Stephanay]

I've been in a similar situation OP and I really hope you know that you are a wonderful, whole, amazing person without a relationship. I used to hold on to broken relationships and broken men for far too long. I used to believe that I could be the perfect gf and make a relationship work despite the odds. Overtime I have learned that no relationship rests on one persons shoulders and that a healthy relationship requires equal and honest effort from both people. Sounds like you were doing most if not all of the relationship "work".

I had to stop and truly decide what I wanted from a relationship and a partner. I wrote down a list of my core values and another list of traits I required from a partner. When I was all the way honest with myself I realized I had ignored my own values and allowed men into my life that were not worthy of my time, energy, and love.

The last bit just described me totally. I tolerated and accepted from him what I wouldn't from anyone else. He was new, different and exposed me to a lot of things. I didn't think I had any going for me and was bored and that's why I clung on to him for so long.
It just really hurts that he doesn't see me for who I am and that I was the catalyst to our issues.
I gave my all and that made him treat me this way.

 

[tinyhips]

The last bit just described me totally. I tolerated and accepted from him what I wouldn't from anyone else. He was new, different and exposed me to a lot of things. I didn't think I had any going for me and was bored and that's why I clung on to him for so long.
It just really hurts that he doesn't see me for who I am and that I was the catalyst to our issues.
I gave my all and that made him treat me this way.

Please don't blame yourself for his actions. He chose how to treat you. He has disrespected you and you are deserving of far better. We all make mistakes in relationships but when we can learn how to love and value ourselves we won't accept anything less from a partner.

I don't know this man but when I used to date older men some were jealous of my youth and potential. Some of these men tried to put me down or mess with my head to see if I'd tolerate nonsense. I often had to walk away even when it hurt terribly because staying with them was holding me back and stunting my growth.

Try and treat yourself well- just like you might help a friend going through a similar situation. Don't blame yourself or put yourself down. I know it's easier said that done but we can be our own worst enemy by rehashing the regrets and self blame. When I find myself doing this I acknowledge it and tell myself something logical and positive instead of dwelling in the negative. Most importantly I try and shift my focus entirely into myself- do the things I like. I watch my favorite movies, listen to music, eat good food, go to my favorite galleries, take yoga classes.

 

[tinyhips]

i'm sorry you are going through this. have your friend to get some good junk food, some funny/thriller/mystery movies and just be bums for the day. i know this is going to be so hard, but stop all communication with him for a least a day. if you can make it a day, it will get better. you gotta really think about what just happened. you were on your way to see him and he broke up with you....something in the water isn't clean. don't even bother trying to figure out why he did it. some people are just straight up demons put on this earth to destroy spirits.

Co signing this entire post. We often try and psycho analyze why men hurt us and unfortunately it's pointless. Often there is no rhyme or reason and we are just wasting our energy trying to figure out someone else's mess. And I agree that no contact is an absolute must if you're going to move on for good.

 

[shespoison]

Everybody plays the fool sometimes. I cant believe some of the bull I put up with in my younger days.

But it gets better.

Once you truly understand your worth, you will not allow anyone to treat you less than you deserve.

Feel better, be positive and dont dwell on your mistakes.

 

[Fifty&Fab]

Chalk this up as a life lesson - whenever a man tells you he is not good enough for you, believe him. Cut all communication with him and get away from him before he tries to do something to mess up your life.