Learning To Be More Assertive Thread

[Ganjababy]

Yes! My DH gave me the silent treatment because I have strangers coming into our home, which is very unusual for him and makes it worse for me. He even refused some loving. But he just came through the door and could not refuse. Now he is all smiles. Men are simple. Now I don’t feel so bad lol. But yeah, I need to stop this foolishness.

One last scenario:
I later learned a family member had to sleep in her car because she had planned to stay with me. Unbeknownst to me btw.

But, I did know she was coming so I didn’t take her calls because I didn’t want my place to be an option

It was only later that I learned she stayed in the car with her bf. BUT, bet she never put herself in that situation again.

Some people make setting boundaries hard. But, who’s it gonna be hard on? Being a doormat is hard too.

 

[Ganjababy]

Its 430am and one of my guest is playing gospel music in her room. I woke up alarmed wondering if I was having auditory hallucinations.

 

[Ganjababy]

I told her to turn it down lol. Baby steps...

 

[caribeandiva]

I told her to turn it down lol. Baby steps...

Good for you! Hopefully they’re leaving soon

 

[caribeandiva]

One last scenario:
I later learned a family member had to sleep in her car because she had planned to stay with me. Unbeknownst to me btw.

But, I did know she was coming so I didn’t take her calls because I didn’t want my place to be an option

It was only later that I learned she stayed in the car with her bf. BUT, bet she never put herself in that situation again.

Some people make setting boundaries hard. But, who’s it gonna be hard on? Being a doormat is hard too.

Your stories give me life!! Please tell us more. Your boundaries are strong!

 

[Lymegreen]

Your stories give me life!! Please tell us more. Your boundaries are strong!

I think @hopeful sums up my thoughts better than I can articulate.

 

[Ganjababy]

they Are gone I have my house back and they were not too taxing. One person cooked Friday and Saturday (I stayed in my room all day Saturday) and I cooked Sunday.

After Alladat they came for a family funeral and their family refused to collect them so they did not even go. Unbelievable lol.

Dh was busy so I did not even fix my mouth to ask him. I arranged an Uber person I know to drive them there for less without using the app but I think by that time they were pissed at the treatments by the family member arranging the funeral they may have been too overwhelmed to be looking after them.

They enjoyed their stay. Even though it was a total disaster lol. They offered me $200. I declined.

 

[hopeful]

Well glad that is over with.

 

[Ayesha81]

Im an introvert so my actions speak loud and clear. When im done with you call me you will get hung up on, come to my door it will not get answered

 

[Neomorph]

Definitely working on this! This past Thursday I had to tell one of the post-docs that I couldn't do the experiment he just dropped in my lap because I had 3 other experiments to take care of plus administrative duties. It was nerve-wracking but it worked out in the long run (he got better results now since we pushed it back to today). I also (unfortunately) have to mind myself since I am the only black person in the lab (and basically one of like 5 black people in the entire department on the science side) that my assertiveness doesn't come across as a "angry black woman".