LDR, meeting for the first time ?

JewelleNY

JewelleNY

Well-Known Member
Hi ladies! :) Long time since I have been here, good to see all of the old and new faces :yep:

I have a question regarding dating long distance. I did some searches but was not able to find the answer.

When you are dating long distance, requiring a plane ride to meet, who should travel first and who pays? I'm thinking one would need to factor in hotel fees, plane fees, and the actual dates while visiting.

Also, what about future visits?

Looking forward to hearing the responses. I haven't been on here in quite some time and really miss all of the wonderful advice I would obtain here. :)
 
I think the man should travel first and pay for his own expenses.

Sent from my S3 using LHCF
 
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I think you should travel to see each other. He could pay for you if he got it like that, but being that you are in an LDR you should both be willing to travel since that's the only way you will be able to see each other and continue said relationship.
 
Hey girl! Welcome back! (((HUGS)))

I think the man should travel first. He is trying to court you I assume, so he should make the arrangements. Now once you are past that preliminary stage you can meet each other halfway or go to each others homes. Good luck!
 
Unless you are into dutch I don't think you should have to pay for transportation period point blank. You could plan and pay for some of the events your interested in or dates in either city. It would help balance things out if you feel some kinda way about a man doing majority of the spending. You guys will have to decide how often you need to see each other to make it work. Planning is good but you have to be spontaneous also. Long term goals play a big part in dating but its really of importance in LDR's. Can't be wasting feelings, time and money for no purpose at all. That is all I got right now.

Oh I forgot congrats on the relationship. You deserve all the happiness in the world Jewel. Don't be afraid to do what feels right to and for you. Its good to see you round these parts again.
 
I agree with the poster up thread, he should pay for his own flight to see you and stay in hotel.
 
Lucie said:
Hey girl! Welcome back! (((HUGS)))

I think the man should travel first. He is trying to court you I assume, so he should make the arrangements. Now once you are past that preliminary stage you can meet each other halfway or go to each others homes. Good luck!
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Hi Lucie! (((HUGS)))

Thanks, I miss being around here :)

I agree with you guys about the courting aspect, it can ne a challenge to work out the usual courting norms when it is long distance :)
 
I would say he should travel for unless he is willing to pay for your expenses. I preferred for my SO to come first.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours.Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Welcome back. Let the man court you. That will give you a chance to see how much effort he is willing to put forth.

Let him come to your town so if things go bad or you aren't a good fit, you can always go home.
 
are you two dating or is this an actual relationship. b/c if its a relationship i would be staying at his place and he would be staying at my place so no need for hotel fees. atleast thats what i did in my current relationship. i agree with others about the man should still be the one to pay for the dates. as far as who visits who first this again goes back to is this just dating or a relationship? if its just dating he should visit first hands down, if its a relationship i would say whoever can more easily travel first.
 
Hi hon. if it is already intimate I would stay at his place while he foot the bill for my plane ticket etc. if still new,I would meet at a middle area in another town. he pays his and you pay yours.
 
Welcome back Jewell! I'm actually in the same boat as you right now. I'm actually going to travel out to his hometown and he will foot the hotel expenses and dating activities. This is actually our second date: Short story- Met him a little over a year ago when I was out of town visiting a friend. I just got out of a long term relationship with my daughter's father and my friends(hubby & wife team) decided to play cupid and hooked me up on a blind date with a friend of theirs. Now mind you, I was lightweight dating another person at the time and decided that there was no harm in keeping my options open.

I had a fabolous time on my date; he was a complete gentleman and chilvary was not dead with him! He treated me with respect; paid for everyone's dinner, my drinks never got a chance to hit the bottom of the glass before he order another for me without me having to say boo. Converstation was excellent, laughter was continuous and he loved to dance like me; he even taught me the Cupid Shuffle. :)

I was honest with him and told him I was dating other people, which he understood but he told me that if I was living in the same town, he would date me in an instant. Fast forward: We've been phone buddies for the past year 1/2 and have really gotten to know each other. The person I was dating previously bit the dust and I've just been celibate and lightweight dating. We share alot of the same views and morals, he also coaches and mentors youngsters after working hours. He was originally supposed to visit me during the Labor Day holidays but plans fell through due to an issue on my end. We both are single parents interested in having a growing family and we are both excited in seeing if we can develop something further regardless of distance.

I will admit that I'm a little apprehensive about LDR but at the same time, I'm venturing out of my comfort zone and trying something new. My friend has made his interest in me known from day 1 and wants to pursue our friendship into a relationship. We have both discussed the pros and cons since we both have children ( he has full custody of his child) but the final decision is up to me since he has his mind already made up about me. :) I'm not going to jump the gun on anything but I plan on making the best of my visit and enjoy myself.

Jewell, give it a go, if the person you're seeing is paying for the flight and hotel/ entertainment, then great! If he can pay 1/2, I say go with that too but if he doesn't offer to ease the financial burden then he would get major side eye. If you are in a relationship with him, tell him to keep a drawer space for you and save your hotel money! LOL
 
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Congrats! I just went through a similar situation. I think that if it's convenient for you to go first and it's still early on in the dating stage--i.e. you don't have a title yet--then he should pay for your flight and hotel accommodations and at least the first date/activity. Let him court you. If it's easier for him to come to you, I think you can offer to help out with either the flight or hotel costs but I still think he should get his own space so that things can progress naturally between the two of you. If you lived closer to one another and wouldn't be having overnight stays at this point, then there's no need to feel like you need to rush that just because of the distance/cost. There will be other weekends for all of that, so take your time to really get to know one another. :)
 
I have no personal experience with this but my good friend is seeing a guy who lives overseas. So far he's been paying all of his own travel expenses to get here and he stays with her. I'm not sure who pays for food and whatnot but I know that the first few times he came down she was unemployed (parents paid her rent) so he was probably paying for that as well.
 
Bklynqueen said:
Welcome back Jewell! I'm actually in the same boat as you right now. I'm actually going to travel out to his hometown and he will foot the hotel expenses and dating activities. This is actually our second date: Short story- Met him a little over a year ago when I was out of town visiting a friend. I just got out of a long term relationship with my daughter's father and my friends(hubby & wife team) decided to play cupid and hooked me up on a blind date with a friend of theirs. Now mind you, I was lightweight dating another person at the time and decided that there was no harm in keeping my options open.

I had a fabolous time on my date; he was a complete gentleman and chilvary was not dead with him! He treated me with respect; paid for everyone's dinner, my drinks never got a chance to hit the bottom of the glass before he order another for me without me having to say boo. Converstation was excellent, laughter was continuous and he loved to dance like me; he even taught me the Cupid Shuffle. :)

I was honest with him and told him I was dating other people, which he understood but he told me that if I was living in the same town, he would date me in an instant. Fast forward: We've been phone buddies for the past year 1/2 and have really gotten to know each other. The person I was dating previously bit the dust and I've just been celibate and lightweight dating. We share alot of the same views and morals, he also coaches and mentors youngsters after working hours. He was originally supposed to visit me during the Labor Day holidays but plans fell through due to an issue on my end. We both are single parents interested in having a growing family and we are both excited in seeing if we can develop something further regardless of distance.

I will admit that I'm a little apprehensive about LDR but at the same time, I'm venturing out of my comfort zone and trying something new. My friend has made his interest in me known from day 1 and wants to pursue our friendship into a relationship. We have both discussed the pros and cons since we both have children ( he has full custody of his child) but the final decision is up to me since he has his mind already made up about me. :) I'm not going to jump the gun on anything but I plan on making the best of my visit and enjoy myself.

Jewell, give it a go, if the person you're seeing is paying for the flight and hotel/ entertainment, then great! If he can pay 1/2, I say go with that too but if he doesn't offer to ease the financial burden then he would get major side eye. If you are in a relationship with him, tell him to keep a drawer space for you and save your hotel money! LOL
Click to expand...


Hi Bklynqueen!! :wave: Thanks!

Sounds like you have a winner there :) It's good you are taking your time :yep:
 
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