Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info?

Maa Maa omo mti

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Let's discuss profile messages. I'm curious to know what other ladies have in their profile messages. Recently one of our cousin posted what her husband thought us women might be doing wrong when it comes to looking for a man. With this in mind I'm wondering if our profile messages could potentially be a problem or bring about the wrong type of guys...
He told me the criteria women look for in a man are NOT the same things a man looks for in a woman. If a man wants to LIVE OFF OF A WOMAN he is very concerned with how much money she makes but if a man wants a true life partner he is looking for a nurturer, someone who wants to have a family, someone who can cook (so he knows his children aren't eating McDonald's every night when he isn't around) and someone with some common sense!

He says many single black women think that while they have done exceptionally well with earning degrees and climbing the corporate ladder - those skills that help them excel there are the same ones that help them excel in relationships and it isn't. And bottom line, if you are independent - you need not have to say it. A man would be able to see it plainly in how you are living! Too many women wear that on their sleeve and it can be somewhat of a turn off. He also said too many women, with their egos, think a man is easily intimidated by them. Not the case most times. Some women can be confrontational about their accomplishments which is a turn off.

So with this in mind could we be scarying away the guy we want to meet even online?

Post your profile messages, and let's help each other by criticing it. Also list your relationship goal
 
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Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

mine:

A little about me...
I'm a gemini, who likes to live life. I love to travel, have fun, and also be sociable. Life is good, and I hope to make it great with someone in my life. I'm known to prepare some really good meals, so yes I can throw down in the kitchen. I love to pamper my man, love cuddling, being affectionate. I do want kids one day, so I prefer a man that wants kids also.

What are you looking for in a partner?
I want a guy that's looking for a serious relationship. A guy who will attempt to give some time, understanding and patience towards a good relationship. Someone who not only listens but can communicate also.

I'd just like to add...
I prefer a message and not just a flirt. They are nice but how do you reply to a flirt? Say something more.

I know it's not the best and I can sure use some help. I've been trying to change it for a while but don't know what to say and don't want to say too much.

My goal is to meet someone serious whether online or off.
so go ahead and help.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

I'll post mine a little later, but one tip I got was to not put negatives in the profile.

The first time I put up a profile, I'd just gotten hurt and I said something like, "If you are a man who doesn't do XYZ, don't bother responding."

Or something else like: "I'm tired of men who say XYZ, but mean ABC."

Then I realized that type of profile made me seem really angry and bitter. I hate profiles from men in which they talk about how they're so tired of women who do this, that and the other, so I can see why men might be turned off from reading a similar profile from a woman.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

I'll post mine a little later, but one tip I got was to not put negatives in the profile.

The first time I put up a profile, I'd just gotten hurt and I said something like, "If you are a man who doesn't do XYZ, don't bother responding."

Or something else like: "I'm tired of men who say XYZ, but mean ABC."

Then I realized that type of profile made me seem really angry and bitter. I hate profiles from men in which they talk about how they're so tired of women who do this, that and the other, so I can see why men might be turned off from reading a similar profile from a woman.

I totally agree. I did the same thing too and though i did get responses it wasn't what I was looking for at all.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

Great thread!

I'll be looking into dating online in the future so this thread helps!
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

I may be in the minority but I think online dating is fun! I'm looking for a LTR and met my ex-fiance online. I meet great guys online, although I just got 'demoted' by one I really really liked. dammit! NEXT!

here's one of my shortest ones but the one that gets the most attention.

I'm a glass half-full road warrior who is fun, sexy and down to earth. I enjoy walking with my dog, going to sporting events, movies, visiting friends, concerts, at the gym, and even MORE time on the computer...I'm a gadget freek at heart. I'm interested in emotional and spiritual growth as well as adventurous fun.

I love to travel and do a sun & sand, plus an international trip every year. You should have a current passport and a running list of all the places you'd like to visit. (Travel fiends know exactly what I'm talking about!) Scuba divers are a plus.

Short, sweet and to the point.

Men are very visual so I have nice pretty pictures listed too.


You wanted advice so here goes. I think the profile should leave them wanting to know more. You put a little bit out there, make it interesting and fun, and leave it up to them to contact you and find out more.

Less of "I'm looking for a man who....." and "Please be ____, ___ and _____". IMO men are terrified of our 'requirements and rules' and that they won't measure up. Make it easier on them to make the first move and that they 'might' be the man for you.

More of "This is me and I am fabulous!" You never know about chemistry and who they are until you actually meet and you can discuss all that serious when you meet and get to talk to them.

HTH and good luck to all of us as we are 'wookin pa nub'!
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

I may be in the minority but I think online dating is fun! I'm looking for a LTR and met my ex-fiance online. I meet great guys online, although I just got 'demoted' by one I really really liked. dammit! NEXT!

here's one of my shortest ones but the one that gets the most attention.

I'm a glass half-full road warrior who is fun, sexy and down to earth. I enjoy walking with my dog, going to sporting events, movies, visiting friends, concerts, at the gym, and even MORE time on the computer...I'm a gadget freek at heart. I'm interested in emotional and spiritual growth as well as adventurous fun.

I love to travel and do a sun & sand, plus an international trip every year. You should have a current passport and a running list of all the places you'd like to visit. (Travel fiends know exactly what I'm talking about!) Scuba divers are a plus.

Short, sweet and to the point.

Men are very visual so I have nice pretty pictures listed too.


You wanted advice so here goes. I think the profile should leave them wanting to know more. You put a little bit out there, make it interesting and fun, and leave it up to them to contact you and find out more.

Less of "I'm looking for a man who....." and "Please be ____, ___ and _____". IMO men are terrified of our 'requirements and rules' and that they won't measure up. Make it easier on them to make the first move and that they 'might' be the man for you.

More of "This is me and I am fabulous!" You never know about chemistry and who they are until you actually meet and you can discuss all that serious when you meet and get to talk to them.

HTH and good luck to all of us as we are 'wookin pa nub'!

Good advice:yep:

please feel free to add more if you have it. I'm definitely learning. :yep:
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

i took all of my profiles down a couple of months ago, but one thing that i know drew a lot of people in was when i asked, "i'm phoebe... where's my coop?".... a lot of guys seemed to like the challenge of trying to figure out what the heck i was talking about... a few went so far as to google to try to understand me better....

it wasn't so much about the "line"... it was their response to it... i put something out there that was distinctly related to my personality and what i'm looking for and they were forced to think outside the box in order to figure e out... i think not only did it attract the type of men that i like, but these men also got the impression that i wasn't like the "next" profile...
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

I like this thread...here's mine, critique away ladies...

A little about me...
Im a nerd who likes to have fun (is that an oxymoron? LOL). I work as a chemist for a large company, and in my spare time I like to do a variety of different things, depending on my mood. One day I want to hit an art museum, and the next Id like to enjoy some live jazz and a glass of wine. Im also big on African-American literature, football games and trips to the park.
What are you looking for in a partner?
In general, Im looking for a partner to complement my personality. Im attracted to intelligence and charisma, and someone with a sense of humor. My ideal partner will have similar interests and goals, and will challenge me to be a better person. He should work hard and play hard.
I'd just like to add...
Im a big fan of John Coltrane, Sex and the City, Big 10 football, Jay-Z, and Ketel One vodka.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

This is one of my guy friend's ex girls...

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=57538107

I found her profile to crack me all the way up. She's a beautiful girl but she has a LOT of spunk.

He met her on myspace and when he sent me her profile link I was like UH-OH!

Surely enough....CRASH AND BURN.

He loved her beauty and hated her attitude inside 3 months so if a profile is indicitive of anyone's "real" personality...:blush:

I did think she was a comedian though.

*****I'm Really Easy To Get Along With Once People Learn To Worship Me. I hate all things non-materalistic, have been called selfish, mean and shallow. None of which bother me. I like cheesecake, fast cars and the rear ends of most football players. I also harbor a strong desire to marry an NFL player or at least date one...."That boy knows how to find holes and hit em for big yardage" I'm HIS No. 2 fan,...hehehe. I think I should be elected president so that I can give myself: a raise, a yacth and my own island off the coast of Italy in that order. I'm in love my blond hair more than you are...yeah it's possible. One day I will seduce some insanely rich man and spend all his money on myself (Autumn included) and Beyonce. Other than that.....Mind ya buisness. That's all....Just mind ya buisness.

Disclaimer....Disclaimer....Disclaimer....Disclaimer....Disclaimer.... I joined my space strictly to make friends. So please don't message me asking me if you can take me out to dinner, if we can go out for drinks, or to get at you cause I won't. can&It's no when you first ask me, no when you ask again. No you can't have my number nor am I interested in calling you. I'm not here looking for a man, another baby daddy, a cutty buddy, or another BBFL. Also...I've been on this earth for almost 26 years. I am very well aware of how beautiful I am. Please don't send me a message telling me as much and expect a response. That's lame...step your game up. Also if you are interested in getting to know me...cool I like making new friends...but please don't ask me something that you could very easily answer yourself by simply reading my profile. Be proactive...I won't even go that far out on the limb, hell just read. I'm really not trying to be rude but it's very annoying to have 50 new messages all saying the same thing and asking the same questions..."Hey Ma (1st off...please don't call me Ma)...you're beautiful as hell...can I get at cha? You seem fun...tell me what you like to do." Lame, Lame, Lame! It's 2007...I know you've had time to perfect your game. And because I hate that question with a passion let me go ahead and answer it. I am a fun girl. I love having a good time. Smiling and laughing are two of my favorite things to do. I like to drink, don't really smoke, love getting all dressed up and lighting up the town but truth be told I'd rather sit at home with my guy (when I'm seeing someone) and cater to him. In my spare time I like to read, when I feel inspired I will write, and when I feel lazy veg'ing out in front of the television with a big bowl of Oreo Cookie ice cream is a fav of mine. Speaking of time mine is valuable...I have none to waste with you or on ignorance. If you want to have an intelligent convo..cool but please know what you are talking about before you just spew forth a bunch of ****. I hate being lied to...liars are cowards. Obviously I have a passion for sports if I work at ESPN but I really don't want to discuss the game you saw last night, unless we are talking my Cowboys and if my favorite Panther has a monster game :). Now you've probably read this and thought...Damn this girl is a stuck-up *****...Truth be told that is so far from who I am. I'm a very sweet, loving person...I'm just sick of all the bull-ish dudes always seem to come equipped with. Now in closing I suggest you take notes cause if you message me asking me anything I covered in today's lesson...you get and "F" and your message will be deleted. Thank you.

Texas stand up! You are a TRUE Texan if: *You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, and Amarillo. *You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. *You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. *You know cowpies are not made of beef. *A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Chevy 3500 4x4 is. *You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends. *You go to the river/lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. *You aren't sure how exactly everyone at the family reunion is related to you. You also aren't sure if you've ever even seen them before in your life. *You answer the phone Say? *You hate all things ARKANSASIAN (LOL) *But 63% of your friends go to school in Arkansas (What up, ya'll?) *You know where TEXARKANA is (TK, what's the business?!!) *You know it's CHALIE, not CHARLIE Boy *You begin & end convos with "Already" *You resent the fact that people assume all we do is ride horses and wear cowboy boots yet you know someone who has one belt buckle bigger than your fist *You will beat the next person's ass that asks you did you vote for Bush *When you hear "syrup" you automatically think of the drink; not the condiment *You call people unrelated to you "kinfolk" You can finish the lines: *What's the ___ deal/ Man hold___/ Got too much ____ in my ____ *Being "throwed" isn't a predicament; its a state of mind *You ****s wit Sonic 8 days a week! *A 102 degree day is normal *At least one of your high school teachers was a coach *You know AT LEAST 15 people at Prairie View *You think the way people from NY talk is "funny" and everyone from a bigger city has an accent *Wearing Timbs is optional, not a way of life *You know Hwy. 59 and I-30 can get you ANYWHERE *You were sad when Paul Wall and Chamillionaire started beefin *"Ma" is reserved for Mothers and Grandmothers ONLY *You know the truth: Mike Jones SUCKS! * Jungle Juice is your ****! *You can't understand why everyone else in the world is so hostile and in such a hurry *Calling your girl your "*****" WILL get you leaned on *You know the meaning of bopper swanger(s) slab cakin and being throwed *Dominoes is just as much apart of the family reunion as the family *You have 6 cousins from California (at least) *You have never said "you all" in your life *You have a porch, not a stoop *You love Cadillacs; its in your blood *You miss the REAL **** Actions *You know what it means to "roll a big body" and "'lac a corner" *You don't really see the purpose of EVER leaving the state *A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. *You measure distance in minutes. *Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions. *You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. *Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. *You know everything goes better with Ranch. *You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. *Finally, You are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." "Already"
Who I'd like to meet:
Yo Daddy if he's rich and Reggie Bush cause the brotha is fine and these fools!
 
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Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

I like this thread...here's mine, critique away ladies...
What's your end goal? And how has this profile message been so far? Are you getting the type of guy you would like?

One thing I noticed was the job position. as the quote in my first post stated guys are not interested in what we do for work or what our degrees are. heck you will find a guy who said they want an intelligent female who's educated, but that does not mean he literally wants that. All he is saying is that he wants someone who is all that to him alone, not on paper. We definitely do speak a different language then they do.

I'm still working on mine, but I hope that advise helps you out with yours.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

What's your end goal? And how has this profile message been so far? Are you getting the type of guy you would like?

One thing I noticed was the job position. as the quote in my first post stated guys are not interested in what we do for work or what our degrees are. heck you will find a guy who said they want an intelligent female who's educated, but that does not mean he literally wants that. All he is saying is that he wants someone who is all that to him alone, not on paper. We definitely do speak a different language then they do.

I'm still working on mine, but I hope that advise helps you out with yours.

Good point.

I've gotten all kinds of dudes, unfortunately, including a lot who just look at the pics and then ask me questions that could have been answered if they had just read my profile. :wallbash:

I have gotten guys who have written and said "Oh, I'm a chemist/engineer/scientist too" and that starts conversation.

I put it in there because I'm geniunely passionate about what I do, my love for the sciences is a big part of me (I'm such a nerd) so whoever I get with should at least understand and be partially interested in it too.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

This thread is right on time! I'll be dating online soon and I have NO IDEA what to put in my profile. So, far all your responses are amazing! Keep it coming!
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

Good point.

I've gotten all kinds of dudes, unfortunately, including a lot who just look at the pics and then ask me questions that could have been answered if they had just read my profile. :wallbash:

I don't think they actually read alot of profiles...they just start with the pictures. Perhaps you can put a pic up when you're in the lab?
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

Good point.

I've gotten all kinds of dudes, unfortunately, including a lot who just look at the pics and then ask me questions that could have been answered if they had just read my profile. :wallbash:

I have gotten guys who have written and said "Oh, I'm a chemist/engineer/scientist too" and that starts conversation.

I put it in there because I'm geniunely passionate about what I do, my love for the sciences is a big part of me (I'm such a nerd) so whoever I get with should at least understand and be partially interested in it too.

I seriously think a lot of men don't read profiles. That's why, if the message they give me is generic or they don't fit what I clearly say I'm looking for, then I don't bother responding.

Don't write me if you're a divorced 50-year-old smoker with three kids! Geez!

As for your job... see, I don't think it's a terrible thing to say what you do, as long as it's not the main focus of the profile. I've found that men have been very interested in what I do and enjoy asking me questions about it... it's a good icebreaker.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

Good point.

I've gotten all kinds of dudes, unfortunately, including a lot who just look at the pics and then ask me questions that could have been answered if they had just read my profile. :wallbash:

I don't think they actually read alot of profiles...they just start with the pictures. Perhaps you can put a pic up when you're in the lab?


Or like SQ said ask what CO2 +H2O is lol. Something that will get attention.

Now I need you guys to critic mine. I know it needs some work.
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

DELETE
.............
 
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Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

This is a great thread, Abenyo! :yep:

I have several profiles up and I write something different for each one. I'll have yall critique my Yahoo! profile. 73 men have viewed in the past week, but no messages. :ohwell: Oh, and I'm looking for a LTR.

Title: "What This Libra Loves..."

Me And My Ideal Match: I love curling up in front of the fireplace... especially now after moving to Michigan from sunny Florida. I especially love the beach, which I miss desperately now, in the middle of winter! This brings me to another thing I love, which is weekend getaways. My last weekend getaway was way too long ago -- this summer, in fact -- to South Beach in Miami. I went along for a "girls' weekend" with another love of mine, my friends (See us together in my pictures?). I also love meeting new people, so why don't you contact me so we can get to know each other?

My best friends describe me as sweet, fun-loving, and shy at first, but definitely friendly. I'm also a creative person. I love art, photography, theater, music, literature, you name it. I love old school R&B music from well before my time, like the Isley Brothers, and even some of the more contemporary artists from pop to reggae to hip-hop. I absolutely love to laugh, so my ideal match would have a quirky sense of humor, and laugh at my corny jokes. *smile* He would be a gentleman, of course -- I was raised in the South. He would be well-rounded, able to talk about anything from the State of the Union address to the top-selling Billboard artist of the week to the latest sports.

Does this sound like you? Well, I hope so. I'm interested in meeting someone to genuinely get to know me, someone to spend time with, someone to build a friendship with to see where it might lead, and vice versa. Send me an email if you're interested.... Can't wait to hear from you!
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

Abenyo, I don't know if men read profiles either :laugh:, but what you have right now seems kinda cookie-cutter and not as descriptive. Infuse some personality up in there!

I read profiles, so I always find myself attracted to profiles with quirky sense of humor and rich, descriptive profiles. It's something about the humor or personality that I think draws you in and leaves you wanting to know more...
 
Re: Ladies using online dating systems could your profile message send the wrong info

This is a really interesting thread! I have a couple of profiles up online. I am sort of dating someone now so I'm not quite as active as I have been but this is my most recent posting:

What can I say! My friends told me to try this out cause they know I am fun-loving, open-minded and most likely to not balk at a challenge.
My responsible side is what makes me interested in art, socially conscious issues and learning anything new. While my slightly irresponsible side is what allows me to enjoy taking off on vacation at a moments notice (love to travel), to waste a day watching movies, and to try just about anything new.
I love meeting people (definately a people-person) and if you do too, then drop me a line.
I'd love to hear from you!



I try to keep it kinda short and sweet cause like others have said, I'm not sure all guys read them anyways. When someone references what I've said or they say they like my profile, then that's a plus for them. I agree with the point that it's best to focus on yourself, your personality and what you have to offer than to detail what you are looking for. The only reason is because men generally contact you and if you seem really picky then they may not bother writing to you and you may scare off someone that you would actually consider dating... If you sell what a fantastic person you are, then you will get LOTS of responses and then you get to pick and choose who you are interested in speaking with. This is just my experience... personally and from what friends say. One of my friends just got engaged to a man she met online so I guess she was doing something right. :yep:
 
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