Ladies, I need some Suggestions

[NewHairWOWeave]

I tried to shorten it . but here it is

I have been in a relationship with the guy for about 7 month, however I have known him for about 4-5 years. Everything about him is great and I can't ask for anything more. I have been in some hell whole relationships and I appreciate everything he does for me and with me.And I am happy to say that the only problem I have with him is that he is always late. X, Y and Z has to always be done and make him late. But that is besides the point.

Now me and him have similar backgrounds in the sense that we have supported ourself for the most part since we were around 15. I have always did everything for my self and so has he. Well a situation happened about a week or two ago and and the money is not coming in how it used to, he must move from his current residence and must get another job. And I can see that he is kind of feeling a type of way. He has asked me if I would leave him because things are not the same bacause other girls in that past have. I have tried to reassure him that I am not shallow and I didn't get involved with him because of the money. But it seems as if he doesnt hear me. I dont know what to do because he looks sad and I just want to show him that I love him and put a smile on his face.

Ladies, Please I need some suggestions.I just want him to relax for the most part.

 

[bunnie82]

he has to relax his own insecurities....i don't think there's anything you can do...all you can do is try to reassure him...if that doesn't work, then he will just have to wait and see....
as long as he's on his grind, it shouldn't be a problem....but don't get comfortable with not workin thinkin i'm finna take care of you....no sir....

 

[Windsy]

I think you've done all that you can do for now.....you've told him and you now have to let time tell him.

 

[NewHairWOWeave]

bunnie82 please he dont even want me to pay for a slice of pizza for him. BTW He got a new job in a matter of hours(no joke, I was amazed) and a new apartment. So im kinda like yoo people with ba/bs, ms/ma dont get jobs that quickly, so just calm down with the non sense

 

[bunnie82]

@bunnie82 please he dont even want me to pay for a slice of pizza for him. BTW He got a new job in a matter of hours(no joke, I was amazed) and a new apartment. So im kinda like yoo people with ba/bs, ms/ma dont get jobs that quickly, so just calm down with the non sense

that's awesome news!!!! yayyy!!!!

 

[ashessehsa]

Do you see yourself marrying this guy? Part of marriage vows are "for better or worse..." How do you know if things will get better if you don't stick it out through the worst times.

 

[NewHairWOWeave]

ashessehsa I can see my self marrying him. Oddly enough my mother says it and my family likes him and TRUST my family dont like any new blood. But im not one to run qiuckly and be scared.

 

[Poohbear]

bunnie82 please he dont even want me to pay for a slice of pizza for him. BTW He got a new job in a matter of hours(no joke, I was amazed) and a new apartment. So im kinda like yoo people with ba/bs, ms/ma dont get jobs that quickly, so just calm down with the non sense

Now that he has this new apartment and new job, is he STILL asking you to leave him?

 

[NewHairWOWeave]

Poohbear No, he hasn't said anything about that. He kind of want me to be around more. But he's very quiet (that normal) but he looks sad. And says things like "am i good enough for you" and "do i make u happy" . and of course my answer is yesss all the time.

 

[itsjusthair88]

Just be there for him, my ex couldn't work AT ALL during his last year of his PharmD program and he was doing the same things the first 3 months, but when that time passed and I was till there, he felt better. I'd be with him at this very moment, if not for my own need to be "free" and move around like some nomad girl-child (SMH at myself)

 

[Bun Mistress]

Some words of advice for your situation. Never offer to pay for a thing. EVER. If you want to support him or let him know that you have his back you need to change your approach so not ot hurt his pride durring this rough time.

Say things such as " I love know dependable you are regardless of your responsibilites"
"I love that you always find time to spend with." See you aren't say you are responsible, you are going to be fine. You are complementing reguardless of the current situation.

If you want to help him out financially don't for one second offer to pay for anything. For men (a good man) that is a ego blow that can ruin a relationship. Try this, on a day that he KNOWS you aren't busy. Make a show of saying This Friday I'm getting off early and have no plans. Call him up spur of the moment and say, "Honey, if I wanted to say at my place and have dinner and a movie tonight would thatbe ok?" (now, don't make this an everyday, or I will spank you!). Ans then make dinner (nothing special) and that can be your night in without him spending money and you feel like you've helped.

I hope this helps. or is at least relavant.

 

[hopeful]

Keep reminding yourself that it is important to be kind and supportive but you are not responsible for him. He is responsible for his financial situation and his well-being. Don't offer to pay for anything, don't coddle, don't baby him, he is a grown man and you should expect him to behave in that manner. Also, keep in mind that you are his girlfriend, not his fiancee, wife, mother, or therapist. And I am confused. If he already has a new job and a new apartment, what exactly is the problem?

 

[ThickHair]

Poohbear No, he hasn't said anything about that. He kind of want me to be around more. But he's very quiet (that normal) but he looks sad. And says things like "am i good enough for you" and "do i make u happy" . and of course my answer is yesss all the time.

Sounds like he is a bit insecure because he has been burned in the past. No need to tell him you are different, he just has to learn and see for himself.

 

[Imani]

Keep reminding yourself that it is important to be kind and supportive but you are not responsible for him. He is responsible for his financial situation and his well-being. Don't offer to pay for anything, don't coddle, don't baby him, he is a grown man and you should expect him to behave in that manner. Also, keep in mind that you are his girlfriend, not his fiancee, wife, mother, or therapist. And I am confused. If he already has a new job and a new apartment, what exactly is the problem?

B/c thanks wasnt enough. There is not much you can do when someone when someone is being insecure, that is something they have to come to terms with for themselves.

I had a guy like that, took me a vacay to the bahamas (we were both early/mid twenties fresh out of school, mind you) and he just kept saying, Oh I bet this isn't good enough for you, I bet you aren't having fun/I didn't do a good job of planning this, etc. I'm like, dude, I'm enjoying myself chill out. How many people our age are even taking vacays at all? No matter what I said, he always had it in his mind that he wasn't doing/being "enough". I hope your dude lets those thoughts go, insecurities can manifest into some not so nice behaviors in a relationship.

 

[NewHairWOWeave]

Thanx Ladies. I think I figured it out and I think he may be begining to see clearly