Ladies, help??? How do I work out this situation?

[Latomian]

I've been going out with this guy (we'll call him J) for not very long on a casual basis; we'd have drinks and get something to eat but nothing serious (he said he was emot. unavailable). We even paid for our own meals/drinks.

So, when I was grocery shopping (I keep meeting guys at the grocery store) I noticed "B" staring at me:Blush2:. Then he approached me and asked me out to dinner and I couldn't say no. Now B is very handsome, 6'6, very sweet and has some of the most lengthy, thick gorgeous eyelashes I have ever seen...

I call J and tell him about my dinner date with B...and he gets pissed. I told him about him being "emotionally unavailable" and he said that he wasn't "serious" about that and thought I would wait until he was ready. After a while, he cooled down and said he'd like to still see me but now I know his feelings, I'm not sure that's fair to either one of them. Plus, I'm not even sure if he truly wants me or just doesn't want anyone else to have me (like my ex).

J's nice but there was never anything between us. Plus...I'm starting to really like B...and b/c of my last break-up, I never thought that was possible again. But ladies...I can talk to B for hours, he cooks for me, kisses my forehead (I love that)...and I never thought I'd find a guy who likes the same things about me that I like about myself:Rose:

Ok...long story short...should I let J down gently? And if so, how can I do it in a nice way?

 

[Son26]

Well. . . it seems like you like B a lot more than J. I wouldn't have told J about my date with B. You should let J down gently, I would tell J that I just want to be friends.

B sounds like a great guy.

 

[Skyfall]

I think no matter how gently you tell him he's not gonna take it well.
Just tell him you wanna be frens and that next time don't wait till a girl finds someone else to make your move...

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

hummm...... letting him down easy? doesn't make sense since there was nothing going on in the first place. J made his bed when he told you he was emotionally "unavailable" (imma use dat, by da way), so you did right be being pursued by someone else. Do you and continue to see B. Just keep your business to yourself. Don't tell J anything..keep it to yourself. See, you can't tell men the Gospel truth, cuz they'll take that and run to the hills with it.

And, men are territorial too. Whether he wants you or not, he doesn't want anyone to have you or your time. Tell him he can see you, but as a friend. I betchu that dummy won't say no dumb shyt like dat no mo!

Damn dat, do you and have a good time doing it. Just keep it to yourself.

 

[JustKiya]

See, I would have stopped messing with J when he told me he was 'emotionally unavailable', full stop. And now, he's talking some 'I thought you would wait..... ' mess - wait for what? for how long? with no title? Fool, please.

At this point, personally, I wouldn't worry about 'letting him down easy'. I'd tell him that since he's emotionally unavailable, I've decided to make myself unavailable to him, period, and that if he ever becomes emotionally available and interested in a relationship - well, I don't think I'll change my phone number anytime soon, and he's got my number.

And roll on.

Good luck with B!!!

 

[zenith]

Just let J know that you do not want pursue a relationship with him. Be strait that way, he doesn't think you are giving him room to win you over.

And it's better if you do it over the phone. I don't trust breaking up with these men, he could bust a cap in ya, just out of jealousy.

Next time he calls (after you tell him it's over) let it go to voicemail. No need to entertain him.

Oh and if you and B decided to be serious, let him know about J so that it doesn't look like you were being shady.

 

[Mai Tai]

Girl Please! I would drop J like he stole my grandmothers dentures!

I've been going out with this guy (we'll call him J) for not very long on a casual basis; we'd have drinks and get something to eat but nothing serious (he said he was emot. unavailable). We even paid for our own meals/drinks. (He's not serious about courting you if he let you pay for your own food. If the date was his idea, and if he was interested, he would/should have paid. Going "Dutch" is one of the top ways to get placed into the dreaded "Friend Zone")

So, when I was grocery shopping (I keep meeting guys at the grocery store) I noticed "B" staring at me:Blush2:. (OKAY!)Then he approached me and asked me out to dinner and I couldn't say no. Now B is very handsome, 6'6, very sweet and has some of the most lengthy, thick gorgeous eyelashes I have ever seen...(I am sucka for long lashes!)

I call J and tell him about my dinner date with B(ERRRR! Stop the press! Why did you feel the need to divulge the goings of your personal life with J. That ain't your man, thus there is no need for him to know what you got going on in your dating life. Big mistake...)...and he gets pissed.(SO!) I told him about him being "emotionally unavailable" and he said that he wasn't "serious" about that and thought I would wait until he was ready.( I think that's the funniest thing I heard all day. What you look like waiting on "Mr. I Really Just Want To Be Friends With Benifits" when you have B investing time in fostering a relationship. PUUHHLEASE! After a while, he cooled down and said he'd like to still see me but now I know his feelings, I'm not sure that's fair to either one of them. (What isn't fair is you even giving this nonsense your time.) Plus, I'm not even sure if he truly wants me or just doesn't want anyone else to have me (like my ex).(If you are unsure about J's intentions then so is he. He said from his own mouth that he was emotionally unavailable so there is your answer right there.)

J's nice but there was never anything between us. Plus...I'm starting to really like B...and b/c of my last break-up, I never thought that was possible again. But ladies...I can talk to B for hours, he cooks for me, kisses my forehead (I love that)...and I never thought I'd find a guy who likes the same things about me that I like about myself:Rose:(That is deep...any man that makes you that way is worth a shot.)

Ok...long story short...should I let J down gently? And if so, how can I do it in a nice way Just let him know that you have absolutely no time for his mixed signals. When he figures out what he wants he can call and you will MAYBE answer the phone.[/quote]

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

i wouldnt have told J anything...
I would've just smoked J and called it a day...
Hahaha jk
B sounds nice

 

[Bunny77]

Sheeeet, why are you telling J anything? Since when was he your man? You can go out with 10 dudes every night if you want because you are single and available and J doesn't need to have boo to say about it.

Like Kiya said, I woulda been out once J said he was emotionally unavailable and I for darn sure wouldn't have told him about whom I'm dating because that is completely IRRELEVANT information to him because he AIN'T YA MAN!!!

Go out with B, don't tell J ****, and let him take his emotionally unavailable behind elsewhere. He should be glad you're still even having a conversation with him... sheet, I wish I would be worried about trying to let some dude who ain't even my man "down easy." Puh-leeze...

 

[Choclatcotton]

Wow, this men run a lot of game, and have a lot of nerve! I would keep it moving from J. and NOT fold my wrist to pick up the phone.

 

[Transformer]

There's no "letting down" because he was never "up" or into you. Telling you he was just kidding is simply an ego move. He wants to see how much you're into him that you would let someone "emotionally available" go.

If you decide to stay around "J" you've just announced that you're willing to be a doormat. Things won't get better with "J."

 

[Determined22]

I would leave J alone. Like JustKiya, I would have been done when he said he was emotionally unavailable. His whole "I thought you would wait for me" attitude is wack!

You deserve better. If you like the other guy, pursue something with him.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

The more time you spend with "J" the less time you'll have to enjoy with "B". Take it from me!! (Thank you Bunny77 )

 

[hopeful]

Keep it moving. Have fun with B. Don't spend any more mental energy thinking about or worrying about J. Don't worry about letting him down or breaking up with him, just get on with your life and enjoy being with someone who is into you. J is playing games.

 

[mscocoface]

Guuurrlll, I think you got the message from the sistah board, now go do what you need to do and keep us posted on B!

 

[tiara76]

as my brother is always tellin me when I have to be tellin guys the real deal

keepitreal dot com T

for whatever reason u felt like tellin first dude about other dude you did and even if you guys were on friendly hang out terms and you got a new guy eventually you would have to say something or just cut him off without any explanation and never talk to him again and if you cared even a little bit about him I can see how you may not want to be like that, esp if you want to put your time and energy into the new dude and not see him anymore

you can't control how anybody takes the truth, just your intentions behind telling it...if you trying to let him go let him go and move forward with the new guy who you like and makes you feel good