Knowing my story, is this considered revenge?

[yokoyokogirl]

Knowing what happened to me, if you were me, knowing that my ex is planning to do this again to another black women, would you stop him? By this I mean, if I had incriminating photos and web chat about his plan to DL marry another Black girl, what would you do? Charge it to the game, pray on it, send this info to his boss and momma?

I do believe that what we do to others comes back to us tenfold, especially if it's wrong. And I don't think of myself as a revengeful person, but just knowing that he plans to do this to another girl soon makes me sick. Or is it asking for trouble to even do anything at all?

 

[MCMLXXII]

I know you feel double-crossed by your ex-boyfriend. What he did was deceitful and unfair but you need to take yourself out of the situation. Do not send anything to his momma or his employer. If Japan has its own version of dontdatehimgirl.com, post your concerns there but it's important not to defile yourself in the process.

You're a teacher. You're a leader in the community. Do not ruin your good name and reputation for a liar.

 

[firecracker]

Ok my friend was married to a sexual deviant child molester at one time. In a case where it involves children I would be the big mouf witch that screamed his transgressions to the next victim, his momma and the world. This is a grown man that you saw signs repeatedly and when asked about his tendencies he did what most men would do. Lied thru his freaking arse with that being said you have to really think about why you would tell folks his history. Is it really to warn the next person so they can avoid hurt or simply to hurt him because he hurt you?

 

[firecracker]

Oh I forgot to add if you do blab his business as long as you have proof its true that would not be slanderous. lol

 

[MCMLXXII]

Ok my friend was married to a sexual deviant child molester at one time. In a case where it involves children I would be the big mouf witch that screamed his transgressions to the next victim, his momma and the world. This is a grown man that you saw signs repeatedly and when asked about his tendencies he did what most men would do. Lied thru his freaking arse with that being said you have to really think about why you would tell folks his history. Is it really to warn the next person so they can avoid hurt or simply to hurt him because he hurt you?

Good points Firecracker.

 

[Xavier]

I would have outed him a loooooooog time ago. Forget all the being the bigger person ish. This is definitely a part of my character I have to work on. Just being completely honest considering the circumstances.

 

[sharentu]

i am really dont know what you should do. but his behavior is scandalous. i am getting nauseous thinking about what he is planning to do. its almost like he is bringing death to another woman. very sick person

 

[LunadeMiel]

I would snitch....

 

[awhyley]

I don't think that you should approch this from a revenge standpoint. This 'getting back' attitude is petty and you're thinking more about yourself rather than the female that you want/need to help. If you want to warn this female out of concern for her mental and physical health, then sure, go for it, but if you're all about the revenge, it may backfire on you since it's not coming from a good place.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

To be honest, I don't care if he's gay, but I know he's looking for another black girl to get with, lie to and have a DL life with (he's obsessed with having a mixed family) and he's still having unprotected sex with men. I have plenty of proof of it...I just don't know if I should let it go and move on, which I'm trying to do now or if I should try and get the word out on him.

It makes me sick reading some of the stuff in this chat about how he doesn't mind being "bareback" and lying to a woman so he can "get his needs fulfilled" but in the same breath saying "Black women are so beautiful and strong."

It makes me sick.

 

[firecracker]

I would want to be warned if I got involved with a dl gay man.

 

[bimbabe]

To be honest, I don't care if he's gay, but I know he's looking for another black girl to get with, lie to and have a DL life with (he's obsessed with having a mixed family) and he's still having unprotected sex with men. I have plenty of proof of it...I just don't know if I should let it go and move on, which I'm trying to do now or if I should try and get the word out on him.

It makes me sick reading some of the stuff in this chat about how he doesn't mind being "bareback" and lying to a woman so he can "get his needs fulfilled" but in the same breath saying "Black women are so beautiful and strong."

It makes me sick.

I would expose this creep. Yes you still have some hurt so it would be "vengeful" BUT it would have a positive element as well. AIDS and other incurable STIs are real!

 

[MCMLXXII]

I would want to be warned if I got involved with a dl gay man.

Agreed. I would too. And I'm not finger-pointing, but she heard little voices that said, "...something's not quite right here." We have to listen to that...it's there for a reason.

OP: Again, not finger pointing, but I understand where you're coming from.

 

[Almaz]

Ummm Yeah I would blab my arse off sorry. Because I would want to be warned if a man is on the DL. I'd blog about it and everything because women need to know about this creep. My G-d he could have killed you and a few other people. And he probably won't stop until he does. And what is this obsession about having a mixed family. What he thinks that BW are okay with that. Cause we are down for anything???? Does he like BM too.

NOPE this is too dangerous to keep to yourself. The name of my blog would be

To hell with the DL. Okay.

This is not being vengeful. This is warning other women what could happen. I lost a friend to HIV because of her STUPID arse Husband that was a Mininster on the DL in Atlanta. Her Husband is still here but she is gone.

 

[MrsWatson]

I'd tell because i'd want someone to tell me.

 

[complexsimplicity]

wow. this dude has some real issues. i know i would tell. it's not about being vengeful. it's about protecting these innocent women who could possibly die from him not giving a damn about anybody but himself. he is selfish. he may sit there and say that black women are strong and beautiful but really he's just obsessed w/ having a mixed family and he just wants her as his personal mixed baby breeder. that's it. tell anybody that you can. he doesn't deserve you to be respectful of his privacy. he didn't give a damn about you when he was doing his dirt. you shouldn't care about keeping your mouth shut.

 

[ThickHair]

To be honest, I don't care if he's gay, but I know he's looking for another black girl to get with, lie to and have a DL life with (he's obsessed with having a mixed family) and he's still having unprotected sex with men. I have plenty of proof of it...I just don't know if I should let it go and move on, which I'm trying to do now or if I should try and get the word out on him.

It makes me sick reading some of the stuff in this chat about how he doesn't mind being "bareback" and lying to a woman so he can "get his needs fulfilled" but in the same breath saying "Black women are so beautiful and strong."

It makes me sick.

Wow you are giving him all the power to make your miserable. Ok, you tell some woman he is talking too, what next? Are you going to continue to follow this man the rest of his life to warn all the potential woman that he meets? You are seriously giving dude too much time. You had warning signs for a while but you chose to ignore them, maybe the next woman will heed to them faster than you did. I say move on, get counseling and get him out of your mind.

If not, continue to give Mr. Japanese all your brain power, I am sure he is not at home wondering what you are going to do nor wondering if you are going to tell the next woman. He was able to wear you down to a point to believe him, he still has the same game plan.

 

[Almaz]

I say blog about it warn who you can and move on. Just interview better the next time.

 

[1QTPie]

First thing before I really sit and think about the question. Why is he ALREADY looking for someone else? That's really fast.


Would I share what I know with another girl, probably. Only because I would want to know. I would want to know if he was an abuser, a drug user etc or on the DL. It's all the same to me.

We need to protect each other.

 

[GoingNatural]

If he's admitted to you that he will never be forthright about his sexual preferences to other women then be classy, but say something if you have a way to contact the woman.

There are too many diseases out there for dishonesty. We should be looking out for each other.

shhoooot let me find out proof that this guy i recently dated was gay--i promise i will look out for the next girl

 

[sky_blu]

Wrong is wrong and he is dead WRONG! I wish people would be honest with themselves. SMDH.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Thanks for all the replies. I really appreciate people's honesty here.

Actually I can't blog about it. My mom and lots of close Japanese friends read my blog and I just don't want to change the focus there from "life in Japan" to "my experience with gay DL men in Japan". Plus my Mom would die knowing she opened her heart and house to him and he was exposing me to bareback, diseases in hopes of trapping me in a mixed marriage.

He never really told me he was crazy about mixed family when we were together. BUT he did always say "black was beautiful" and was crazy about anything black, esp. meeting black ppl. It was odd but flattering at the same time. (Lots of Japanese ppl are like this b/c this country is a homogeneous society so all some ppl know is other Asians.) Even my boss, a Buddhist priest, told me he thinks Black ppl and African ppl are very beautiful and strong b/c of our struggles due to race. So I didn't think much of it.

But now I know this is my ex's goal.

I recently got a chat that he had with a black gay guy, who is actually my friend. My friend, B, had met him, but had no idea he was DL. (That makes me feel better knowing a gay man couldn't spot him!) B said he knew something was off, like he was trying to hard. Well I have cried my heart out to B and felt so dumb not knowing the signs and he took it upon himself to out him for me in this chat.

B found his pic on an adultfriendfinder site "saying need black d--k discreet", he chatted with him and got pics, his name and phone #, my ex even went so far as to ask him to meet so they can have a private relationship for bareback sex. And B--an openly gay friend of mine-- said it's men like this who kill his gay friends and other women friends with HIV/STD.

If I posted the stuff here that B forwarded to me, you ladies would lose your lunch. It's nasty, sickening and sad.

And the reason why I know he's looking for a new gf is:

1. He emailed me saying he wouldn't contact me anymore and he prays I can find a decent man to have a happy life with.

2. I saw in our local magazine classifieds he posted an ad with his email address looking for black girl who is ready to marry and have a family with "successful honest japanese man"

Now the magazine ad and the gay webchat was all the same week. He has not changed.

But you are right, I can't follow him forever AND I DON'T WANT TO. You ladies have no idea how scared I was waiting for my test results to come back, wondering if this rice cracker had given me something--I don't ever want to feel like that again and would never wish that on someone.

 

[1Aleeesha]

Knowing what happened to me, if you were me, knowing that my ex is planning to do this again to another black women, would you stop him? By this I mean, if I had incriminating photos and web chat about his plan to DL marry another Black girl, what would you do? Charge it to the game, pray on it, send this info to his boss and momma?

I do believe that what we do to others comes back to us tenfold, especially if it's wrong. And I don't think of myself as a revengeful person, but just knowing that he plans to do this to another girl soon makes me sick. Or is it asking for trouble to even do anything at all?

The bolded.​

 

[ThickHair]

I recently got a chat that he had with a black gay guy, who is actually my friend. My friend, B, had met him, but had no idea he was DL. (That makes me feel better knowing a gay man couldn't spot him!) B said he knew something was off, like he was trying to hard. Well I have cried my heart out to B and felt so dumb not knowing the signs and he took it upon himself to out him for me in this chat.

B found his pic on an adultfriendfinder site "saying need black d--k discreet", he chatted with him and got pics, his name and phone #, my ex even went so far as to ask him to meet so they can have a private relationship for bareback sex. And B--an openly gay friend of mine-- said it's men like this who kill his gay friends and other women friends with HIV/STD.

If I posted the stuff here that B forwarded to me, you ladies would lose your lunch. It's nasty, sickening and sad.

And the reason why I know he's looking for a new gf is:

1. He emailed me saying he wouldn't contact me anymore and he prays I can find a decent man to have a happy life with.

2. I saw in our local magazine classifieds he posted an ad with his email address looking for black girl who is ready to marry and have a family with "successful honest japanese man"

Now the magazine ad and the gay webchat was all the same week. He has not changed.

But you are right, I can't follow him forever AND I DON'T WANT TO. You ladies have no idea how scared I was waiting for my test results to come back, wondering if this rice cracker had given me something--I don't ever want to feel like that again and would never wish that on someone.

Why are you torturing yourself? Get that fool out of your mind. I know that it is hard, but you have got to stop. He is consuming you slowly.

I know it is hard, I was with a man for over 13 years, married 7 and it was hard to get him out of my thought. He wasn't on the DL though but I LOVED him so much, but when it was over and I had a pity party for about a month, I gathered my strength, read my bible, prayed and healed. Even though it has been 3 years I have my moments but he is not my existence and hasn't been since the day I kicked him to the curb.