Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black woman"

[She-Ra]

Yesterday, my friend sent me The Economist article via email with just the title "Sex and the single black woman" and a link.

I thought "WooHoo, some saucy dish on the sexual escapades of some black chicks". Aaaaaa!! No! More ish about the single black woman's road to spinster hood..and the possible chance of getting eaten alive by her many cats. Learned nothing new. I feel like I've been Rick Rolled by my friend.

Anyway I don't have much of a point...posting links.

http://www.economist.com/world/united-states/displaystory.cfm?story_id=15867956

clutchmagazine had a commentary on the article today.
http://clutchmagonline.com/newsgoss...mens-voices-in-single-black-woman-commentary/

 

[ambergirl]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

So basically black women are out there trying to up our game so we can fight over the little morsels of marrigage worthy men at our disposal?

As much as that seems to simplify the issue, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've seen this dynamic firsthand - and not just from black women. I can recount many a time when I've been out with girlfriends of different races who will turn a night out on the town into a WWF throwdown to get a man's attention.

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

This Cosmo krap has made "The Economist" now?!

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

I saw the comments from Clutch and .....well there was a BM that responded and I wonder how many will actually THINK about what he's saying.

Funny he doesn't mention looks or weight either. :scratchch:

I wish we had some Godfather smilies, now that I think about it.

 

[TrueBeliever]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

The Economist? C'mon now. Why would they care?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Ugh. I guess The Economist is thinking they are applying the laws of supply/demand to human relationships, and that's why they did the story... I am mad at that illustration though. Why did all the black women look so angry looking at the bucket of eligible men? They always portray us as looking mean and tough.

The comments section on the other story, trying to say white women will support a man without a job when a black woman will bounce is in blatant contradiction to the truth. BW put up with MORE unemployment, MORE cheating, MORE abuse and mistreatment than anyone else. And if this guy really believes that white women tolerate shiftless lazy negroes better and that's why they are better mates, WTH is he really saying about the quality of BM? It's better to be with Becky b/c she won't require almost anything of you??? He can have her.

 

[Blackmagic]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Ugh. I guess The Economist is thinking they are applying the laws of supply/demand to human relationships, and that's why they did the story... I am mad at that illustration though. Why did all the black women look so angry looking at the bucket of eligible men? They always portray us as looking mean and tough.

The comments section on the other story, trying to say white women will support a man without a job when a black woman will bounce is in blatant contradiction to the truth. BW put up with MORE unemployment, MORE cheating, MORE abuse and mistreatment than anyone else. And if this guy really believes that white women tolerate shiftless lazy negroes better and that's why they are better mates, WTH is he really saying about the quality of BM? It's better to be with Becky b/c she won't require almost anything of you??? He can have her.

This is what I'm trying to figure out as well... they were ugly caricatures... I grimaced for a full 5 seconds.

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Ugh. I guess The Economist is thinking they are applying the laws of supply/demand to human relationships, and that's why they did the story... I am mad at that illustration though. Why did all the black women look so angry looking at the bucket of eligible men? They always portray us as looking mean and tough.

The comments section on the other story, trying to say white women will support a man without a job when a black woman will bounce is in blatant contradiction to the truth. BW put up with MORE unemployment, MORE cheating, MORE abuse and mistreatment than anyone else. And if this guy really believes that white women tolerate shiftless lazy negroes better and that's why they are better mates, WTH is he really saying about the quality of BM? It's better to be with Becky b/c she won't require almost anything of you??? He can have her.

Never thought of it like that...supply side economics in the bedroom? lachen:

The angry stuff is par for the course tho. Frankly it's not too wide of the mark. BW are always portrayed like this and it's almost our middle name, whether it's actually true or not. It IS true for too many tho. I wish this perception/reality of the ABW would die already It's really a for most men and plays a major part in the "single crisis" IMHO.

Nah...I think that BM poster (ie Clutch) was saying that he thinks BW are too demanding and confrontational on the home front. The women, OTOH, were putting it off on weight/standards of beauty. Methinks both positions have some merit to them, but it's far more complex than that.

 

[Blackmagic]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Never thought of it like that...supply side economics in the bedroom? lachen:

The angry stuff is par for the course tho. Frankly it's not too wide of the mark. BW are always portrayed like this and it's almost our middle name, whether it's actually true or not. It IS true for too many tho. I wish this perception/reality of the ABW would die already It's really a for most men and plays a major part in the "single crisis" IMHO.

Nah...I think that BM poster (ie Clutch) was saying that he thinks BW are too demanding and confrontational on the home front. The women, OTOH, were putting it off on weight/standards of beauty. Methinks both positions have some merit to them, but it's far more complex than that.

I keep hearing about this "demanding and confrontational"...

I'm sorry but I'm a little lost and young... Or maybe I just don't see many stereotypes in action

But demanding and confrontational how? And have these smart black men (sorry for the general term) ever thought to ask why?

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

I keep hearing about this "demanding and confrontational"...

I'm sorry but I'm a little lost and young... Or maybe I just don't see many stereotypes in action

But demanding and confrontational how? And have these smart black men (sorry for the general term) ever thought to ask why?

Well, you are a woman and I'll assume you don't date other women. These men are talking about their experiences in intimate relationships. Whether you agree w/ them or not, do you assume your friends/women you know are the same way w/ other women as they are w/ their man? Trust me...they ain't. Men see a whole different side of a woman than her fellow women do, I'd suggest it's vice versa for men as well.

I can't say these men are being honest or fair...I'm not in their homes or lives to witness, but I definitely think they're not completely wrong either. Relationships take at least TWO people and when many people register the same complaints about a certain coupling, maybe there's something to it?! Clearly there's some major communication issues wrt Black couples, not all, but too many to ignore. Obviously something's amiss and BW-BM are talking at or past each other far too often, IMHO. This can't ALL be on BM, now can it?

Since I am not a man (thank goodness ) I can only go so far. I only know what men have told me and what I've observed. If you really wanna know why BM say that, ask a few! They'll be more than willing to tell you. www.blackmenvent.com for starters. You're fairly warned tho.

As for why some BW may be "too demanding" in their eyes, that's down to who the woman is and who the man is.... on a fundamental level. What did both parties choose in each other? Usually, IMHO, these sorts of complaints seem to come from people w/ poor communication skills. They have difficulty voicing what they want in a productive way and refuse to listen to/consider their partner. This is where the "confrontational" part comes in...if you can't communicate in a way that doesn't constantly put another person on edge and can't resolve conflict well...it's a MAJOR problem. This isn't just about one gender tho.

As for BW and how I think they are at fault on this issue...look up my non hair board posts. I've addressed it many times.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Ok thats it I am not reading this type of stuff anymore... I will just continue to live in my own lil world, knowing that I will eventually be married with kids...

 

[Blackmagic]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Well, you are a woman and I'll assume you don't date other women. These men are talking about their experiences in intimate relationships. Whether you agree w/ them or not, do you assume your friends/women you know are the same way w/ other women as they are w/ their man? Trust me...they ain't. Men see a whole different side of a woman than her fellow women do, I'd suggest it's vice versa for men as well.

I can't say these men are being honest or fair...I'm not in their homes or lives to witness, but I definitely think they're not completely wrong either. Relationships take at least TWO people and when many people register the same complaints about a certain coupling, maybe there's something to it?! Clearly there's some major communication issues wrt Black couples, not all, but too many to ignore. Obviously something's amiss and BW-BM are talking at or past each other far too often, IMHO. This can't ALL be on BM, now can it?

Since I am not a man (thank goodness ) I can only go so far. I only know what men have told me and what I've observed. If you really wanna know why BM say that, ask a few! They'll be more than willing to tell you. www.blackmenvent.com for starters. You're fairly warned tho.

As for why some BW may be "too demanding" in their eyes, that's down to who the woman is and who the man is.... on a fundamental level. What did both parties choose in each other? Usually, IMHO, these sorts of complaints seem to come from people w/ poor communication skills. They have difficulty voicing what they want in a productive way and refuse to listen to/consider their partner. This is where the "confrontational" part comes in...if you can't communicate in a way that doesn't constantly put another person on edge and can't resolve conflict well...it's a MAJOR problem. This isn't just about one gender tho.

As for BW and how I think they are at fault on this issue...look up my non hair board posts. I've addressed it many times.

Thanks for this... I definitely understand a bit more... I guess I'm just a bit biased when I hear guys talk about this...

Although I'm not sure I'm ready to view blackmenvent.com... I'll get pissed a little too quickly...lol

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Thanks for this... I definitely understand a bit more... I guess I'm just a bit biased when I hear guys talk about this...

Although I'm not sure I'm ready to view blackmenvent.com... I'll get pissed a little too quickly...lol

I have heard of that website and lord knows I would never go there. I have heard some of the most ignant ish posted there. A friend of min who went on that site said there was a post of some white supremacist bashing black women and a lot of the black men posters were just agreeing.

 

[JollyGal]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

I subscribe to the economist.

I can't access the link. Summaries please?

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

I have heard of that website and lord knows I would never go there. I have heard some of the most ignant ish posted there. A friend of min who went on that site said there was a post of some white supremacist bashing black women and a lot of the black men posters were just agreeing.

Unfortunately, that's very possible. Things like that used to happen on BlackVoices back in the day and maybe still. I'm still convinced the majority of posters are BM

There are plenty of BM on YouTube trying to c*qbl*q (sounds it out in your head ) BW from ANY men. "Mr. Laurelton Queens", has built a following around the same thing. Most of the people pursuing this course of action are BM themselves...not Stormfront types.

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Thanks for this... I definitely understand a bit more... I guess I'm just a bit biased when I hear guys talk about this...

Although I'm not sure I'm ready to view blackmenvent.com... I'll get pissed a little too quickly...lol

Understandable. I hate it too. When I 1st got online back in the late 90s, I was to see such anger and vitriol expressed between the genders in the BC. Some BM seemed out to "get" BW and were very crude/vicious about that fact...they were easy to dismiss because they were mostly , but what I found very hard was how so few other BM actually came to BW defense. That one was/is a big :scratchch:

As I've gotten older, I realize there's truth in some truth in some of this anger all around (BW and BM) and to not dismiss it so easily, painful as it might be.

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

I subscribe to the economist.

I can't access the link. Summaries please?

It's the usual meme: lonely successful BW, BM date out more often/don't marry anyone, stats galore, drop the 'tude/weight, and "expand your options". Pretty much the jist in a nutshell.

(Nice and short, eh? )

 

[Guitarhero]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

You can't counterbalance stereotypes against BW with more stereotypes.

 

[Blackmagic]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

I have heard of that website and lord knows I would never go there. I have heard some of the most ignant ish posted there. A friend of min who went on that site said there was a post of some white supremacist bashing black women and a lot of the black men posters were just agreeing.

It's happening... the PO'dness

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

You can't counterbalance stereotypes against BW with more stereotypes.

Please elaborate.

 

[username12]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Ever since the Obama's took office, the media has gone into overdrive bashing black women/relationships.

They are so afraid that we will recognize our own power, and overtake them.

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Ever since the Obama's took office, the media has gone into overdrive bashing black women/relationships.

They are so afraid that we will recognize our own power, and overtake them.

Bluntly, nope...White America has little to fear on this account. However...

I've said this several times before, but here's a good place to repeat it!

Mrs. O, Susan Rice, Condi, Desiree Rogers, etc...are visual representatives of BW of a certain class/income (professional/educated/single/high power married/no-few kids)) that are being specifically targeted for marketing purposes. IOW, BW's money is now where it's at! To date, this group hasn't been particularly sought out in the past, for many reasons...racist and otherwise, BUT now they can't be ignored.

(For fun we can even put Nene and the "Housewives"/balla/celeb girl crowd in this convo too...they have $$$$$$$$$$$ and they spend it too.)

The existence of a previously untapped group w/ growing affluence, education, and disposable income is too good to pass up, esp. given BW's well known desire to be "seen" as opposed to "invisible". I have nothing against BW being specifically marketed to, on the contrary, but it's HOW it's being done that bugs me. (Y'all happy now? We're being seen alright! There's a thing about being careful what you ask for cuz you just might get it!) Be it the lonely BW meme (tons of books/tv/cosmetics/fashion), the "expand your options" crowd (see how many are NOW selling "Date a WM" books :scratchch ), OR the totem pole-bottom of the barrel meme...it's all about $$$$$$$$$

If BW feel "undesirable" they can go buy X products to make themselves feel/become more so...if they feel lonely, they can join online groups and go to expensive restaurants,...they can date/marry a non BW = more disposable income between them...if they are too fat they can spend at gyms-diet foods, etc...feel me now?

It really bothers me that so few BW make the connection between this "sudden" coverage in the mainstream media (it's been all over the Black media for decades) and the economic aspects of it. There's money to be made by someone or else they wouldn't bother. It saddens me that so many BW seem to take this stuff to heart too. Know when you're being hustled sistahs!

The fact that "The Ecomonist", of all rags, decided to jump on this bandwagon surely proves my theory MIGHT have some merit after all, if I may say so myself!

 

[naijamerican]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

It really bothers me that so few BW make the connection between this "sudden" coverage in the mainstream media (it's been all over the Black media for decades) and the economic aspects of it. There's money to be made by someone or else they wouldn't bother. It saddens me that so many BW seem to take this stuff to heart too. Know when you're being hustled sistahs!

I totally and completely agree with this. Nothing is coincidental in terms of why this is an issue that's suddenly hit the mainstream media. We've been talking about these things in LHCF and amongst ourselves for the past several years at least. Which is why I refuse to add anything else to that dialogue because I've said all I want to say (in real life and online) !

 

[TrueBeliever]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Unfortunately, that's very possible. Things like that used to happen on BlackVoices back in the day and maybe still. I'm still convinced the majority of posters are BM

There are plenty of BM on YouTube trying to c*qbl*q (sounds it out in your head ) BW from ANY men. "Mr. Laurelton Queens", has built a following around the same thing. Most of the people pursuing this course of action are BM themselves...not Stormfront types.

Mr. Laurelton Queens? Invoking that name is like saying Bloody Mary in a mirror 3 times.
That guy has some serious issues.
I can understand not wanting BW themselves but do they have to poison everyone else against us?

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Mr. Laurelton Queens? Invoking that name is like saying Bloody Mary in a mirror 3 times.
That guy has some serious issues.
I can understand not wanting BW themselves but do they have to poison everyone else against us?

Typical male nonsense, in some ways. He wants "their" wimmin and "his" wimmin too! Laurelton is a special case cuz he hates BW, but likes to sex them and spends tons of time talking about it. If he were rare, it would be funny, but he's not. He shows the BM ambivalence towards BW in full force.

Men of all races behave in similar ways, but BM have a tendency to take it WAY out there. There's something psycho about the frequency and intensity of this ...all those YT things and posts all over the net.

I love it how these deranged BM are actually trying to "save" non BM from little ol us. I suspect these guys have ulterior motices! Gee, now why are we supposed to be sweating these men again? :scratchch:

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Typical male nonsense, in some ways. He wants "their" women and "his" wimmin too! Laurelton is a special case cuz he hates BW, but likes to sex them and spends tons of time talking about it.

Men of all races behave in similar ways, but BM have a tendency to take it WAY out there. There's something psycho about the frequency and intensity of this ...all those YT things and posts all over the net.

I love it how these deranged BM are actually trying to "save" non BM from little ol us. I suspect these guys have ulterior motices! Gee, now why are we supposed to be sweating these men again? :scratchch:

You'd think that time would be better spent doing something constructive like mentoring fatherless black male youth or something. Nah...we gonna post about how black women ain't ish on YT. That's how we build our community! Meanwhile, white, Asian, Arab, Latino men are out there uplifting and improving their communities and increasing the gap between themselves and us.

 

[jamaraa]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

You'd think that time would be better spent doing something constructive like mentoring fatherless black male youth or something. Nah...we gonna post about how black women ain't ish on YT. That's how we build our community! Meanwhile, white, Asian, Arab, Latino men are out there uplifting and improving their communities and increasing the gap between themselves and us.

Nah that would be too much like WORK and RESPONSIBILITY. Being worried about what you CAN'T change really takes no effort, but worrying about what you CAN change does. This why so many Black folks are all up in other folks' biz, methinks. What sort of man (ie Laurelton et al) would try to "save" other men from women en masse? If we were talking certain individuals known to each other, that would make sense, but this is a mass effort. He and others don't realize how much a punk that makes THEM look...it tells how afraid of BW THEY are! Ain't no man gonna take that seriously unless he too had those "inclinations" about BW. Most men know better and recognize "protectionism" when they see it...after all, they do the same towards "their women".

The thing that strikes me about these men is their supreme and morbid selfishness. If you don't want a BW, fine nobody's forcing you....but why MUST you demand they be alone? Are they trying to "punish" their mothers/women in their natal lives via other women? Dunno, but I don't buy it all being the infamous "self-hate"...it's hatred of others that's the issue here. Why do you want to run their lives by remote control?

There's something terribly wrong w/ this desire to see perfect strangers miserable because they are of the opposite gender yet share your skin color! These cats wanna use their male privilege to put "the pimp stick" on women in general, but esp. BW. When people have these 'tudes, they are usually towards people who DON'T share their skin color/gender (not that this is right). Jill Scott's "soul burning winces" were not in this league AT ALL. She and other "exhalin' " BW like her don't seem to make deliberate moves to keep BM alone. On one hand, jerks like this show themselves for what they are, but the bad part is that they know just what BW buttons to push.

Most of the BW who doubt their worth do so because some BM told them to...either by actions or words. Who needs White folks when too many BM gladly wanna do their hatchet work? Not all BM think/behave like this, but far too many stand by and let it happen. They too are guilty IMHO. They are "the Good Germans" of this story.

If anybody thinks I'm being too harsh, get the Eldridge Clever book "Soul On Ice" or anything by Iceberg Slim....the men acting out on YT and Laurelton types have taken these lessons well. Many of these guys want to make mincemeat (both literally and figuratively) outta BW.

 

[TrueBeliever]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Or how about the Blacktown website (I refuse to post the link). That that is a nut of biblical proportions.

I think some BM get off on telling BW that nobody is attracted to black women.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

Where are these self-hating black men getting the idea that most non-bw want them? They talk all this smack about how non-bm don't want us, yet most non-bw don't want them.

Most bw don't even like non-bm--so the argument that 'other' men don't want us has no affect on the majority of bw. Those of us who do date out have options--contrary to what some self-hating black men think.

As much as I hate to say this--let's get real. Most non-bw have an eligible pool of men within their own race who have education, earnings, career success, and an image that blows most bm out of the water. Other race women are more likely to have access to luxuries most black women can only dream of because of this. Black women who are open to dating out also face this unfortunate reality--we are much more likely to find an 'other' man who has his stuff together than a black man. Sucks that it works out like that, but it's the world we live in.

These self-hating black men try to stomp on black women's self esteem by arguing that because they could have an 'exotical' over a regular black woman--there is no real reason for a bm to choose a bw. They know the bw's Achilles heel. Meanwhile, they realize that many successful bw have other dating options that most bm cannot compete with. Combine that hard truth along with the fact that more and more black women are becoming educated and successful. The importance of the financial and educational achievements of other race men far exceeds what qualities other race women have that black men try to flaunt in our faces--fair skin, long hair, and light eyes--looks fade btw, but a successful legacy lives on forever through offspring.

So ask yourself this, why does an abuser tell his woman that she can't leave because nobody else wants her? If he knew for a fact that this was true, he'd have no reason to tell her. He'd set her loose to find out for herself because he knows that once she finds this to be true, she'll be right back and more subservient than ever. He tells her this because he knows it is not true. He knows she can do better. He doesn't want to have to find another woman to abuse. He has this one just the way he wants her. He's broken her down just right. God forbid she leaves, like Celie did, how would he manage? He needs her--so he devises a tactic to keep her in check and keep himself in power. This way, he doesn't have to do better, she has to take whatever she can get because if not, she'll have no one. She has to cook better, clean better, do all the freaky stuff he desires in bed, pay a majority of the bills, etc...

WE need to wake up and realize when others are projecting their insecurities on to us.

 

[JollyGal]

Re: Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in- "Sex and the single black wo

It's the usual meme: lonely successful BW, BM date out more often/don't marry anyone, stats galore, drop the 'tude/weight, and "expand your options". Pretty much the jist in a nutshell.

(Nice and short, eh? )

I see the economist is being original as per usual.
Better take notes