Just curious......

[lilchanel]

How often does your SO go out with friends?

My SO has a friend that he's been knowing forever...lately the friend and his girlfriend have been on the outs...Dude calls my SO EVERY SINGLE weekend to go out. Friday, Sat. and Sun. asking him to go out somewhere....some cookout, some party, some-something. All though he doesn't go out every weekend, he is starting to go out more. When he doesn't go out, I can hear him telling the dude that he wanted to just chill and spend time with me and it's like the friend is always bragging about what fun they had or constantly asking him why he didn't go out with him.

Like I said, this is causing a lot of problems with me and him. He says that the fellow is his best friend and there's nothing wrong with him calling asking him to go out...BUT DAMN every weekend??!!! Sometimes, I feel that my SO just goes out to prove to his homeboy that he's not a punk or something, I don't know. I told my SO that he is going to end up being with him if he keeps it up. It's like he doesn't understand and can't comprehend what I'm saying.

I have a SERIOUS problem with this...any suggestions, advice, similar stories?

 

[gymfreak336]

Try planning an activity for the two of you ahead of time. I know my SO is less likely to go out if he know that we have tickets to _______. Explain to him that just like his friend likes to go and have fun with him, you want to be able to have fun and quality time with him too.

 

[MochaSilk]

My husband's best friend, W, is kind of like that. He's single and just out of a brief relationship but he's trying to do the playa thing. He texted my hubby last night to tell him that he was at a strip club. DH was like . I asked him if his friend was asking him to meet him up there. He said no, but I feel it's just a matter of time. If hubby goes to a strip club, I'm going with him. And I for da**** sure am not finsta play the, "oh, we were out and just driving by and stopped in, W was driving, what was I supposed to do?"

I told him that his friend is gonna mess around and catch something. DISCLAIMER: We both know the club where he was and it's a nasty one - I went there to apply as a waitress a long time ago and I was afraid to sit on the seat to fill out the app.

Anyhoo, lilchanel, it sounds like our SO's friends are the types of guys that can't be alone, hang out with themselves. W's either laying up with some girl or running the streets with one of his boys. DH knows this about W and he doesn't want to participate in it.

He & W have been friends for a long while but he sees that W might end up being one of those 50-60y/o dudes living out of a hotel or over someone's garage still talkin' smack about how "women just don't truly understand him." Oh yeah, he has 5 (maybe 6) kids and he's 39. He's too grown for that mess.

As for advice... don't come up in between a man and his friends (or his momma). Never play the "threaten to leave" game. It gives his best friend the edge - you think his best friend ever threatened to leave him? Nope! Don't play that, you will lose. Crying wolf about leaving will eventually backfire.

And if he wants to go out with his friend, let him go. You said your piece, he knows where you stand, let him stand next to you on his own. Anything else will turn into a battle of wills. His friend probably knows this is causing strife between you two. What better company could a person ask for than someone going thru the same thing?

You find something to do on the weekends he goes out with his friend, or just do your thang at home. There might be a chance he'll miss you and decide to ease up on it on his own.

If I can think of more, I'll share with you. Good luck resolving this!!

 

[lilchanel]

just noticed you're from G-boro. I'm from High Point, born and raised *smiles*

I feel like even if I don't have plans every single weekend, that's no excuse for him to want to go out with the guy.
When the guy and his girl are on good terms, he hardly calls or go out anywhere. I feel like there's a bit of jealously from the guy. My SO is too silly to see this.

 

[lilchanel]

As for advice... don't come up in between a man and his friends (or his momma). Never play the "threaten to leave" game. It gives his best friend the edge - you think his best friend ever threatened to leave him? Nope! Don't play that, you will lose. Crying wolf about leaving will eventually backfire.

And if he wants to go out with his friend, let him go. You said your piece, he knows where you stand, let him stand next to you on his own. Anything else will turn into a battle of wills. His friend probably knows this is causing strife between you two. What better company could a person ask for than someone going thru the same thing?

You find something to do on the weekends he goes out with his friend, or just do your thang at home. There might be a chance he'll miss you and decide to ease up on it on his own.

If I can think of more, I'll share with you. Good luck resolving this!!

Makes sense to me!! very good advice...thank you so much!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

How often does your SO go out with friends?

My SO has a friend that he's been knowing forever...lately the friend and his girlfriend have been on the outs...Dude calls my SO EVERY SINGLE weekend to go out. Friday, Sat. and Sun. asking him to go out somewhere....some cookout, some party, some-something. All though he doesn't go out every weekend, he is starting to go out more. When he doesn't go out, I can hear him telling the dude that he wanted to just chill and spend time with me and it's like the friend is always bragging about what fun they had or constantly asking him why he didn't go out with him.

Like I said, this is causing a lot of problems with me and him. He says that the fellow is his best friend and there's nothing wrong with him calling asking him to go out...BUT DAMN every weekend??!!! Sometimes, I feel that my SO just goes out to prove to his homeboy that he's not a punk or something, I don't know. I told my SO that he is going to end up being with him if he keeps it up. It's like he doesn't understand and can't comprehend what I'm saying.

I have a SERIOUS problem with this...any suggestions, advice, similar stories?

Giiiirrrrl, the bolded underlined is what I believe is ALL men. They act like they need to show some type of "I am not whipped" thing to their friends. I don't get it either. I don't understand why it's not 'cool' to some men to want to stay in the house and kick it with their women.

Anyways, my SO goes out about once every 2-3 mos. Got to cash in his "I am not whipped card," so they won't think he is a punk. He doesn't even like the club. Double .

Anyways, all I can say is talk to him some more. Which you already did and you gave him an ultimatum (sort of). The fact that he virtually ignored your feelings says to me 1. he doesn't think you will leave and/or think you are jiving, 2. you didn't assert yourself clear or hard enough, or 3. HE genuinely likes to go out, regardless of his friends.

I would give it one more go with the talking to him thing. Make sure you make it clear to him how you feel and that you are NOT happy. Don't expect him to just know how you feel because sometimes men are dumb and they just don't know.

Good luck.

 

[gymfreak336]

just noticed you're from G-boro. I'm from High Point, born and raised *smiles*

I feel like even if I don't have plans every single weekend, that's no excuse for him to want to go out with the guy.
When the guy and his girl are on good terms, he hardly calls or go out anywhere. I feel like there's a bit of jealously from the guy. My SO is too silly to see this.

You know what else will work...Be busy. Men have a funny way of trying to give you attention when you are busy. This worked great with my ex. He would go to the club every single night and try to come to my place with his drunk friend to crash. One night he came to my place and I had a note on the door telling him that I was out at the club and would be back in the morning. He had to sit at my place drunk and alone. That was the last time he went clubbing every single night.

ot: are you still in high point

 

[lilchanel]

Yeah, I think I'm going to discuss this one more time with him. Like tonight, he's out with the guy and calling me asking me if I want to go to the movies and asking if I'm going to church with him in the am. It's like he's being pulled from both ends and he doesn't want to make me upset nor does he want his friend to think that he's whipped or has changed. He's trying to please us both and it's simply not going to work.

He doesn't like to go to clubs either. It's always parties, cookouts, riding to the mall...stuff like that.

 

[lilchanel]

ot: are you still in high point

I'm not in hp now. I'm in FL. Most of my fam is there tho.

I'm going to start being busy and/or finding a hobby. I am normally a homebody so he knows that if he goes out...I'm home. Maybe I should flip the script on his a%$.

 

[gymfreak336]

I'm not in hp now. I'm in FL. Most of my fam is there tho.

I'm going to start being busy and/or finding a hobby. I am normally a homebody so he knows that if he goes out...I'm home. Maybe I should flip the script on his a%$.

Girl, throw on some clothes and go out. Even if you just go for a nice cup of coffee and a good book or magazine. Go to a movie. Go to that nice resturant you have been eyeing even if you go alone. I like to go alone and sit at the bar. It doesn't make me feel like everyone is staring at me that way. I have also met some pretty cool people that way too.

I wish you were still in high point

 

[dlewis]

The last couple of years Dh may go out once a year with his friends. He's mostly home when he's not a work. But early in our marriage he would go hang with his friends every major holiday. Until we had a situation..............we use to lived further in the country than we do now and our yard was fenced in. Dh was at one of his friend mother's house. A man opened the gate and came into our yard late one night and I had to call the sheriff. It was awful. My son was a baby and I'm sitting there with a loaded riffle. It could have happened any time, since Dh worked shift work but it happened when he should have been at home. After that it was not nice...............he stopped that with the quickness.

I would talk with him and tell him how you feel and let him know what you expect of him. That friend sounds like a problem.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Okay, someone is on some new ish. I usually hate it when people acknowldge a one start rating, but a 2 star rating?! This is def. some new shyt. I never seen this before here.

 

[Ms Red]

I agree with the others, have a serious talk with him and really describe how this is hurting your relationship, etc.

My SO's best friend is in NY so he goes up there or his BF comes down here about 3-4 times a year to hang out. SO has 5 brothers that he could hang out with but he doesn't really.

Last year I got on a kick where I was going out with my (single) gfs every single weekend, Fri, Sat, Sun and my SO expressed that he would like to spend some time with me so I cut back. Have the same convo with your guy.