wow thank you so much ladies for your honest feedback.your words were very encouraging and touching and got me all emotional. i'm fine during the day, i work 9-5 and my job is pretty hectic so i have little time to dwell on the breakup but when i'm home, that's when all the anxiety and depression swoop down. but i definitely feel better than i did last night. i work with a few of my friends so when i got to work one by one they were asking me throughout the day "are you okay?" "what's wrong with you?" and i kept saying that i just didnt feel like working today and that i was tired but by the end of the day i told them that ____ and i had broken up and before they even formed their thoughts i rushed and said i didnt want to go into detail and didnt want to talk about it. my whole thing is that i hate when people give you that pitying look like "aww you poor thing" i hate that! and thats mainly why i wanted to keep it all to myself but when i told them i dont want to get into it, they were okay with it and said to let them know when i'm ready to talk. but their demeanor did change and i noticed that they were treating me like i'm fragile or something but whatever. i made it through the day at work.
i'm actually gonna have to reacquaint myself with myself. its very strange but its like i never had hobbies...i spent my time with him all the time. he's in law enforcement and my days off i spent with him. I stopped hanging out with my friends more and more to the point where they felt that i was pulling back, but i never really realized it. out of the blue he was the only one i bothered to hang out with, and would get annoyed when my friends would constantly call me.until the calls lessened
but still i didnt even care. its so weird...i made him the center of my universe without fully realizing it.
so when several of you ladies are asking me if i have any hobbies, any means of distraction...nope. all i do is go to work, watch tv, and sleep. i have like no social life. not because he alienated me from my friends but because for some reason as the years went by i rather just hang out with him. does that make sense?? it sounds weird as hell now but not while it was happening. i was fine with it
now i feel like wheelchair bound individual having to learn to walk again. how pathetic of me?? i will never shut everyone out like that again.
i made plans to go to the casino with several friends on monday night and i plan on having a good time.i think i'm done with the tears but hey you never know. something might trigger them but i know this is for the best. you guys are so genuine in your responses and it definitely helps. i almost didnt make this OP because i dont like to be vulnerable and put myself out there but i'm glad i did.
i will definitely look into yoga and pampering myself.the spa idea sounds great. i think i will also take a trip to virginia to see my aunt, who is also a good friend of mine.thnx ladies
for you!! I am going through all this now too! (Broke up with BF yesterday) So completely feel your pain. Every day will be a struggle but every day it will get better. If we lived in the same city, I would be planning us a pity party! 
Stay strong and it will get better!!