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beauti

beauti

Well-Known Member
well not literally but this is how i've been feeling the past few days. my boyfriend and i of 4.5 years split up on tuesday but made it official 4hrs ago.i've purposefully left my phone at home to avoid calling him on my lunch break at work, and when i got home i would keep it on silent to avoid answering his calls.but finally answered when he text me asking if i wanted him to stop calling me. and that's when everything was laid on the table and we officially ended it. it was for the best and it comes down to us not being on the same page, not wanting the same things (he already has kids and i have none, and he doesn't want anymore)but knowing all this, knowing that he obviously was not the man for me, i still feel like sh*t....i spent most of my 20s with this man and i have forgotten how it is to be alone. i dont want to tell any of my friends because i've never been the type to talk about any issues in my relationship, not that i painted a picture that my relationship was perfect. but i never shared any private details and so they will be shocked to know that we are no longer together. i'm not looking forward to answering "how's_____doing?" i feel like crap! i am not the "single" type and i'm trying hard not to panic. I dont want to be alone :sad: i feel like the world is coming to an end. i know its dramatic but the last time i was single i was 18 and didnt care to be in relationships but i'm 26 and i'm petrified. i would never resort to calling him and trying to get back together or anything like that but how can i focus on anything else??how can i keep my mind from wandering to the memories of him?? i want to stop crying!!
 
:bighug: Break-ups are bad, but you'll feel better. It's definitely a process; can't discount that.

Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you can try doing something you've always wanted to do, but never got around to doing it for whatever reason. You said you haven't been single since 18. Try focusing on you for a while. Spoil yourself...enjoy yourself...you deserve it. :yep:
 
Oh my gawd girl I know that feeling! Im sorry to say but its like you lost a piece of yourself when break-up after that many years and you will hurt. Time will heal your wounds but for the time being focus on yourself and others that you care about. Are there any goals you are trying to attain? Are you in school? Is there anything at your job that you would to accomplish or see done? Keep your mind and your body busy! Idle moments will lead to lingering sadness. Go out with your friends, visit your family...let yourself have a ball. But please do not be sad! I know it's hard not to do that but just remember and appreciate the good times and the fun times and hopefully you guys split on a mutual and amicable basis...don't leave any chapters open. Girl I could on....wooh, I have been where you are. The road can be lonely but only if you let it! Im sorry this happened but keep your head up girl, things will get better.
 
There is a whole lot that you will learn from the relationship and about yourself...just embrace the process that you're going through, concentrate on you, and let the love of God, family, and friends help you get through this! You'll be just fine, lady!!

Sent from my HTC Glacier using Long Hair Care Forum App
 
Honestly Beauti, there are no magic solutions to breakups. There may be temporary salves (good/bad) for how you're feeling right now but the only thing that can really help is time. Friends and keeping busy, exercising, or volunteering can also help.
 
Sometimes I wish there was a way to fast forward through the pain and heartache of a breakup but unfortunately that's not possible. Try to stay busy, hook up with friends, go on a vacation, occupy your time as much as possible. If you sit and marinate in your misery and isolate your self, you make the healing process that much more longer and torturous.
 
Tell your friends and tell them that you do not want to talk about any details. I have been where you are and it is hard. I was with one man from age 23-35 (we were married for part of that time) and it is tough. I didn't tell those closest to me the story until my divorce was final. It was none of their business, I just didn't want them to keep asking about my former spouse. Let them know, you will tell them, if you chose in your own time
 
I'm sorry if these posts aren't what you wanted to hear OP but they 'are' what you 'needed' to hear....

Grieving is a process...this takes time and you will have to go through it and accept it. Just try not to suppress the pain and heartache; cry when you feel like crying....talk about it when YOU feel like talking about it. Wishing you the best....
 
Pray through it. Everytime it starts burning, stop and say a prayer. Just ask the Lord for strength and courage. Ask Him to give you peace. Talk to Him about it. Make Him your constant companion throughout the day.

Find a new activity you can get into. Take up yoga. The breathing in yoga is EXCELLENT for heartbreak. It will move you through emotionally via breathing and it encourages endorphins and certain hormones that can change your outlook.

Start planning for your future. And, get excited about it.

Spoil and pamper yourself. Buy yourself a piece of jewelry or some other item or food that you've been wanting but wouldn't allow yourself to have. Or set up a year's worth of monthly massages. A standing appointment. Or one spa day doing treatments you've always wanted.

Now is not the time to go scruffy. Now is the time to kick it up a knotch. Polish up your appearance even more. Find new ways to improve. These things will keep you busy and you will like the results. Anything to make you feel good and distract you.

Travel - go visit a place you've never been either alone or to see family or friends you haven't seen in a while.
 
Sorry to hear that you are in pain. Breakups are hard. Take this as an opportunity to recreate yourself. Be honest with your friends. Tell them, if they ask. You don't have to give details that you don't want to, but be honest.

I know you feel like you've wasted your 20's, but seriously, 26 is not old. You have a few more decades for that. :lachen: Look at what you've learned, you know children are important to you, in your next relationship you'll have that conversation early. Use this time to nurture yourself more. Become a better person.
 
everyone has given you great advice...the most important thing is not to jump into another relationship for 1-2 yrs....being single allows you to grow and learn things about yourself...love yourself even. no matter what people tell you, you are whole and adequate without a man! keep yourself occupied as everyone stated, as this will help you through the hurt. maybe for future reference since you don't have children you should date men who also don't have children, they are not as hard to find as you think....i've dated many. time heals all wounds, you will realize in time that it was for the best.
 
(((beauti)))))

It's ok to cry, it's ok to feel the multitude of feelings that you will be feeling. Breaking up is hard, but like the other ladies said time heals all wounds.
Journaling can help you get your feelings out, sometimes heartache is hard to talk about even when we want to get it out, write it out in your journal if it's too difficult to talk to someone.
Take it one day at a time, it might be difficult to see now, but it WILL get better.

"Promise Me You'll Always Remember: You're Braver Than You Believe, And Stronger Than You Seem, And Smarter Than You Think" - A.A Milne
 
~Charlotte*York~ said:
Take up yoga. The breathing in yoga is EXCELLENT for heartbreak. It will move you through emotionally via breathing and it encourages endorphins and certain hormones that can change your outlook.
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Great advice! Heart openers too, backbends, would be excellent!!!
 
Awwwww precious one. It's going to be OK. Breakups are hard, but they do get easier. Just take your time with it.

First, kudos to you for closing up the communication lines if you are sure it is over. Things become a lot worse when you enter that gray area of on again - off again, so that's a great first step.

Now... just let things progress as they normally would. You will have good days and bad days in the beginning. If you feel like crying cry, punch a pillow, do whatever you have to do to release the negative feelings, just don't bottle them up. 4.5 years is a long time to be with someone, so it is totally normal to have feelings.

Secondly, start loving again... YOURSELF. Don't view this as time alone, rather as time to get to know yourself again and to love you. You can only attract the love you want or need when you know how to love yourself!

The YOGA idea is awesome!!! Indulge yourself for a while!!! Get a massage or take some bubble baths. Light some candles and spend some time with you. When you're ready, go hang out with your friends and have a good time (not to meet someone new, just have some fun). Take on a new challenge (exercise, school course, reading more... etc) to occupy your mind (I went back to school after my heartbreak), and before you know it you will feel yourself getting stronger.

It will take some time, but things will get better. NEVER lose your faith in love... just appreciate the lessons you learned from the relationship and know that you are still whole and beautiful. It's all about YOU right now... enjoy it.
 
beauti said:
well not literally but this is how i've been feeling the past few days. my boyfriend and i of 4.5 years split up on tuesday but made it official 4hrs ago.i've purposefully left my phone at home to avoid calling him on my lunch break at work, and when i got home i would keep it on silent to avoid answering his calls.but finally answered when he text me asking if i wanted him to stop calling me. and that's when everything was laid on the table and we officially ended it. it was for the best and it comes down to us not being on the same page, not wanting the same things (he already has kids and i have none, and he doesn't want anymore)but knowing all this, knowing that he obviously was not the man for me, i still feel like sh*t....i spent most of my 20s with this man and i have forgotten how it is to be alone. i dont want to tell any of my friends because i've never been the type to talk about any issues in my relationship, not that i painted a picture that my relationship was perfect. but i never shared any private details and so they will be shocked to know that we are no longer together. i'm not looking forward to answering "how's_____doing?" i feel like crap! i am not the "single" type and i'm trying hard not to panic. I dont want to be alone :sad: i feel like the world is coming to an end. i know its dramatic but the last time i was single i was 18 and didnt care to be in relationships but i'm 26 and i'm petrified. i would never resort to calling him and trying to get back together or anything like that but how can i focus on anything else??how can i keep my mind from wandering to the memories of him?? i want to stop crying!!
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I have some questions for you, I had to come back and ask:

-Do you feel like you want to call him? Have you been fighting back urges to call him or text him?

-Was there any tension or foul words being used when you guys decided to part ways?

I swear Beauti, your situation sounds so identical to how mine was 2 years ago. We were also together for the same length of time! If you know in your heart of hearts that he is not the man for you then your heart will go on. I also hope that you are able to steer clear of any "rebounds". You are in a truly vulnerable state where you feel like you just put so much time, love, attention, etc. into this man for all these years and it turned out not meant to be and you are filling empty....please I hope you do not try to fill that void with another guy too quickly. It really will make things worse and in your vulnerable state it can easily happen believe me girl. I wish I could hug you and at this time you do need support because you just let go of someone you were literally soul-tied to and I know it ****** hurts! You need love and support at this time though so please if you do consider those to be REAL friends, friends that you can talk to and they are not judgemental or worrying about what all went down and blah blah blah and they are genuinely concerned with your welfare, then do talk to them. Do you have sisters? Can you talk with your mom? Please do not be alone girl. Reach out for support. Damn it I hate break-ups! But you will get thru this girl we are here!!!!
 
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First Cry

Then Tell your friends, seem like your in the need of a girls night out :(

Take this time to learn how amazing you are

:bighug:
 
My God will give you the courage to stand up! There's strength in numbers. And in time, you won't even remember his name.
 
I know it's tough, Just keep your self busy! Hang with friends and relax with family members! Eventually the heart ache will go away an you'll begin to enjoy your new found freedom. Just think about how happy you'll be when you finally find someone your compatible with all on levels.
 
sorry to hear about your break up.

time heals all wounds.

if anything, a break up will teach you what you don't want and give you a better idea of what you do want in a boyfriend/husband. be picky and don't apologize for it.
 
Allow yourself to mourn the passing of this relationship; that is normal, to be expected, and you will be fine. It is probably very difficult for you to realize this at the moment, but you may have just set yourself up for a blessing by ending the relationship with your ex. Oftentimes we block our blessings by staying involved with people and things that are standing in the way of our happiness and future.And it's not your fault because it's hard for the person in the situation to see that they have these blockages. But as soon as those road blocks are removed from our lives, the blessings start flowing.

Allow me to direct you to Glib Gurl's thread. It's truly phenomenal and inspiring. Be Blessed.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/re...emember-lot-can-change-short-amount-time.html
 
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wow thank you so much ladies for your honest feedback.your words were very encouraging and touching and got me all emotional. i'm fine during the day, i work 9-5 and my job is pretty hectic so i have little time to dwell on the breakup but when i'm home, that's when all the anxiety and depression swoop down. but i definitely feel better than i did last night. i work with a few of my friends so when i got to work one by one they were asking me throughout the day "are you okay?" "what's wrong with you?" and i kept saying that i just didnt feel like working today and that i was tired but by the end of the day i told them that ____ and i had broken up and before they even formed their thoughts i rushed and said i didnt want to go into detail and didnt want to talk about it. my whole thing is that i hate when people give you that pitying look like "aww you poor thing" i hate that! and thats mainly why i wanted to keep it all to myself but when i told them i dont want to get into it, they were okay with it and said to let them know when i'm ready to talk. but their demeanor did change and i noticed that they were treating me like i'm fragile or something but whatever. i made it through the day at work.

i'm actually gonna have to reacquaint myself with myself. its very strange but its like i never had hobbies...i spent my time with him all the time. he's in law enforcement and my days off i spent with him. I stopped hanging out with my friends more and more to the point where they felt that i was pulling back, but i never really realized it. out of the blue he was the only one i bothered to hang out with, and would get annoyed when my friends would constantly call me.until the calls lessened :sad: but still i didnt even care. its so weird...i made him the center of my universe without fully realizing it. so when several of you ladies are asking me if i have any hobbies, any means of distraction...nope. all i do is go to work, watch tv, and sleep. i have like no social life. not because he alienated me from my friends but because for some reason as the years went by i rather just hang out with him. does that make sense?? it sounds weird as hell now but not while it was happening. i was fine with it :nono: now i feel like wheelchair bound individual having to learn to walk again. how pathetic of me?? i will never shut everyone out like that again.

i made plans to go to the casino with several friends on monday night and i plan on having a good time.i think i'm done with the tears but hey you never know. something might trigger them but i know this is for the best. you guys are so genuine in your responses and it definitely helps. i almost didnt make this OP because i dont like to be vulnerable and put myself out there but i'm glad i did.

i will definitely look into yoga and pampering myself.the spa idea sounds great. i think i will also take a trip to virginia to see my aunt, who is also a good friend of mine.thnx ladies :grouphug:
 
beauti,

Here's a hug for you! :bighug:

I just broke up with my boyfriend/best friend of 10 years a couple weeks ago so I understand your pain.

It's been tough but I'm making it through. Like you, I did not have a social life outside of my boyfriend so I've made it a goal to change that in 2011. I went to karaoke last night, sang my heart out, had a blast, and met some great people. We exchanged numbers and will hook up for more karaoke fun in the near future. Also today, I just signed up for dance lessons. I will be learning the fox trot, the waltz, and club swing! :yep:

I read your recent post and I love your positive outlook. I'm sending some love and encouragement your way. I hope that 2011 is a great year for you and you will love yourself even more than you did in 2010. Please message me if you need anything. And please keep us posted on your progress!
 
OsnapCnapp! said:
I have some questions for you, I had to come back and ask:

-Do you feel like you want to call him? Have you been fighting back urges to call him or text him?
i wanted to call him tuesday night like after the the breakup and demand to know if this is really how its gonna end after all we've been through but my pride didnt let me make the first call. he called me the next night and i didnt respond so when he sent me the text friday night asking if i wanted him to stop calling, thats when i called him. i told him i wasnt gonna settle for what he wants and he obviously doesnt want what i want so its pointless to hold on.

-Was there any tension or foul words being used when you guys decided to part ways?
i told him i didnt want to be friends after this. he said he understands. and that was that, i deleted him out of my phone :sad: i was still stunned and strangely uncomfortable..and that whole night even though my phone was on silent to avoid picking up if it rang, i kept peeking to see if he called but he didnt. thats when i realized its done done.sometimes i get angry but then i get sad and numb but then i get depressed...no foul words though

I swear Beauti, your situation sounds so identical to how mine was 2 years ago. We were also together for the same length of time! If you know in your heart of hearts that he is not the man for you then your heart will go on. I also hope that you are able to steer clear of any "rebounds". You are in a truly vulnerable state where you feel like you just put so much time, love, attention, etc. into this man for all these years and it turned out not meant to be and you are filling empty....please I hope you do not try to fill that void with another guy too quickly. It really will make things worse and in your vulnerable state it can easily happen believe me girl. I wish I could hug you and at this time you do need support because you just let go of someone you were literally soul-tied to and I know it ****** hurts! You need love and support at this time though so please if you do consider those to be REAL friends, friends that you can talk to and they are not judgemental or worrying about what all went down and blah blah blah and they are genuinely concerned with your welfare, then do talk to them. Do you have sisters? Can you talk with your mom? Please do not be alone girl. Reach out for support. Damn it I hate break-ups! But you will get thru this girl we are here!!!!
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:bighug: thank you for your kind words, its good to hear it (read it rather) right now
 
EbonyEyes said:
beauti,

Here's a hug for you! :bighug:

I just broke up with my boyfriend/best friend of 10 years a couple weeks ago so I understand your pain.

It's been tough but I'm making it through. Like you, I did not have a social life outside of my boyfriend so I've made it a goal to change that in 2011. I went to karaoke last night, sang my heart out, had a blast, and met some great people. We exchanged numbers and will hook up for more karaoke fun in the near future. Also today, I just signed up for dance lessons. I will be learning the fox trot, the waltz, and club swing! :yep:

I read your recent post and I love your positive outlook. I'm sending some love and encouragement your way. I hope that 2011 is a great year for you and you will love yourself even more than you did in 2010. Please message me if you need anything. And please keep us posted on your progress!
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thank you so much for posting this ebonyeyes! although this happens to someone everyday, i'm still feeling like "WHY ME" so it's encouraging to know that at this very moment someone else is going through this exact thing and knows exactly how i'm feeling! i want to involve myself in various activities like you but it wont be easy stepping out of my shell but you are doing it so i can too :yep: we will be bouncing back in no time especially with the love and support from the ladies here :hug3:
 
well.... if you have no hobbies, there's no time like the present to discover one!!! Seriously... write down a list of things that you would like to do. It could be something silly (my list had learn how to flip an omelet without it ending up on the floor). Pick out one or two things (If you're really busy, pick out some small stuff) and determine to do it.

Just the accomplishment alone will help you feel better. By the way, I took a cooking class for the omelet. Still can't do it !!!
 
beauti said:
i made plans to go to the casino with several friends on monday night and i plan on having a good time.i think i'm done with the tears but hey you never know. something might trigger them but i know this is for the best. you guys are so genuine in your responses and it definitely helps. i almost didnt make this OP because i dont like to be vulnerable and put myself out there but i'm glad i did.

i will definitely look into yoga and pampering myself.the spa idea sounds great. i think i will also take a trip to virginia to see my aunt, who is also a good friend of mine.thnx ladies :grouphug:
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The above bolded,underlined are perfect. Don't worry about hobbies and plans and stuff. Just start with the list you've got. Start with the casino. Look into yoga. Visit some studios in your city or look up their websites and pick a beginner's class and buy a one-time drop in or a five class drop-in card. Find the spa and shop their specialties. Visit your aunt! Go to Virginia. Interact with life and the world on a different level than you have been doing in your relationship.

I think this is a great list you have to get started and these things will inspire something in you and you will add to your list of things to do and be guided as you are living it out. The hobbies and other activities will come. Just start with these and have FUN!
 
OP, once things settle down and if you do find yourself in another relationship, please don't forget about you. Keep seperate interest and still do things together.
 
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