It's not nappy, just curly

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

My hair IS nappy not curly. You still mad? LOL!

Think hard Jen...what's REALLY irking you about this chick? YOU come from LHCF nappy is not a word that should offend someone who is knowledgable about hair such as yourself.

But lhcf is not the real world and when one takes a tone about naps damn straight I get offended

Eta- I am the only nappy head in my building which houses maybe 300 folks. Most identify me by my hair, especially the ones that don't know me. I get questions, smiles, no smiles lol the whole gamut. I'm ok with that. But don't be blatantly rude. That's all I'm saying. I am the only one wearing natural hair this way and I love it and will continue to do so. One monkey don't stop the show.

 

[HighAspirations]

I just got into an argument with this girl because she said kinky hair was ugly and bad and that some people have good hair (like hers I guess cuz she's like a 3b) me and my3c4awith since4b took offense. I was like everyone has good hair you just have to know how to care for it and she was like good luck with that. You might have good hair when its straight but not when its kinky. I love my kinky Curls God doesn't make bad hair

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I just got into an argument with this girl because she said kinky hair was ugly and bad and that some people have good hair (like hers I guess cuz she's like a 3b) me and my3c4awith since4b took offense. I was like everyone has good hair you just have to know how to care for it and she was like good luck with that. You might have good hair when its straight but not when its kinky. I love my kinky Curls God doesn't make bad hair

Wooooow. Good luck with that? Yikes.

 

[HighAspirations]

Wooooow. Good luck with that? Yikes.

It took everything in me not to KILL her lol

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

It took everything in me not to KILL her lol

I'll bet it did. Folks are so brainwashed. I see it even here all the time. Let me go put my scarf on so I can rock my puff today

 

[softblackcotton]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4 like she thought when she was relaxed. Some people even went as far to say "Not a nap in sight. Your hair is beautifiul." So having a nap in sight, would mean the hair isn't beautiful? Made me wonder about how women on this forum who are very much aware of the sensitive sentiments some women on this forum have about how their hair type is conceived by society are totally insensitive. The ignorance about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" is ingrained from childhood and isn't going anywhere soon.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4 like she thought when she was relaxed. Some people even went as far to say "Not a nap in sight. Your hair is beautifiul." So having a nap in sight, would mean the hair isn't beautiful? Made me wonder about how women in this thread who are very much awaree the sensitive sentiments some women on this forum have about how their hair type is conceived by society, but then when you call them out they say you are overthinking and misinterpreting things.

Me thinks I know which thread you speak of. I entered and exited without saying a word.

 

[LadyPBC]

Let's just keep it real (as has been mentioned) people outside this forum (and some obviously within it) don't use "nappy" as a term of endearment, its not neutral ground and it is not used to celebrate anything associated with beauty. Anyone with a smooth shiny strand (whether straight or curly) is acceptable but those of us with cottony, cloudy, sometimes dull looking hair are seen as inferior.
About a month ago I went to a professional event with my twist out all full and glorious with a bit of sheen and pulled into a puff. I was pleased with it! I was prominently positioned on the program, in the middle of all the pictures with the honorees (you get the point). Some white heff* went to another straight haired sistah and said to her that she could not leave the house with her hair looking like mine. WTHail? Now she didn't outright say anything negative but we can all read between the lines. I have mostly 4A hair so no it was not cutsie curly or blinging with shine but in my mind it was beautiful. Please tell me you do not believe the lady may have been complimenting meerplexed (behind my back even). I can't wait to meet her so that I can give her a piece of my mind (wow ... this turned into a venting session)

Sorry OP - I feel your pain and I'm not sure what I would have done since the comment wasn't directed to you but I would certainly be feeling some kinda way

 

[Pompous Blue]

I'm sorry, I can't act like there isn't a whole historical context to the word "nappy." Even though many black people have owned it as a neutral term for certain textures, it started out as a derogatory term.

TrueToHair
AMEN, SISTA!!!!

I'm in the deep, deep South and even though I've been on this board since 2009, "nappy" still stings in the way it's used in my community.......No one in my circle has ever used "nappy" as a term of endearment and envy. It's used to insult and put down! So, if I heard that in my office, I would approach, educate and correct the user. In fact, I would remind the user that it's a derogatory term and used to racially harrass a fellow employee.

I don't live in the LHCF bubble.

 

[LoveisYou]

I probably wouldn't care either way, you're at work, is she even close to you? Is it worth creating potential friction? is it a battle worth fighting?

 

[Embyra]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4

SOME people may have been elated i responded in that thread and definitely wasnt ELATED

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I probably wouldn't care either way, you're at work, is she even close to you? Is it worth creating potential friction? is it a battle worth fighting?

Nope, not battle worthy. I was pissed yesterday and venting. I was very close to saying something yesterday but had a seat. As long as she doesn't spew her disdain my way everything will be ok.

 

[candy626]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4 like she thought when she was relaxed. Some people even went as far to say "Not a nap in sight. Your hair is beautifiul." So having a nap in sight, would mean the hair isn't beautiful? Made me wonder about how women on this forum who are very much aware of the sensitive sentiments some women on this forum have about how their hair type is conceived by society are totally insensitive. The ignorance about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" is ingrained from childhood and isn't going anywhere soon.

I was one of the people who commented. I don't think most commentors were saying her hair is pretty because it's type 3. I think most meant that number one, it's pretty and two, they don't think it's type 4. not that the two go hand in hand (at least that's not what I was thinking)

You are right that it was clear the op was excited to discover she has curls but so are many people who big chop.

 

[candy626]

I just got into an argument with this girl because she said kinky hair was ugly and bad and that some people have good hair (like hers I guess cuz she's like a 3b) me and my3c4awith since4b took offense. I was like everyone has good hair you just have to know how to care for it and she was like good luck with that. You might have good hair when its straight but not when its kinky. I love my kinky Curls God doesn't make bad hair

What a bit$&! Is she black?

 

[**SaSSy**]

I heard plenty of people refer to my hair as both nappy or curly so I could care less what negative presumption comes from either words, I know in the black community people outside this board perceive nappy hair negatively and good hair is seen "curly" so that might be the reason why OP is mad.

 

[Nonie]

I understood exactly what you meant. It sounded like she was trying to reassure him that it was "curly, not nappy," as if nappy was bad.

I'm sorry, I can't act like there isn't a whole historical context to the word "nappy." Even though many black people have owned it as a neutral term for certain textures, it started out as a derogatory term.

TrueToHair Your last line is inaccurate. The word "nappy" didn't start off as a derogatory term. It BECAME derogatory because of the state that hair that was nappy ie tightly coiled ended up being in because we didn't have combs to groom it when we were brought to the West as slaves.

It's like saying if someone is poor that person is dirty. Not necessarily true, but if someone is poor and doesn't have access to a way of washing himself or herself, then s/he will become dirty but it doesn't mean being poor = being dirty. Similarly nappy hair is NOT = unkempt hair. During the slavery times, it might have been, and THAT is when it became a thing of shame. It wasn't the fact that the hair was nappy that made it a thing of shame. It's the fact that it could not be groomed because slaves didn't get a chance to pack combs meant for their hair that made it something to be ashamed of. Our people have always been a proud people who took a lot of care in their appearance. Having hair that wasn't combed was not us...and so it was something no one wanted to have. That's how mixed race hair, which could be groomed with with white folks' tools, became "good hair". And the hair that could not be groomed became "bad hair". But the minute we had tools that could groom it, it became good hair.

But it seems some of us still live in the past when our hair was matted and ugly to look at and have decided that nappy hair is just ugly. But don't let what you think of tightly coiled hair affect how you view a term that means nothing more than "tightly coiled hair". The word NAPPY came into the English language as a neutral word. We are the ones who stretch it to mean more, simply because anything that was applied to our people was viewed with contempt. Big lips, dark skin, tightly coiled hair.... That we bought into the lie and continue to buy into it is just sad.

If you haven't watched it, you should watch 400 Years Without a Comb. (Scroll down to the links at the bottom of that post.)

 

[HighAspirations]

What a bit$&! Is she black?

Yep and really mean. Kind of elitist when it cones to hair. Its long but very damaged

 

[HighAspirations]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4 like she thought when she was relaxed. Some people even went as far to say "Not a nap in sight. Your hair is beautifiul." So having a nap in sight, would mean the hair isn't beautiful? Made me wonder about how women on this forum who are very much aware of the sensitive sentiments some women on this forum have about how their hair type is conceived by society are totally insensitive. The ignorance about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" is ingrained from childhood and isn't going anywhere soon.

I saw that post.. .made me feel kinda strange

 

[TrueToHair]

..........................................

 

[silenttullip]

I've gone my whole life hearing people say things about me way before being natural... I never said much as long as they didn't come to me with it. It wasn't until I moved to ATL that those comments no longer bothered me because my inner confidence changed and I could hear or not hear comments without wasting time to decide tone, level of positivity, or whether it was said with me into consideration.
As for the nappy term... I'd have something like that in my head in some cases but I wouldn't say it out of desire not to offend anyone. I see nappyheaded people all the time BUT to me nappy isn't about curl size or texture its about how its cared for if I get really close to you and can't make out a curl but I can see lint, dirt, etc and you cant get a comb through it of any size IT'S NAPPY some people walk out like they just rolled out of bed and they rock it, which is cool but they have to be prepared for someone to say something. I love this whole natural movement but as my guy says "some women act like its an excuse to be lazy... Not washed in months, not moisturized in weeks, and when they walk out you can tell! So I guess to me its not bad hair but moreso bad grooming or practices.
Either way as long as you know you're fly brush off the rude people.

 

[Raspberry]

I probably wouldn't care either way, you're at work, is she even close to you? Is it worth creating potential friction? is it a battle worth fighting?

This is how I feel but I have low expectations for people with this kind of thing.

 

[greenandchic]

Lots of latino women have this attitude. I was ex friends with a latino who felt that some black women needed relaxers while others didn't.
It's a more hateful & offensive tone, as opposed to a black woman who has been taught to value "good hair" over "bad hair. I can see why you are offended.

This.

My eyes were opened the first time I had a gym membership years ago where you see women au naturale - no gimmicks. I've seen latina hair with just as much kink and curl and many of use here, but they will spend hours with the flat iron and would never been seen in public with any type of curl in their hair. Its not just a mater of hating Black women's hair, they hate their own!

 

[wavezncurlz]

Seems her comment is just plain ignorant and rude.
Wonder if she really gets how ignorant she sounds though? Or if she'd even offended you. What did the (so called curly) co-worker say?

 

[Nonie]

@Nonie

I won't get into what school I went to or who my professor was, but he is a professor of etymology. The term "nappy" refers to the tightly coiled "naps" that arose from combing wool from goats (Late Middle English, from Middle Low German). So when they called the slaves hair "nappy," they were comparing the slaves to livestock. It has a negative, derogatory context. I'm sorry. That's just the origin.

LOL @ your professor. OK, he's entitled to his deduction. I have seen the same sources and that's not what I took from it. Just coz nothing else resembled 4B hair and downy from sheep was the closest thing they could think of doesn't mean we were being called sheep. C'mon nah! My sister saw those chicken w/o feathers on their necks when she was very young (about 3 or 4) and tickled us all when she said, "Uh oh, here comes a white person!" She didn't say it to be mean and she doesn't dislike or have any negative feeling about white people. The pink exposed skin reminded her of white skin. So does that mean she called white people chicken?

I dunno. I am sure when black people first laid eyes on whites, they described them using things they found looking like that. They were not trying to insult them but just using words descriptively. At least that's how I view the word nap. It doesn't mean ugly or rough or livestock. Nap of velvet is actually very soft. Nap isn't just used to describe animals but to each his own.

 

[niqu92]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4 like she thought when she was relaxed. Some people even went as far to say "Not a nap in sight. Your hair is beautifiul." So having a nap in sight, would mean the hair isn't beautiful? Made me wonder about how women on this forum who are very much aware of the sensitive sentiments some women on this forum have about how their hair type is conceived by society are totally insensitive. The ignorance about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" is ingrained from childhood and isn't going anywhere soon.

yea i give the side eye to some ppl on the board especially those with 2 or 3-something hair that are like "theres no such thing as bad hair" because im pretty sure if they woke up tommorow morning with 4b hair they would flip the freak out lol idc what ppl say a lot of people even those on this board still believe in good hair v bad hair and i dont think it will ever go away

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

yea i give the side eye to some ppl on the board especially those with 2 or 3-something hair that are like "theres no such thing as bad hair" because im pretty sure if they woke up tommorow morning with 4b hair they would flip the freak out lol idc what ppl say a lot of people even those on this board still believe in good hair v bad hair and i dont think it will ever go away

This all day every day. Not saying all would. But quite a few. Nappy hair is just a different world that some just can't understand or truly appreciate.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Seems her comment is just plain ignorant and rude.
Wonder if she really gets how ignorant she sounds though? Or if she'd even offended you. What did the (so called curly) co-worker say?

He apologized for her words however he doesn't truly get it either so..... We've had conversations about it and I gave up on it. But in the same vein he loves my hair and is always admiring it, complimenting and touching it.

 

[greenandchic]

Well there is thread in this section where a girl just big chopped and she and everyone else who responded to the OP in the thread is ELATED that her hair isn't type 4 like she thought when she was relaxed. Some people even went as far to say "Not a nap in sight. Your hair is beautifiul." So having a nap in sight, would mean the hair isn't beautiful? Made me wonder about how women on this forum who are very much aware of the sensitive sentiments some women on this forum have about how their hair type is conceived by society are totally insensitive. The ignorance about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" is ingrained from childhood and isn't going anywhere soon.

Yikes, I just saw said thread too. Like, sideeye.com for sure...

 

[HighAspirations]

yea i give the side eye to some ppl on the board especially those with 2 or 3-something hair that are like "theres no such thing as bad hair" because im pretty sure if they woke up tommorow morning with 4b hair they would flip the freak out lol idc what ppl say a lot of people even those on this board still believe in good hair v bad hair and i dont think it will ever go away

I haven't seen you on the bored in like weeks. Perhaps we are just traveling in different threads lol

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

This.

My eyes were opened the first time I had a gym membership years ago where you see women au naturale - no gimmicks. I've seen latina hair with just as much kink and curl and many of use here, but they will spend hours with the flat iron and would never been seen in public with any type of curl in their hair. Its not just a mater of hating Black women's hair, they hate their own!

Yup. I know someone from high school that is growing his hair out. He posted recently "I'm puerto rican. I'm not supposed to have this kind of hair!" He does not like having kinky hair. Mind you, this is the second time he's posted this on fb. the first time there was a big fight and he couldn't possibly see why people were upset.

Oh, and he's on this board too. Don't care if he sees either. I told him it was offensive the first time and apparently he doesn't care so.......