"Is Your Husband Okay with You Cutting Your Hair?"

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I don't see anything wrong with consulting with your husband on his opinion.

When I went natural, I chopped off my hair down to 2-3 inches. DH was upset and tried his best to hide it but he admitted that he preferred longer, straight hair.

Now that my hair is much longer, he loves it. THere are certain styles her prefers over others but it's not something he complains about or anything.

He's always said that he loves me and not my hair.

I mean, there are things that I prefer he not do or wear and I let him know this from time to time.

Now if a husband were commanding his wife to not cut her hair, that would be wrong but giving his opinion is something I hope he'd be comfortable doing.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Nope. I transitioned for two years because DH didn't want me to big chop. I didn't want short hair either so it worked. We agreed to shoulder length although I reached bra strap length when relaxed. He also can't cut his hair unless its only a trim. His locs are waist length now.

 

[pearcey]

sure, if i lost 70 pounds.

when you are in a monogamous union, it isn't about him "letting" me, as much as I know he prefers me to be smaller if I am going to wear an uber short style.

and since I respect his wishes why would I wear my hair in a way he did not agree with.

granted, your relationship IS about more than hair, why would anyone go out their way to spite their man.

it goes both ways. think of something you don't prefer on your man, and check your reaction ...

 

[pearcey]

From things I've read on here it seems to be common for some to "consult" with their SO. I honestly cannot understand this. It makes no sense to me. It's MY hair not his and so what if he doesn't like it. If a hair cut "may" cause problems to arise in a marriage then I say the couple already had bigger problems before that.

are you married?

usually women with this attitude are not in a fulfilling monogamous relationship.

Issues/control/"this is mine, he can't tell me what to do"... becomes less defensive the more you love and trust your mate... if you have a good mate.

okay, off the relationship soapbox...back to hair...

 

[Evolving78]

are you married?

usually women with this attitude are not in a fulfilling monogamous relationship.

Issues/control/"this is mine, he can't tell me what to do"... becomes less defensive the more you love and trust your mate... if you have a good mate.

okay, off the relationship soapbox...back to hair...

So married has nothing to do with it, because u can be married and still have those issues you mentioned. To answer the question, my ex husband liked my hair short. My pixie cut was on of the reasons he asked me out! Lol. Now going natural was another beast to deal with.

 

[LdyKamz]

are you married?

usually women with this attitude are not in a fulfilling monogamous relationship.

Issues/control/"this is mine, he can't tell me what to do"... becomes less defensive the more you love and trust your mate... if you have a good mate.

okay, off the relationship soapbox...back to hair...

pearcey No I am not married. I was engaged and we were together for YEARS and while we loved and cared for each other and were most certainly in a fulfilling monogamous relationship I would have felt the same. And I will always feel the same about this particular thing. As I stated upthread there definitely are things where I feel his feelings will be something to consider when making my decision. However, when it comes to something like hair I just don't get it.

It is something that is on my head. That I have to live with. Someone can tell me up and down how good I look a certain way and if I don't like it, I will never be comfortable. Period. Now if we are talking about where he will not be physically attracted to me anymore we will need to discuss things. But if never says those specific words...

And while I'm not offended I also cannot understand why my thoughts on this are automatically discounted...as if the only reason I would feel this way is because I have no understanding of what being in a relationship is like. These are simply MY opinions and I don't think I will ever allow anyone to influence my decision on something as ridiculous as hair.

But if you are fine with looking a certain way for your husband even if you may not like it, that's you. (general "you")

 

[MizAvalon]

I wouldn't make any drastic changes to my appearance without consulting FH first. He pays me the same courtesy.

 

[Smiley79]

I was single when I did my Big chop, but that didn't stop me from getting grief from almost every male around me, lol. They were very negative about it. And I was girly with mine. A FEW males found it to be very attractive...but I do stress A FEW!!!! I will admit that if I were married, I would definitely take my Husband's opinion into consideration before doing the BC.

 

[Lymegreen]

My husband prefers my hair short. So, it's not like he's hawking every inch of growth like I am. But, if he liked it long I would ask what's the shortest he'd like and then take that into consideration.

 

[Trini_Chutney]

I've never asked my husband if he liked a haircut until after I'd already done it. He helped me BC the back of my head and told me I was beautiful even on my bad hair days. I don't feel the need to ask his permission to change my hairstyle. Hair grows back, it's not that serious.

 

[biancaelyse]

I did my Big Chop and went from WL/TBL relaxed to ear length natural in one afternoon. Hubby didn't care. He loves the versatility of my hair and the different looks I've had.

I typically chop off 6-8" every spring and he wishes I'd cut it more.

 

[intellectualuva]

I think it depends on the couple. Just like i wouldnt want my husband shaving his head, if I prefer his hair or not getting any kind of hair cut cause he didn't feel like it...I certainly would take his POV into consideration. They may have said "let you", but really meant "encourage you" or "desire you to do so." Meh. Its a crazy way to ask a question, but I get both sides of it: my hair my decision.....but part of your desirability could be your hair.

 

[geejay]

When I got close to the date I had chosen to BC. I let my husband know what I planned. I didn't present it to him like it was a question, but I didn't spring it on him either. I brought up several times over the course of 6 weeks. So if he had some kind of serious objection he had time to say something. But he never said anything. I cut it. He smiled weakly and tried to be positive. I proceeded to take a million pictures!

It never occurred to me to ask permission. Lolwut! But I felt a heads up on something that would be a drastic change was just Standard Operating Procedure in the normal course of communicating with him.

 

[Lucie]

His opinion would matter a lil', lil' bit but I am lucky I have been with men that think I am beautiful either way. I am waiting for WL for me and my dude to BC together.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Considering each others preferences before making a decision is not the same as having to ask permission and do as the other says.

I see nothing wrong with the title question "was he OK with it" between good friends, or family. I see everything wrong with "did he let you".

People are going to ask big physical change questions because men are said to be more visual. Not all of them care about the same things though. Hence my SO doesn't bring up my wigs ever like some other peoples partners here but he's bothered about big weight gains in relationships. Maybe its a rude question to ask and people should keep it to themselves. Don't see anything wrong with wondering it though.

 

[gabulldawg]

I definitely think when you are married you need to take your spouse's thoughts into consideration. I cut my hair a couple of months ago and ran it by DH to make sure he was okay with it. When we met I had just cut my hair, so I figured he wouldn't have an issue and he didn't. But yeah a lot of married women made the same comments to me and I figured they weren't trying to be rude when they would say things. Even when I Was at the shop getting it cut an older married woman was there and she said "does your husband know about this??" I assured her that we did have a conversation about it and he was fine with it.

 

[danysedai]

I wanted to cut mine and he is opposed to it, but he says it's because he's seen how much work I've put into it and how long it has taken me to grow my hair. I met me in an afro in high school, then very short relaxed hair when we started dating. But I feel he specially likes it now that is longer.