Is this really a good idea?

[queenbee8687]

A friend of mine has decided to borrow her own boyfriend, so it seems cos they will only be together for a short while. Him and his gf broke up almost a year ago and he has been seeing my frined for the past 5 months. They are officially together.

Now, in March he says his ex gf is coming from his home (another country abroad) to stay with him and when she comes he has a strong feeling she will want to be with him. And if that is the case he wants to be with her too.

He doesnt want to break up with my friend and is adamant that they stay 2gether until she comes. I dont know what to advice her. She says she will stay with him until she comes. He has said to her that him and her have no future together as she is Muslim and he is not otherwise they wud be together other than that they have no future together cos he will not change and neither will she. It seems safer to be with his girl.

She is very hapy with their relationship and to be honest it doesnt seem to me like he's using her he's very nice and honest too. It's like the islam is theonly thing keeping them apart, if it werent for this they wud be together cos he keeps saying dat.

what shud i tell her? what wud u do?

 

[NaturallyBlonde]

A friend of mine has decided to borrow her own boyfriend, so it seems cos they will only be together for a short while. Him and his gf broke up almost a year ago and he has been seeing my frined for the past 5 months. They are officially together.

Now, in March he says his ex gf is coming from his home (another country abroad) to stay with him and when she comes he has a strong feeling she will want to be with him. And if that is the case he wants to be with her too.

He doesnt want to break up with my friend and is adamant that they stay 2gether until she comes. I dont know what to advice her. She says she will stay with him until she comes. He has said to her that him and her have no future together as she is Muslim and he is not otherwise they wud be together other than that they have no future together cos he will not change and neither will she. It seems safer to be with his girl.

She is very hapy with their relationship and to be honest it doesnt seem to me like he's using her he's very nice and honest too. It's like the islam is theonly thing keeping them apart, if it werent for this they wud be together cos he keeps saying dat.

what shud i tell her? what wud u do?

Me, personally, I'd let him go.

1. No ex-girlfriend is gonna be shackin up with MY man. Is she ok with that???
2. He doesn't want to break up until the other girl comes and then if she wants him, she gets kicked to the curb? I don't think so. I'm not second choice.
3. If they have no future, why waste the time?

That's just me....

 

[Owest]

A friend of mine has decided to borrow her own boyfriend, so it seems cos they will only be together for a short while. Him and his gf broke up almost a year ago and he has been seeing my frined for the past 5 months. They are officially together.

Now, in March he says his ex gf is coming from his home (another country abroad) to stay with him and when she comes he has a strong feeling she will want to be with him. And if that is the case he wants to be with her too.

He doesnt want to break up with my friend and is adamant that they stay 2gether until she comes. I dont know what to advice her. She says she will stay with him until she comes. He has said to her that him and her have no future together as she is Muslim and he is not otherwise they wud be together other than that they have no future together cos he will not change and neither will she. It seems safer to be with his girl.

She is very hapy with their relationship and to be honest it doesnt seem to me like he's using her he's very nice and honest too. It's like the islam is theonly thing keeping them apart, if it werent for this they wud be together cos he keeps saying dat.

what shud i tell her? what wud u do?

I would stay out of it, she hasn't asked you for your opinion. Like you said he's very honest and he already told her what the deal was, yet she is choosing to stay. She is staying b/c she wants to. Just leave it alone, and be there for your friend b/c in the end she will probably be heart broken and will need some one to help her pick up the pieces

 

[esoterica]

I totally agree. If she is foolish enough to even contemplate staying with him then i doubt anything you can say will change her mind anyway. Even if you do choose to tell her what you think (which is what i'd do) just be aware that she probably won't listen.

 

[Poobity]

Um, NO. But she's made her decision so.....

 

[queenbee8687]

So she called me this morning telling me that he's decided to tell his ex gf to not come and stay with him. He wants to be with my friend. She keeps telling me the're on a different level, like he stayed round her house for the whole week and they stayed up in the night just talking. No kissing no nothing just hugging, sleeping and talking. She keeps telling me it's nothing sexual but they think they have a connection. It's wierd cos as soon as she leaves the room he follows, whereever she goes he tries to find her.

I just wanna be there for her and listen to what she has to say but i do try to advice her. Him and his ex bought a hse together and he's selling the house. In January him and my friend are getting their own place, cos hes's told her he wants to live with her. He's asked her if she would live with him too. I dont know ladies this seems like it might just work out. He's only been back 2 weeks and they already decided to stay in love i suppose. I really cant figure out this situation.

 

[ThickHair]

Sounds like he doesn't want his friend and he doesn't want his girlfriend. Both of them are just filling his time til he finds someone he really wants to be with. He sounds like a user.

He wants to just move in with your friend, no relationship, no talk of marriage. She is nuts if she does it.

 

[queenbee8687]

*UPDATE*

So my friend... lets call her Sister. Sister was home last night logged into her PC and he was still logged in in his msn. So out of shear nosiness, i told her not too!!She goes to check his mail. So I'm sitting there with her and there are pages of emails from his ex gf. The most recent ones he hasn't opened. But it goes something like this.

First one: Ex: I feel like im losing you please just let me know. I still want to be with you. I still love you.
Him(in reply): I'm not ignoring you u sent me nuff emails already. I still love you and i miss you. This is like the 3/11/07 like 2 days after he came. (Not before he told her that she was coming).

At this point i can see tears in Sister's eyes. We carry on reading on.

Ex: I need you to get me $300 to get a visa just ask anyone please.(sister sed to me her didnt have any money and she was the one giving him)
Him: I dont have any money. (Cant rmemeber the rest.)
(Then he told sister that his ex was coming)

The ex sent a lot of messages and he didnt reply. There were some new ones which he hadn't opened something about wednesday and this pendant which he wears on his neck. Saying if you wear it it means the devil is financing you and he emails her to let her kno that hes taken it off but in fact sister was wearing it and he took it form her, to wear it. Just shows he's a liar.

So there's more but we didnt read on. She's trying not to act it but she's upset and he can sense it cos when he comes he hugs her and keeps asking her babe whats wrong? Just tell me. We were watching a programme and Malcolm X says. I respect a man who tells me how it stands. Giving the example that in South Africa their laws are segregated and they practise it but in the US the speak of desegregation and pratise segregation. He turns and says to Sister u c that he respects a man who tells it how it is.

At this point i feel sick, so im ready to go home. Enough drama for one day. She told me she told him that he shudnt leave her laptop on when he goes out (cos hes been staying with her) otherwise she mite c something he doesnt want her to c. And he replies whatever u c its not that ur not meant to c it it's just the time aint right for u to c it yet. That makes me think he left it on on purpose cos he wants her to kno this is how it is. Last night wen they were chilling she sed he told her to delete the pictures of him and her off his fone. Now that is just rude.

Men are sumting different. She deserves better. I told her there's still time to save grace if she just walks away now. I also told her cos he says they shud get a 2 bedroom flat, what is she gonna do when his ex turns up wanting to be wid him cos i got a feeling dats gonna happen. I think he's using her.

Should she confront him about the emails? I personally dont c the point cos it doesnt change the fact he loves his ex and that she (Sister) breeched his trust.

 

[Candy1978]

Your friend needs to let it go, he just told her in not so many words, that he doesn't take the realtionship seriously, and that he is willing to use her until the woman he really cares about arrives. she'd be stupid to allow him to use her like this.