Is the writing always on the wall ?

[Britt]

So I've been thinking of this lately, and for the most part, when it comes to relationships I can't honestly say that looking back in hindsight I had no clue that certain behaviors were possible, I also realized that certain things that were always a little 'off'. I would like this thread to be an eye opening one were we can all help each other with heeding certain signs earlier.

I always wonder when women have been w/ someone for a long time and then 'suddenly' the man turns out to be crazy, violent, a jerk, etc. Now I know life happens and people change, but for the most part, you can usually see people's tendencies, they always show through at some point. For the most part, I think it's human nature, we always act on (whether conscious or unconscious) what we are thinking and what we believe.

For example, I was in a shyteous relationship w/ someone for several years, and I knew quite early on that things were off, (I was 23 at the time), but even then having been young and naive I realized certain blaring red flags, but I got caught up really quick and fast. As the relationship progressed and I complained about the mess I was in, I was always quick to admit that I knew the kinda person I was dealing with. In this situation, it was easy to see who I was dealing w/ b/c my ex is the type of person that will always show his arse, some men are much more sneaky with theirs and I've seen this in another relationship and even that of my friends. Sometimes the writing will not be as clear on the wall and the person may put on a facade of being someone who they are not. Or the person may be really good on paper, appears to be decent and clean cut, and then they turn out to be a manipulative liar. Still, at some point, there will always be a time when the person slips up or shows their true colors.

I guess what I'm asking is, have there been times when (honestly speaking) you really and truly did not know what your SO/DH was capable of doing? i.e doing something totally uncharacteristic like hitting you? Usually violent people will shows signs of violence. Or maybe your SO/DH is manipulative towards others, or maybe he's a person that constantly blames others never seeing his own faults ... anyway, the list continues. But can you really and truly say "Oh, I never saw any of this coming" ?

 

[mrselle]

I think the writing is on the wall most of the time. Characteristics that we think are charming or cute become annoying or too much to handle after a while.

 

[locabouthair]

I think most of the time the signs are there. I do think they are times when the person suddenly changes but I think those instances might be the minority.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I think the writing is almost always on the wall. There are signs we're either too blind to notice or we pretend they don't exist because we don't want to face the truth.

 

[10WordzOrLess]

Most time, the writing is there...But love makes you illiterate.erplexed

 

[gabulldawg]

I have to admit that with my ex I had a fair warning for what I was getting into from day one. For one, he was known as a player. He claimed that he had changed his ways, so that's why I gave him a chance. BIG mistake. Also, the first time we hung out somewhere in public his "crazy" ex popped up and started acting crazy. Of course he told me that they were broken up and she just wasn't over him. erplexed Looking back I realize that, while that could have been true, there also may have been more to the story than I knew.

 

[ppp422]

The writing is on the wall. Sometimes you have to dust the wall off to see it, but its there. In my case one half truth lead to a lie which exposed a bunch of lies. It turns out this guy was a compulsive liar! There were literally hundreds of lies, which I couldn't have known anything about.

 

[caltron]

I think that sometimes the signs are there immediately, but sometimes not. Some guys are master manipulators and are able to hide things for long enough so that by the time the red flags are blazing, the woman has already fallen in love and is blind to them.

 

[ThickHair]

The writing is always there, but women (me included) sometimes think we are the one that he will change for, we are better or have more to offer than his ex ie we are the baddest chick. Unfortunately that is not the case.

 

[dlewis]

I agree it's almost always there.

 

[JFemme]

The writing is always there, but women (me included) sometimes think we are the one that he will change for, we are better or have more to offer than his ex ie we are the baddest chick. Unfortunately that is not the case.

Yup...

this entire line of thought makes me wonder about the minds of women folk, re writing on walls...

Whatever writing takes place can only germinate in a certain environment...

YOU inc.

eta. WE are not fortunate tellers...its difficult to ferret out crazy peeps. Just be mindful, prepared to step when it rears it ugly head...

 

[afrochique]

What of when the writing takes time to appear on the wall?

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

What Ive decided is that men are very hard and slow to change so whatever he starts doing in the beginning, it will continue until the end. You cant change him and he isnt going to want to change, so its not gonna happen.

 

[MzLady78]

I agree that usually it is.

But I have seen cases of folks just straight up pulling a Jekyl and Hyde out of nowhere.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

I agree that usually it is.

But I have seen cases of folks just straight up pulling a Jekyl and Hyde out of nowhere .

Unfortunately this is so true!

But yes, quite often the writing is on the wall. Either your intuition warns or the person tells you who they are early on in the relationship with their words, actions/behaviour ... etc

Depending upon where you are in your life, you will see/hear these messages, warnings, red flags OR you will not. Sometimes it’s not a woman being dumb, she may just be blind to the messages because her attention is elsewhere with other issues she may be dealing with … sometimes not. I think it’s different for every woman.

Why is it that we’ll stop for a red light or a stop sign, but in relationships we need a number of RED FLAGS before we GET OUT!?!?! Those red flags in relationships usually indicate a HUGE STOP SIGN later down the road. I just heard someone say that on blogtalk radio.

Sometimes we think that we can work with the person and they will change or we can enlighten them. You can’t do that for someone that doesn’t want it. They always slip up and show us what we ignored or didn't see in the beginning. By now/then ...we see something worse than the first warning sign we saw in the beginning.

 

[ambergirl]

The writing is almost always on the wall but sometimes you can't understand what's being written until you have some experience under your belt.

I think the default mode for a lot of women is that they can love away a man's flaws so they either ignore them or underplay them. In my experience it's just not so. In fact, the more you accept and excuse bad behavior the worse it gets.

Now there are some men who actively are out to deceive and so there are instances in which women are honestly blindsided. But even then, there are usually little signs that not everything is right but they are hard to pick up.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Yup.

Enough with the bullsh!t of follow your heart.

I follow my head, mate.

If God wanted us to follow our ''heart''... he woulda put the brain next to it.

 

[afrochique]

^^ ITA. I find that our hearts are very deceptive and tend to want to ignore or go against that which our head is telling us. The brain sends the red flag, but the heart is busy trying to brush it off.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

^^ ITA. I find that our hearts are very deceptive and tend to want to ignore or go against that which our head is telling us. The brain sends the red flag, but the heart is busy trying to brush it off.

SOMETIMES ( not all the time), the problem is jumping in bed with a man too early. Sometimes women end up knowing a man’s penis better then she knows his character and heart first. Some women move backwards … date/sex + THEN get to know his character … OPPS! I think we are sometimes so worried about sexual/chemistry compatibility that we forget about character and integrity compatability.

I like ihustlenations youtube video called “ The Magic.” Give the relationship time for that "Magic" to wear off and I guarantee you will see all the writing on the wall and the fine print writing on the wall too …

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Ballerina Bun we are >>>>>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<<< when the coloring is just that good you will find yourself excusing all KINDS of foolishness. Stuff that, if a friend told you a man did, you'd be ready to ride on that fool but when he explains it all away, and then cracks your back real good... we get dickmatized. IME, men get hypnotized even easier than we do, though.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Yep dick will make you do things that under normal circumstances you would never do.I can testify to this so many times.Until you dig deep to see why you keep getting tripped up on the dick you won't be able to see the writing on the wall or the email in your inbox..Im only 25 but I def know so much now that when I date again and see the bs I will call that ish out immediately.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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