Is it too much?

[LovingLady]

I'd think Christian conduct according to the Word is supposed to establish a lot of this. And the elder women and women are to teach the younger ones. Are you talking specifically about classes at churches to groom young men/ women for marriage?

No , it is something that was taught to every one. I it was during bible study for the college/high school students.

 

[topsyturvy86]

We should be praying constantly about the things God has put on our hearts.

The other thread was an offshoot of someone in the random thoughts mentioning an attack on Christian marriages. Some of us also agreed and decided to become more intentional in the war. It was good for me to see a couple other christians that have had this burden placed on their hearts at the same time it is on mine. About half of the Christian marriages I know are on the verge of divorce (with children involved). So this season...I KNOW that God has called me to intercede for everyone whose marriage is suffering (not just my own). It is true that he may not place the same burden on everyones heart so it is important to follow the prompting of the Holy Ghost so that you pray with a pure heart.

Now I understand. I can and will definitely join in in praying for Christian marriages in trouble.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I also think more emphasis is placed on marriage amongst BLACK CHristians. I have been a member of other forums where the membership was 90% white. You didn't see that many threads about praying for marriage or desiring marriage. They would post about relationship issues, but the thirst for marriage was just not as prevalent.

And when I talk one-on-one with my white Christian female friends who are single, they don't bring up the issue. It's just not that serious to them. They feel like if they will get married fine, if not, fine.

 

[Bunny77]

I also think more emphasis is placed on marriage amongst BLACK CHristians. I have been a member of other forums where the membership was 90% white. You didn't see that many threads about praying for marriage or desiring marriage. They would post about relationship issues, but the thirst for marriage was just not as prevalent.

And when I talk one-on-one with my white Christian female friends who are single, they don't bring up the issue. It's just not that serious to them. They feel like if they will get married fine, if not, fine.

I wonder if that's because they feel that if they wanted to get married, they would be able to because there's a sense that there's enough men available for them.

For black women, there's more of a fear that the main thing keeping them from marriage (whenever they might desire it) is a lack of men... so the sense is that they need to "snatch up" a man RIGHTNOW or else, they're out of luck.

I think it's easier to feel at peace about singleness with the realization that if/when you decide you want to marry, you don't have to worry all that much about options.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

I also think more emphasis is placed on marriage amongst BLACK CHristians. I have been a member of other forums where the membership was 90% white. You didn't see that many threads about praying for marriage or desiring marriage. They would post about relationship issues, but the thirst for marriage was just not as prevalent.

And when I talk one-on-one with my white Christian female friends who are single, they don't bring up the issue. It's just not that serious to them. They feel like if they will get married fine, if not, fine.

Also, whites marry at a higher rate than blacks, and white couples are usually married by their mid twenties. That's not based on stats, just a humble observation.

 

[Guitarhero]

An interesting discussion was brought up and I would honestly like to know how you feel on this issue, please feel free to respond.

Do you feel that Christians place too much of an importance on marriage.

For me personally, I don't think so. I have only been to one church that highlighted it, and that was for one day. The most that I hear from church members is find a Christian spouse and call it a day. To me it seems like once you find a man (or a man find a woman) no one tells you how to keep a godly marriage, and no one prays for you about your marriage if conflict arises. We learn how to do everything else successfully, why can't we learn how to properly have a godly marriage, or pray for one another when they need help in this area.

No, not at all. It's one of 7 sacraments, all with equal importance in the kingdom.

Read some more posts and please realize, it's largely cultural. Italians place an incredible amount of importance to marriage, as do Lebanese, Latinos, AA's, Muslims etc.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I wonder if that's because they feel that if they wanted to get married, they would be able to because there's a sense that there's enough men available for them.

For black women, there's more of a fear that the main thing keeping them from marriage (whenever they might desire it) is a lack of men... so the sense is that they need to "snatch up" a man RIGHTNOW or else, they're out of luck.

I think it's easier to feel at peace about singleness with the realization that if/when you decide you want to marry, you don't have to worry all that much about options.

I think Black women can have that same peace. I certainly do. IF I ever decide to get marry, I'm not worried about the "shortage" of men. I've never understood why women were worried about that.

 

[Poohbear]

In my personal opinion, I think most women (especially ones who have already had premarital sex) want to get married so they can have "holy" sex since sex is only intended for marriage according to the Bible. But at the same time, women want male companionship, attention, love, affection, care, committment, etc. as well.

 

[Bunny77]

I think Black women can have that same peace. I certainly do. IF I ever decide to get marry, I'm not worried about the "shortage" of men. I've never understood why women were worried about that.

I think they can have that same sense of peace as well.

But, a lot don't realize that they can, and thus, the reason that there's such an obsession with getting married.

I can understand it to a degree... if said black women's circles are relatively small and they don't see many black men there, then that's their reality. For a lot of people, it takes some outside-the-box thinking to see a situation differently -- if the media is saying there's a shortage and then they see a shortage in their own lives, I undertand why they would feel anxious.

 

[phynestone]

No, I don't. But I do think some of us are obsessed with it, like marriage is the holy grail or something.

Honestly, I would like to be married. However, marriage does not permeate all of my thoughts, I am not thinking about what my FH will be like or anything like that. I think because of all the recent divorces and marriages in the celeb world combined with the threads on this forum, probably have others believe that we're obsessed.

I do wish more of us would take the institution of marriage seriously and be honest about our intentions.

 

[Bunny77]

In my personal opinion, I think most women (especially ones who have already had premarital sex) want to get married so they can have godly sex since sex is only intended for marriage according to the Bible. But at the same time, women want male companionship, attention, love, affection, care, committment, et cetera as well.

And you know, I really don't think anything is wrong with that.


I guess the reason this topic has always puzzled me is because I always looked as marriage as a natural stage in life that didn't require much thought/debate/consternation/etc.

Unless you made the choice to opt of out marriage on your own, then marriage, to me, should be a given. It has been for all of world history and continues to be that way for most of human civilization. Sometimes, this isn't always a good thing, as many women have no choice in the matter. But for those who do have a choice, to me, I don't see what the issue is about desiring to marry and then doing so.

The concept that one's marital status (married or single) can be a distraction or hindrance to one's relationship with God has never quite made sense to me, and I've never heard churches really express that notion until very recently.

Which makes me think this is a chicken-egg argument... because societal forces have decreased marital options for those who desire it, pastors and church leaders have started to reshape their teachings to emphasize the 1 Corinthians 7 idea of singleness being a gift and how it's "better" to be single because one can focus more on God.

But I can't think of too many older people that I know who grew up in a time in which marriage was the norm saying that they were taught the above... which makes me question whether or not a message that encouraged people to be content in their single state actually got taken way too far.

All of us -- married and single -- could do more to serve God and build our relationship with Him. It's going to be like that until the day we die. There are distractions that come with being married and being single... distractions come from being human, PERIOD.

So that's why I've always felt that the church sometimes gets in the way of the natural order of things... I have ZERO issue with any woman desiring marriage and desiring at a time in which her body is wired to produce children and most crave sexual intimacy. We were created that way, and the last thing I want to hear is how said women should be doing more as singles to glorify God.

If people desire marriage, they should marry. Not just any ole' person, and not just at any ole' time because they want to RIGHT NOW. But the delays many of us face in making it happen are often man-made... and likely not what God intended.

 

[Guitarhero]

Unless you made the choice to opt of out marriage on your own, then marriage, to me, should be a given. It has been for all of world history and continues to be that way for most of human civilization. Sometimes, this isn't always a good thing, as many women have no choice in the matter. But for those who do have a choice, to me, I don't see what the issue is about desiring to marry and then doing so.

The concept that one's marital status (married or single) can be a distraction or hindrance to one's relationship with God has never quite made sense to me, and I've never heard churches really express that notion until very recently.

Which makes me think this is a chicken-egg argument... because societal .

Marriage is certainly a vocation.

 

[Bunny77]

No, I don't. But I do think some of us are obsessed with it, like marriage is the holy grail or something.

Honestly, I would like to be married. However, marriage does not permeate all of my thoughts, I am not thinking about what my FH will be like or anything like that. I think because of all the recent divorces and marriages in the celeb world combined with the threads on this forum, probably have others believe that we're obsessed.

I do wish more of us would take the institution of marriage seriously and be honest about our intentions.

Agree with all of this!

I also think (and I've said this before) that LHCF is one of the few places I've been -- in real life or online -- where I can have conversations with BLACK women about marriage and be encouraged about it.

I've often found it difficult to find black women with whom I could discuss my desire for marriage and children without having discussion completely shut down. And, this was one of the few places in which the married women offered support and an actual ACTION plan that would help make it more likely.

So yes, marriage probably does dominate a lot of discussion on this forum and LHCF in general, but I think that shows a thirst for information that many haven't been able to get from black women in other environments.

I think too that our discussion goes beyond, "I need a man/I hate being single/I want a man now," as well. If it was just that, I might agree that folks should step back a little and appreciate what they have as a single woman... but I don't see this as much as I do on other sites.