Is it okay to feel guilty about being relaxed?

[Amarilles]

From the moment I was aware of the "movement" I felt like we shouldn't be focusing on going natural but more on independence (hairdepence? ) Do we need to see a stylist for that style or do we want to?

I couldn't care less about relaxers and I have a million concerns as to how they affect our overall health, but the movement should be about progression. Black women are the only ones crutching on stylist for every single thing...the natural movement is diminishing that, but it shouldn't just be limited to natural. If a black woman can relax her own head, she is part of progression. I hate how we are/were conditioned to think that we need stylists for every little split end as if our hair were such a unmanageable anomaly that it always needs special/professional attention. Good for you for doing your thing OP, natural or not.

 

[BostonMaria]

Hey I just watched your relaxing video. I think its so cute that your DH video taped the whole thing for you. He asked really good questions about what products the hair stylist was using LOL How adorable

I could hear the merengue, tembo, and bachata in the background Yup that's a Dominican salon LOL I haven't been to a salon in about 8 months and it makes me want to go book an appointment.

 

[Allandra]

JudithO

You definitely have to be happy with yourself, and please don't worry about what others may say or think about YOUR happiness because it's just that ---> YOURS.

Let the guilt go, smile and be happy.

 

[outspokenwallflower]

Guilty? For being relaxed?!?!

Nahhhhh.

As Angelicus put it, I'm a ride or die relaxed haired chick, and I love it. I know how to care for it, and despite it being in a chemical state that may leave it prone to more setbacks than it would if it were natural, I'm MORE than willing to put in that extra work and I'm happy as hell to do it!

 

[virtuenow]

pre_medicalrulz no, I meant how typical on a hair board. Nothing about you, I don't know anything about you...was just kidding! I thought it would be obvious!

Oooohhh sookie sookie nah! You sweatin' me chic??

Miss Judy, after reading all the comments it looks like you got a lot of good adv so I wont repeat it. I agree w/ the majority, esp sunnieb, just do you.

 

[RegaLady]

BUT I feel like my hair type (very fine cnapps, 4c, very kinky 4b) is still out there when it comes to making it look glamorous especially.... caring for it since it's so breakage prone, all the time it takes to style it etc... and I feel like almost every other hair type... 4A and below have figured it out, and we haven't... I know that chopping off my MBL hair and starting again is a recipe for disaster given how I felt with my natural hair.... but I feel I should be part of the "movement" to figure out how to EASILY care for this hair and make it look sexy and glamorous in every modern type of way (vs an abstract inner beauty ish).... The only way I know to care for it is rock twists 24/7... but there has to be another way.... I feel like we at least have to give people with our hair type a choice to be natural knowing that they will look gorgeous ........ I feel like we have to figure out a way for our old fashioned parents (mine included) who thinks natural hair looks unkempt need to proven wrong and the only way is to show them how outwardly pretty our hair can be.... I dont know... I have a lot of feelings I guess.... I feel like even though I dont know how, I should try to help make this happen, especially since I have a YT channel (no matter how small the following).......

You know I pondered on the bolded today. I realized that going natural is really a mental shift. To want to make our hair look glamorous needs to be redefined. I think BlackMasterPiece has said this alot. We want Eurocentric styles that were never meant for our hair and get frustrated when we don't achieve it. A braidout may just have to be a glamourous and gorgeous style. Sexy natural hair may have to be redefined. Of course it will have to be redefined for the wearer or else they will never feel beautiful enough with it.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

I think folks should do what works best for their hair and their lifestyle, period. If what you're doing isn't working, then change it up and find what does. My hair has done best natural. Relaxers just wreaked havoc on my strands. I have too many textures going on for one standard relaxer process. Problem was that I had no idea about those textures until I went natural and could see them. Now I'm at a stage with my hair where I experience less breakage when my hair is flat-ironed. I have no desire to relax, so I've decided to try using products that allow me to temporarily straighten my hair with minimal reversion and without high heat, but that allow me to retain my texture. So far it is working for me and I'm happy. And that's what's important in the end.

Do what works best for you. Be natural, transition, BC, Relax, texlax, heat train, BKT, texturize, whateva.

Those that mind don't matter & those that matter don't mind.

 

[yaya24]

Heeeeyyyy........ Where have you been?

JudithO

Hi my dear!!
I have been busy with grad school.

Nothing too exciting.

Good luck with your doctoral program!

 

[southerncitygirl]

i say if you feel guilt then maybe its not the right choice.....no one would hinder me from doing what i want to my hair nor would i feel guilty about it. i'm natural and i love it just like many relaxed ladies love their hair. it was quite a learning curve with figuring out what was best for my hair in terms in technique but now i can wash, condition & twist/braid in 45-60 minutes to do a style before bed. (i do take down the next morning in about 10-15 minutes)

that would like me feeling guilty for being veggie cause most ppl eat some kind of meat be it fish, chicken, turkey, beef, pork or lamb, i don't care what folks think about me cause this is my life and i have to live it!!! everyone's journey & destination in life is different do you girlie!!! nothing is fixed & you can always change your mind! hold your head high no matter what your style choice.

 

[Keen]

I wonder if the people who feel like it is self hate to relax feel the same way about those who shave their legs, underarms, chin, etc... Why not love all your God given hair?

OP, hopefully you can find other ways to get people to embrace natural hair other than self sacrifice.

 

[JudithO]

JudithO

Hi my dear!!
I have been busy with grad school.

Nothing too exciting.

Good luck with your doctoral program!

Thanks Hun...