Is it me or what??.... :(

B

bluediamond0829

Well-Known Member
Is it me or is it that every guy that i meet have some serious issues. I mean seriously every single guy that i have met seemed to be decent in the beginning end up being filled with issues, problems and secrets. I am totally jinxed when it comes to dating and meeting men.

I'm just really beginning too doubt if i will ever get married or to have a boyfriend. I never really had a boyfriend even when I was in high school or college and im almost 30 now. It never fails i always end up with crazy lousy no good bottom of the bin type.

i can tell so many crazy stories its not even funny its like i have a permanent sticker on my forehead that says accepting apps for idiotts or something.

i tried the online dating and still got the same thing all the success stories of online dating never happen for me...

i dont even look for these guys i just have bad luck when it comes to men. :(
that is the sad case of it.....
 
I'm sorry hun. :hug2: It's not you. These men out here are just crazy. Have you thought about frequenting some new places to meet different types of men?
 
thank u girl...

thats the thing i dont really go out that much..

and majority of the places i do go are normal places i go all the time(grocery store, mall, restaurants, lounges, concerts, plays, park). I dont really do clubs. Or i go to places like social gatherings restaurants or bowling alleys.
 
bluediamond0829 said:
thank u girl...

thats the thing i dont really go out that much..

and majority of the places i do go are normal places i go all the time(grocery store, mall, restaurants, lounges, concerts, plays, park). I dont really do clubs. Or i go to places like social gatherings restaurants or bowling alleys.
Click to expand...

Well I never meet men at clubs. I don't think they're a good place to meet men. I don't go out often myself. Not as much as I would like anyway. Have you thought about visiting some new places respectable men are likely to frequent?
 
Just start being a total ***** and you will see how quickly things turn around :sekret:. I learned that a few years ago and things have been looking up ever since.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
Just start being a total ***** and you will see how quickly things turn around :sekret:. I learned that a few years ago and things have been looking up ever since.
Click to expand...

I always hear this and I have seen it work for some women. The totally B*tchy ones always seem to have men and decent ones too! But this does not work for me, I get the opposite effect. Its just really unnatural for me :ohwell: Being somewhat nice with a little b*itchiness thrown in at times works better for me.
 
Stop speaking what you don't want and speak what you do want. If you keep thinking you are meeting dudes with issues, more issue-filled dudes are to follow. I don't know if you practice LOA and I am not trying to irk you but try to imagine yourself meeting many men that you do like without issues and unnecessary baggage.

Next month I'll see you with a thread stating that you are having hard time on picking which man you like the most :yep:
 
Thanks ladies for you ideas....

I think i do have that nice approach with the little *itch to go along with it. I never had a problem with that....

Oh i do that I know your not talking to me look to the nasty ugly ones that i wouldnt give a time of day too....

But i need to look up and see what LOA is and see how that works..off to go search for a LOA thread...
 
bluediamond0829 said:
Is it me or is it that every guy that i meet have some serious issues. I mean seriously every single guy that i have met seemed to be decent in the beginning end up being filled with issues, problems and secrets. I am totally jinxed when it comes to dating and meeting men.

I'm just really beginning too doubt if i will ever get married or to have a boyfriend. I never really had a boyfriend even when I was in high school or college and im almost 30 now. It never fails i always end up with crazy lousy no good bottom of the bin type.

i can tell so many crazy stories its not even funny its like i have a permanent sticker on my forehead that says accepting apps for idiotts or something.

i tried the online dating and still got the same thing all the success stories of online dating never happen for me...

i dont even look for these guys i just have bad luck when it comes to men. :(
that is the sad case of it.....
Click to expand...


I mean this with total sincerity and love, but I think it may be you. I think we attract people to us for various reasons. When you see that you attract the same type of guy all the time, which in your case are losers, then you have to really ask yourself - what kind of vibe am I giving off? I know that you're frustrated and I feel your pain, but you've made some statements that you probably give off when you meet guys - like the bolded. They're all negative, not just about the guys, but about you. And trust me, I know that you're just venting, but part of me thinks that you may really believe theses things and have internalized them.

I dont want to sound all weird, but I believe in speaking things into existance. If you want something better, then you've got to start speaking it. So all the bad things, start speaking those in PAST tense...I used to attract idots. I used to feel like I had a sign on my head....

Now, from what you've mentioned, the places that you frequent sound like great places to meet. :yep: Have you tried to ask friends to hook you up? Or maybe gone out with a bunch of friends (guys and girls) and chatted it up with an interesting, available guy? I know some people dont like that approach, but at least those friends have some knowledge of the guy's background and long term potential.

It's easy for us to say, "All men are crazy." But thats not the truth. At least, not from my experiences. I have several great guy friends/family members who are loving, looking for relationships, well educated, spiritual and successful in their careers. I think it's all about attracting the right person to you.


ETA: Just read the entire thread. My advice about "speaking what you want" isnt based on LOA, but my Christian faith. OP, if you are a believer, then you know that in Genesis, God SPOKE everything into existance. :yep:
 
Last edited:
nikki1971 said:
I always hear this and I have seen it work for some women. The totally B*tchy ones always seem to have men and decent ones too! But this does not work for me, I get the opposite effect. Its just really unnatural for me :ohwell: Being somewhat nice with a little b*itchiness thrown in at times works better for me.
Click to expand...

The b*tchiness works but you have to mean it - it shouldn't be an act. You have to know when to set your foot down and do it. You get much better results and filter out the BS that way. You can be pleasant and b!tchy...no need to cut anyone's nuts off or anything :giggle:
 
bluediamond0829 said:
Thanks ladies for you ideas....

I think i do have that nice approach with the little *itch to go along with it. I never had a problem with that....

Oh i do that I know your not talking to me look to the nasty ugly ones that i wouldnt give a time of day too....

But i need to look up and see what LOA is and see how that works..off to go search for a LOA thread...
Click to expand...
Blue if your problem isn't with keeping men, but with finding worthy ones, then you and I would probably be in the same boat if it weren't for my SO. Finding a mate has become increasingly difficult; especially if you are picky about physical, economical, and educational characteristics. I would point you to the internet, but it seems like the frogs have found out about that too! Too many of them can be found on Match, Yahoo, and Eharmony. I have had a lot of luck on Craigslist, though. The trick is to not respond to the mens' adds (lots of married perverts looking for sugar babies on there), but to post your own add.

I know dating can be frustrating but hang on. I will also have to say that the harder you try to find someone the worse it will be. Before I started relationships with people that I would like to have a round for the long run, I had to cry out to GOD a couple times. Then the men just seemed to show up.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
Just start being a total ***** and you will see how quickly things turn around :sekret:. I learned that a few years ago and things have been looking up ever since.
Click to expand...

:lachen: Maybe that's why I attract so many. You might be onto something though bc one of my gfs is the sweetest person you'll meet and she's always boo hooing about some man doing her wrong. She's very pretty too. I told her she was too nice once before but I think that really might be the problem.
 
poetist said:
I mean this with total sincerity and love, but I think it may be you. I think we attract people to us for various reasons. When you see that you attract the same type of guy all the time, which in your case are losers, then you have to really ask yourself - what kind of vibe am I giving off? I know that you're frustrated and I feel your pain, but you've made some statements that you probably give off when you meet guys - like the bolded. They're all negative, not just about the guys, but about you. And trust me, I know that you're just venting, but part of me thinks that you may really believe theses things and have internalized them.

I dont want to sound all weird, but I believe in speaking things into existance. If you want something better, then you've got to start speaking it. So all the bad things, start speaking those in PAST tense...I used to attract idots. I used to feel like I had a sign on my head....

Now, from what you've mentioned, the places that you frequent sound like great places to meet. :yep: Have you tried to ask friends to hook you up? Or maybe gone out with a bunch of friends (guys and girls) and chatted it up with an interesting, available guy? I know some people dont like that approach, but at least those friends have some knowledge of the guy's background and long term potential.

It's easy for us to say, "All men are crazy." But thats not the truth. At least, not from my experiences. I have several great guy friends/family members who are loving, looking for relationships, well educated, spiritual and successful in their careers. I think it's all about attracting the right person to you.


ETA: Just read the entire thread. My advice about "speaking what you want" isnt based on LOA, but my Christian faith. OP, if you are a believer, then you know that in Genesis, God SPOKE everything into existance. :yep:
Click to expand...

IA with this post. It reminds me of a saying I have heard:

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
– Frank Outlaw​
 
glamazon386 said:
:lachen: Maybe that's why I attract so many. You might be onto something though bc one of my gfs is the sweetest person you'll meet and she's always boo hooing about some man doing her wrong. She's very pretty too. I told her she was too nice once before but I think that really might be the problem.
Click to expand...

School her Glam. She can't keep wasting the pretty.

I remember a few years ago a guy I was dating was sooo hesitant about our potential relationship. He kept asking himself why I was being so nice and giving, and he hadn't done anything to deserve it. That was when the switch went off in my head. They really want to work for it ...so let em. Your friend is probably doing the same thing.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
School her Glam. She can't keep wasting the pretty.

I remember a few years ago a guy I was dating was sooo hesitant about our potential relationship. He kept asking himself why I was being so nice and giving, and he hadn't done anything to deserve it. That was when the switch went off in my head. They really want to work for it ...so let em. Your friend is probably doing the same thing.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I can be the nastiest, meanest chick this side of the mason dixon but they always keep coming back for more. I'm guessing they think they can change me or something. They tell me I'm being difficult or I'm fiesty. One of my guy friends had the nerve to tell me he likes when I cuss him out. It gets him excited. I was like what? :huh:
 
glamazon386 said:
Exactly. I can be the nastiest, meanest chick this side of the mason dixon but they always keep coming back for more. I'm guessing they think they can change me or something. They tell me I'm being difficult or I'm fiesty. One of my guy friends had the nerve to tell me he likes when I cuss him out. It gets him excited. I was like what? :huh:
Click to expand...

:lachen: That sounds a little like my SO. I almost fell out when he told me he liked the fiestiness. It was like a "Get Out of Jail" pass...I wish he knew! LOL
 
SweetNic_JA said:
:lachen: That sounds a little like my SO. I almost fell out when he told me he liked the fiestiness. It was like a "Get Out of Jail" pass...I wish he knew! LOL
Click to expand...

:lachen: Yeah... but after he told me that it really made me rethink some of the things he did and said. I think he used to do that dumb stuff on purpose. He's a sweetie though. He always invites me places with him if he's going out. And we always have fun. I guess he just likes me on his arm. I'd nevr date him seriously though.
 
Thank you everyone..

Thank Poetist I understand what you are saying. And i have changed alot because i used to be negative and have a negative attitude back when i was in college. I remember one time where one my girlfriends told me that i had a negative attitude about everything. So i think ive did alot of growing and changing on that part. I do believe that I keep growing to become a better person and have made very good steps of growth in the pass years as far as even my way of thinking...

I do understand about and like the way you put the words use them in the past tense and the way of thinking...

i have tried that meeting guys thru friends and usually the guys thru friends doesnt work. The last time i had a guy friend i met thru a friend i went out once on a date with him everything went well he didnt mention one time of being engaged or being with anyone. The 2nd date came and he stood me up and never called. So i asked my girlfriend just checking to make sure he was okay she cops an attitude with me. Then when i went to visit her 6 months later before i moved up to ATL, i see her dressed in a maid of honor gown and her husband dressed up in a suit. I told her that was a nice picture and where was it done at she told me that its was the guy that i had met thru her his wedding. And that he had got married.
 
poetist said:
I mean this with total sincerity and love, but I think it may be you. I think we attract people to us for various reasons. When you see that you attract the same type of guy all the time, which in your case are losers, then you have to really ask yourself - what kind of vibe am I giving off? I know that you're frustrated and I feel your pain, but you've made some statements that you probably give off when you meet guys - like the bolded. They're all negative, not just about the guys, but about you. And trust me, I know that you're just venting, but part of me thinks that you may really believe theses things and have internalized them.

I dont want to sound all weird, but I believe in speaking things into existance. If you want something better, then you've got to start speaking it. So all the bad things, start speaking those in PAST tense...I used to attract idots. I used to feel like I had a sign on my head....

Now, from what you've mentioned, the places that you frequent sound like great places to meet. :yep: Have you tried to ask friends to hook you up? Or maybe gone out with a bunch of friends (guys and girls) and chatted it up with an interesting, available guy? I know some people dont like that approach, but at least those friends have some knowledge of the guy's background and long term potential.

It's easy for us to say, "All men are crazy." But thats not the truth. At least, not from my experiences. I have several great guy friends/family members who are loving, looking for relationships, well educated, spiritual and successful in their careers. I think it's all about attracting the right person to you.


ETA: Just read the entire thread. My advice about "speaking what you want" isnt based on LOA, but my Christian faith. OP, if you are a believer, then you know that in Genesis, God SPOKE everything into existance. :yep:
Click to expand...


ITA with this entire post! :yep:

Don't even bring up what some jerks did to you in the past - if you keep bringing it up around a guy he will "learn" to treat you the exact same way.

We teach people (male or female) how to treat us by our actions or lack of actions. You may need to take time to focus on YOU and decide what you will and will not accept!

Don't focus on just have a relationship or a boyfriend - focus on the qulaity of the connection and the character of the person you will atract.

So, needy men can be the boldest when it comes to approaching women. They are playing a numbers (to increase their odds) games.
 
glamazon386 said:
Exactly. I can be the nastiest, meanest chick this side of the mason dixon but they always keep coming back for more. I'm guessing they think they can change me or something. They tell me I'm being difficult or I'm fiesty. One of my guy friends had the nerve to tell me he likes when I cuss him out. It gets him excited. I was like what? :huh:
Click to expand...

Men love the chase. They are "hunters". When women allow themselves to be pursued and chased, you will be suprised at the reactions you will get.

Its almost like they cant get enough of the "punishment" :perplexed
 
SweetNic_JA said:
Just start being a total ***** and you will see how quickly things turn around :sekret:. I learned that a few years ago and things have been looking up ever since.
Click to expand...

Girl, ain't it the truth! It's like with those crazy men, you gotta get crazy right back at them. That shuts them up, and next thing you know, they start calling you like crazy, trying to do right. What a world this is!:nono:
 
I feel ya BluDiamond! I'm in the same boat! I live in ATL and for me I think that's part of the problem. I'm not saying it's not me too, but the
ATL scene is NOT where it's at, IMHO! But, like my friends keep telling me, it's not you. A lot of my friends are having the same problems. So, oh well, focus on self, get yourself where you want to be and keep it moving!
 
It seems like your problem is meeting the kind of man you want. Here is my advice, and I am no expert by any stretch (as evidenced by my recent thread in this forum):

Step 1. - think of, or write down, the qualities in the type of man you want. I know dating articles say not to have a list, but do it any way!

MzLys- I like smart, intellectual, black, male, architects*

Step 2. - think of places where your ideal man frequents. If you're into the body-building type, the donut shop is NOT the right place to look, try the gym, the health food store, the vegetarian and healthy cafes and bistros, body-building expos and clubs etc.

Mzlys- I know of national association for architects, as well as libraries in the architecture area of campus

Step 3. - go to those places that your ideal man frequents. I know Sonce said that she frequents cafes on Wall Street, because that's where the type of guy she's into goes.

Mzlys- I found out there is a chapter of a national architect association for black people on campus... I was the only non-architect at the meetings :sekret:, although campus groups are open to all.

Step 4. reap the rewards.

Mzlys - Two guys I'm casually dating now are studying to be architects and I have several black male architect friends, acquaintances and contacts.


*career, area of study has been changed to protect the innocent, lol


Lys
 
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