Is it just me???? Help me understand.

[nita4]

This post is not meant to offend anyone, it was just my personal observation.

Yesterday I wore a braidout to church and felt somewhat out of place. Now you have to understand that I go to a semi-large church, and the "majority" of the women there wear wigs, weaves, hair pieces, braids, etc., this is fine as I own and have worn all of these at some point; however, I change my hair alot. I won't look the same week to week unless I have braids. Yesterday it dawned on me that the majority of these women, don't or won't wear their own hair. I mean I haven't seen some of them in their own hair in years!!! I'm talking more then 5 years at the very least! I have never been able to comprehend how women can do that.

I personally thought that wearing your hair covered under a wig, weave, or braids all the time thinned it out.

Is it just me or has anyone else ever noticed this?? As I stated this is not meant to offend anyone. I just can't understand how someone could do this for years??

 

[LaNecia]

I made a similar observation earlier this year, I attended a local jazz festival dowtown and of course, took time to notice different hair styles. The vast majority of women had some sort of extensions/braids/wigs in their hair. While this fine, cause I wear them too...not all the time!

But I know someone personally who told me she has not worn her own hair out in over 15 YEARS. (she complains of having thin hair and virutally no hairline.... I know someone else who wears wigs..I'm told her has is very long...also, very thin! Not to mention a severely receded hairtline. I've known this woman all my life and have NEVER seen her real hair.

 

[toinette]

some people mya just find it easier than dealing with their own hair. i know its not healthy but i can see the appeal.

 

[sharee]

This was me for 15 years!!!!! Yes, my hair was thin and I had went bald on the sides from this bad practice but here were my sad and tired reasons:

1. Buying a wig is cheaper, quicker and lasts longer than going to a hair salon on a frequent basis.
2. I did not want to take the time to do my own hair and kept burning myself with the curling iron and pressing combs.
3. I did not know what products to use and most made my hair feel funny.But the sad thing is I knew what products to use to make my weaves, ponytails and wigs look good.
4. I could wear all the latest styles with no effort.
5. I was more interested in my style looking good right then than trying to correct my own hair.

What changed things for me is when I became prego in 2003, the wigs/weaves began to irritate me and I found that while pregnant, my hair started to grow. I still didn't know how to care for it and then by luck last year I found this board. I do not even look at weaves and wigs the same now. Now they are used to protect the hair (every now and then) instead of hiding something hideous underneath. Just my experience. HTH

 

[HoneyDew]

I don’t think your statements are offensive at all. I was just thinking about this as I was driving to work, because my boyfriend wants to see my wear my hair out more often. I can give you my personal opinion on it. 1st of all, I don’t think most black women know how to take care of their hair and still be able to achieve the styles that fit their styles and lives.

For me, when my hair is not in braids, I used to kill it with overstyling. Actually my hair was very healthy with braids, but during a 3-month stretch without them, I damaged my hair big-time! The only option I have is to wear protective styles, that don’t always fit my life and my personal style. Braids give me the versatility and protection I want and need. Even still, when I wore braids for the 1st time a few years ago, I was not taking care of them well – not keeping them moist, not getting my edges retouched, not deep conditioning between removal and rebraiding, harsh removal techniques, using synthetic hair all the time (although this works for some, synthetic dries my hair out way too much), blah, blah, blah. Also, I work out every single day. Having my braids in help keep my look on point despite my physical activity. I actually know some sistas that don’t want to workout and keep fit because they don’t like sweating out their hair!

I actually think sew in weaves are great for my hair, but I don’t get to put my fingers threw and let my hair blow in the wind as I can with braids. I think most many women wear weaves and wigs and braids, not only for the sake of saving much needed time, but to be able to create hair styles that make them feel like themselves and still look damn good.

 

[carrie]

I've been wearing a weave for almost 2 years. I like it. Personally I don't like my hair texture. It takes too much time, effort, heat and chemicals to make my hair look the way *I* like. If I wear my own hair out in between weaves, its up in a bun, which is my least favorite hairstyle.

(Carrie sits here waiting for folks to start saying she 'hates' herself)

 

[LaNecia]

(Carrie sits here waiting for folks to start saying she 'hates' herself)

Nothing wrong with wearing the phonies, I hate wearing my natural hair but I dislike fooling w/the wigs that look like hats and busted weaves, I just tolerate my hair best I can and I'm learning to love my buns and twists!! I just hate looking and feeling fake...

Even if YOU don't, I luv ya!

 

[carrie]

LaLa, I agree with you on bad wigs and busted weaves. I lucked out when I found my stylist, she does amazing weaves. And getting up in the AM and putting a little leave in conditioner and rolling is a lot less time consuming than dealing with my hair. ESPECIALLY when I gotta do cardio, pack food and get to work.

 

[HoneyDew]

And getting up in the AM and putting a little leave in conditioner and rolling is a lot less time consuming than dealing with my hair. ESPECIALLY when I gotta do cardio, pack food and get to work.

I feel the same way!

 

[Miss*Tress]

Good question, nita. It's something I've often wondered about myself.

Last time I was in Florida, my mom's hairdresser said I should get some sort of weave where hair is glued on to a stocking cap that's been placed on the head. (Does anyone know the correct name for this?) She claimed I wouldn't have to "bother" with it during my trip to Jamaica. Can you imagine how hot it would have been underneath that cap?? But as I waited for my mom to finish getting her hair done, it seemed everyone was getting this hair-glued-on-cap business.

 

[HoneyDew]

Good question, nita. It's something I've often wondered about myself.

Last time I was in Florida, my mom's hairdresser said I should get some sort of weave where hair is glued on to a stocking cap that's been placed on the head. (Does anyone know the correct name for this?) She claimed I wouldn't have to "bother" with it during my trip to Jamaica. Can you imagine how hot it would have been underneath that cap?? But as I waited for my mom to finish getting her hair done, it seemed everyone was getting this hair-glued-on-cap business.

I have heard of a net weave where they SEW the wefts on to the net. Glue just scares me, even with a net. Still, would you have access to your scalp with those? I don’t think so.

My sister weaves her hair with a technique where she glues the wefts onto her hair after it has been wrapped in roller paper. I cannot understand the whole technique, but her hair grows quite a bit with it and she never gets breakage. Even still she does it EVERY week so that she can wash and condition her hair and treat her scalp. I don’t think you can leave something like that in too long.

 

[LaNecia]

ESPECIALLY when I gotta do cardio, pack food and get to work.

Okaaaaaaaa!!!!

 

[MeccaMedinah]

Good question, nita. It's something I've often wondered about myself.

Last time I was in Florida, my mom's hairdresser said I should get some sort of weave where hair is glued on to a stocking cap that's been placed on the head. (Does anyone know the correct name for this?) She claimed I wouldn't have to "bother" with it during my trip to Jamaica. Can you imagine how hot it would have been underneath that cap?? But as I waited for my mom to finish getting her hair done, it seemed everyone was getting this hair-glued-on-cap business.

I mentioned this technique in a thread a while ago. I don't know the proper name for it, though. But when it's done right, it looks great. My old stylist makes them.

 

[Nay]

I've noticed the plethora of women who do not/will not wear their own hair. And I personally think there is something kind of sad/strange about spending so much of your life with something fake attached to your head. And what I think is the saddest of all is when I see 13 year old girls who have already spent a good portion of THEIR lives in extensions/weaves.

What did people do before the invention of fake hair?

I'm not saying that these styles look bad or that I don't see the logic in the simplicity of utilizing them. But it just seems kind of odd to me.

 

[carrie]

if it doesn't bother the women wearing the weaves/wigs/whatever why should it bother others?

 

[Cheleigh]

if it doesn't bother the women wearing the weaves/wigs/whatever why should it bother others?

It doesn't bother me per se. I'm not that into artifice (as I sit with Afrelle synthetic hair on my head), but I don't knock people who like the very long acrylic nails, the long weaves, lots of make-up, etc.

My only challenge is that I hear young and teen girls on the city bus daily discussing how cute so-and-so's hair is, and how they wish their hair could look like hers, and they discuss different ways they can get their pressed/relaxed/natural hair to look just like that. In my head I'm thinking "don't those girls know that's a full head weave or a lace front wig?" Then the boys chime in "yeah, you need to get your "wig-piece" tightened 'cause your hair is [negative slang du jour]." I run into young guys daily who really think that Beyonce's hair on the tele is the hair that's growing out of her scalp. I'm not bashing her, and as adults, we can all make our own decisions about our hair, but I think there's a bunch of young folks with misconceptions about hair's capabilities, and that's unfortunate, and I think part of that misconception stems from the abundance of women who no longer wear any part of their hair out ever. JMO.

 

[LaNecia]

if it doesn't bother the women wearing the weaves/wigs/whatever why should it bother others?

I notice and it makes me wonder why so many ladies find it absolutely necessary, is it a cultural statement that we are generally dissatified w/the way we look (our hair) that we are compelled to wear 'fake' hair? But at the same time, if I'm having a bad (or need a protective style) hair day, I'll throw on a phony tail and bounce right outta the door.

I think largely (not entirely) it's a matter of not knowing how to take care of our hair that keeps it necessary because we end up damaging it so badly. Before LHCF, my hair was NEVER longer than chin length, now I might actually make it this year to shoulder length, but that even took a year before I really buckled down into a regimen that works for ME.

Anyway, it doesn't bother me one way or the other, I view MY wearing them a styling option (just like I change my clothes), not a necessity.

I'm just saddened when I see really young girls who have no idea how to care for their hair, thinking that that is their only option to having pretty hair...but even if it were a necessity, what of it?

 

[hopeful]

I've been wearing a weave for almost 2 years. I like it. Personally I don't like my hair texture. It takes too much time, effort, heat and chemicals to make my hair look the way *I* like. If I wear my own hair out in between weaves, its up in a bun, which is my least favorite hairstyle.

(Carrie sits here waiting for folks to start saying she 'hates' herself)

If you're happy, that's what matters. A few years ago I wore a weave for a whole year and I loved it. I needed a break from my hair and I was tired of trying to make it do what I wanted it to do. Wearing the weave was kinda freeing.

 

[hopeful]

It doesn't bother me per se. I'm not that into artifice (as I sit with Afrelle synthetic hair on my head), but I don't knock people who like the very long acrylic nails, the long weaves, lots of make-up, etc.

My only challenge is that I hear young and teen girls on the city bus daily discussing how cute so-and-so's hair is, and how they wish their hair could look like hers, and they discuss different ways they can get their pressed/relaxed/natural hair to look just like that. In my head I'm thinking "don't those girls know that's a full head weave or a lace front wig?" Then the boys chime in "yeah, you need to get your "wig-piece" tightened 'cause your hair is [negative slang du jour]." I run into young guys daily who really think that Beyonce's hair on the tele is the hair that's growing out of her scalp. I'm not bashing her, and as adults, we can all make our own decisions about our hair, but I think there's a bunch of young folks with misconceptions about hair's capabilities, and that's unfortunate, and I think part of that misconception stems from the abundance of women who no longer wear any part of their hair out ever. JMO.

I know what you mean but I just think you have to have faith that there will always also be enough women out there who wear their own hair too. And the thing is some people, including teenagers, are more attracted to a certain look. I would never want a happy woman who wears wigs or weaves to feel bad about herself or like she's letting down the young people. That's just too much pressure IMHO.

 

[foxybronx]

It takes too much time, effort, heat and chemicals to make my hair look the way *I* like. If I wear my own hair out in between weaves, its up in a bun, which is my least favorite hairstyle.

(Carrie sits here waiting for folks to start saying she 'hates' herself)

LOL@ carrie but ITA with the bolded statement

To be honest…my hair is healthy and sometimes longer than the hairpieces I wear… but I have wore instaweave/falls for over a year… I still continued to care for my hair so I had NO damage at all.

The reasons I wore it for so long its because it looks perfect with NO effort.. IT took me less time to get ready in the morning.. and that I HATE protective styles like buns so it was perfect because I could protect my hair while still having the style of wearing my hair out. My hair used to take soo much manipulation to look good.
ETA: I started wearing my own hair this weekend..i am not happy about the maintanence but I decided to leave the hair pieces alone for a while.

 

[Lucia]

I have no problem wearing weaves, phonytails, braids, braid extensions, or my own hair out. Actually I prefer to wear my own hair out but I like experimenting with braids and other hairtools to do protective styles, retain length and or just change up my hairstyle. I don't think there is anything wrong with it it's just a style choice, like being natural, texturized, or relaxed.

 

[Spidergul]

I've noticed the plethora of women who do not/will not wear their own hair. And I personally think there is something kind of sad/strange about spending so much of your life with something fake attached to your head. And what I think is the saddest of all is when I see 13 year old girls who have already spent a good portion of THEIR lives in extensions/weaves.

Yeah these are the ones that I am also concerned about. The younger girls. Their desire to have long hair is sad to me. Usually it leads to relaxing way too soon and then the breakage starts, and then they start earing weaves.
I have never been able to wear a wig-just too self consious. I can barely wear my phony pony on my protective style days. I normally will coil it around my oiled and bagged hair and not let it hang.
I have two sister-in-laws that always wear braided weaves or the ponies and both are pratically bald on top. I am not sure what has caused their baldness the styles, stress, illness..? Their mom has a full head of hair. Another sister in law was doing the same and had the same problem. I told her a while back she needed to let her hair and scalp breath and not add all that stuff. She did for a while, but put it back in. About a year ago she lost a very stressful job, and could no longer afford to do the braids as often-her hair is now thicker and looks very healthy. So I guess she had 2 things going on. But her two daughters always have some type of weave in their heads-I have only seen the oldest real hair maybe twice in 9 years.

 

[Cheleigh]

I know what you mean but I just think you have to have faith that there will always also be enough women out there who wear their own hair too. And the thing is some people, including teenagers, are more attracted to a certain look. I would never want a happy woman who wears wigs or weaves to feel bad about herself or like she's letting down the young people. That's just too much pressure IMHO.

I feel ya' Hopeful, and I certainly agree that it's not everyone's responsibility to wear the weight of the black plight on their shoulders.

I do think, though, that teens are influenced by what they see more than anyone else. As someone who "has made it," I feel that I do have a greater responsibility for my actions (this is ME, I don't expect everyone to think like this). For many of the girls on the bus, I am the only business professional white collar black woman they'll see all day, and I tell you, many of them are looking dead in my face to see how I react to certain things, how I dress, how I rock my hair styles. Our girls need SO MUCH help, but that's a different topic.

My mom used to tell her African American foster care clients (children), "you don't have time to be crazy." This is how I feel about a bunch of stuff black folks go through--we just don't have the time for some behaviors. So on the hair issue,I have no problem with adult women wearing their hair however they want, and I'm never, ever, going to throw hateraide on my phony pony, glued-in/sewn in hair or wig-wearing sisters. I do have significant issue trying to teach teen girls how to unlearn destructive hair behavior because they believe the hype--often these grow up to be grown women who believe the hype (knowing and making a choice is different than feeling you have no other choice at all). The hair thing is minor the grand scheme of things, granted, but still, it's yet another thing.

 

[Chivara]

LaLa, I agree with you on bad wigs and busted weaves. I lucked out when I found my stylist, she does amazing weaves. And getting up in the AM and putting a little leave in conditioner and rolling is a lot less time consuming than dealing with my hair. ESPECIALLY when I gotta do cardio, pack food and get to work.

I have seen your pics Carrie (BHM) and your hair always looks nice!

Anyhoo, I myself was perpetual weave wearer for about 3 years. Weave is WAY easier to maintain b/c you don't have to worry about whether or not you are damaging it and you can basically style it anyway you want w/out worrying about heat damage. My mom used to get on to me about wearing my own hair, but I just didn't want to. I really was addicted to weave! I still like it, but I am trying to wear my own hair for a while. I'm almost afraid to get another weave b/c I know how much I like them.

 

[esoterica]

I have seen your pics Carrie (BHM) and your hair always looks nice!

Anyhoo, I myself was perpetual weave wearer for about 3 years. Weave is WAY easier to maintain b/c you don't have to worry about whether or not you are damaging it and you can basically style it anyway you want w/out worrying about heat damage. My mom used to get on to me about wearing my own hair, but I just didn't want to. I really was addicted to weave! I still like it, but I am trying to wear my own hair for a while. I'm almost afraid to get another weave b/c I know how much I like them.

this is soo true...
sensible sew ins have really helped my hair in the last 6 months. when i finally reach my goal i'm not too sure how i'll be able to avoid heat. now i only flat iron once a month for my progress shots.

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing fake hair, hey I was the braids queen for 2 years. The problem comes in when black women rely on the fake hair to define how they feel about themselves, like their real hair isn't enough or they can't look cute without a weave etc. It's so refreshing when I see girls wearing their own hair and here in NYC I see a lot of real healthy heads around, make a sista want to step her game up. With that said I've been getting a lot of flack from my relatives lately since I've been wearing my own chin length hair out, in an effort to grow some healthy hair. They think I need to "spice up" my look with a weave or some micros,but no more for me real hair all the way.

 

[honeycomb719]

I'm a a avid weave/wig wearer. My rationale behind it, is it keeps me from doing damaging things to my hair. My hair isnt at a length where I'm comfortable wearing it out, so I wear wigs, weaves or braids.
I desire to wear my own hair oneday, but not until I've raeched a length Im comfortable with.
Short hair on me, doesnt suit my face. But, thats just my opinion. Last time I wore my own hair out, it was spritz to high heaven, and took alot of heat for it to look good. Too much of that is damaging to my fragile thin hair, so until my natural hair is TIGHT, I'll be sporting my ole faithful wigs/weaves til I present lovely healthy flowing hair, I can be proud to flaunt.

 

[cafe_au_lait]

Hey Ya'll,

Don't mean to go slightly off topic, but I am from Florida and I just wanted to add my two cents in about the Stocking cap weave thing that was mentioned earlier in this thread. Women in South FL do it all the time (not all of them, of course, but it is very prevalent). I have watched my cousin do it on her head and other people's head -- even my grandmother's head. If you are not very experienced, sewing in weave takes a lot of time and everyone knows that glue on one's head is BAD. So someone came up with the idea of applying a stocking cap to the head and then gluing the weave onto THAT, sort of like making a homeade wig. It is good because anyone can do it (unlike sewing in weave, which some are much better at than others) and the texture is smoother than a bad sew-in job (as in since the hair is glued flat you don't feel as many bumps, like you can when a sew in is done improperly). It can also be kept and reused, like a wig, although the life isn't as long. And to wash your hair, you just take it off (when it is put on, it is usually glued a little around the hairline to hold it down, but you don't have to.) And none of your hair is left out, they do the top in a circle pattern or do bangs to hide the tracks at the top.

Hope I answered your question. Back to the subject at hand, I think it is simple -- American culture, and increasingly the world's culture, expects quick fixes. And it is much easier to weave it up than it is to grow it down. This doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing, to either use weave as an accessory to temporarily spice up your look or to use weave to give your own hair and schedule a break. BUT I think it IS a problem when people become so accustomed to the quick fixes that they begin to completely neglect the abilities of their own hair, which would take years of patience, knowledge, and care to ever compare to a $10 weave. I wore weave for 2 years to transition to natural, so I'm not knocking it -- but I DO think it should be used as a SELF-IMPROVEMENT, and not a CRUTCH, and some people, especially the ones who have been doing so since they were 9 and younger, do not know how to distinguish between the two.

 

[lovechic]

I've been wearing a weave for almost 2 years. I like it. Personally I don't like my hair texture. It takes too much time, effort, heat and chemicals to make my hair look the way *I* like. If I wear my own hair out in between weaves, its up in a bun, which is my least favorite hairstyle.

(Carrie sits here waiting for folks to start saying she 'hates' herself)

But, seriously, Gurllll get you some Salerm21,activator gel and just slick your hair back into a cute neat bun! That's all you need!

 

[carrie]

I'm sorry, I still don't understand why it is that folks have to read into it when a black woman wears a weave, but no one is batting an eye at Paris, Jessica Simpson, Gwen Stefani or the other thousands of White women wearing fake hair.