Is it fair to break up with someone.....

[*5+5]

...that's trying their best but it's just not enough for you?

Say if you understood some childhood issues they might have or some deeply rooted insecurities that they can't seem to get over, but yet they give you the best they have.

Is it fair to let them go, even if your behavior has suggested you would be patient?

 

[Renovating]

Is it fair for you settle for less than what you feel you deserve?
No, it's not. Be true to yourself.

 

[mscocoface]

How long has the person tried to make it work? If a real effort was put into it then I don't see what the issue is. You gave it your best but for this situation you best and the other persons best was not good enough.

It happens, it isn't life threatening. You learn from the situation and you move on both of your hopefully to someone who will be the partner you need.

 

[anon123]

Fair or not, you have to get the best you can from your life. What else are you going to do, sacrifice your life and happiness out of pity for someone else?

 

[FlowerHair]

Yes, yes and yes!
That's what I did.

If someone can only love you so much or do this much for you and that's all he has at the moment, you might have to move on if you'd rather be loved more than that or have more things done for you... Most of the time that has roots in their childhood and it's not his fault, but it is what it is. If you have lots of time to wait for the other person to get himself together, by all means do so. But real change takes time. Do you have that time to spend? Only you can answer that question.

It's all about being "equally yoked" and being on the same level emotionally.

It all depends on what you want and what you need in a relationship. It's not wrong to want more.

With all that said, I'm definately for giving a relationship a fair chance and you shouldn't leave a commited relationship before you feel that you have done everything in your power to reach your goals.

Once you have worked with all possible solutions that you can think of, you will know in your heart if you're ready to leave.

 

[guudhair]

"Fair" has nothing to with whether or not YOU want someone in your life.

 

[*5+5]

It's been 3yrs total, 1yr of being in the trenches really dealing with the lack there of's and unmet expectations. I know this man loves me and I believe without a doubt he is doing his best and I feel horrible about cuttin' him loose for not measuring up. What's even scarier is that I was seconds off of marrying this guy last summer flaws and all. I hadn't told anyone about how I'm feeling except my sister and she was like bwaahahahaha girl bye, it could be worst.

I'm worried I will not receive the family-friend support I need b/c he's a lot better than what some of my friends have and they may think I'm being extra or picky

 

[Kerryann]

is it fair for you to be unhappy
Is it fair for you to only consider other peoples feelings and not your own
You come first

 

[kismettt]

do they deserve someone who is half out or really wants to leave? no.

even if i'm trying really hard, if my SO doesn't feel like it's enough to satisfy him, i don't want him to waste my time or his because he thinks it's not "fair".

 

[Renovating]

It's been 3yrs total, 1yr of being in the trenches really dealing with the lack there of's and unmet expectations. I know this man loves me and I believe without a doubt he is doing his best and I feel horrible about cuttin' him loose for not measuring up. What's even scarier is that I was seconds off of marrying this guy last summer flaws and all. I hadn't told anyone about how I'm feeling except my sister and she was like bwaahahahaha girl bye, it could be worst.

I'm worried I will not receive the family-friend support I need b/c he's a lot better than what some of my friends have and they may think I'm being extra or picky

I think your family and friends will get over it. It would really be a shame for you to stay in an unfulfilling relationship and later resent him.

 

[Bmack]

Fair or not, you have to get the best you can from your life. What else are you going to do, sacrifice your life and happiness out of pity for someone else?

I would break-up too. The person will thank you in the long run.

 

[MuseofTroy]

...that's trying their best but it's just not enough for you?

Say if you understood some childhood issues they might have or some deeply rooted insecurities that they can't seem to get over, but yet they give you the best they have.

Is it fair to let them go, even if your behavior has suggested you would be patient?

IYep. Leave them alone and find your happiness. If you aren't married to this person, you aren't required to be patient or work anything out. You deserve to be happy. If their best isn't good enough for you then why stay? Men leave when they aren't being fullfilled, but for some reason woman find reasons to stay in a dead relationship. Move on. You wouldn't be posting this if you didn't have serious doubts about the relationships. Analyize the pros and cons of being with this individual. if the cons out weigh the pros then you will have your answer.

 

[panamoni]

Yes. Breakups are actually not based on what's fair. It's based on what the "break-upper" wants and needs at the time.

 

[-Volare]

If you're not feeling it then you shouldn't stick with him. It's not fair to you or him.

 

[Lady Esquire]

His very best may not be enough for you, yet may be more than enough for someone else. If you know he's not the one for you, let him go. You'll both be better off. I would hate for someone to stay with me out of pity.

 

[*5+5]

It's not only for pity. I do love the man a lot and I want to be with him. I just don't want to compromise on aspects of affection that I need that he struggles to give. I'm not with him b/c I feel sorry for him, I'm still there b/c I love him and want it to get better. However, I think he is really doing his best to give me what I've explained to him that I need, yet he still falls short.

 

[Bunny77]

I'm worried I will not receive the family-friend support I need b/c he's a lot better than what some of my friends have and they may think I'm being extra or picky

This is definitely not a reason to hold on to the person you have just because he's "better" than some probably low-quality men that your friends have.

Sometimes, we have to be lone rangers and not look for support from others. If you know that your decision is the right one for YOU, then own it and make it an off-limits topic for everyone else.

This is your life, not theirs. And while support is a nice thing to have, no one is obligated to give it to you. So, make your decision for YOU, own it and live with whatever it may be!

 

[Ms Red]

Fast-forward in your mind to 5-10 years down the road. Add in a marriage and a couple or kids to that mix. Now, if you can honestly say that you would be happy with this man, then work it out.

BUT (and this is a huge but)... If you know in your heart that this is the MOST he can give you, and you know you want more, then I would plan my departure. I have *personally* done it before and I would do it again. In retrospect, I wonder why I spent all of those years in "the fog." Maybe fearful that that was "the best it would get."...? Maybe fearful that I wouldn't meet someone who would treat me the way I truly deserved to be treated... But I found out the hard way that the following quote is true "When you settle, you get even less than you settled for" [sic] Good luck, some of us have been there and ended up happy

 

[BKVincy]

you ladies are no joke

oh wow I think opposite from everyone but Im extremely patient (which is one of my downfalls) but if I was in love with that person and I felt deep down inside that they were truly the one for me I would keep trying

ok reread you already planning on getting rid of the person so fairness at this point doesnt matter

 

[Renovating]

^^^^^ I just think there's a big difference between being patient and self sacrificing.