Is it fair to be upset...(rant)

[ChunHyang]

Everytime I bring up how I want to do the big chop to my bf all I get is a frown. He says "Do what you want" but he is really against me doing it. He likes girls with long hair. He was even upset when I went from shoulder to chin length.
It really upsets me. I love my bf, we've been together for almost 2 years. While I know he would eventually get over my cut, I hate thinking that he's thinking "I really wish she hadn't cut her hair." You wanna be hot to your man, you know? And everytime I try to talk about it, the reasons why I want to do it, why it would be better, etc I just get the :| face. In the beginning he said "No don't, I like longer hair." But then I made a stink (and I ain't no punk when it comes to debates) and he finally started to say "ok". I guess it's a lot to ask for a person who's used to women with long hair to suddenly be with someone with short hair.
My deal is....why is it an issue? There are preferences I have that he might not have, but they're not coming up all the time cause I really don't care about them as much as him. So why does cutting my hair get me a ":\" and "no don't do it" instead of a "yay, a fun new change in my beautiful gf". He wasn't sayin that when I was talkin about losin weight

I should be considered just as beautiful a woman whether my hair is short or long or anywhere in between, as long as I keep it lookin good.

Sorry ladies, but I just needed to let this one out.

 

[Topher]

Well, I guess the heart wants what the heart wants, and your boyfriend's heart wants long hair. He'll probably still like you of course, but if he prefers long hair, then chopping it off is kindof like "OMG WHAT HAPPENED". You may be a beautiful person (inside), but if long hair is what appeals to him, then I don't know what to say about that... ? I suppose that your bf has a stronger attachment to your physical characteristics than you do for his.

Is it fair for you to be upset? I don't think so. I think it's fair for you to be a little dissapointed or a little pouty, but not angry at your bf. If you look at it from your bf's perspective, then he's thinking to himself "why does my girlfriend want to get rid of one of things that makes me attracted to her the most!?".

 

[angellazette]

I'm pretty sure he'll get over it!

My boyfriend makes similar comments. When we met I was in weave and am now in kinky twists while he's overseas. He doesn't care for weave, no one in his family wears it, blah blah blah. Well I did/do. He'll make comments...probably every couple of months but everyday he tells me I'm beautiful...

I do kinda feel for my baby because he's never actually seen my hair, but I just tell him "the time is coming soon baby"

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Men are like that.They like long hair. I think you've spoiled him with your beautiful hair. 2 options- long transition or 2 cut it. Will he throw away a 2 yr relationship over short hair?

 

[Poohbear]

After reading your story, it sounds like he will most likely be accepting of you if you did the BC. Your story almost sounds like mine in regards to me and my boyfriend. Back in 2003, I cut my passed should length relaxed hair to chin length. He didn't like it but accepted it, stayed with me and still loved me. Late 2004, I decided to transition to natural. After a few months of transitioning, I would always tease him about cutting all my hair off. He would make funny faces too and say things like "if you cut your hair, you won't be with me." Well, in the spring of 2005, I was starting to get really frustrated with the two textures (thick natural new growth and thin relaxed ends) and even discussed it with my boyfriend how I started having a growing desire to cut it off. He said "do what you gotta do". So one Sunday after church (May 1), I took my wig off and chopped all my relaxed ends off. When he first saw me, he was shocked but loved it! It took him a few days to get used to it. He would rub my head and play in my hair all the time when it was super short. He also said that I look better with natural hair than with relaxed hair. And as of today, he's still with me and loves me and accepts me for who I am. He still prefers long hair but so do I and what I prefer is all that matters. And our relationship has actually been better ever since I've cut my hair off.

But if I were you, I wouldn't worry about what others prefer for you. Do what is best for you and do what you wanna do with your hair and don't let anyone hinder you from any decision you make.

btw, you are beautiful now and you'll still be beautiful with shorter hair!

God bless!

 

[CinnaMocha]

Your BF may like longer hair, but it seems like he loves all of you. So do what you have to do for your hair and your new look will grow on him. Should he decide to say anything, tell him, "It's only hair, it will grow back." Then keep it moving. Have fun with your hair when you do the BC, there's so much to do with a shorter do until it all comes back in.

 

[HoneyDew]

I understand how you feel.

My bf never really expressed his feelings about my hair length, but I remember when we first met he told me that he found long hair on a women to be sexy.

I was not going to do a bc, but I was so ready to stop wearing weaves and just wear my neck length hair out and free.

Luckily he likes it, prefers it actually, but I was so afraid of how he was going to respond.

But, I have had boyfriends in the past that would not have been so happy with it. Thankfully my current sweetie's maturity level and love for me was a benefit in this situation.

But, what it boils down to is doing what makes you feel happy, honey.

 

[ChunHyang]

Thanks for your responses ladies. My boyfriend and I, after letting all the chaotic emotions pass, sat down and talked about it. He told me he's willing to support whatever decision I make and that he'll love me and find me attractive no matter what. Now why couldn't he say that in the first place and save us some drama? I guess he felt like whining. But he's not a guy that's all about change so I understand where he's coming from. Anyway, it worked out. Now I just need to figure out when I want to cut this mess.

 

[MissYocairis]

After reading your story, it sounds like he will most likely be accepting of you if you did the BC. Your story almost sounds like mine in regards to me and my boyfriend. Back in 2003, I cut my passed should length relaxed hair to chin length. He didn't like it but accepted it, stayed with me and still loved me. Late 2004, I decided to transition to natural. After a few months of transitioning, I would always tease him about cutting all my hair off. He would make funny faces too and say things like "if you cut your hair, you won't be with me." Well, in the spring of 2005, I was starting to get really frustrated with the two textures (thick natural new growth and thin relaxed ends) and even discussed it with my boyfriend how I started having a growing desire to cut it off. He said "do what you gotta do". So one Sunday after church (May 1), I took my wig off and chopped all my relaxed ends off. When he first saw me, he was shocked but loved it! It took him a few days to get used to it. He would rub my head and play in my hair all the time when it was super short. He also said that I look better with natural hair than with relaxed hair. And as of today, he's still with me and loves me and accepts me for who I am. He still prefers long hair but so do I and what I prefer is all that matters. And our relationship has actually been better ever since I've cut my hair off.

But if I were you, I wouldn't worry about what others prefer for you. Do what is best for you and do what you wanna do with your hair and don't let anyone hinder you from any decision you make.

btw, you are beautiful now and you'll still be beautiful with shorter hair!

God bless!

That was a GREAT STORY!

 

[LovelyZ]

I really don't think you should be upset with him about this. I'm guessing your long hair was probably part of what made you initially appealing and he likes that about you. You shouldn't get down on him for prefering your hair long.

Having said that; you ultimately should do what makes you happy. If he's really into you, he still will be no matter what you do to your hair.

 

[nychaelasymone]

I'm going through this right now......when I re-met my boyfriend, I had a weave. Now that he's on extended travel, he will return w/ me having a new hair do. On top of the fac that my own hair has issues I just don't know how he will respond. Well, if he loved me then, then he'll love me now, after he adjusts. If he leaves than it really wasn't meant to be.......well, I'm happy to hear that things w/ you worked out.