Is Honesty Always the Best Policy

[MzOptimistic]

I love perusing hair albums. I especially like to see people's progress when trying to achieve healthier, longer hair. However, is it just me, or have any of you ladies ever seen an album where the progress pics didn't look very progressive? The hair might be a bit longer but it still appears really unhealthy (i.e. ragged ends, obvious breakage, etc.). In these albums I often see comments like, "Great progress!" And I sit there and think to myself erplexed, are we looking at the same pictures?
In cases where people's hair journeys seem to be going nowhere fast, do you find it best to either:
a) say nothing
b) lie and say their hair looks great
c) or tactfully tell the truth and offer suggestions for help

Personally, I just don't see the point in telling someone their hair is looking good when it's really not. Wouldn't that just keep the person on the same road to nowhere? And saying nothing doesn't help either. But is it rude or intrusive to say that maybe they need a new regimen. What do you think?

Honestly I would say nothing. Who am I to rain on someone's parade. Now if they were to ask me, I would say so in a very tactful and friendly way BUT only if I'm asked

 

[MzOptimistic]

I always thought that fokis where not just about progress but also setbacks in a person's journey. Some people don't even share theirs because its a very personal thing (can't say i blame them either). I don't have a foki so I generally don't leave comments.

but IMO, when someone makes a disparaging remark on someone's foki it smacks of someone who has nothing better to do.

Some people do not know how to use tact to get their point across, some people are just outright mean and hateful to others. We've all seen how some take advantage of the anonymous feature in foki. And we've also seen people make nasty remarks where some of us felt they weren't warranted.

I've been baby butt bald twice and have had the most horrendous time before I found this place on whow to take care of my hair...so I'd NEVER say something bad about someone elses hair.

If a person asked for advice I'd give it based on my past experience and current knowledge, but if they're not asking I leave it alone. If they like it I love it and if they feel good about their hair then more power to them!

They may already have a plan of action on what to do and working on accomplishing that, no need in me to derail them. If they ask for an opinion about how thier hair looks and/or what they can improve upon and they ask for help, I give them an answer based on what I know so they're not demeaned or offended.

As women of color we already get crap from people outside of this forum, so why should we crap on someone who is here trying do better? Nothing wrong with being honest, but also nothing wrong with being tactful either.

I don't doubt that being here has raised all of our standards a lot. I applaud people who come here who are at least trying to turn their hair around as well as gain some knowledge on how to better care for their hair and switch that myth.

To me thats more important than seeing perfect ends.


-A

You go girl. Well said!!!!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Just don't say anything.

It's just not worth the drama.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Well, I'mma just state this flat out:

I want the God's-honest TRUTH when it comes to my hair. I'd rather people not say anything at all than to be dishonest. It does me no good.

As for the "long hair" vs. "healthy hair" issue, I've made it clear that my first priority is health, which includes striving for thicker strands and nurtured ends. I see no point in having long AND jacked up hair.

Sure, I don't have pics up yet due to laziness and not knowing how to post them, but when I do, I will invite all sincere, genuine comments, provided that any negative comments are constructive rather than demoralizing. And again, I'd rather not have any comments if people feel that they have to be dishonest in order to make me feel better.

JMHO...

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Oh, and if you are gonna say it, PLEASE DO NOT POST IT ANONYMOUSLY!! That looks very punk-ish. Be a lady about yours and say it under you own screen name.

 

[Amour]

I think that it is all in the eye of the beholder. What doesn't look like pregress to me may look like prgress to another. It is all subjective. Some people are happy to see 1/4" growth and consider that major progress. I like to encourage anybody and everybody.

right on... esp at the bolded.

But if i havnt got any think good to say then I will prefer to say nothing jmo

 

[B_Phlyy]

I speak only for myself but I take progress pics for ME. So that I can see my own progress. I share them so that I might encourage or inspire others even when my progress is slow. I can't speak for anyone else but sometimes my progess is an uphill battle and I know there are others who are stuggling like me. I am just happy that someone is willing to share their journey to longer, healthier hair.

I always thought that fokis where not just about progress but also setbacks in a person's journey.

I agree with these 2 posts. I think it all comes down to knowing your hair. Some people's hair grows faster and thicker than others. Some people can do all the right things and still have setbacks from them. It's all relative. I already know my hair is dry and grows slow, I don't need anyone else to tell me. But if they can look at my pics and see that setbacks can be overcome, then that's okay.

I very rarely comment on people hair pics because I rarely look at them. If their progress is good enough for them, then it's good enough for me.

 

[PinkSkates]

on accomplishing that, no need in me to derail them. If they ask for an opinion about how thier hair looks and/or what they can improve upon and they ask for help, I give them an answer based on what I know so they're not demeaned or offended.

As women of color we already get crap from people outside of this forum, so why should we crap on someone who is here trying do better? Nothing wrong with being honest, but also nothing wrong with being tactful either.

I don't doubt that being here has raised all of our standards a lot. I applaud people who come here who are at least trying to turn their hair around as well as gain some knowledge on how to better care for their hair and switch that mQuote:
Originally Posted by Arcadian
I always thought that fokis where not just about progress but also setbacks in a person's journey. Some people don't even share theirs because its a very personal thing (can't say i blame them either). I don't have a foki so I generally don't leave comments.

but IMO, when someone makes a disparaging remark on someone's foki it smacks of someone who has nothing better to do.

Some people do not know how to use tact to get their point across, some people are just outright mean and hateful to others. We've all seen how some take advantage of the anonymous feature in foki. And we've also seen people make nasty remarks where some of us felt they weren't warranted.

I've been baby butt bald twice and have had the most horrendous time before I found this place on whow to take care of my hair...so I'd NEVER say something bad about someone elses hair.

If a person asked for advice I'd give it based on my past experience and current knowledge, but if they're not asking I leave it alone. If they like it I love it and if they feel good about their hair then more power to them!

They may already have a plan of action on what to do and working yth.

To me thats more important than seeing perfect ends.


-A

Amen, to what Arcadian said!

 

[SignatureBeauty]

I Love looking at all albums and I can see their progress whether they 1/2 inch growth or their hair is holding moisture, I don't really look at growth because you can have short healthy hair and it is progress, I mean I am not here to judge no one, But I have my own opinons and I keep them to myself, there is no need for me to blast someone else, I just move on, but if that is progress to that person then so be it.

 

[starfish79]

Well, I'mma just state this flat out:

I want the God's-honest TRUTH when it comes to my hair. I'd rather people not say anything at all than to be dishonest. It does me no good.

As for the "long hair" vs. "healthy hair" issue, I've made it clear that my first priority is health, which includes striving for thicker strands and nurtured ends. I see no point in having long AND jacked up hair.

Sure, I don't have pics up yet due to laziness and not knowing how to post them, but when I do, I will invite all sincere, genuine comments, provided that any negative comments are constructive rather than demoralizing. And again, I'd rather not have any comments if people feel that they have to be dishonest in order to make me feel better.

JMHO...

ITA, esp. w/ the bolded. I do, however, believe that constructive criticism should be delivered with tact and respect.