Is He Serious????

[Naturefreegirl]

My girlfriends SO approached her about marriage after 7 years of relationship, the reason I said approached is because he didnot do the formal act on bended knees,no ring or anything? he says he is furthering his relationship with God and does not want to keep sinning with intimacy before marriage. Anyways he wants to have something small with just family and close friends.

She is hesistant on going through because she feels that he is "robbing her of the whole experience that she feels she derserves. Not to mention that his divorce is not quite over yet but he still wants to procede with it. She also feels that he is dectiating everything and she is not happy.

Ladies, what do you think? Is she right? What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Keen]

So she has been in a relationship with him for 7 years but his divorce is not finalize?

About the "robbing her of the whole experience", well some people like big weddings, and some don't. Since he has been married before, it's not surprising that he just want something small (especially since his divorce is not even finalized).


ETA - I'm answering with a question: Is she serious?

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

I'm sorry, but she robbed herself of the experience when she started in a relationship with a married man and continued it for 7 whole years. One year is okay, but 7 years long enough for him to have been divorced. I'm not into the bible, but I'm sure that having unmarried intimacy is lower on the sin level than being married and having sex with someone that's not your wife. He needs to get divorced first, then give your friend the wedding that she thinks she deserves.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

How is he still tied up in a divorce? She is playing her self and she needs to leave now. She would be stupid to continue. If a man wants you he will make it happen and consider their mates thoughts on things. He is foul and I hate he brought religion in this.

 

[Love Always]

AHeadOfCoils, I was going to say the same thing .

 

[Naturefreegirl]

the ex-wife and him has been legally seperated for sometime I believe, but never started divorce proceedings until five years ago ( I stand corrected) its been a bitter dirvorce.

 

[lux10023]

i would not marry that guy if i were her...

she can do better
and honetly shes settling....
7 yrssss? 7 yrssss?
because of his baggage he wants to rob her of a beautiful wedding..proper engagement and etc

***...

 

[LiftedUp]

I was going to say that people do thing differently and they have to come to a common ground. Not everyone does or need the whole bended knee ritual and a big wedding.

However, she needs to do some introspection. Does she really want to get married to someone who doesn't even value the sanctity of marriage?! Isn't she concerned that he'll do the same to her?!

I think that he wants to get married to prove to his wife that he has "moved on" so her feeling and concerns really doesn't matter.

 

[janiebaby]

the ex-wife and him has been legally seperated for sometime I believe, but never started divorce proceedings until five years ago ( I stand corrected) its been a bitter dirvorce.

Not speaking against your friend because I'm a really understanding person after I get over my initial shock that is...

but...I think she went into this whole situation with him knowing it wasn't the norm and subsequently stayed with him for several years. Um, I don't know what the tell her besides "good luck." I suspect they'll have more issues than this "if" they ever do get married and if this is her first marriage then she'll be robbed of many more experiences.

I think she needs to grin and bear it. Yes, this is what I would/have told a friend. "If marriage is important to you, and you want to get married to this guy, then deal with it or bounce and I wouldn't tell you to bounce or bluff like you about to bounce if you really want to be with dude so don't try to change him try to change yourself and hope he comes around...." *deuces*

 

[Sosoothing]

No he isn't, and neither is she.
To me, separated is still married and she should have never started a relationship with him while he was married. Regardless of how bitter the divorce was, I don't see why the separation period needed to last that long if he wanted to move on.

 

[Naturefreegirl]

Ditto, I thought I was trippin because sometimes I know I can come off rough with my opionions so I took it to you ladies first.

i would not marry that guy if i were her...

she can do better
and honetly shes settling....
7 yrssss? 7 yrssss?
because of his baggage he wants to rob her of a beautiful wedding..proper engagement and etc

***...

 

[Cichelle]

Hold on.

He's worried about sinning with her by having intimacy with her before marriage...yet he's already married to someone else?

He's furthering his relationship with G-d by marrying her before his divorce is final?

And her major worry is not having the wedding she wants?

Am I missing something? I must be missing something because this seems more than ridiculous to me.

 

[Naturefreegirl]

nope,you are not missing anything. It's ridiculous to me as it is to you. I donot want to be up here bashing my friend but when its wrong its wrong!

Hold on.

He's worried about sinning with her by having intimacy with her before marriage...yet he's already married to someone else?

He's furthering his relationship with G-d by marrying her before his divorce is final?

And her major worry is not having the wedding she wants?

Am I missing something? I must be missing something because this seems more than ridiculous to me.

 

[jeanghrey]

My girlfriends SO approached her about marriage after 7 years of relationship, the reason I said approached is because he didnot do the formal act on bended knees,no ring or anything? he says he is furthering his relationship with God and does not want to keep sinning with intimacy before marriage. Anyways he wants to have something small with just family and close friends.

She is hesistant on going through because she feels that he is "robbing her of the whole experience that she feels she derserves. Not to mention that his divorce is not quite over yet but he still wants to procede with it. She also feels that he is dectiating everything and she is not happy.

Ladies, what do you think? Is she right? What are your thoughts on this?

Now what now?

I wouldn't take this fool seriously and at my age now would be suspect of his intentions.

 

[sharentu]

this is a messy situation. i feel that he doesnt really respect her so thats why he is acting like he is. she lowered her standards to deal with him. he is not going to spin around and become this royal, noble prince right before her eyes asking her to marry him. she needs to have a lil time with God herself before she continues on with this.

 

[deltagyrl]

I just want the 5 minutes back I lost reading this foolishness...

Lawd.

 

[Arcadian]

OP your friends head is not in the right place. She should have been thinking about "the whole experience" during year one!

From where I sit, its a bit silly to get married legally....considering he's still married (which would make it polygamy, which is illegal) Is the plan that they have a commitment ceremony now, a legal marriage later?

-A