Is giving your number to someone you're not attracted to wrong? WWYD?

DaiseeDay

New Member
I can be socially awkward so don't judge, I really just don't know these things. And there was this one time I accidentally strung a guy along unintentionally and I still feel guilty about that - I just don't want a repeat.

Man, there should be a "dating" etiquette sticky.

So back story: I was at school today and this guy came up to me and asked me if I knew where a classroom was, I said no, but pointed him in the direction that I thought it would be. He says "OK, cool, thanks" then walks away, turns back around and says "you have cool hair" and I'm like thanks, then he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no, then he asked if he could get my number to get to know me. I said "sure, that's fine".

I was just trying to be friendly, and if he texts me I'm going to tell him I'm not really looking for a boyfriend, but we can still hangout? Or maybe we can be friends? Or what should I say? I'm really not looking for a boyfriend, and if I was I'm still not really attracted to this guy.

Maybe I shouldn't have given him my number, but I was trying to be friendly - that's not bad, right?
 
guys rarely ask for my number when i'm out. they always insist on giving me theirs so i just put it in my phone while they are hovering over me and delete it later.:lol:

i would probably ignore his texts or tell him i'm not looking for a boyfriend.
 
I can be socially awkward so don't judge, I really just don't know these things. And there was this one time I accidentally strung a guy along unintentionally and I still feel guilty about that - I just don't want a repeat.

Man, there should be a "dating" etiquette sticky.

So back story: I was at school today and this guy came up to me and asked me if I knew where a classroom was, I said no, but pointed him in the direction that I thought it would be. He says "OK, cool, thanks" then walks away, turns back around and says "you have cool hair" and I'm like thanks, then he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no, then he asked if he could get my number to get to know me. I said "sure, that's fine".

I was just trying to be friendly, and if he texts me I'm going to tell him I'm not really looking for a boyfriend, but we can still hangout? Or maybe we can be friends? Or what should I say? I'm really not looking for a boyfriend, and if I was I'm still not really attracted to this guy.

Maybe I shouldn't have given him my number, but I was trying to be friendly - that's not bad, right?

I always say yes when I'm not attracted to him :lol: Always! I'm such a liar lol. The good ones will be like 'oh, ok cool. Well, it was nice talking to you :) " and go away. Then I feel kind of bad like 'awww I bet he's really nice....ahh well' :lol:

It's gotten so bad that YES automatically comes out of my mouth sometimes without me even thinking about it (after the 'you got a man' question)! :drunk: So if my brain actually does find him attractive, I have to take back the YES real quick and say "I mean no! No, no bf!" :lol: I must sound like SUCH an idiot! :lachen:

You have inspired me, OP, to start being friendly like you and just say NO, no bf lol. :yep: I don't think you were wrong.
 
Oh God! Why did this fool call me just now? Ok first of all he did text me a few days ago and when I texted him back he didn't respond. So today he calls from a blocked number acting like he knows me: he asked for me and when I ask who it is he says his name (which I still don't even know because I couldn't hear him), and I'm like "who?". Then I ask from where? He's like "aww you don't remember me". Ok shouldn't he have been like "oh you know, I met you at school the other day"? He still never said that, then even asked later what school I went to, so I was really thrown off. That's so sketch. Anyway, then there were kids being so loud in the background that I couldn't really hear him so he tells someone to get their little "rag dolls" (really?).Then he asks where I'm from, then he asked if I know about "sets" (as in gangs). That's when I wanted to hang up. And he asked me if i had a bf yet again! I said "no and not looking for one". Then he finally asks what I'm doing I'm like "just relaxing" he's like "well you don't really sound like you want to talk sorry want me to call you back later?" I'm like sure he's like "are you gonna be nicer next time?". WTF? Fool you are lucky I didn't just hang up after you wouldn't tell me who you were!!!! And you're the one who called me in the middle of what sounds like a friggan play ground and asked me where I'm from yet when I asked "how about you?" he wouldn't answer. Anyway I said "probably not". He said he'll see me around school or something. Ewww seriously?? I hope not!!! Ewww! Naw son! Ok ok qchelle I'm gonna actually learn from you and either lie, or give out the wrong number. Shoot now I actually want to get mine changed... And maybe transfer schools. What the hell? That was so sideways!

Ok vent over. Lesson learned.

Ok new question: If I see him how do I get him to go away? Call the cops or campus security? I'm serious - I.am.creeped.out.


Sent from my iPad
 
I wouldn't say it's wrong per se but for me it would definitely be a waste of time, exercise in futility.
 
NO.

I have met men who get numbers just to prove to themselves that they still can. So why not give out your number?

Why so many rules? I think accepting a marriage proposal you have no intention of going through with is wrong, but giving out your number. NO.
 
I do it often:look: mostly because I hardly find people that I'm instantly attracted to. The guys who get my number do so because we've had a good conversation before they asked.

I turn down some. The ones who approach me like that guy approached you. You've established no common ground, so what's the impetus for getting to know each other?

Maybe I should stop doing it though... I know instantly when I"m attracted to someone, and with these guys it's never it. So... :ohwell:
 
I used to do it all of the time but I'm going to stop. I feel bad about giving them my number and then they call and I ignore them because there was never interest. For now on, I'm going to just tell these guys I'm seeing someone.
 
I used to do that sometimes when I was very young. I knew goodness well that I wasn't attracted to them and I always ignored their calls and messages. I guess because I didn't want to seem mean if I had been chatting to the guy and he was nice? I don't really know why I did it.
 
Oh God! Why did this fool call me just now? Ok first of all he did text me a few days ago and when I texted him back he didn't respond. So today he calls from a blocked number acting like he knows me: he asked for me and when I ask who it is he says his name (which I still don't even know because I couldn't hear him), and I'm like "who?". Then I ask from where? He's like "aww you don't remember me". Ok shouldn't he have been like "oh you know, I met you at school the other day"? He still never said that, then even asked later what school I went to, so I was really thrown off. That's so sketch. Anyway, then there were kids being so loud in the background that I couldn't really hear him so he tells someone to get their little "rag dolls" (really?).Then he asks where I'm from, then he asked if I know about "sets" (as in gangs). That's when I wanted to hang up. And he asked me if i had a bf yet again! I said "no and not looking for one". Then he finally asks what I'm doing I'm like "just relaxing" he's like "well you don't really sound like you want to talk sorry want me to call you back later?" I'm like sure he's like "are you gonna be nicer next time?". WTF? Fool you are lucky I didn't just hang up after you wouldn't tell me who you were!!!! And you're the one who called me in the middle of what sounds like a friggan play ground and asked me where I'm from yet when I asked "how about you?" he wouldn't answer. Anyway I said "probably not". He said he'll see me around school or something. Ewww seriously?? I hope not!!! Ewww! Naw son! Ok ok qchelle I'm gonna actually learn from you and either lie, or give out the wrong number. Shoot now I actually want to get mine changed... And maybe transfer schools. What the hell? That was so sideways!

Ok vent over. Lesson learned.

Ok new question: If I see him how do I get him to go away? Call the cops or campus security? I'm serious - I.am.creeped.out.


Sent from my iPad

You can't at all be serious :perplexed because it's not that deep. Breathe!

First bolded....you answer blocked numbers? And if you said you weren't going to respond, why did you answer his text in the first place?

Also....from the convo it is obvious you didn't want to talk to him. If you find yourself having a convo you don't wanna be a part of, make an excuse to get off the phone. It's alright. LOL

Second bolded...do not change your friggin number or change schools. LOL! You don't have to be creeped out. Well...after the "sets" question, IDK :lol: but if you see him, just tell him you're too busy to hang out. Tell him you have a big test coming up, or hell....even say that you lied about not having a BF. It's not too late to change your story. :drunk:

Even though you said "I'm serious," I really hope you ARE NOT SERIOUS about calling the po-po on this child if he tries to say hi to you. Don't give him a criminal record because YOU gave him your number and can't deal with him trying to speak. Figure out the real reason why you gave him your number and LET HIM KNOW!! Were you just being nice? Were you bored? Do you want a male friend but not a BF? Or *gasp* do you want a BF but you're too scared? Whatever it is.....he's a guy, he can take it. (You could always walk the other way or act crazy, too. LOL)
 
It's not wrong, though I'm socially awkward when it comes to guys so it puts me in an uncomfortable position when a guy is calling and asking me out and I'm not interested in dating him. I've never been able to let a guy down romantically and maintain a friendship afterward.:perplexed Because of this, I lean towards not giving a guy my number if I'm not attracted to him.
 
You can't at all be serious :perplexed because it's not that deep. Breathe!

First bolded....you answer blocked numbers? And if you said you weren't going to respond, why did you answer his text in the first place?

Also....from the convo it is obvious you didn't want to talk to him. If you find yourself having a convo you don't wanna be a part of, make an excuse to get off the phone. It's alright. LOL

Second bolded...do not change your friggin number or change schools. LOL! You don't have to be creeped out. Well...after the "sets" question, IDK :lol: but if you see him, just tell him you're too busy to hang out. Tell him you have a big test coming up, or hell....even say that you lied about not having a BF. It's not too late to change your story. :drunk:

Even though you said "I'm serious," I really hope you ARE NOT SERIOUS about calling the po-po on this child if he tries to say hi to you. Don't give him a criminal record because YOU gave him your number and can't deal with him trying to speak. Figure out the real reason why you gave him your number and LET HIM KNOW!! Were you just being nice? Were you bored? Do you want a male friend but not a BF? Or *gasp* do you want a BF but you're too scared? Whatever it is.....he's a guy, he can take it. (You could always walk the other way or act crazy, too. LOL)

* Ok I know this post is long, but please read the whole thing please*

Ok I know you can't read sarcasm through the Internet a lot of time so it's OK. But no I'm not going through the trouble of changing my number over one friggan guy.

All that police/ change of number, stuff was about was the stalker vibe I was getting from him, which in all fairness I didn't mention in my post. But he came across very demanding, aggressive, stalker-y on the phone. Like I owed him something.

No I'm not serious about calling the police. I was serious about being creeped out, and why shouldn't I be? And if I did call them what would the police do? Yeah you said it yourself it's not that deep. And maybe you didn't pay enough attention to my post because I didn't say I wasn't going to respond - which is why I did, in fact, respond. If you couldn't tell from my post I have an issue with guys not liking to be in the "friend zone - which was part of my reason for asking this question - to clarify that giving someone your number does not automatically obligate you to them. Some guys can't take rejection - a lot of he guys Ive turned down lol. It seems like thy could just be like whatever, but they get mad and want to call women out of their names (yes I know this is only a certain type of guy). How could that ever be considered deep? Idk I get the "you're silly/it's your fault" vibe from your questions which is exactly why I was asking this question. Because some guys like to act crazy when you don't like them then say it's your fault when thy cuss you out cuz their ego them butt hurt. Then someone likes to chime in an say you're mean to guys. And this situation is an exception to that sentiment, because now i don't even want to be friends with the guy b/c I have a problem with his attitude I just may be mean for that and I don't care.

No like I said in my post I do not want a BF and if I did I wouldn't be "too afraid".

I can and will ignore him, and now I know I shouldn't give guys I don't like my number because it turns into an issue and then there's people who, because I'm not desperate for a guy and am not interested in a certain one, want to act like I'm crazy, stuck up, trippin', whatever.

Idk if you were asking if my whole post was serious or what.
Yes my post was serious except for calling the police. I wouldn't do that unless I were threatened.

I only said that because he seemed pushy and that's a serious pet peeve of mine. And if he would have said something crazy, in my head I imagine myself going off, but I'm not stupid, I know you can't just start talking crazy to negros and not see that there's potential to get hurt. Never mind to that though, like I said I am not stupid- I can and will ignore him.

Like I said this guy isn't gonna get a police record he doesn't already have just for talking to me. Now if he tried anything yeah he sure as hell would.
Oh and I do not accept blocked numbers now, thanks. Naturally I want to know who's calling my phone - blocked number or not. I mean who calls from one anyway?

ETA: OK I realize I probably overreacted; call me sheltered, but it's not normal for me to have people to ask what "coast" I'm from matter-of-fact like. He said it like he was asking where I grew up, so I know I sounded silly cause I just said "name of city I'm from, but my parents are from". But he seemed like it was a surprise that I wasn't involved with gang activity. I'm thinking: Hmm is that the kind of stuff you normally ask ladies you're interested in?". Now that I think of it, it probably is, I mean a gang member isn't about to go dating someone from another gang, but do I look like I'm in a gang? Really? I know I don't. I was almost offended. At that, and the fact that he got mad that I didn't seem interested in talking on the phone (though I was being polite), yet he's the one calling from a blocked number, not clarifying who he is, and talking so I could hardly understand him - not to mention all the friggan background noise. I probably would have been more interested in talking had it not been so frustrating trying to even hear him, well yeah before the gang question. I must be stuck up cause there's no way in hell I'm about to associate myself like that.


Sent from my iPhone. Please excuse the typos.
 
Last edited:
:lachen::lachen:

I BUSTED out laughing at that phone call!

I get called a "stuck up B.I.T.C.H" on a daily to weekly basis because I tell people that I don't give out my number. Then I hear all types of backlash:

"Oh you too good for a ninja now?"
"Oh you got a man?"
"We can be friends?"

My response is that I am NOT looking for a relationship, NOR and male "friends" because if you are attracted to me I already knew that your intention was to EVENTUALLY become more than my friend! Getsta steppin'!

I say NO! And there is NO wearing me down. Even the fine ones I turn down BECAUSE I know that I will end up wasting mine and their time (I really really really really don't want any type of relationship right now - content). I think that honesty is the best. It is a privelege to have my phone number and the couple of knuckle heads that I have given it to in the past I REGRET - but I keep numbers for years at a time - not getting this one changed...I will Black List them on my phone - PROBLEM SOLVED! :grin:
 
:lachen::lachen:

I BUSTED out laughing at that phone call!

I get called a "stuck up B.I.T.C.H" on a daily to weekly basis because I tell people that I don't give out my number. Then I hear all types of backlash:

"Oh you too good for a ninja now?"
"Oh you got a man?"
"We can be friends?"

My response is that I am NOT looking for a relationship, NOR and male "friends" because if you are attracted to me I already knew that your intention was to EVENTUALLY become more than my friend! Getsta steppin'!

I say NO! And there is NO wearing me down. Even the fine ones I turn down BECAUSE I know that I will end up wasting mine and their time (I really really really really don't want any type of relationship right now - content). I think that honesty is the best. It is a privelege to have my phone number and the couple of knuckle heads that I have given it to in the past I REGRET - but I keep numbers for years at a time - not getting this one changed...I will Black List them on my phone - PROBLEM SOLVED! :grin:

Exactly. I usually brush guys off, but wanted to try something new; and see what happens? Lol I laughed at that phone call too.

I'm truly not interested in dating right now, unless I really really like the guy, but it wouldn't even be fair for me to date someone b/c I know I don't want anything serious ATM.

Sent from my iPhone. Please excuse the typos.
 
Last edited:
I do it often:look: mostly because I hardly find people that I'm instantly attracted to. The guys who get my number do so because we've had a good conversation before they asked.

I turn down some. The ones who approach me like that guy approached you. You've established no common ground, so what's the impetus for getting to know each other?

Maybe I should stop doing it though... I know instantly when I"m attracted to someone, and with these guys it's never it. So... :ohwell:

Yepp that's what I've realized.

I don't think it's wrong to give out your number just because you're not romantically attracted to a guy right away. It just pays to be discerning.
 
I do it because I don't want the guys to lose confidence. I may not be feeling dude but I want him to have confidence to ask the next girl out. :lol: Like I'm that important.
 
Back
Top