I'm sad.

[Mena]

Hmm felt like I should post here. My boyfriend and I just broke up and I feel like crap. I thought he was the one. I have dated a lot and never felt this way about anyone before. He basically said that he is not happy with where he is in his life and he isn't romantically interested in me anymore.

Why did he look sadder than I did breaking up? And sulking. I of coursed cried my eyes out when I left. I know I need to focus on myself and move on. Do not answer his calls. I know the drill. I just feel like ranting a bit.

Ugh heartbreak sucks. I don't have any close friends or family where I live. He was my closest friend and I made friends with his friends. I need to figure what to do to keep myself from crying every other second.

 

[Lilmama1011]

I know whatever ever advice anyone offers is going to be better said then done. In every relationship i would think you always think he is the one unless you like wasting your time. I will say its better her came out and said it before cheating and you busting him. It sounds like he was someone in mind he could be romantically involved and before it got any more serious he decided to let you go or in fact was romantically involved with someone. Did he show any signs he was unhappy before this or was this a complete surprise?

 

[Choclatcotton]

Im so sorry to hear about your breakup, but there is man knowledge that has not been passed on to the younger generation. One is that men need to have home, career or skills lined up along with some financial stability before they are willing to actively commit to a women. Until then, dating is just a sporting event and not a goal. Men tend to feel insufficient and unfulfilled until they are in a certain place. I honestly think men should not be dating until they are ready to entertain a woman sufficiently, as in having their health, education or skills, home life and finances in order.

If I were you I would think about fun things that interest you like taking a photography class or joining a fun swimming or cooking group. I would get my hair and nails done and pamper yourself cause you deserve it. Take this time to focus on you and the next one who steps to you will realize they need to have their self together. It may even be the ex becomes next. I would step back and give him his space even though it hurts. THis doesn't seem to be a reflection on your but on him.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Im so sorry to hear about your breakup, but there is man knowledge that has not been passed on to the younger generation. One is that men need to have home, career or skills lined up along with some financial stability before they are willing to actively commit to a women. Until then, dating is just a sporting event and not a goal. Men tend to feel insufficient and unfulfilled until they are in a certain place. I honestly think men should not be dating until they are ready to entertain a woman sufficiently, as in having their health, education or skills, home life and finances in order.

If I were you I would think about fun things that interest you like taking a photography class or joining a fun swimming or cooking group. I would get my hair and nails done and pamper yourself cause you deserve it. Take this time to focus on you and the next one who steps to you will realize they need to have their self together. It may even be the ex becomes next. I would step back and give him his space even though it hurts. THis doesn't seem to be a reflection on your but on him.

you date people and think they are the one and don't find out your not compatible until your actually dating them. It's a lot of reasons why many people have exes. Not to many people meet one person and get into a relationship and that's it!

 

[Mena]

I know whatever ever advice anyone offers is going to be better said then done. In every relationship i would think you always think he is the one unless you like wasting your time. I will say its better her came out and said it before cheating and you busting him. It sounds like he was someone in mind he could be romantically involved and before it got any more serious he decided to let you go or in fact was romantically involved with someone. Did he show any signs he was unhappy before this or was this a complete surprise?

Im so sorry to hear about your breakup, but there is man knowledge that has not been passed on to the younger generation. One is that men need to have home, career or skills lined up along with some financial stability before they are willing to actively commit to a women. Until then, dating is just a sporting event and not a goal. Men tend to feel insufficient and unfulfilled until they are in a certain place. I honestly think men should not be dating until they are ready to entertain a woman sufficiently, as in having their health, education or skills, home life and finances in order.

If I were you I would think about fun things that interest you like taking a photography class or joining a fun swimming or cooking group. I would get my hair and nails done and pamper yourself cause you deserve it. Take this time to focus on you and the next one who steps to you will realize they need to have their self together. It may even be the ex becomes next. I would step back and give him his space even though it hurts. THis doesn't seem to be a reflection on your but on him.

True.

you date people and think they are the one and don't find out your not compatible until your actually dating them. It's a lot of reasons why many people have exes. Not to many people meet one person and get into a relationship and that's it!

I think it was bad timing more than anything. He isn't happy with his career. I am not really happen with mine to be honest. Weirdest breakup ever. I don't hate him or anything. He doesn't dislike/hate me. He is not mentally ready to be committed yet. He has some stuff to work on. I do too. Think I will go into hiding a bit and work on myself some more. No dating for a very long time for me.

 

[cynd]

@Mena

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but sometimes heartbreak is a blessing in disguise. Big hug!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

You've already gotten good advice so I don't have much to add other than focus on yourself and do things that make you happy but I wanted to offer So sorry you're going through this.

 

[*CherryPie*]

He could be making room for the RIGHT one.

You never know how and why things happen. Time really does heal. And you'll be fine.

 

[Mena]

Feeling better. I cried the last 2 days. My chin is up now. Ready to focus on myself. Thanks ladies.

 

[Mena]

Ugh he just called me. He was like he is not sure he made the right decision. Too late bro! Lol. Oh well. Time to give him the cold shoulder.

 

[Kanky]

Ugh he just called me. He was like he is not sure he made the right decision. Too late bro! Lol. Oh well. Time to give him the cold shoulder.

I hope that you aren't answering his phone calls.

 

[Lenee925]

Ugh he just called me. He was like he is not sure he made the right decision. Too late bro! Lol. Oh well. Time to give him the cold shoulder.

Do you know I posted "He'll be back" and canceled the post? Wow, that was FAST. I won't tell you what to do but I hope you relish in his "not sure he made the right decision" confession after being so cold. Some guys get freaked out and are fine after bailing and coming back, I'm sure you know others are better left without your company. Do what your intuition tells you

 

[Mena]

So my ex just found out his father died. I have been ignoring him but it doesnt feel right now. He doesn't have any close family in the country. He reached out to tell me. I feel so bad for him. I visited him and sent him my condolences. I am not sure what to do from here.

 

[CurlyMoo]

When there is a death, I feel that all bets are off, support him.
But this is up to you. Supporting him does not mean you are back together.
It doesn't sound like he did you dirty, he had a moment of uncertainty about your relationship. That happens. Perhaps friendship is best, and it's okay to just be a friend for him now.

 

[Fine 4s]

What happened when you visited him?

I agree that all bets are off but I wouldn't do too much either.
I remember when my mom died the ex love of my life didn't go over and beyond nor do I remember expecting him to. *shrug*

The more important piece is, if 'being there for him' is going to mess with your mind, I wouldn't go near him. Nope all bets are ON!

 

[MzLady78]

What happened when you visited him?

I agree that all bets are off but I wouldn't do too much either.
I remember when my mom died the ex love of my life didn't go over and beyond nor do I remember expecting him to. *shrug*

The more important piece is, if 'being there for him' is going to mess with your mind, I wouldn't go near him. Nope all bets are ON!

I was gonna something similar to the 2nd paragraph. I get wanting to put things to the side to be there for someone you care about (I'm notorious for it). But if it's gonna set you back in the moving on progress, I wouldn't do it. He ended things so now you gotta do what's best for you.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

He basically said that he is not happy with where he is in his life and he isn't romantically interested in me anymore.

That means another woman showed interests in him and he really thinks of her as something to pursue. Contacting you back means after some time or none with that woman he figured she is not worth the pursuit.

Right now none of that matter as he needs a friend for comfort. But, remember a friend is all that's needed.

 

[Kindheart]

That means another woman showed interests in him and he really thinks of her as something to pursue. Contacting you back means after some time or none with that woman he figured she is not worth the pursuit.

Right now none of that matter as he needs a friend for comfort. But, remember a friend is all that's needed.

Yup . That's what I think happened here.
Op be close to him in this delicate moment of his life ,but try not to stick around more than necessary. You obviously have feelings for this man and seeing him will only reinforce those feelings . Remember that he s not as into the relationship as you are ,don't give him more than he deserves .
Focus on your self and let all the pain out . This shall pass.
Big hug .

 

[hopeful]

So my ex just found out his father died. I have been ignoring him but it doesnt feel right now. He doesn't have any close family in the country. He reached out to tell me. I feel so bad for him. I visited him and sent him my condolences. I am not sure what to do from here.

I wouldn't do much more than what you have already done. I would keep my distance. He broke up with you and did what was best for him and honestly I think you should do the same as in do what's best for you. One of the best things I learned in therapy is that you can be a kind person, feel compassion for someone, and still make the choice to take no action if that is what is best for you.

 

[lux10023]

you dumped me you dumped my love support and care and now you need someone to console you and be there for you and etc

you had that you didnt want it!!!

sorry but will have to send you my condolences sand keep it moving...

women tend to make decisions based off emotions which can at time cloud our judgement...umm this time no...

 

[Allandra]

(((hugs)))

 

[Mena]

you dumped me you dumped my love support and care and now you need someone to console you and be there for you and etc

you had that you didnt want it!!!

sorry but will have to send you my condolences sand keep it moving...

women tend to make decisions based off emotions which can at time cloud our judgement...umm this time no...

This seems so cold.

 

[ladysaraii]

I agree with lux and hopeful.

 

[DarkJoy]

you dumped me you dumped my love support and care and now you need someone to console you and be there for you and etc

you had that you didnt want it!!!

sorry but will have to send you my condolences sand keep it moving...

women tend to make decisions based off emotions which can at time cloud our judgement...umm this time no...

This seems so cold.

It's not cold. It's practical and could save you additional heartache. Boundaries can get cloudy around extreme emotional times. Therefore, I'm of lux10023 mindset.

 

[Urban]

I have to agree with lux10023. If you don't set boundaries, you'll end up with your emotions tangled in this again.

I think you can offer your condolences and maybe offer practical, platonic help if he needs it. But as far as filling the same gap you would be filling if you were still together ... don't do it girl!

 

[Fine 4s]

What is the practical, platonic help that she can provide? She already went to SEE him.

What she did was enough. Keep it moving. He can call other people.
If you have a male friend, ask his opinion, I bet you he'd aggree with the responses deemed 'cold.' They don't process the same way we do which is why it's perfectly OK for him to come to you.

However, I don't necessarily think another woman came around though. I don't get how folks come to the conclusion that it's another woman. Is there some code word that I'm missing here?

 

[lana]

To the OP, I am very sorry that you are going through a hard time. Chewing gum helps me "not cry" if you find that your eyes well with tears throughout the day. You have the support of those on the board that have gone through hard times or break ups.

To the other ladies who might read this far...this is why for me the "no contact" rule after a breakup has always worked. If you ignored his phone calls, blocked his text messages and emails...you would have no way to "know" what was going on in his life. That way he couldn't continue to play on your sympathies whether knowingly or unknowingly.

A breakup can be emotionally draining and it can even lead to feelings of depression or worse...so I say always do what is best for yourself after suffering a traumatic event. It's not selfish, it's about being "self concerned".

A breakup is also a rejection and it affects our view of ourselves and our self esteem. Very few things in life can affect us so deeply, so for me - time and distance offer a faster path to healing and moving on. My heart goes out to you, OP.

 

[Mena]

What is the practical, platonic help that she can provide? She already went to SEE him.

What she did was enough. Keep it moving. He can call other people.
If you have a male friend, ask his opinion, I bet you he'd aggree with the responses deemed 'cold.' They don't process the same way we do which is why it's perfectly OK for him to come to you.

However, I don't necessarily think another woman came around though. I don't get how folks come to the conclusion that it's another woman. Is there some code word that I'm missing here?

I don't think there is another woman either. Especially, where I live. There are not too many of us. I just think he wants to get married ASAP and I am not in a place in my life where I am ready to do that.