I'm Praying for You...

To pebbles, Nice & Wavy, and sunnydaze....

I posted in the Off Topic discussion board with no reason for doing so. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me "It's okay to be atheist" or anything like that. I just simply posted a thread to see if anyone (whether Christian or not) has ever felt the same way as me. I decided to use LHCF as a tool to vent my frustrations and experiences after having no one else to really turn to after crying out to God. So you can think what you want but I wasn't initially asking for advice or whatnot, I was just simply seeing if anyone else felt the same way as me because I feel like I'm going crazy and just want to end my life.
 
pebbles said:
Sweetheart, allow me to be sincere and straight with you, sister to sister, woman to woman. I'm not going to bombard you with scripture, I just want to tell you what I think.

I was reading through the thread that you posted in the OT forum about going from Christian to Atheist, and what stood out to me was that the thread was posted in the OT forum and not here. It then occured to me, after reading some of your posts about questioning Christianity itself, and God and Jesus, that you seem to have made up your mind about what direction you want to go from here. You can tell where a person wants to be depending on whom they ask for advice.

This is not a criticism, it's an honest observation, so please folks, don't bother jumpiing on me. I'm just being straight forward.

The Christian walk is not about feeling it, nor is it a walk of perfection. If we had to feel saved, and feel loved, and feel happy, and do it all perfectly, we'd all be disqualified.

Poohbear, I don't feel this thing all the time. Many have been the days I've gotten down on my knees and came back up feeling just as depressed and sad as before I started to pray. But I KNOW I'm saved, and I KNOW I'm loved, and I KNOW that my situation is going to change because the words of JESUS CHRIST say so. This is how we excercise our faith, without which, we cannot please GOD and GOD does not move on our behalf.

Life is a journey, and sometimes we find ourselves going in a direction we hadn't anticipated. There seems to be some sort of sin in your life that you have alluded to, or maybe it's a series of events that is taking you in a direction that maybe you didn't anticipate. It's even causing you to question Jesus and feel this is all a fairytale. I understand the feelings of doubt, believe me. I really do. But for me, I feel that with Jesus, life is extremely difficult, so I can't even imaging having to go through life without him. Just kill me now and be done with it.

Your situation may be a modern day version of the story of the Prodigal son. Maybe you'll leave and discover that you're better off with Jesus in your life. Maybe you'll stay away forever. I honestly don't know. I can say that I will pray for you. I won't ask God to do anything other than to manifest His will for your life, and that you have peace in your heart and mind. Because I think that's what matters the most.

Hugs to you. :Rose:
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Pebbles, thanks for being straight and honest with me about how you feel. I know the Christian walk isn't about a feeling, but what are we suppose to exeperience with the Christian walk? I know it isn't a walk of perfection, but isn't it a walk toward perfection or being more like Christ?

I know life is a journey and things may not go the way we want them to go, but what do you do when you feel like your life isn't going anywhere? What do you do when you have no one else to really share your life with? What do you do when you desire heavenly things like love, wisdom, strength, peace, knowing God's will for my life...and you do not get these things that are so crucial to the well-being of my heart, mind, and soul?

So I've just been at a lost about everything in my life right now. Yesterday, I felt pretty good, and today, I'm starting feel bad again because of things going on in my mind...
 
Poohbear said:
To pebbles, Nice & Wavy, and sunnydaze....

I posted in the Off Topic discussion board with no reason for doing so. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me "It's okay to be atheist" or anything like that. I just simply posted a thread to see if anyone (whether Christian or not) has ever felt the same way as me. I decided to use LHCF as a tool to vent my frustrations and experiences after having no one else to really turn to after crying out to God. So you can think what you want but I wasn't initially asking for advice or whatnot, I was just simply seeing if anyone else felt the same way as me because I feel like I'm going crazy and just want to end my life.
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:yep::yep::yep: I almost put mine in OT but saw how much confusion went on in your thread between posters and changed my mind. Mine was also initially in OT.
 
Nice & Wavy said:
Hi Poohbear....I'm so glad that you came and asked.

What I do want to share with you is this:

GOD LOVES YOU!​


I'm sure you probably don't really want to hear this...but it is so true...HE LOVES YOU!!!

He only wants the best for you and His desire is for you to have PEACE!

From what I gathered from reading your thread in OT forum, you are looking for someone to tell you its ok for you to leave the LOVER OF YOUR SOUL!

I'm not going to do that because I know what it is like to feel the same things you feel, yet I chose to stay with Jesus, because I knew what He is able to do...and although I didn't "feel" Him like I wanted then, His perfect love cast out all of my fear and my doubts. It changed my heart and He gave me a New Heart!

Relationship with Christ is different than any relationship we can have on earth. His love for you goes deeper than anything you can even imagine. He wants you to know that He is here...waiting for you to come, with a heart like a little child....just believing that what He has promised you, He is able to bring it to pass.

Wait upon the Lord....again I say wait. Run to Him. Put your whole focus on Him. He will show Himself strong in you!

Ask Him to give you new eyes that you may see, and a new heart that you may know His love. A new vision for your life and for those around you. And Words that come from Him...words of Life to counteract those words that are trying to drown out the TRUTH that you have known all your life, here on this forum and everywhere you may go!

I'm in intercession for you, sis. And I pray that you will take the time out to listen to Him...praying isn't only talking to God, but listening to what He has to say....He is not a God that doesn't speak...He is a talking God!

Loving you with the love of the Lord!
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Nice & Wavy, thank you for your response. I just want to know how do you know that God loves me? If he desires me to have peace, how come I don’t have it!?!? I could care less about anything else in this world, I just want PEACE and for my mind to rest and move on from the things that are so bothering me right now. I’m not trying to necessarily feel Him how I want to feel Him. I just want to know that He is there for me and I want to cast out all of my fear and doubts, but at the same time, I don’t want to make any hasty or risky decisions. I know my relationship with God is different than any other relationship on this earth, but lately, it’s starting to feel like all the other relationships I’ve had… full of loneliness. It doesn’t seem like His love is going deeper than anything I can ever imagine. I’ve already been with Him for 24 years, why would I need to come to Him if He’s supposedly already here for me and been with me for 24 years of my life? I’ve been asking Him for new eyes to see and a new heart and a new vision for my life… all I get is distortion! I've prayed and I've listened to God before. There have been times I have gotten answers from Him whether it be yes, no, or wait and there have been times He has been silent on me. I know that and have experienced that. But now, I just feel like He's no longer here and I feel like my life isn't going anywhere. I don't know what else to do or how else to feel or think or change the way I think so I can be at peace. But again, thank you for your concern and your prayers.
 
amerikan said:
:yep::yep::yep: I almost put mine in OT but saw how much confusion went on in your thread between posters and changed my mind. Mine was also initially in OT.
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Well, I feel like there are Christians and non-Christians everywhere on this forum. I really didn't feel like there was a bunch of confusion going on in that thread, there were just a bunch of different perspectives which was fine with me. I wasn't looking for agreements or disagreements, just straight experiences. I was just reading and taking in everyone's experiences and thoughts whether they were a Christian or not.
 
Poohbear said:
Well, I feel like there are Christians and non-Christians everywhere on this forum. I really didn't feel like there was a bunch of confusion going on in that thread, there were just a bunch of different perspectives which was fine with me. I wasn't looking for agreements or disagreements, just straight experiences. I was just reading and taking in everyone's experiences and thoughts whether they were a Christian or not.
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Poohbear, I read your thread in OT. Know that in your "walk," there will be ups and downs. Everyday won't be victory, and yes, there may be times you want to walk away from God and/or may even do so. God has been God since before creation. Trust me Pooh, He's seen it all from His children. He may not be giving you the answers you want right now, but don't feel bad about where you are, b/c HE is prepared for whatever you do. You don't need to feel badly about how you feel right now. There's no judgment from HIM. HE made you and HE loves you.

Hopefully, someday you will understand why you had to go through what you went through.

I am going to share something with you that I've never actually shared before with anyone outside my family. When I wanted to go to law school, it was no "easy feat.":nono: I had good grades and my LSAT should have insured me admission to my top choices. However, I didn't get into them. I remember feeling very devastated, and angry at God. While some of my friends partied through college and never went to Church or Bible study, or even volunteered, I lived a "good life." I was the "good church girl." I was fairly popular in college, getting to do a lot of the coveted things (i.e. sorority, homecoming committee, student gov). I felt cheated. I didn't drink or smoke. I wasn't having sex, etc. and here the one thing I really wanted, I couldn't have THE WAY I wanted it. God sucked in my eyes:yep: I even waited a year and reapplied, but same outcome,

So, off I went to my 2nd choice (meaning not one of my "choice" schools, more like a "safety" school). I was soooooooooo jealous of some of my friends who were going to their dream schools. Their dreams were taking shape, and mine weren't.

Now, four years after that experience, I see things a lot differently, and here's why! Some of my friends that went to the law schools of their "dreams" never became lawyers. Here they are, with their degrees from really fancy schools (names like Harvard, Yale, NYU, BC, Columbia), but some of them have never passed the bar. I went to a decent school, but it's no Harvard. I am a lawyer today. The tears I cried then, have turned to victory. Sometimes we don't understand why we are going through something, and sometimes it will take years to understand. And sometimes, we won't get the answer on this side:nono:

But know, that there is a reason you are going through this. It's okay to doubt. As I said above, God is prepared for this. HE CAN HANDLE IT. IN FACT, HE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING! Sometimes we have to question things to appreciate them more. Sometimes we have to stray to understand. Although I don't agree with infidelity, ironically, most couples that stay together and get counseling say their marriage becomes "STRONGER" NOT WEAKER after Infidelity:yep:. So do whatever you must do, b/c God is prepared for it. No matter how far you "stray," I know that your faith is real, and strong, and God knows it too. And no matter how far you go, HE will be there with you, waiting for your return. So, don't feel bad about what's going on now.

Also, we have a family friend that's a psychologist. I was talking with her about the experience above, and ironically, she shared something she had never told anyone (at least not my parents). She told me that she dropped out of law school after her first year. She said she felt like such a failure and went through the greatest depression of her life. However, she said that now as a psychologist, she understands what her patients are going through when they are depressed b/c she's been there. Many other psychologists, though well-meaning, cannot understand b/c they haven't been there (thru no fault of their own)!
 
Nice & Wavy said:
I so agree. I also have seen this in many people.

Dh and I have been counseling a couple who has been experiencing this very thing. They are still coming to our sessions because they know that deep down in their hearts....where else can they go? Only Jesus can give you the sound peace that you need...and I say this with a sincere and loving heart.

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm glad that you are here in the CF.

Blessings!
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And that is the question for the ages....

N&W, I want to thank you for sharing your testimony/praise report. My affectionate admiration toward you has expanded. I also thank the Lord for the wisdom He has granted you in how you approached this topic/thread.

It is as if the Lord has been impressing upon me the plight of the backslider, specifically that the Lord is MARRIED to the backslider (Jeremiah 3:14). Married.... MARRIED!!!!

Also, the Lord has me reading through the Book of Revelation. I KNOW this is the Lord's doing because I wasn't trying to read that book! I was/am scared of it!!!! Even this morning as I was reading, again what was impressed upon my heart was for the lukewarm Christian, there is no peace.... Where else can they go?

Choose Christ!

Please forgive me for going off topic/on tangent. Peace.
 
Poohbear said:
To pebbles, Nice & Wavy, and sunnydaze....

I posted in the Off Topic discussion board with no reason for doing so. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me "It's okay to be atheist" or anything like that. I just simply posted a thread to see if anyone (whether Christian or not) has ever felt the same way as me. I decided to use LHCF as a tool to vent my frustrations and experiences after having no one else to really turn to after crying out to God. So you can think what you want but I wasn't initially asking for advice or whatnot, I was just simply seeing if anyone else felt the same way as me because I feel like I'm going crazy and just want to end my life.
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Dear poohbear,

You are allowed, just as I am, to post a thread, anywhere you so choose on this forum. If my post stated that otherwise, I apologize to you...that surely was not my intentions.

My purpose here in this thread, is to share my story of where I have been when I felt the way you do, and how God...and only God bought me up out of it and changed my life.

I and I'm sure many others understand your frustrations in trying to find the help and peace you desire in your life.

My advice is and only will be that you can only get that from God.

How you get it, that's entirely up to you. As a pastor, I lead people to the Rock that is higher than I...I can't keep them there.....that's not my place.

I pray for you, continually.

Blessings.
 
Poohbear said:
Nice & Wavy, thank you for your response. I just want to know
how do you know that God loves me
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? If he desires me to have peace, how come I don’t have it!?!? I could care less about anything else in this world, I just want PEACE and for my mind to rest and move on from the things that are so bothering me right now. I’m not trying to necessarily feel Him how I want to feel Him. I just want to know that He is there for me and I want to cast out all of my fear and doubts, but at the same time, I don’t want to make any hasty or risky decisions. I know my relationship with God is different than any other relationship on this earth, but lately, it’s starting to feel like all the other relationships I’ve had… full of loneliness. It doesn’t seem like His love is going deeper than anything I can ever imagine. I’ve already been with Him for 24 years, why would I need to come to Him if He’s supposedly already here for me and been with me for 24 years of my life? I’ve been asking Him for new eyes to see and a new heart and a new vision for my life… all I get is distortion! I've prayed and I've listened to God before. There have been times I have gotten answers from Him whether it be yes, no, or wait and there have been times He has been silent on me. I know that and have experienced that. But now, I just feel like He's no longer here and I feel like my life isn't going anywhere. I don't know what else to do or how else to feel or think or change the way I think so I can be at peace. But again, thank you for your concern and your prayers.
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Regarding the bolded, Poohbear....because He said so, and that settles it for me.

I take God at His Word and I believe and trust that what He said, He means it. Yes, there are times when I need an answer and I need it at that moment...and it doesn't come. I never give up on God because of it....in His time, it shall surely come.

The bible says for YOU to seek peace and pursue it! You are the one who will have to get that from Him. No one on this forum can give that to you. Sure, you can find temporary happiness....but, the Peace of God transends all our understanding...it guards our heart and our mind in Christ Jesus.

I'm praying for you and that you will KNOW God's love for you, through Jesus Christ His Son!!!
 
cocoberry10 said:
Poohbear, I read your thread in OT. Know that in your "walk," there will be ups and downs. Everyday won't be victory, and yes, there may be times you want to walk away from God and/or may even do so. God has been God since before creation. Trust me Pooh, He's seen it all from His children. He may not be giving you the answers you want right now, but don't feel bad about where you are, b/c HE is prepared for whatever you do. You don't need to feel badly about how you feel right now. There's no judgment from HIM. HE made you and HE loves you.

Hopefully, someday you will understand why you had to go through what you went through.

I am going to share something with you that I've never actually shared before with anyone outside my family. When I wanted to go to law school, it was no "easy feat.":nono: I had good grades and my LSAT should have insured me admission to my top choices. However, I didn't get into them. I remember feeling very devastated, and angry at God. While some of my friends partied through college and never went to Church or Bible study, or even volunteered, I lived a "good life." I was the "good church girl." I was fairly popular in college, getting to do a lot of the coveted things (i.e. sorority, homecoming committee, student gov). I felt cheated. I didn't drink or smoke. I wasn't having sex, etc. and here the one thing I really wanted, I couldn't have THE WAY I wanted it. God sucked in my eyes:yep: I even waited a year and reapplied, but same outcome,

So, off I went to my 2nd choice (meaning not one of my "choice" schools, more like a "safety" school). I was soooooooooo jealous of some of my friends who were going to their dream schools. Their dreams were taking shape, and mine weren't.

Now, four years after that experience, I see things a lot differently, and here's why! Some of my friends that went to the law schools of their "dreams" never became lawyers. Here they are, with their degrees from really fancy schools (names like Harvard, Yale, NYU, BC, Columbia), but some of them have never passed the bar. I went to a decent school, but it's no Harvard. I am a lawyer today. The tears I cried then, have turned to victory. Sometimes we don't understand why we are going through something, and sometimes it will take years to understand. And sometimes, we won't get the answer on this side:nono:

But know, that there is a reason you are going through this. It's okay to doubt. As I said above, God is prepared for this. HE CAN HANDLE IT. IN FACT, HE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING! Sometimes we have to question things to appreciate them more. Sometimes we have to stray to understand. Although I don't agree with infidelity, ironically, most couples that stay together and get counseling say their marriage becomes "STRONGER" NOT WEAKER after Infidelity:yep:. So do whatever you must do, b/c God is prepared for it. No matter how far you "stray," I know that your faith is real, and strong, and God knows it too. And no matter how far you go, HE will be there with you, waiting for your return. So, don't feel bad about what's going on now.

Also, we have a family friend that's a psychologist. I was talking with her about the experience above, and ironically, she shared something she had never told anyone (at least not my parents). She told me that she dropped out of law school after her first year. She said she felt like such a failure and went through the greatest depression of her life. However, she said that now as a psychologist, she understands what her patients are going through when they are depressed b/c she's been there. Many other psychologists, though well-meaning, cannot understand b/c they haven't been there (thru no fault of their own)!
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What an awesome story. Thank you for sharing this.

You are a blessing!
 
RelaxerRehab said:
And that is the question for the ages....

N&W, I want to thank you for sharing your testimony/praise report. My affectionate admiration toward you has expanded. I also thank the Lord for the wisdom He has granted you in how you approached this topic/thread.

It is as if the Lord has been impressing upon me the plight of the backslider, specifically that the Lord is MARRIED to the backslider (Jeremiah 3:14). Married.... MARRIED!!!!

Also, the Lord has me reading through the Book of Revelation. I KNOW this is the Lord's doing because I wasn't trying to read that book! I was/am scared of it!!!! Even this morning as I was reading, again what was impressed upon my heart was for the lukewarm Christian, there is no peace.... Where else can they go?

Choose Christ!

Please forgive me for going off topic/on tangent. Peace.
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My sweet sister...this isn't a tangent at all and you are not off topic.

I appreciate you so much and for your encouraging words to me. I thank God everyday for you!

Revelations is an awesome book. I know it sounds scary and all that:lachen:, but it really is the best book, I think, to read besides Genesis, John and Romans because it talks about Jesus and His return for His Bride...that's US and I can't wait!!!

Thank you, thank you for taking the time out and reading..."My Story". I have been writing a book about my life, and this part of the story always reminds me of how I was on the other side, and didn't know how to cross over...for there wasn't any way for me to get there, and then Jesus came and stretched out His arms....and I got to the otherside. Sometimes, satan likes to bring me back to that place and I look...but I turn around and crush him with my heal....FOR GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD!

Love you, sis!
 
Poohbear said:
To pebbles, Nice & Wavy, and sunnydaze....

I posted in the Off Topic discussion board with no reason for doing so. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me "It's okay to be atheist" or anything like that. I just simply posted a thread to see if anyone (whether Christian or not) has ever felt the same way as me. I decided to use LHCF as a tool to vent my frustrations and experiences after having no one else to really turn to after crying out to God. So you can think what you want but I wasn't initially asking for advice or whatnot, I was just simply seeing if anyone else felt the same way as me because I feel like I'm going crazy and just want to end my life.
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Poohbear, you don't owe me any explanations for your actions. I made an observation and just highlighted what stood out to me. I wasn't sure whether you realized it or not. As I said previously, it wasn't a criticism, because my goal is never to make you feel bad about a difficult period in your life. I've been through periods of confusion and doubt, so I can't look down upon someone else going through something similar. :Rose:
 
Poohbear said:
Pebbles, thanks for being straight and honest with me about how you feel. I know the Christian walk isn't about a feeling, but what are we suppose to exeperience with the Christian walk? I know it isn't a walk of perfection, but isn't it a walk toward perfection or being more like Christ?

I know life is a journey and things may not go the way we want them to go, but what do you do when you feel like your life isn't going anywhere? What do you do when you have no one else to really share your life with? What do you do when you desire heavenly things like love, wisdom, strength, peace, knowing God's will for my life...and you do not get these things that are so crucial to the well-being of my heart, mind, and soul?

So I've just been at a lost about everything in my life right now. Yesterday, I felt pretty good, and today, I'm starting feel bad again because of things going on in my mind...
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Again, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, so I hope you don't feel down because of anything I've said. The Christian walk is a constant effort to be Christ like, but with the full understanding that we are not perfect. If we could achieve perfection we wouldn't need Jesus.

You are young and love will come. Please don't lose faith. As for wisdom, strength, and peace, the only source I know is Jesus. I understand that this isn't enough for you right now, but this is all I have to offer you because this is what I know. Staying connected to Jesus has been crucial for me, otherwise I would have died long ago.

God has a plan for your life, plans to prosper you and not harm you. I believe that because The Word of God says so, and I believe His word.
I will continue to lift you up in prayer. Be blessed. :kiss:
 
I just wanted to say God Bless U for sharing and I needed to read this. Yes, I felt the same way U did when I was only 14 years old. At that time my parents house hold was a wreck with arguing etc... I wanted to OD on some pills so that my parents would stop and I am glad I did not do that! God is Good and my father died saved Covered In the Blood of Jesus. My mother is saved by the Blood of Jesus. I am filled with so much love for Jesus b/c even though I made some bad choices however, God has put me on the right path! God is So Good thank U for sharing this with us! God Bless God loves U and I love U too!:yep:
 
Poohbear said:
But what if you do not feel God's love? What does it really mean to give your life to Jesus Christ? I know that the Bible says if you confess with you mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord then you shall be saved. But what does it really mean to give your life to Jesus Christ? I have believed and heard so many ways you can give your life to Jesus: praying, spending time with Him, thinking of his awesomeness, reading your Bible, assembling yourself in the house of the Lord, being kind to other people, and the list goes on... but what if you still feel incomplete, lonely, unloved, and unhappy even after giving your life to Jesus? When people say "God loves you" or "Jesus loves you" it doesn't make me feel any better. I've known that since I was a little girl, but it doesn't make me feel any better when people tell me that. These sayings are said so much that it almost seems meaningless. God is a spirit. Jesus is a spirit who acts as that connection between us and God. The Holy Spirit comforts us and guides us and convicts us. But what now? I know Jesus suffered when He lived here on this earth, and in turn, it's said that we are to suffer for the cause of Christ, and in turn, we are promised everlasting life with Him once our physical bodies are no longer alive...no more pain, no more tears falling from our eyes, no more trials, tribulations, and troubles of this world. How are we to keep our sanity, our contentment knowing that Jesus loves us and that God loves us? How can that make me feel better so I can just live my life with thinking so negatively? I've tried thinking positive, I've tried being hopeful, and sin gets in the way, situations get in the way, and people and things just pull you right back down. And then you hear Jesus loves you, God has mercy on your soul. It sometimes seems like a joke. Why can't I have the everlasting life now instead of wishing to die everyday just so I can have peace? I could go on about this but that's what I have been feeling and thinking lately...
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Things in this world are so EDGY right now all we all can do is Watch a Well as Pray and watch God Move! Do not Give up on God. Poor Bear, he will never Give Up on U. I been where U at. I would snap out of it b/c I cannot Give up on the Lord! Stay Blessed, prayed up, and encouraged!
Jesus Loves U
And I do Too!:yep:
 
highlyfavored2008 said:
I just wanted to say God Bless U for sharing and I needed to read this. Yes, I felt the same way U did when I was only 14 years old. At that time my parents house hold was a wreck with arguing etc... I wanted to OD on some pills so that my parents would stop and I am glad I did not do that! God is Good and my father died saved Covered In the Blood of Jesus. My mother is saved by the Blood of Jesus. I am filled with so much love for Jesus b/c even though I made some bad choices however, God has put me on the right path! God is So Good thank U for sharing this with us! God Bless God loves U and I love U too!:yep:
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I'm so glad that you were blessed by my story. As I was reading your story, I was so filled with joy, knowing that your dad died in the Lord and that your mom loves Jesus and is covered. I praise God for that for you!

Bless you and I love you too!
 
Nice & Wavy said:
Just wanted to share with those of you who may be a little frustrated by some of the things we have been reading these past few days, from those who are/were Christians that have changed their thoughts about who God is, and the Majesty of Jesus Christ.

As people go through different periods of their lives: trials, sufferings, depression, etc., most times they blame God for their troubles, because maybe they may feel that He isn't hearing them or that He wasn't on time when they needed Him. As a person who has gone through many, many trials and sufferings myself, and still experience these things even now, I can say that my heart goes out to them with understanding, that it is easier to give up on God, then to stay the course and allow Him to show Himself strong in your life during these situations.

Jesus was a man, just like we are...yet, He did not sin. He understood the hardships that we endure in our minds and our hearts and has made a way for us so that we can have an opportunity to "overcome" those things that will cause us to "fall away" from the Grace of God.

The power that is in Christ...no man can comprehend. Our minds can't go that deep. But, the one thing I do know about Him...He is REAL and He is WORTHY OF PRAISE, GLORY AND ALL HONOR! There is no shadow of turning in Him...for He is the LIGHT OF THE WORLD!

He has totally and completely changed my life.

Let me share with you a story of my life before I gave my heart to Jesus, the Christ.

21 years ago I was about to jump in front of a train and commit suicide. I was also going to take my son with me, because I did not want to leave my family the burden of taking care of him, all the while thinking about what I did.

I had it all planned out: date, time...everything. The day came. It was the last day of school for him and I picked him up after school had ended. He was such a handsome boy...curly hair, (blondish brown)...light brown eyes and he was only 8 years old. I looked at him at that moment with so much love and so much fear...all at the same time. I knew that i needed to end this thing called life because I could no longer live like I was living....I didn't have God...how could God love me, when i was so unlovely:ohwell:

I took him by the hand and began to lead him to this place of death. As we were walking there was some type of festival going on where they had clowns, and puppet shows, food..etc. Boy, my son was happy because he saw the cotton candy and icees they were giving away for free. He wanted to stop...but I had different plans..we needed to get to this place of death, so I told him no. We continued to walk. Someone called my name. I didn't turn around. My name was called again...this time, I looked and it was two brothers that I knew from High School. They stopped me and I told them I had to go. They told me to allow my son to have some cotton candy and to see the puppetshow before we continued on. My son begged me. I thought about it...and then I said to myself "well, at least he will have his last fun time before he dies" and I said ok. I let him go, and while I was waiting for him to finish, I didn't realize that it was a church...on the street doing this for people in the community. I started walking down the street a little and there was this man, standing up talking to some people about how one day he had decided to commit suicide. He talked about how he was depressed because of the things he did to his wife and to his family.

He talked about how he had planned this whole thing out...and the day he was going to do it, someone had told him that Jesus loved him. He said that he didn't really want to hear it, but he did to appease them, so that they can leave him alone and he can continue on with his plan.

But....he never left.

He listened and then began to ask questions. The more he ask the questions, the more the answers began to help him. The longer he stayed...the more he realized that what he really needed was....God.

He grew up knowing about God, but never fully understanding that God really and truly loved him. Out of all the people in the world...God loved..him. He grasped ahold of that...and began to weep. He gave his life to Christ that day...on a dirt road in New Mexico.

He said at that moment...there is someone here who is experiencing this very thing right now. Who may be questioning themselves as to whether they should live because of the pain that fills their heart. He said..."I just want to tell you something....God loves you!"

At that moment....everything seemed to change around me...like my senses had heightened to "super" and I realized that I needed God to....love ME!!!

Tears began to fall down my face. They were hot...stinging my face as if someone was pouring hot oil on it. I began to weep...not because of what I was about to do...but because I knew that deep down inside...I was lonely and I needed help.

The man came over to me and looked me square in my eyes...I noticed how blue his eyes were, very sharp blue! I don't think I've ever seen eyes so blue before, I thought. Then, he said to me that God has a great plan for my life and that what I was about to do...would change the course that God had set in the earth.

I knew then that I needed to change my heart...and I gave my life to Jesus Christ, right there on a street corner. The same street corner I had walked on for years. The same street corner I had seen many things that I won't even discuss here..terrible things.

I couldn't walk...couldn't speak. I knew that something had changed in me. I couldn't understand it, but I knew...it was GOOD!

I couldn't take care of my son for two weeks after that. I screamed and screamed at God "Why did you stop me? If you are real....help me."

He did just that.

Not the way I thought He would...not the way I wanted Him too. His way and it was GOOD!

I praise Him, because I KNOW I have been fearfully and wonderfully made!

That day changed the course of my life...forever. Did I still go through trials and tribulations? Oh yes...those years following were some of the worse years of my life, but I had to trust Him. I had to know Him. I had to see that what He promised, He was able to perform in my life.

And He is still working on me. He is still performing in my life. I'm still trusting Him and I am learning still...to know Him.

But....I know that He is...and that He is a rewarder to those who diligently seek Him.

My heart breaks for those who suffer with lonliness, emptiness, brokenness...because I've been there so many times.

But...the one thing I know that those "ness'es" that come into our lives, are not comparable to what God has in store for those of us who love Him.

*********************************************************
When I was in my mother's womb and about to be born...the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and I was breached...I was strangling to death. Back then, they didn't have the technologies they have now to see what is going on with the baby in the womb. I started coming out butt first. So imagine that I was butt first in the womb, my head upward toward the cervix and the cord wrapped around my neck. I was dying.

The doctor realized what was going on...she was a black woman with a short afro (that's what my momma told me) and she began to turn me around in the womb with one hand, and unwrap the umbilical cord with the other hand.

I'M STILL HERE....THANK YOU JESUS!

Even though I should have been dead...I'm still here. Oh, God in Heaven.....!

*********************************************************

I didn't write all of this for those that don't want to hear. It's ok if they don't....I feel no different towards them than before I wrote these words. But, I did write this for those that do want to hear this message:

GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU!​


May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His Countenance upon you and give you....PEACE!
Click to expand...
All I can do right now is cry...

Precious Wavy and I do mean Precious, I'm so glad that God was there to stop you. I'm so glad that God reached into your mother's womb and saved you from death.

It's no wonder you love so much and give so much of yourself to everyone. You know what it means to be truly loved and truly cherished.

I was about to log off from the forum and call it a night. But I was lead over here by an 'angel' who sent me a PM. I saw your thread and came into the flow of love that abides in here so densely and pure.

I don't ever want to know what life is like without you in it. For a true friend and sister you have always been to me...Me who was a stranger, yet you always came to my rescue and protected me from those who came against my love for God and for His word.

You have just given me the extra 'push' I need to move on to God's next level. For He never ceases to ensure that we endure the climb to receive His love and His best.

I love you my sister. I'm going to take some time to read this entire thread.

With all my heart...

:rosebud:
 
Shimmie said:
All I can do right now is cry...

Precious Wavy and I do mean Precious, I'm so glad that God was there to stop you. I'm so glad that God reached into your mother's womb and saved you from death.

It's no wonder you love so much and give so much of yourself to everyone. You know what it means to be truly loved and truly cherished.

I was about to log off from the forum and call it a night. But I was lead over here by an 'angel' who sent me a PM. I saw your thread and came into the flow of love that abides in here so densely and pure.

I don't ever want to know what life is like without you in it. For a true friend and sister you have always been to me...Me who was a stranger, yet you always came to my rescue and protected me from those who came against my love for God and for His word.

You have just given me the extra 'push' I need to move on to God's next level. For He never ceases to ensure that we endure the climb to receive His love and His best.

I love you my sister. I'm going to take some time to read this entire thread.

With all my heart...

:rosebud:
Click to expand...

:cry2:...all I can say is....Thank you, sis. The words you spoke blessed me so much, you have no idea how much...I mean that from the bottom of my heart!

I love you girl!

Blessing, always!
 
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