"I'm not relaxed" (Huh?)

[JJamiah]

This is similiar to my friends (wyt) coloring their hair every 3 weeks and when asked about their color they say it is natural, LOL, some are more obvious then others. Some really look natural (and they do it themselves) the others Stevie Wonder can tell they have a color

I also understand HFG I have encountered some, and look and smile and keep it moving. I even inside. But I still keep it moving. I have too many other bigger fish to fry then someone in denial. It is different if they honestly don't know, but the majority of them know and If I mention to you and you go oh cool. If not oh well.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

It's ok to join us here on the dark side, kiddie permers/silkeners/texlaxers/chemically-loosened naturals...

 

[JJamiah]

This is similiar to my friends (wyt) coloring their hair every 3 weeks and when asked about their color they say it is natural, LOL, some are more obvious then others. Some really look natural (and they do it themselves) the others Stevie Wonder can tell they have a color

I also understand HFG I have encountered some, and look and smile and keep it moving. I even inside. But I still keep it moving. I have too many other bigger fish to fry then someone in denial. It is different if they honestly don't know, but the majority of them know and If I mention to you and you go oh cool. If not oh well.

I also wanted to say, they tell me they have box colors and even ask me to do it. It is when people try to call them out that they get antsy in front of others.

Maybe that is the issue they don't want to be called out.

Anywho I use Motions Regular,

 

[Anew]

Has anyone else noticed more ladies having an aversion to claiming their hair as "relaxed?" I have had a few encounters over the past few months (off line) with ladies being almost insulted with my referring to their hair as relaxed. They correct me and say "I'm NOT relaxed" or "I don't have a relaxer" - when their hair is CLEARLY chemically altered ,

--------"I'm texturized" or "I use a kiddie perm" is the quick retort I get. Ummmm did I miss something. I know some ladies know the difference, but this is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about faking the funk.

I believe it was another poster who asked the question if texture was the new "paper bag test" or "good hair" marker of today, and I would surely have to agree.



I would like ladies to get over their texture and make healthy hair the "good hair." Crazy concept

Honestly I don't think most know they're one in the same. I had no idea they were the same until coming to hair boards. Even after a year of being here I didn't know. I was thinking of giving my daughter that Just for Me texturizer until everyone told me it was just a relaxer. I don't think they're faking the funk, just not informed

ETA for the ones who say they're not relaxed but texturized. I have no comment for the ones who say they aren't relaxed but have a kiddie perm

 

[jazzyto]

I have had someone tell me they were natural after not getting a relaxer for 6-8 months. No BC involved.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I also wanted to say, they tell me they have box colors and even ask me to do it. It is when people try to call them out that they get antsy in front of others.

Maybe that is the issue they don't want to be called out.

Anywho I use Motions Regular,

I think you HIT the nail on the head! I think the OP was saying that the people claiming to NOT BE RELAXED are fronting! They say "oh I have a kiddie perm or whatever".....They just need to get over it.....And OP is right. Why distance yourself from or not acknowledge that your hair is relaxed just because relaxers are taking a bit of a hit right now? Its these women who need to get over it! Call it what it is I say!

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I have encountered this before. The lady wasnt nasty about it though. I was still pretty new to the natural scene and asked her (she had a TWA) if she was natural. She said yes. Deeper into the conversation, she told me that she put a texturizer in it. I didn't correct her or argue because she was a lot older than me and a very sweet lady.

In the instances I've witnessed, these ladies have no clue that texture softners, texturizers, etc ARE relaxers. I have met folks who really think it's a moisturizer or something like that.

 

[hair4romheaven]

I think its their business. If they feel they are not relaxed...so what????
If they don't like thier texture....so what????
If I don't like my pinky toe...that darn pinky toe....so what??
As long as you love you..keep it moving

 

[Renovating]

Thank you for 'unpacking' all the 'subliminals' in this thread. I knew I was missing something.

Okay, so the bolded is where I draw a distinction. I don't consider myself "relaxed", but I freely admit that I "use/have a relaxer... of a sort," so I don't front. It may seem like a silly nuance to some, but for those of us who were relaxed bone-strait, there is a world of difference.

The difference is that to call myself "relaxed" implies that it's bone strait when, in fact, I'm now dealing with 'natural hair issues', like how much progress I've lost to ssk's, or those 15+ min detangling sessions, or learning my new limits when it comes to heat-free styling. I have to treat the texlaxed portion of my hair like it's natural. So, again, how should I refer to it?

Now that I'm really thinking about it, this debate is kinda like the "Why do black people call Obama black when he's biracial?" thing, in that people tend to judge based on how you look. If I texlaxed my hair more, so that it looked more straight/wavy than kinky/coily, I would probably just go 'head and call it "relaxed", but it looks so distinctly un-relaxed that it begs questions.

erplexed I don't really understand. If it still looks "un-relaxed", then why use a relaxer at all. BTW, I'm not against relaxers at all. I just don't understand the purpose of using it if it still looks like you didn't use it. I thought the whole point of using a relaxer was to relax (loosen or straighten) your texture, but if it's not doing that ....................... erplexed erplexed

 

[dynamic1]

I blame some of it on marketing. A stylist may use terms like texturizer, silkener, or softener to make clients feel comfortable with a chemical process. Some people do not bother to ask about the product ingredients.

 

[Eiano]

Perhaps something in my words gave you this impression and if that is the case, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. This is not meant to be a post about anything other than my confusion over others insistence that they are "not" a particular thing.

It is this distancing that has created such division and I was curious if other women, women who do not subscribe to foolishness or petty superstition on this board have encountered the same event.

I am relaxed bone straight (as BMP stated). I use Syntonics relaxer system -

I don't have anything to add, just want to say this is a very classy response! I said it in my mind but I just wanted to type it out as well!!

 

[arosieworld]

I think this is a universal problem. I just got back from getting my hair done and when I called to make a appointment I said I was relaxed so she wouldn't charge me more, like she did when I was natural. I get there and she tells me I am not relaxed, I said I was more like texlaxed and she rolled her eyes at me and still charged me more.
I think we can call ourselves what we want but there will always be another definition if you ask enough people so we shouldn't take offensive if someone uses a different term for themselves or for us.

 

[arosieworld]

erplexed I don't really understand. If it still looks "un-relaxed", then why use a relaxer at all. BTW, I'm not against relaxers at all. I just don't understand the purpose of using it if it still looks like you didn't use it. I thought the whole point of using a relaxer was to relax (loosen or straighten) your texture, but if it's not doing that ....................... erplexed erplexed

Ummm you did ask me but for me it stopped single strand knots and gave my hair a little hang. My hair still looks natural, I love my curls but the difference is now I can wear them out for others to see. I can Wash and go everyday and not be so concerned with knots and breakage. IMHO

 

[Renovating]

Ummm you did ask me but for me it stopped single strand knots and gave my hair a little hang. My hair still looks natural, I love my curls but the difference is now I can wear them out for others to see. I can Wash and go everyday and not be so concerned with knots and breakage. IMHO

Thanks. I just wanted to make sure that the goal (in using a relaxer at all) is still to loosen the texture, even if it is slightly, because it sounds a little strange to use one if that's not the purpose.

 

[arosieworld]

Thanks. I just wanted to make sure that the goal (in using a relaxer at all) is still to loosen the texture, even if it is slightly, because it sounds a little strange to use one if that's not the purpose.

Ohhh I see what you mean. I think that has to be the reason because that's the only thing a relaxer does....right?....well it makes my hair shiner but I think that more of a side effect.

 

[Eluv]

I'm sorry, but some people actually need clarification.

I was natural for 3yrs and the minute I relaxed my hair I told my Mother, my two sisters, and one Aunt. And after seeing me every last one of them has asked “I thought you got a relaxer.” My response, “well I only allowed the relaxer to sit in my hair for 5mins to keep some of my texture. This is considered texlaxed.”

They were looking at me as if I initially lied to them. So, not everybody knows the difference.

 

[Aviah]

Lol, when I was relaxed, I used Beautiful Beginnings (Kiddie Perm). I was still relaxed. My sister and cousin still have curly hair after they relax, guess they couldn't get it straighter- but alas, they were relaxed too. If you want to say texturized, or texlaxed fine. But that isn't the way it came out of your head...

 

[knt1229]

I think this is a universal problem. I just got back from getting my hair done and when I called to make a appointment I said I was relaxed so she wouldn't charge me more, like she did when I was natural. I get there and she tells me I am not relaxed, I said I was more like texlaxed and she rolled her eyes at me and still charged me more.
I think we can call ourselves what we want but there will always be another definition if you ask enough people so we shouldn't take offensive if someone uses a different term for themselves or for us.

I think in your case it wasn't an issue of differing definitions. She probably thought you were not being truthful to get a lower price. She didn't believe you because of the underprocessed state your hair was in. So she charged you more.

 

[arosieworld]

I think in your case it wasn't an issue of differing definitions. She probably thought you were not being truthful to get a lower price. She didn't believe you because of the underprocessed state your hair was in. So she charged you more.

No her version of texlax is still much straighter than mine, she offered to "fix" mine. She wouldn't charge me extra if it was wavy but my hair is still curly so that's her distinction. I would never let that lady near me with chemicals or scissors but she is really great for everything else.

 

[GeauXavi]

erplexed I don't really understand. If it still looks "un-relaxed", then why use a relaxer at all. BTW, I'm not against relaxers at all. I just don't understand the purpose of using it if it still looks like you didn't use it. I thought the whole point of using a relaxer was to relax (loosen or straighten) your texture, but if it's not doing that ....................... erplexed erplexed

EXCACTLY the reason why I'm transitioning. My relaxers were always underprocessed...and it looked like i was 3c I can wear a puff and peeps think i'm natural...i'm relaxed.

I still call myself relaxed/transitioning until I BC and release all of my 4a glory...lol

 

[GeauXavi]

And btw...why do peeps feel the need to specify KIDDIE perm? You never hear peeps specify that they use a coarse or extra strength relaxer... It seems like it's just to announce the fact that a low-grade relaxer gets their hair straight v. a stronger one for everyone else with that "nappy ish" It's one thing to state a fact when asked what kind of relaxer you use...or of course in general discussion on the board... But it just gets me when ppl go off on the kiddie perm BS insinuating that they have soft infantile hair...smh

 

[Freespirit02]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

why are you so indignant over how other people refer to their own hair?

I don't think ppl are shaking their heads at naturals..it's just let's face the facts..if you put a chemical in your hair..you are no longer natural. I don't know why relaxed ppl are denying that they are relaxed. I guess they want ppl to believe that they have naturally straight hair.

 

[kmn1980]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

why are you so indignant over how other people refer to their own hair?

Nevermind...

 

[SmilingElephant]

When people use conditioner as an ingredient in their homemade leave-in concoctions, do they consider it "conditioning their hair?"

In my case, when I texlax, I use about 1/3 relaxer, 2/3 conditioner, I don't smooth, and I leave it on 5 minutes out of a suggested 12-15. Much like the above example, I use a homemade concoction in a manner not recommended by the manufacturer, hence my desire to differentiate.

eta: When asked, I say I'm texlaxed. Because, technically, that is the process I use. I use relaxer, but half of my hair is definitely not "relaxed". I must be missing an undercurrent here or something, because I don't think anybody ever denied that texlaxing implied some type of relaxing.

This is what i say too. Because i am texlaxed. True it does include me using a relaxer but i dumb it down so much its no longer "relaxable". And when ppl ask me if i relax my hair i say "yes but i don't let it get completely straight which is actually called texlaxing."....there's nothing wrong with specifying that you are indeed texlaxed...if your hair ain't completely straight and you ain't natural...what are you?

 

[SmilingElephant]

Thank you for 'unpacking' all the 'subliminals' in this thread. I knew I was missing something.

Okay, so the bolded is where I draw a distinction. I don't consider myself "relaxed", but I freely admit that I "use/have a relaxer... of a sort," so I don't front. It may seem like a silly nuance to some, but for those of us who were relaxed bone-strait, there is a world of difference.

The difference is that to call myself "relaxed" implies that it's bone strait when, in fact, I'm now dealing with 'natural hair issues', like how much progress I've lost to ssk's, or those 15+ min detangling sessions, or learning my new limits when it comes to heat-free styling. I have to treat the texlaxed portion of my hair like it's natural. So, again, how should I refer to it?

Now that I'm really thinking about it, this debate is kinda like the "Why do black people call Obama black when he's biracial?" thing, in that people tend to judge based on how you look. If I texlaxed my hair more, so that it looked more straight/wavy than kinky/coily, I would probably just go 'head and call it "relaxed", but it looks so distinctly un-relaxed that it begs questions.

THANK YOU!.....theres a BIG difference in being bone strait and texlaxed!! THAT's why i feel i must specify that i am Texlaxed...not RElaxed. True its easier to comb through and style and not have SSK issues....but my hair isn't straight.

In fact i'm gonna start letting the relaxer sit for a more shorter time than 10 min...cause i would love to have an even more natural texture....but i know i can't deal with completely natural hair on my own head right now.

So true i do use a relaxer...but i am TEXlaxed.

 

[GeauXavi]

Relaxed is the umbrella...(the use of a chemical to relax your curl pattern)
Underneath this umbrella falls the distinctions... texturized, tex-laxed, bone straight, whatever. If you use relaxer in your hair (therefore relaxing your curl pattern), you are relaxed.

"texlaxing" is a term ALMOST exclusively used by hair board ladies like ourselves. like an above poster stated... If you are describing the absence or presence of relaxer in your hair...if you processed...it's relaxed.

then when you talk about texture... bone-straight, texturized, texlaxed are descriptions.

But to each is own...we all know what texlaxed means. So let ppl have it. None of them are claiming to be natural, and if they are...hopefully they see the light with these 50-11 relaxed/natural threads... (just joking OP)

 

[fletches]

*clicks out of thread*

 

[pookaloo83]

This is what i say too. Because i am texlaxed. True it does include me using a relaxer but i dumb it down so much its no longer "relaxable". And when ppl ask me if i relax my hair i say "yes but i don't let it get completely straight which is actually called texlaxing."....there's nothing wrong with specifying that you are indeed texlaxed...if your hair ain't completely straight and you ain't natural...what are you?

Underprocessed.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Underprocessed.

....and still relaxed.

 

[LuvLiLocks]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

why are you so indignant over how other people refer to their own hair?

Honey Bee, I'm relaxed and I didn't take it to mean that. I think what the OP is saying is that if you're relaxed, you are relaxed, what's the big deal? Why lie and say you aren't if you are?