"I'm not relaxed" (Huh?)

[Minty]

Has anyone else noticed more ladies having an aversion to claiming their hair as "relaxed?" I have had a few encounters over the past few months (off line) with ladies being almost insulted with my referring to their hair as relaxed. They correct me and say "I'm NOT relaxed" or "I don't have a relaxer" - when their hair is CLEARLY chemically altered ,

--------"I'm texturized" or "I use a kiddie perm" is the quick retort I get. Ummmm did I miss something. I know some ladies know the difference, but this is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about faking the funk.

I believe it was another poster who asked the question if texture was the new "paper bag test" or "good hair" marker of today, and I would surely have to agree.



I would like ladies to get over their texture and make healthy hair the "good hair." Crazy concept

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

i've been snapped at a few times irl too actually. last chick was like "i'm not relaxed! i use J4M" and i said "well when i used J4M i was relaxed cause the box said its a relaxer" and she just rolled her eyes and asked about my "weave".. i guess she was tryna get back at me or something lmao

 

[Minty]

Ma. MoMo- I'm so confused. SMH

 

[casey3035]

i've been snapped at a few times irl too actually. last chick was like "i'm not relaxed! i use J4M" and i said "well when i used J4M i was relaxed cause the box said its a relaxer" and she just rolled her eyes and asked about my "weave".. i guess she was tryna get back at me or something lmao

She asked about your weave? (shakes head) she wrong for that!

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

i guess she was tryna get back at me or something lmao

 

[Honey Bee]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

why are you so indignant over how other people refer to their own hair?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

............

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

why are you so indignant over how other people refer to their own hair?

The OP is relaxed

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

BMP YOUR AVI!!!! your hair is sooo freakin thick! i hate you yet love you at the same time!

 

[Minty]

I realize that this thread is meant to be a space for naturals to tut-tut and shake their heads at the poor, deluded relaxed ladies, but...

why are you so indignant over how other people refer to their own hair?

Perhaps something in my words gave you this impression and if that is the case, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. This is not meant to be a post about anything other than my confusion over others insistence that they are "not" a particular thing.

It is this distancing that has created such division and I was curious if other women, women who do not subscribe to foolishness or petty superstition on this board have encountered the same event.

I am relaxed bone straight (as BMP stated). I use Syntonics relaxer system -

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

BMP YOUR AVI!!!! your hair is sooo freakin thick! i hate you yet love you at the same time!

Coming from the poster that has my goal length Thanks so much hunny! just tryna reach this final WL goal of mine so I can block more folks view with my fro

 

[Honey Bee]

Perhaps something in my words gave you this impression and if that is the case, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. This is not meant to be a post about anything other than my confusion over others insistence that they are "not" a particular thing.

It is this distancing that has created such division and I was curious if other women, women who do not subscribe to foolishness or petty superstition on this board have encountered the same event.

I am relaxed bone straight (as BMP stated). I use Syntonics relaxer system -

Awww, I'm sorry, then. I did get that impression from your words, but when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, so I apologize. There's just so much back and forth around here, I guess I've become over-sensitive to the insinuations. In the waaaaay back of my mind, I think I knew you were relaxed, but I don't spend a lot of time on this side of the board.

On topic, what's wrong with specifying that you're texlaxed/ texturized?

I've been transitioning since last August, so a little less than half of my hair looks like...mmmm... a pressed natural. I don't use heat, so it's usually somewhat obvious. When asked, what should I say? I would be lying if I said relaxed.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

im loving this thread op. i get a lil frustrated when women tall me i have that "good hair" just becuase its wavy! i gladly tell them that "i put a relaxer in my hair to make it this way lol' my ends having no splits, hair staying moisturized and thick is what qualifies my hair as "good hair" not my texture.

 

[loulou82]

I've been transitioning since last August, so a little less than half of my hair looks like...mmmm... a pressed natural. I don't use heat, so it's usually somewhat obvious. When asked, what should I say? I would be lying if I said relaxed.

What do ladies use to texlax? Do you use a texturizer or relaxer kit? I'm curious because I have a couple of friends who "texlax" but use a relaxer kit albeit with a shorter application time. I thought a texlax was an underprocessed relaxer.

 

[LittleLuxe]

I have noticed this too and think it's taking many new variations. Sad to say women of color often like to place distance between themselves and others by classification, ironically sometimes it seems like the more positive information we gather and learn about ourselves the more we divide ourselves.

I don't think it's inherrantly negative, after all it is only information, but I do think some people put themselves into boxes to their detriment. The boxes we PUT OURSELVES in can take over. Now you are no long Natural or Relaxed but a Heat-Trained Natural, A Full-Natural. Not just Relaxed but Tex-Laxed, Kiddie-Laxed. Not just having curly hair but 4a/b/c. Pretty soon some individuals begin to look at one type as favorable and the other as distasteful.

Sometimes you even catch a whiff of it on these boards, when someone refers to a relaxer as cream-crack you can't help but feel the negativity of those words applying to you. Apparently to these women they feel a relaxer is something negative, they wish the benefit but seem to think the title is distasteful. It's rather bizarre and sad.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

What do ladies use to texlax? Do you use a texturizer or relaxer kit? I'm curious because I have a couple of friends who "texlax" but use a relaxer kit albeit with a shorter application time. I thought a texlax was an underprocessed relaxer but perhaps there are other methods to get the result.

i use a regular relaxer i slack that white creamy crack on my head and let it do what it do baby.

leave relaxer on for half the time or mix oil in it to slow the process.

am i aloud to say "creamy crack"?

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

I have noticed this too and think it's taking many new variations. Sad to say women of color often like to place distance between themselves and others by classification, ironically sometimes it seems like the more positive information we gather and learn about ourselves the more we divide ourselves.

I don't think it's inherrantly negative, after all it is only information, but I do think some people put themselves into boxes to their detriment. The boxes we PUT OURSELVES in can take over. Now you are no long Natural or Relaxed but a Heat-Trained Natural, A Full-Natural. Not just Relaxed but Tex-Laxed, Kiddie-Laxed. Not just having curly hair but 4a/b/c. Pretty soon some individuals begin to look at one type as favorable and the other as distasteful.

Sometimes you even catch a whiff of it on these boards, when someone refers to a relaxer as cream-crack you can't help but feel the negativity of those words applying to you. Apparently to these women they feel a relaxer is something negative, they wish the benefit but seem to think the title is distasteful. It's rather bizarre and sad.

very well said

 

[I Am So Blessed]

I have noticed this too and think it's taking many new variations. Sad to say women of color often like to place distance between themselves and others by classification, ironically sometimes it seems like the more positive information we gather and learn about ourselves the more we divide ourselves.

I don't think it's inherrantly negative, after all it is only information, but I do think some people put themselves into boxes to their detriment. The boxes we PUT OURSELVES in can take over. Now you are no long Natural or Relaxed but a Heat-Trained Natural, A Full-Natural. Not just Relaxed but Tex-Laxed, Kiddie-Laxed. Not just having curly hair but 4a/b/c. Pretty soon some individuals begin to look at one type as favorable and the other as distasteful.

Sometimes you even catch a whiff of it on these boards, when someone refers to a relaxer as cream-crack you can't help but feel the negativity of those words applying to you. Apparently to these women they feel a relaxer is something negative, they wish the benefit but seem to think the title is distasteful. It's rather bizarre and sad.

oh im sorry if i offend you by saying "creamy crack" i read your post after i posted that erplexed. i dont see relaxers as anything negative, they actually save my hair by making it easier to comb it! im PRO RELAXER and PRO NATURAL! after all, i was natural for 24.5 years.

 

[Honey Bee]

What do ladies use to texlax? Do you use a texturizer or relaxer kit? I'm curious because I have a couple of friends who "texlax" but use a relaxer kit albeit with a shorter application time. I thought a texlax was an underprocessed relaxer but perhaps there are other methods to get the result.

When people use conditioner as an ingredient in their homemade leave-in concoctions, do they consider it "conditioning their hair?"

In my case, when I texlax, I use about 1/3 relaxer, 2/3 conditioner, I don't smooth, and I leave it on 5 minutes out of a suggested 12-15. Much like the above example, I use a homemade concoction in a manner not recommended by the manufacturer, hence my desire to differentiate.

eta: When asked, I say I'm texlaxed. Because, technically, that is the process I use. I use relaxer, but half of my hair is definitely not "relaxed". I must be missing an undercurrent here or something, because I don't think anybody ever denied that texlaxing implied some type of relaxing.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Awww, I'm sorry, then. I did get that impression from your words, but when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, so I apologize. There's just so much back and forth around here, I guess I've become over-sensitive to the insinuations. In the waaaaay back of my mind, I think I knew you were relaxed, but I don't spend a lot of time on this side of the board.

On topic, what's wrong with specifying that you're texlaxed/ texturized?

I've been transitioning since last August, so a little less than half of my hair looks like...mmmm... a pressed natural. I don't use heat, so it's usually somewhat obvious. When asked, what should I say? I would be lying if I said relaxed.

I don't think that's the problem. Many ladies here specify that they're texlaxed, and that's not a problem.
The problem is when you have people getting legitimately mad because their hair was referred to as relaxed. And that anger comes from a place of not wanting to be seen as one of the regular old nappy headed black people who use relaxer. They're trying to insinuate that the wavy hair they have now is pretty much the same as their natural texture. I've definitely heard the same nonsense from people, telling me that because they only use kiddie perm or texturizer, their hair is not relaxed. It's just been made "softer".

Bottom line is, even if you don't get rid of all the texture, as long as you used some kind of relaxer to do it, then you are relaxed. Kiddie perm, doggy perm, leave it in for three minutes or leave it in for two...you're still a relaxed head. Nothing's wrong with making the distinction between bone straight and texlaxed, but at the base of it, there needs to be an understanding that relaxer is involved. And if you have used it, then you have relaxed hair. Full stop. People just need to get over it.

 

[Minty]

Yup.

And this comes into play when people want chemical services as well - and this is not just a black issue, other nationalities do the same thing (we don't have the corner market on self-worth issues), ask if they've had a relaxer and they say no, when I say "are your sure, I'd hate for your hair to fall out......" OH yea, now they remember they had a relaxer six months ago or a year ago.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

I don't think that's the problem. Many ladies here specify that they're texlaxed, and that's not a problem.
The problem is when you have people getting legitimately mad because their hair was referred to as relaxed. And that anger comes from a place of not wanting to be seen as one of the regular old nappy headed black people who use relaxer. They're trying to insinuate that the wavy hair they have now is pretty much the same as their natural texture. I've definitely heard the same nonsense from people, telling me that because they only use kiddie perm or texturizer, their hair is not relaxed. It's just been made "softer".

Bottom line is, even if you don't get rid of all the texture, as long as you used some kind of relaxer to do it, then you are relaxed. Kiddie perm, doggy perm, leave it in for three minutes or leave it in for two...you're still a relaxed head. Nothing's wrong with making the distinction between bone straight and texlaxed, but at the base of it, there needs to be an understanding that relaxer is involved. And if you have used it, then you have relaxed hair. Full stop. People just need to get over it.

DAMMM STRAIGHT!

 

[Honey Bee]

I don't think that's the problem. Many ladies here specify that they're texlaxed, and that's not a problem.
The problem is when you have people getting legitimately mad because their hair was referred to as relaxed. And that anger comes from a place of not wanting to be seen as one of the regular old nappy headed black people who use relaxer. They're trying to insinuate that the wavy hair they have now is pretty much the same as their natural texture. I've definitely heard the same nonsense from people, telling me that because they only use kiddie perm or texturizer, their hair is not relaxed. It's just been made "softer".

Bottom line is, even if you don't get rid of all the texture, as long as you used some kind of relaxer to do it, then you are relaxed. Kiddie perm, doggy perm, leave it in for three minutes or leave it in for two...you're still a relaxed head. Nothing's wrong with making the distinction between bone straight and texlaxed, but at the base of it, there needs to be an understanding that relaxer is involved. And if you have used it, then you have relaxed hair. Full stop. People just need to get over it.

Thank you for 'unpacking' all the 'subliminals' in this thread. I knew I was missing something.

Okay, so the bolded is where I draw a distinction. I don't consider myself "relaxed", but I freely admit that I "use/have a relaxer... of a sort," so I don't front. It may seem like a silly nuance to some, but for those of us who were relaxed bone-strait, there is a world of difference.

The difference is that to call myself "relaxed" implies that it's bone strait when, in fact, I'm now dealing with 'natural hair issues', like how much progress I've lost to ssk's, or those 15+ min detangling sessions, or learning my new limits when it comes to heat-free styling. I have to treat the texlaxed portion of my hair like it's natural. So, again, how should I refer to it?

Now that I'm really thinking about it, this debate is kinda like the "Why do black people call Obama black when he's biracial?" thing, in that people tend to judge based on how you look. If I texlaxed my hair more, so that it looked more straight/wavy than kinky/coily, I would probably just go 'head and call it "relaxed", but it looks so distinctly un-relaxed that it begs questions.

 

[LittleLuxe]

oh im sorry if i offend you by saying "creamy crack" i read your post after i posted that erplexed. i dont see relaxers as anything negative, they actually save my hair by making it easier to comb it! im PRO RELAXER and PRO NATURAL! after all, i was natural for 24.5 years.

LMAO. It's okay, I actually lol'd because I know how nice you are from reading some of your posts. I knew you meant 0 harm.

 

[loulou82]

Thank you for 'unpacking' all the 'subliminals' in this thread. I knew I was missing something.

Okay, so the bolded is where I draw a distinction. I don't consider myself "relaxed", but I freely admit that I "use/have a relaxer... of a sort," so I don't front. It may seem like a silly nuance to some, but for those of us who were relaxed bone-strait, there is a world of difference.

The difference is that to call myself "relaxed" implies that it's bone strait when, in fact, I'm now dealing with 'natural hair issues', like how much progress I've lost to ssk's, or those 15+ min detangling sessions, or learning my new limits when it comes to heat-free styling. I have to treat the texlaxed portion of my hair like it's natural. So, again, how should I refer to it?

This actually opened my eyes to my own understanding of what relaxed means. I don't consider "relaxed" a look. I consider it a process first. To me if you used a relaxer to achieve whatever result you sought (whether it be bone straight, wavy, curly, textured) then you are relaxed. For example, the process was a relaxer the result was bone straight or texlaxed hair. Relaxed doesn't equal bone straight to me like it does for you. Relaxed can have many looks.

I have no desire to limit anyone's use of any word to describe their hair. This discussion actually help me articulate my own view on the subject.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Thank you for 'unpacking' all the 'subliminals' in this thread. I knew I was missing something.

Okay, so the bolded is where I draw a distinction. I don't consider myself "relaxed", but I freely admit that I "use/have a relaxer... of a sort," so I don't front. It may seem like a silly nuance to some, but for those of us who were relaxed bone-strait, there is a world of difference.

The difference is that to call myself "relaxed" implies that it's bone strait when, in fact, I'm now dealing with 'natural hair issues', like how much progress I've lost to ssk's, or those 15+ min detangling sessions, or learning my new limits when it comes to heat-free styling. I have to treat the texlaxed portion of my hair like it's natural. So, again, how should I refer to it?

Now that I'm really thinking about it, this debate is kinda like the "Why do black people call Obama black when he's biracial?" thing, in that people tend to judge based on how you look. If I texlaxed my hair more, so that it looked more straight/wavy than kinky/coily, I would probably just go 'head and call it "relaxed", but it looks so distinctly un-relaxed that it begs questions.

To me, it's pretty cut and dry. I still consider you relaxed. I think I'd call you texlaxed, but texlaxed people have relaxed hair, so...yeah.

Even if you face issues that natural ladies face, and you have to treat your hair like it's natural, at the end of the day, it's not natural. And I don't think it'd be natural by anyone's definition, because despite the fifty-eleven nuances of natural, I think everyone can agree that once relaxer is introduced, the natural-ness has officially left the building.

As far as I'm concerned, you put relaxer in your hair, so it's relaxed. Even if that's not what you call it...that's what it is.
And if it begs questions, then just explain that you don't relax it straight. It's not complicated.

 

[Ms Kain]

.............They're trying to insinuate that the wavy hair they have now is pretty much the same as their natural texture. I've definitely heard the same nonsense from people, telling me that because they only use kiddie perm or texturizer, their hair is not relaxed. It's just been made "softer".

Bottom line is, even if you don't get rid of all the texture, as long as you used some kind of relaxer to do it, then you are relaxed. Kiddie perm, doggy perm, leave it in for three minutes or leave it in for two...you're still a relaxed head. Nothing's wrong with making the distinction between bone straight and texlaxed, but at the base of it, there needs to be an understanding that relaxer is involved. And if you have used it, then you have relaxed hair. Full stop. People just need to get over it.

Aight Ms. Lady! PREEAAACHHHHH!!!! Let 'em know! LOL!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

OP,
One day more people are going to get it...

I too am waiting for the day when we equate "Good Hair" with "Healthy Hair".

 

[Junebug D]

It's ok to join us here on the dark side, kiddie permers/silkeners/texlaxers/chemically-loosened naturals...

 

[RubyWoo]

I'm curious because I have a cotI thought a texlax was an underprocessed relaxer.

It is. When I was "texlaxed" I still considered myself relaxed. The purpose of a relaxer is to relax your natural curl. The degree(bone straight - texlaxed) to which one chooses to relax is based on personal preference. I also consider texturizers to be relaxers since they do the exact same thing.