I'm Not Married Anymore; Am I Considered Single?

[Paradox]

i'm pretty conservative and even i thought in the bible it stated that you could get a divorce on the stance of adultery. if you want I can find it. I remember even reading one verse about divorcing if there was abuse.
Before i get married I am already warning my husband that if he does something stupid we will just remained separated..forever.
I promise the people on here can be so mean, rude, and disrespectful. It sickens me.

 

[Mamita]

i'm pretty conservative and even i thought in the bible it stated that you could get a divorce on the stance of adultery. if you want I can find it. I remember even reading one verse about divorcing if there was abuse.
Before i get married I am already warning my husband that if he does something stupid we will just remained separated..forever.
I promise the people on here can be so mean, rude, and disrespectful. It sickens me.

yeah i know which one u mean, except it be for fornication but I choose to follow the inital plan which was no man can separate what God put together, vows are clear too, fornication in teh text was porneia which doesn't mean fornication alone but between closely related people, cousins and stuff.(lev. 18) which goes against God's teachings in the OT. SO i think He meant if they already are they should divorce cause it's not right. to me it goes with the context and the rest, makes sense.

then it's to each his own. in a perfect world no one would cheat, u're not supposed to marry someone who is unequally yoked, that would be every divorced person's first mistake... trying to keep the original plan alive is what i try to do, and there's scripture that is clear about no reason for divorce, that's the one i will follow, cleave to your wife is they are made one flesh. If the Church is the Lord Jesus's bride, and once married we turn away like we always did would u like Jesus to tell u "nuh uh i can divorce u get lost" or u want to work it out with Him ? He thought of that rlp to be a parallel of our rlp with Him. Divorce was not thought of. We came up with it, God would never want to separate us from him, so the ideal rlp between a man and woman was never supposed to have an end, or our vows would be different, would not say until death do u part but "maybe until death do us part"...

i may be renting, most probably actually but it makes sense to me. Now like i said to each his own. It was revealed to me that way. there was a plan in the begining i'll follow the plan as much as i can in this world. He gave us alternatives, reconciliation and separation, never remarriage, never fornication, never adultery... (all IMO of course)

 

[Paradox]

yeah i know which one u mean, except it be for fornication but I choose to follow the inital plan which was no man can separate what God put together, vows are clear too, fornication in teh text was porneia which doesn't mean fornication alone but between closely related people, cousins and stuff.(lev. 18) which goes against God's teachings in the OT. SO i think He meant if they already are they should divorce cause it's not right. to me it goes with the context and the rest, makes sense.

then it's to each his own. in a perfect world no one would cheat, u're not supposed to marry someone who is unequally yoked, that would be every divorced person's first mistake... trying to keep the original plan alive is what i try to do, and there's scripture that is clear about no reason for divorce, that's the one i will follow, cleave to your wife is they are made one flesh. If the Church is the Lord Jesus's bride, and once married we turn away like we always did would u like Jesus to tell u "nuh uh i can divorce u get lost" or u want to work it out with Him ? He thought of that rlp to be a parallel of our rlp with Him. Divorce was not thought of. We came up with it, God would never want to separate us from him, so the ideal rlp between a man and woman was never supposed to have an end, or our vows would be different, would not say until death do u part but "maybe until death do us part"...

i may be renting, most probably actually but it makes sense to me. Now like i said to each his own. It was revealed to me that way. there was a plan in the begining i'll follow the plan as much as i can in this world. He gave us alternatives, reconciliation and separation, never remarriage, never fornication, never adultery... (all IMO of course)

But why are you acting so judgmental to her if he was the one that divorced her.

 

[kayte]

i'm pretty conservative and even i thought in the bible it stated that you could get a divorce on the stance of adultery. if you want I can find it. I remember even reading one verse about divorcing if there was abuse.
Before i get married I am already warning my husband that if he does something stupid we will just remained separated..forever.

I wasn't sure of what you meant..but I get it,now.
I agree. I mentioned it earlier that there are verses that speak to an opposite view..but Irefuse to post them. I did not want to get involved in egotistical bible weaponry..God is none of that.

For myself, I remain sensitive to the how and why the thread began...it did not seem about ...debate...but one person in need of support

There are in fact ..more and other threads that relate directly to the topic ..from a purely theoretical stance which imho opinion would be the time place to debate..and offer vidoes and the like...
without compromising the integrity of an appeal made in all innocence and trust.
and indirectly answering an earlier post .....this stills help the unsaved member... the unconditional Christ's love

I promise the people on here can be so mean, rude, and disrespectful. It sickens me.

It is disheartening..and disillusioning....


why is forcing the telling on one biblical view of divorce so that the members can be saved..since that was the given reason more or less..
maybe not even why......but how is that more important than demonstrating love and support ..which to me is of Christ..

who could be moved by such..and I hate to use this word..but I think it applies
....cruelty..

I'm referring not to one or two..but a few who chose to answer in a spirit of harshness..and thank God it was only a few...and that is their choice,of course, but ironically ..I don't experience Christ love in any of that and GOD IS LOVE

Frankly if I were unsaved..witnessing those very tactics as "help"to someone who made such a vulnerable appeal ..who used the word distraught ..would completely alienate me to Christianity as unsaved... if that is what Christianity is representative of.
as a Christian... I am alienated...from that view and that kind of response.
I am very glad to hear others made it known they were concerned ..just like you are ....

I did not mean to respond anymore in this thread...
But I wanted to respond to you becaue I thought it was brave of you to speak up..
you can get sick. literally and that is why I am learning to guard the heart...
anyways....again..for your couarage
thank you

 

[Mamita]

But why are you acting so judgmental to her if he was the one that divorced her.

i was not judgemental, i don't know what happened with her husband, it's not even the point, i only told her what i honestly thought would make her sin the least, and that was reconcile with ur husband and include Jesus in it more. Because it's the only infaiilible recipe i know, and it's better than waiting for a man to die to start ur llife over frankly

if i tell someone what i think will not send them to hell it's out of love. It's because i care. that's not judgemental is it? if i didn't care i wouldn't have entered the thread.

then if the scriptures i quoted offended u or her, then like i said it's not me judging it's the Word judging. If it steps on ur toes there's nothing i can do cause hey i didn't write it lol

If there's anyone i judge it's church leaders misleading by saying it's ok to everything because people listen to them and trust them. U have a lot of ladies here that don't believe in divorce, had they come here in this thread saying it's not ok to divorce, it doesn't make u single (dixit the thread's title) would u have said they were judgemental? i offered the solution i thought was the right one. that's all... oh and said what i believed in, maybe that was the problem, cause it's not what u believe ? i mean really is that it?

 

[LunadeMiel]

i was not judgemental, i don't know what happened with her husband, it's not even the point, i only told her what i honestly thought would make her sin the least, and that was reconcile with ur husband and include Jesus in it more. Because it's the only infaiilible recipe i know, and it's better than waiting for a man to die to start ur llife over frankly

if i tell someone what i think will not send them to hell it's out of love. It's because i care. that's not judgemental is it? if i didn't care i wouldn't have entered the thread.

then if the scriptures i quoted offended u or her, then like i said it's not me judging it's the Word judging. If it steps on ur toes there's nothing i can do cause hey i didn't write it lol

If there's anyone i judge it's church leaders misleading by saying it's ok to everything because people listen to them and trust them. U have a lot of ladies here that don't believe in divorce, had they come here in this thread saying it's not ok to divorce, it doesn't make u single (dixit the thread's title) would u have said they were judgemental? i offered the solution i thought was the right one. that's all... oh and said what i believed in, maybe that was the problem, cause it's not what u believe ? i mean really is that it?

If her husbands left her and is now with another woman wouldn't that be considered adultery? If so, isn't that grounds for divorce? Couldn't she then re-marry?
Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. The phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage.

 

[Mamita]

If her husbands left her and is now with another woman wouldn't that be considered adultery? If so, isn't that grounds for divorce?

nah i explained earlier what i believed there was zero ground for divorce. Jesus explained why Moses did that, he also NEVER said divorce was of God, it's of a man, and we're not supposed to follow man... and when he says fornication, i stated i believed it was the same defeinition as the word used in leviticus 18, which is fornication between relatives, incest... if the husband and the wife are closely related they should divorce. if they're not, then it's adultery if they go their own way

and i don't read new bibles i take the oldest original king james version and it says "fornication" not marriage unfaithfulness, how they got this fromthat i'll never know and that's why i don't even try to read the new ones

 

[metamorfhosis]

Frankly if I were unsaved..witnessing those very tactics as "help"to someone who made such a vulnerable appeal ..who used the word distraught ..would completely alienate me to Christianity as unsaved... if that is what Christianity is representative of.
as a Christian... I am alienated...from that view and that kind of response.
I am very glad to hear others made it known they were concerned ..just like you are ....

Kayte, I think the bottom line is that you watched the video even after the disclaimer and you weren't ready for it. I feel like you haven't healed from your divorce because you seem to be taking everything so personally.

I have humbled myself, apologized 4 times, explained myself, and you still aren't satisfied. I really think you need someone to talk to about your divorce. This thread has really opened up sore wounds with you. I have prayed for you and all of GOD's daughters who are going through divorce and trying to heal.

I will not apologize for what the Word says. I have done more biblical research about divorce and will be sharing those results in another post.

You continue to tear me down despite my apologizes when the Christian thing should be to accept my apology and FORGIVE. If I hit someone below the belt, I didn't mean it, and have apologized 4 times.

 

[metamorfhosis]

If her husbands left her and is now with another woman wouldn't that be considered adultery? If so, isn't that grounds for divorce? Couldn't she then re-marry?
Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. The phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage.

The following is the related scripture. I am going to leave the interpretation up to the user:

1 Corinthians 7:15 (New International Version)

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

 

[Farida]

I have always had a difficult time understanding divorce and remarriage.
some preach never remarry
others say remarry only for adultery (even in this case there is controversy over translation)
then Paul says you must not remarry till death or reconcile

I read a really well-written report on divorce from a biblical standpoint by Christianity today. OP, I will go look for it and repost it here. It was unapologetic but very hopeful and really challenged the use and misuse of the bible in the divorce debate.

 

[metamorfhosis]

Kayte:

I didn't clarify this point. I did not read Lashanne's post in it's entirety. When I read the majority of it, a bible verse popped in my mind. When it was pointed out that I was insensitive, I read the post again and THEN read that she was having a bad time and then I wrote the apology letter.

I am on fire for the Lord. And if I didn't have heart, I wouldn't have responded to you your thread about visions and dreams. I was the one to tell you to get a journal and write them down. And if I further didn't have heart, I wouldn't have paged you on a thread to see if you had gotten your journal.

I think this thread has run full circle. I am out.

 

[kayte]

Kayte, I think the bottom line is that you watched the video even after the disclaimer and you weren't ready for it.

No...of course not ...It didn't even occur to me to watch... though I have to admit..I prayed no one else would either....lol .
It's just..not.... an area of conflict for me and even though I do have a biblical perspective on it.. in no way would I try to offer/influence that to a confused and hurting person.

My advice was that people need to ask these question where it is safe and to congratulate any proactive steps taken to heal,and that ultimately it was between that person and her God
My only concern was loving support..not offering the right or wrong stance on divorce. I tried to maintain a nuetral postion as much as possbile because the issue as I saw it was ..support

I feel like you haven't healed from your divorce because you seem to be taking everything so personally.

I have humbled myself, apologized 4 times, explained myself, and you still aren't satisfied. I really think you need someone to talk to about your divorce. This thread has really opened up sore wounds with you.

I am protective and an advocate of anyone who hurts and receives ..answers that seem less than kind...to my sensitive soul...
that's how I am!

I care about the women on the forum even those I cannot seem to connect with ..they don't know it ..but I do pray for them and I do root for them...yes I do! And I care about you
I am a woman who cares deeply..period....somehow that's being misinterpreted
..but no... could care less about the video..not over-identifying
but I will say any ruptured relationship takes the time it takes to heal
and I do still grieve many relationships and they are not all romantic man/woman,either...

I have humbled myself, apologized 4 times, explained myself, and you still aren't satisfied.

I didn't respond to your post directly partially because I don't want to be in contention with anyone...and also because I didn't agree with the reasoning behind ..but you're right... I could have just left it at that...

I really think you need someone to talk to about your divorce. This thread has really opened up sore wounds with you. I have prayed for you and all of GOD's daughters who are going through divorce and trying to heal.

I think this is a boundary issue and not appropriate

I volunteered personal info as help ..and for that reason only

I will not apologize for what the Word says. I have done more biblical research about divorce and will be sharing those results in another post.

But..this has so little to do with divorce.... Divorce is not the issue..it's how we women respond to another member in trouble.....if we have spiritual fortitude to check our own agendas and simply be available to love

You continue to tear me down despite my apologizes when the Christian thing should be to accept my apology and FORGIVE. If I hit someone below the belt, I didn't mean it, and have apologized 4 times.

You know Metamorfhis,
I guess..I had my own confusion about why certain reactions came up
I was processing it..and I hoped respectfully and not trying to
escalate anything

....but you are loved! ...that was not in question for me.... I didn't agree
but I certainly did not mean to tear anyone down...and I AM accountable if I do..... forgiveness if I came across that way

 

[Mamita]

I have always had a difficult time understanding divorce and remarriage.
some preach never remarry
others say remarry only for adultery (even in this case there is controversy over translation)
then Paul says you must not remarry till death or reconcile

I read a really well-written report on divorce from a biblical standpoint by Christianity today. OP, I will go look for it and repost it here. It was unapologetic but very hopeful and really challenged the use and misuse of the bible in the divorce debate.

oh yes please i'd love to read it

 

[kayte]

Kayte:

I didn't clarify this point. I did not read Lashanne's post in it's entirety. When I read the majority of it, a bible verse popped in my mind. When it was pointed out that I was insensitive, I read the post again and THEN read that she was having a bad time and then I wrote the apology letter.

I am on fire for the Lord. And if I didn't have heart, I wouldn't have responded to you your thread about visions and dreams. I was the one to tell you to get a journal and write them down. And if I further didn't have heart, I wouldn't have paged you on a thread to see if you had gotten your journal.

I think this thread has run full circle. I am out.

and with a graceful conclusion
some pages back,I think

Metamorfhis..I'm confused...are you..
..somehow conflict ....that has not been ....there..at all...with you/me Apologies if I unintentionally was divisive or unkind.
You have helped me tremendously:...not just with what you mentioned but I always read your posts just to get wisdom..

I am on fire for the Lord.

That is truly beautiful. I can feel it. I know HE loves you.
I do,too,lovely lady.
Disagreement or feeling estranged from a viewpoint does not change that.:Rose:

 

[Farida]

Here is the article:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/october/20.26.html

Here is a response to it (I haven't had a chance to read this one so I don't know if it is a good one):
http://www.moriel.org/articles/notice_board/response_to_david_instone_brewer_article.htm

Here is the author of the 1st one responding to someone's response:
http://www.biblicalfoundations.org/?p=157

 

[Princess4real]

Beloved..one more thing to consider,but, here,however well intentioned, might not be, ironically,the appropriate place to have loving support and unbiased answers within the unconditional agape love of Christ...that you need especially as vulnerable as you are.
I would seek counseling or support groups that I mentioned as the place to posit these questions and the support it's very clear you need.

My educated guess is...99% of women offering...."responses".... will not be divorced.....

I pray that you know or come to know..God loves you unconditionally.... knows your story while none of us do...God knew your story before you did..He knew it before you were born...
and the Lord is with you now,and has your answers without judgement.
There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

I also hope divorced Christians pm you with love and support...

God bless you dear one
This,too, shall pass

love Kayte

Good post!!!

 

[GypsyGoddess]

For 16 years I was a Mrs. Now, that I'm divorced, I dont know what my new title is. On my tithes and offering envelope, there are only boxes for Mr, Mrs or Miss. I dont think I qualify for either. Am I a Ms. now? and am I allowed to join the singles ministry or no? I feel lost, like an outsider. I dont fit anywhere anymore and I'm saddened and frustrated by all of it. Help me please.

LaShanne,

I am not going to even begin to judge you as some of the posters above have tried to do for I know that EVERY situation is different and we have to make choices based on what's right for us.

Remember, American slave masters used the Bible to justify slavery!!! My point is, SCRIPTURE CAN AND IS OFTEN TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT!!!!

And funny how everyone seems to forget the scripture that says "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23).

They have also forgotten about, "Judge not, that ye be not judged." (Matthew 7:1).

Now to answer your questions:

I read in a Dear Abby (or it may have been Ann Landers for I do get them mixed up) column once that from a legal standpoint, if you decide to keep your husband's last name, a decision that is TOTALLY up to you, you are now, Ms. XYZ. The reason being that if he decides to marry again, his new wife will then be Mrs. XYZ.

As far as the tithes envelope goes, if I were you, I'd leave it blank. Why do they need to know your marital status? It's really nobody's business! But if you must/want to complete this area of the tithes envelope, write in whatever you want to be considered. Hopefully someone will take note and update the envelopes when they order some new ones.

I think you are eligible to join the singles ministry because I've attended a church (I lived in a different city then) where the pastor often included in his description of the singles ministry (during the church annoucements) that it was also for those who are "single again." But it depends on the church. Hopefully, your pastor is open minded and recognizes that there are many different types of singles. This singles ministries had different activities for different types of singles: pot lucks, bowling nights, etc.

And I agree with the poster who stated that if you want to describe your marital status, divorce is the most accurate term, especially when you are dating/meeting a potential new mate. My sister and I got in a heated debate about this once. I know if I met a man who initially told me he was single but I later found out he was divorced, I'd consider him a liar and probably not go out with him again.

Be encouraged sister, God is still in control and He STILL LOVES YOU!!! Keep praying and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide you. Yes, you do fit in!!! YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD!!!

And that's my two pennies. . .