I'm Not Married Anymore; Am I Considered Single?

[LaShanne]

For 16 years I was a Mrs. Now, that I'm divorced, I dont know what my new title is. On my tithes and offering envelope, there are only boxes for Mr, Mrs or Miss. I dont think I qualify for either. Am I a Ms. now? and am I allowed to join the singles ministry or no? I feel lost, like an outsider. I dont fit anywhere anymore and I'm saddened and frustrated by all of it. Help me please.

 

[PatTodd]

If it were me, I would describe myself as divorced to anyone I met and I would check Ms. on the tithes box. You are single because you are unmarried but I think it would be misleading to not say you are divorced.

 

[kayte]

Am I a Ms. now?

I'm divorced and I call myself Ms

and am I allowed to join the singles ministry or no?

when one is not married... one is single...
Being separated.. is where that would be called into question

I feel lost, like an outsider. I dont fit anywhere anymore and I'm saddened and frustrated by all of it. Help me please.

You DO fit!!! You just don't feel it yet..because it is a change..and that can feel disorienting... but you are loved with an everlasting love..Christ's everlasting love....

Beloved sister,you may want to add counseling or group counseling or a women's ministry that supports being newly single after a marriage is over especially over a decade.To your decison to join a singles group ...good for you and commendable you are trying to move forward........ but by all means get support on this phase too,and gentle support..
...avoid any judgemental element...because it's HARD ENOUGH...without ..THAT

my church had a group for newly divorced singles who felt disoriented..
I didn't connect with the faciltator but it opened my eyes to getting support..about moving on to a new identity whether it's wanted or not ..re-identification..which seems at the core of your questions...
Try your best to separate out what you are and need from other's issues and stigma...go to where the kind people are in figuring this out preferably a Christian who has walked this walk

If it were me, I would describe myself as divorced to anyone I met

with all due respect to the poster...I'd advise against this one...I do NOT do this...... as not only is it nobody's business....and not a simple matter of public record..just because it went through a public process.. as with ANY personal information... it is privilged.... I decide who to share this with and who I don't....some people have no issue with it..at all... and say this readily..fine!
but you are in a sensitive place and are not obligated to do anything of the like ..you have a right to your privacy...

When I am seriously seeing someone..they do know..
PM me if you want..I know how it is

hugs beloved
prayers of course

 

[metamorfhosis]

I'm sure you already know this but there may be someone out there who needs this:

Romans 7:2 (New International Version)

2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

 

[kayte]

Beloved..one more thing to consider,but, here,however well intentioned, might not be, ironically,the appropriate place to have loving support and unbiased answers within the unconditional agape love of Christ...that you need especially as vulnerable as you are.
I would seek counseling or support groups that I mentioned as the place to posit these questions and the support it's very clear you need.

My educated guess is...99% of women offering...."responses".... will not be divorced.....

I pray that you know or come to know..God loves you unconditionally.... knows your story while none of us do...God knew your story before you did..He knew it before you were born...
and the Lord is with you now,and has your answers without judgement.
There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

I also hope divorced Christians pm you with love and support...

God bless you dear one
This,too, shall pass

love Kayte

 

[PatTodd]

with all due respect to the poster...I'd advise against this one...I do NOT do this...... as not only is it nobody's business....and not a simple matter of public record..just because it went through a public process.. as with ANY personal information... it is privilged.... I decide who to share this with and who I don't....some people have no issue with it..at all... and say this readily..fine!
but you are in a sensitive place and are not obligated to do anything of the like ..you have a right to your privacy...

Of course, I agree with you that OP has a right to privacy and to decide who to share her status with...I meant only if it came up in context, as opposed to omitting or withholding the information...I wasn't suggesting that OP go up to, say, a salesclerk in Macy's and say, "I'm divorced...can you show me where the comforters are?"

I understand where you are coming from, but if it became appropriate to discuss marital status, I don't think it would be honest to not tell a date or prospective mate that one has been married before. JMHO.

 

[LaShanne]

I'm sure you already know this but there may be someone out there who needs this:

Romans 7:2 (New International Version)

2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

Based on the passage you referenced, are you saying that, unless he dies, I will forever remain married to my ex, hence I should pubicly refer to myself as Mrs. xxx? What if he left me? What if adultry was involved? What if he re-marries, would he also be considered an adulterer? I'm having a hard time reconciling that in my mind, especially when it was he, not I, that ended the marriage. Sorry for getting a little off-topic...

 

[Zeal]

I'm sure you already know this but there may be someone out there who needs this:

Romans 7:2 (New International Version)

2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

Wow! You went there.

 

[Crown]

I'm sure you already know this but there may be someone out there who needs this:

Romans 7:2 (New International Version)

2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

Wow! You went there.

You are so brave!
My prayers for OP.
God bless you all!

 

[honeisos]

Based on the passage you referenced, are you saying that, unless he dies, I will forever remain married to my ex, hence I should pubicly refer to myself as Mrs. xxx? What if he left me? What if adultry was involved? What if he re-marries, would he also be considered an adulterer? I'm having a hard time reconciling that in my mind, especially when it was he, not I, that ended the marriage. Sorry for getting a little off-topic...

You truely need your church fam at this time .. What does YOUR pastor teach ..
Go talk to you pastor .. and seek Wisdom from Godly women ..


I'm pentacostal and my pastor does not teach marraige till death if there is adulty ....he teaches if there is adultry .. the cheated on spouse is free to move on ..
and there is no reconiliation (sp?)
God Bless you !

 

[Crown]

Pastor is not equal Bible. Pray and read the scripture and let the Holy Spirit guide you. I agree, You truly need support from your church/family/friends...
To your question, once you are married, you are no more a Miss, you are a Mrs, married or separated or divorced or widow.

 

[Mortons]

You are not a Mrs. if you are divorced. And if your husband has ended the marriage, and moved on I think its safe to say that is adultery, and she can now be considered free from the bond of marriage in the context of the scripture

 

[Mamita]

Pastor is not equal Bible. Pray and read the scripture and let the Holy Spirit guide you. I agree, You truly need support from your church/family/friends...
To your question, once you are married, you are no more a Miss, you are a Mrs, married or separated or divorced or widow.

my reply will not be the most popular i already know... i asked my pastor for my mom who is divorced, and the answer is difficult to hear. But unless she gets back together with my dad or abstains totally until he dies then whatever she does will be considered adulterous. Same thing for him, he's remarried, my mom isn't dead so he's cheating on her, his "second wife" is not considered his wife by real christians...

now what he explained to me is that the only way for a marriage to last for ever like u vowed that day is if The Lord Jesus is a complete part of it. and now i agree with him that gettign married without that is like a game of russian roulette nowadays.

So in ur situation what i would do is get saved (Repent, get baptised in the water, seek the Lord for the gift of the Holy Ghost) and then or while u're still seekign Him tell ur husband (cause he still is no matter what human laws may say) that u want to try again, this time with Jesus in it. The Lord said he'd give u the desires of ur heart. If u're seekign or saved He'll make ur husband say yes and will change his spirit and the way he is just like he'll change the way u are so that u two can honor ur vows.

It's hard, specially the way u see things now, but if u want to follow scriptures (if u're in this part of the forum i guess u want to at least a lil bit) that's what u should do.

on this note, i hope that u find peace of mind in this very hard part of ur life sister

 

[kayte]

Based on the passage you referenced, are you saying that, unless he dies, I will forever remain married to my ex, hence I should pubicly refer to myself as Mrs. xxx? What if he left me? What if adultry was involved? What if he re-marries, would he also be considered an adulterer? I'm having a hard time reconciling that in my mind, especially when it was he, not I, that ended the marriage. Sorry for getting a little off-topic

Beloved ...You owe NO ONE an explanation or apologies...
I respectfully disagree with the poster's choice of posting that particular verse in this place in time... though in general I admire her veiwpoints...

I personally would hesitate to tell a newly divorced Christian woman without knowing her.... what she's privately entitled to with something as loaded as dating and marriage......and what she's not entitled to...
It feels like a boundary issue to me...that OP needs to discern..with her God
...I dunno..seems like that has the potential to reopen wounds that are just trying to heal

OP..but this is what I meant when I said the Lord knows your story... we do not.. The Lord knew your story before you were born..we do not ...
The Lord is in charge and we are not ....
and we are not the Lord...and the parameters of your relationship are under HIS divine jurisdiction and His judgement .....and not ours....
You came to this thread .. as I understand it..for help...

But..not everyone agrees on what that looks like..or what agape love
looks like or following Christ

......The Bible says guard your heart for out of it flows the well spring of life
It is surely not restricted to the man/woman relationship.

 

[kayte]

real christians...

(?) erplexed

& what do they look like?
rhetorical...

but something to think about... my sister

 

[LaShanne]

I thank you all for your input. I entered this board with what I thought was a simple question but after reading and considering all of your responses, it appears that my confusion runs deeper than I thought. I leave this thread feeling more distraught about my situation than ever. Although we definitely got off-topic, some issues were discussed that I agree need to be worked through with my pastor or a christian counselor. I have contacted my church and I'm hoping to get an appointment with someone as soon as possible.

Again, thanks for giving my question thoughtful consideration. I know that all opinions/advice was given in love, and thats why I asked. Blessings to you!


PS - My church says that I am allowed to join the singles ministry. I'm not sure they realize how much that means to me at this moment in my life.

 

[kayte]

I thank you all for your input. I entered this board with what I thought was a simple question but after reading and considering all of your responses, it appears that my confusion runs deeper than I thought. I leave this thread feeling more distraught about my situation than ever. Although we definitely got off-topic, some issues were discussed that I agree need to be worked through with my pastor or a christian counselor. I have contacted my church and I'm hoping to get an appointment with someone as soon as possible.

Again, thanks for giving my question thoughtful consideration. I know that all opinions/advice was given in love, and thats why I asked. Blessings to you!


PS - My church says that I am allowed to join the singles ministry. I'm not sure they realize how much that means to me at this moment in my life.
__________________

OT
I just wanted to say thank you for this response. I acknowledge that the OP has concluded the thread.. and I do respect that...

Hope it's okay... but I just needed to say I learned so much by power of example in the sincere kindness and love of this unifying response in adddressing the thread as a whole...I think OP is much stronger than she can realize...

huge lesson for me...

 

[Mamita]

(?) erplexed

& what do they look like?
rhetorical...

but something to think about... my sister

It is hard to answer since by christians i mean people that are trying to be Christlike and NOT the religion which has become a joke and a garbage can where everyone who believes in one God goes under that umbrella

by real Christians i guess i should have said another word i'll think on that one but i meant not the ones who pick and choose what they WANT to believe in but just follow, the Hardcore ones that live their WHOLE life according to scriptures and not the ones who only use it when they need it. i'll try to find another word. (how about Christlike people?) the passage the other poster posted is clearer than crystal isn't it? it's not the only one talking about that idea that marriage is forever for everyone and not just for the one the "pastor" doesn't give a "pass" to. like in the thread about politics a poster said it's not obama it's not mc cain and it's NOBODY's pastor that will save u and send u to heaven, only God will, so if u follow HIM and not blindly follow ur pastor even when it goes against scripture then u'll feel better.

i agree it is a very difficult time for anyone to be in man or woman. but if u turn to the Lord take time for urself and study scripture whatever u have to do to please Him He'll make it easy for u, he'll never leave u out in the cold if u do what He has asked u to do for centuries. This plan of his for us has no crack, believe me, He helps every step of the way u just have to decide and ask for help with all ur body and soul, it's gonna hurt ur body that u cried so hard while u prayed. but u're praying to the Lord Jesus Christ not to pastor X

think about that, and most of all i always say to know if u found a good pastor/preacher CHECK always CHECK if u find a scripture that goes against what he says and ask him and if he hesitates one second or contradicts himself he is NOT from God. God doesn't send confusion.

i say it again it is a VERY hard and confusion time but i wouldn't want someone to go against God just cause their pastor said it's "ok"

u will need support, natural from friends and spiritual from whomever u decide, cause in the end it's ur choice. u are a really nice person, don't let that bring u down. I believe if u work hard the Lord WILL bring him back to u changed, but it's a very hard task that begins with u and ends with HIM

 

[Mamita]

no i changed my mind during my commute, i'll say instead of real christians (because that's what I the speaker considers them) Old School Christians. There... think of a strict grandmother that quoted scriptures for everything. and that didn't change her beliefs along with society's fashions. the one who didn't think "eh i guess since a lot of people are gay and want to get marired, it must be alright with God" or didn't think "eh i guess since people want to party drink and smoke in clubs it must be alright with God now" or "since people want to divorce so much it must mean God is ok with it" (this is not an attack at anyone specially not the OP, it just means because u do it doesn't mean i think it's right *shrug*)

just because i believe in what i believe doesn't mean i'm TRYING to offend people, i hope the ladies here will understand my position. I was not trying to attack, it's just my belief. i didn't think twice, i guess i typed too quick. now i hope i'll remember my own new expression lool *repeats in her head* "old school christian old school christian"

just one last thing, if i pull a scripture, or anyone for that matter that goes against what someone is doing, don't mistake it for me judging u, it's not me, it's the Word itself that's judging u. Don't blame it it's just doing its job, teaching and reproof. Now it's ur choice and problem how u want to take it, i mean this IS the christianity forum, u gotta expect verses will fly around loool

*bows respectfully*

Lastly Lashanne, i wish u all the courage in the world while u're going through this. and hope u'll get aaaaallll the support u want and choose (((((hug))))) it WAS given with love i promise

 

[metamorfhosis]

Based on the passage you referenced, are you saying that, unless he dies, I will forever remain married to my ex, hence I should pubicly refer to myself as Mrs. xxx? What if he left me? What if adultry was involved? What if he re-marries, would he also be considered an adulterer? I'm having a hard time reconciling that in my mind, especially when it was he, not I, that ended the marriage. Sorry for getting a little off-topic...

Dear LaShanne:

Mamita gave my same answer in post # 13.

Moving on......

How was your day?

I didn't mean to seem insensitive to your situation. I am sorry that you went through divorce and weren't treated like a queen. I have never been married but I have been mistreated.

Our walk is not the easiest; I struggle too at times. But it is so worth it. I had a wonderful dream last night and GOD was showing me some love. It really made my day.

Different people have different interpretations of one bible verse. The most important thing for all of us is to know the word for yourself.

LaShanne, this is your life and you have to do what's right for you and your relationship with GOD.

I do hope things get better for you. For me, going through adversity made me a stronger person and made me more appreciative of the good days.

Take care of yourself!

 

[metamorfhosis]

I am going to post a link to a pastor who is preaching on divorce/remarriage.

*If you are going through divorce or recently divorced and need to heal, you might not want to watch this video. The pastor is unapologetic and can come across hardcore, insensitive, bold, and on fire.

For others, this is what the Bible says about divorce/remarriage:

Here is the link-->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IZZcPRyITI&feature=related

 

[kayte]

Respectfully....Meta.....who are you posting this for? & why?

Permit me please to mirror back....

..A disclaimer to hardcore insensitivity?
Right after offering an apology for insensitivity and then comments such as

moving on.......

how was your day

{sorry you }weren't treated like a queen

and then posting...this?


Is this really in the spirit of love...dear one
.....please give this some thought....


truly sorry it's been rough for you....
it does get better..s-l-o-w-l-y...
first it gets worse..then it gets better & then it gets real

sending you love & prayer & healing..
The good Lord knows we women really need it

 

[Mamita]

I'll speak for Meta (i'm gonna try that is) and say she posted it for all the ladies going through the same thing, and all the ones who want to her what to do IF they ever go through the same thing.

This IS the christianity FOrum, a link to a preacher isn't weird, rlp ok but this is not it.

And there is no thinking about it, when u give verses, or put light on how to follow the Word of God in any situation it IS out of love. Love for the Word Love for God's creatures etc...

Metaaaaaaaaa i loooove Jennings, he's teh one i watch since i'm in France, well the Old School Jennings i heard he got a few stuff go to his head. But yeah he's the only preaching i get down here woohoo. I read ur disclaimer i was like "eeh could it be? naah he's not loved enough on this forum" i clicked heard his first word i was like eeeeh

the Lord is so good see, i didn't think to go look on utube, and some of his vids on his site don't work!!

yes if u're still fragile, still mad still sensitive it might not be a good idea, to watch it now, wouldn't want u to run away from the truth. that's anyone. but once u've healed u've gotten urself together, u've taken time for urself (not fornicating of course lool) then u can watch grab ur bible and read and listen

 

[kayte]

Hey Metamorphis ..to clarify now....as I don't intend to continue in the thread...the questions are posed as a thought..lovingly .....

your agenda from the biblical point that you have a bias toward ....was clear..
is clear..and should you offer more utubes or whatever-have-you. ...lol...will remain crystal clear...that's understood....imho...doesn't substantiate anything....because in any debate the opposite side can offer utubes..bible verses too ..

..and guess ..that's my point.. that particular agenda set aside
but rather ...looking spiritually.... wholistically at the greater whole/good...

My questions are in..... I personally found your comments or apologies..confusing and contradictory...
for example.... the comment not being treated like a queen..
hurt my feelings as woman to read this posted by another woman.....
encouraging the OP personally addressing her by name to find her own way of bible understanding...
and here is where maybe this would opportune a sweet means to offer
loving help....biblical verses on discernment..to further encourage...
but instead.... you give a disclaimer on something you acknowledge could be hurtful..brutal even
right AFTER an apology about coming across as insensitive...and even saying after that
...moving on .. & then of course offering more ""info"" ...from a guy's/patriarchal point of view...no longer even in being debate ..it's a gone issue


so..........wow

it's the whole Gestalt....

I guess I was wondering out loud ......
offerring a mirror~
but I think my mentors have offered best solution.....they have simply stopped posting....and I will follow their example..in the higher interest of peace...

we all do what we need to do and we deal with our pain as we need to
hugs..and prayers

 

[Mamita]

um maybe it's cause i'm French, it's PROBABLY cause i'm French, but man lool i have a hard time understanding what u're saying with all the "..." everywhere Kayte lol

there was something wrong with saying she was sorry she wasn't treated like a queen ? *scratching head*

a guy's patriarchal PoV? the man's a preacher lol he's giving God's PoV everybody told Lashanne to seek spiritual help within her church, that would be the preacher no? a guy lol like the one in the video lol

aaaaah i don't get it lol i give up, Lashanne left the thread too anyway lol We'll just all pray for her to get better and do the right thing voila! lol

 

[kayte]

One day Christ's disciples started arguing about who would be the greatest in His kingdom. Jesus listened, then He picked up a towel and a basin of water and began to wash their feet. When He finished they were speechless, their hearts exposed, their attitudes corrected. "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who...made Himself of no reputation." Serve, don't strive.

Gass ministries

Ecclesiastes 3:4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

prayed(ing) deeply and by the grace of God still learning day by day...to attempt to serve...



be blessed

 

[CandiceC]

I'm sure you already know this but there may be someone out there who needs this:

Romans 7:2 (New International Version)

2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

THANK YOU for posting this! People like to slide over this scripture as though it doesn't pertain to them.

 

[Mamita]

THANK YOU for posting this! People like to slide over this scripture as though it doesn't pertain to them.

mmmmmmhm

 

[Mamita]

Ecclesiastes 3:4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

Ecclesiastes 3:17: I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
Romans 12:9: Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

*shrug*

 

[metamorfhosis]

To Mamita and Kayte:

Metamorfhosis replies in purple.

Respectfully....Meta.....who are you posting this for? & why?

Permit me please to mirror back....

..A disclaimer to hardcore insensitivity?
Right after offering an apology for insensitivity and then comments such as

Yes, some others mentioned that I might not have been sensitive enough to LaShanne. I wrote the letter directly to her and addressed her by name. I wanted to apologize.

I don't know if you all realize how important this forum is. I read once that Nice&Wavy has brought people to Christ as a result of this board. And we have to be mindful of how it impacts the regular sisters that frequent this board, all the ones just passing through, as well as those who are lurking (not paid members). Personally, I lurked for 2 years before joining.

It is important for us to be mindful that our messages reach women who are not saved, or new believers, as well as seasoned veterans. Our board encompasses all.

We have to remember that many of our messages are testimonies and help others who are going through. Not just the ones who start or reply on a thread. It goes beyond that group.

The disclaimer was for LaShanne. She is going through a difficult time and I didn't want her to click the link and not be ready for the information.

yes if u're still fragile, still mad still sensitive it might not be a good idea, to watch it now, wouldn't want u to run away from the truth. that's anyone. but once u've healed u've gotten urself together, u've taken time for urself (not fornicating of course lool) then u can watch grab ur bible and read and listen

Mamita, you understand where I am coming from.

your agenda from the biblical point that you have a bias toward ....was clear..
is clear..and should you offer more utubes or whatever-have-you. ...lol...will remain crystal clear...that's understood....imho...doesn't substantiate anything....because in any debate the opposite side can offer utubes..bible verses too ..

Well, like you said, we all have the right to discuss a thread, provide bible verses, videos, etc.

My questions are in..... I personally found your comments or apologies..confusing and contradictory...
for example.... the comment not being treated like a queen..
hurt my feelings as woman to read this posted by another woman.....

I'm sorry Kayte. I did not mean to hurt your feelings. My thought was that for any woman; if you are not being treated right, you are not being treated like the queen you are. I'm sorry if this hurt your feelings.

encouraging the OP personally addressing her by name to find her own way of bible understanding...

I'm sorry if this bothered you also. Here's where I was coming from. It is easy to be lead astray if you don't know the Bible for yourself. People have different interpretations as seen on this thread and others. If you know the Bible for yourself, you can compare your thoughts to what others are telling you and come up with a conclusion.

Some years ago, I was relying on the TBN pastors to show me what the Bible said. One day I was in church and a stranger (from another city) came up to me and told me to learn the Word for myself. I never forgot that.

and here is where maybe this would opportune a sweet means to offer
loving help....biblical verses on discernment..to further encourage...
but instead.... you give a disclaimer on something you acknowledge could be hurtful..brutal even
right AFTER an apology about coming across as insensitive...and even saying after that
...moving on .. & then of course offering more ""info"" ...from a guy's/patriarchal point of view...no longer even in being debate ..it's a gone issue

Like I said at the beginning of this post, people on different levels are viewing this board.

The Pastor was Gino Jennings. He is abrasive and not everybody likes it rough. And I am sorry that you didn't like the messenger. I once went to a church that was giving an end times seminar. I didn't agree with the messenger so I didn't go back. We all are individuals and we might not receive from the same messenger.

The only reason I included the video in the first place was because Pastor Jennings also provided other scriptures regarding this discussion.